My husband and I were granted guardianship of a 14 year old boy, who has had a troubling past, any advice?

He was taken from his parents at an early age and granted to a family member. Then he asked to come live with my family which includes 2 other children. Since we have had him living with us, he has been caught doing things that are not appropriate, smoking... I am at a loss as what to do with him. I love him like my own son. I feel all the stuff he is doing is pulling me away from also giving him and my children the positive attention they deserve. We have grounded him several times but this does not seem to even bother him, any advice or suggestions are truely welcomed! Please help!My husband and I were granted guardianship of a 14 year old boy, who has had a troubling past, any advice?
First I want to say you deserve the upmost respect for what you are doing. Taking in a kid that is not yours giving him a home and a caring family he is very lucky. I will say i am a single mom of two wonderful kids, they are grown and in college. I felt the same way you do when my son hit that teenage years. I thought i would pull my hair out. So i decided it was time to take action.I gave him a choice and if he decided to contiune down that road of behavior he would leave me no choice but to step in. And thats what i did. I removed him from public schools and put him in a christain school and left him there for one year no matter how he begged and promised he would not smoke or run with that crowd. I punish him every time he said or did something that was not right. I took from him everything in his room but his bed. I allow him one hr. of tv in the living room and there was no phone or anything, And i did this as long as it took. he finally realize mom meant business it was going be my way and no other Honey it is called tough love. you have to stick to it and go thru it as long as it takes ,He return to public schools one year later and became top of his class he will grad. from college in May with a degree. And just last week he said thanks mom for loving me enough to get me on the right track. As for his smoking i know it is bad for him. but you have to worry about anything else he might be doing. checking out the friends he is running that might be leading him down a path worst than smoking. You have to set aside time for your other kids time for family and time for one on one. explain to them the best you can, but make sure that they know they are love as much as ever. My daughter went thru this with us and believe me she never once gave me any trouble. The best of luck to you.My husband and I were granted guardianship of a 14 year old boy, who has had a troubling past, any advice?
love him like a son. treat him like an adult.
Grounding a 14 y/o is no punishment. Google Non-Violent Communication, work being done by Marshall Rosenberg. By identifying his needs (and by him acknowledging them), you will really go far in establishing a trusting and loving relationship. Similarly, by you sharing your needs with him, he will be in a position to support you and your family.
Show him plenty of llove.
go %26amp; talk to his school counselors, perhaps they can help.





If you go to church talk to your pastor/preist ect.. about it





Best of luck to you %26amp; him, stay strong
Ok, don't flip out, but spank him. I'm not kidding. Don't beat him! That's going way to far, but a spanking doesn't really hurt. The thing is, it's humiliating. Trust me, if he gets spanked a couple of times for doing these things, he'll stop just because he doesn't want to get spanked anymore! Now, for the smoking, cut off his source of income. If he gets allowance, don't give it to him, and make sure he knows why he's getting his allowance taken away from him. He'll be cranky for a couple of weeks but if you're patient the addiction will break.


Ok, if that's to harsh for you, then taking away privlages is a great form of loving punishment. He wants to go to a rock concert. ';No. You have to stop ________'; you fill in the blank. Do this until he stops, it won't be fun for him to tell his friends that he can't go wherever or do whatever because of etc..... Good luck!
Have you tried going to a counselor?It sounds to me like he needs therapy!
talk him see how he feel about that
You could try family counseling and private counseling for him. Of course there is always boot camp...
put him in counseling, that should help some.
Get him in therapy and sports. Be consistant with him and let him know what you will and wont tolerate. His past doesn't give him the right to disobey rules you have laid out for him. G'luck.
Make sure he is involved in all family activities good and bad. Get him into sports or other after school activities. Does he like to fish? skateboard?
i suggest counseling. he may be looking for attention because after all, negative attention is still attention. tell him what your expectations are. try to really open a dialogue to see how he feels about things. Don;t just lecture or yell or tell him, really try to listen and ask if they are things that he would like to discuss with you.





aks him what he thinks his punishment should be. you can also try creative punishments like making him do volunteer work, do a report on the dangers of smoking, write a letter of apology to you with reasons as to what he did was wrong.





remember he has been rejected and is distrustful of people - the poor kid has been let down many times by adults.





point out to him that he has choices. such as getting good grades or poor grades. it is still his choice and even though life has given him some rough patches, that does not excuse him from acting in a responsible manner or being respectful.





finally, remember that no matter what you do, you have tried your best. As long as you do your best and give him every opportunity to make his future better, he is ultimately in control and he is the one who will suffer the consequences. do your best and don;t blame yourself if things don't turn out exactly as you'd like. good luck.
This is my area of study and work. This boy needs structure and love. Smother him with love. Try to get him into a mentoring program, or involved in sports, anything to get him away from the things that will get him in trouble.
He's probably testing you to see if you'll keep him. I'm sure he has security issues. Get him into counseling, and just love and assure him.
he doesn't believe that you truly want him in your life he is doing his best to push you away sit down with him and tell him this ';i love you and there is nothing that you can say or do to change that. i want to be here for you whether you need me or not. you are a part of this family.'; trust me it will help when he starts to believe it but you must act true to your words. good luck and all my prayers go with you