I would welcome any advice from anyone who has been in the same position! I am not prepared to give up all I have worked for and earned over 20 years! I have stayed this long only because of my daughter.Husband with 2 affairs under his belt-so to speak- advice required?
Based on some of your comments you may be what is called a co-dependant. You need to seek out an Al-anon meeting and go to it... No you do not have to tell him you are going. No you do not have to ask him to go. You say he has you over a barrel. That is low self esteem talking... The meetings will help you to cope with the changes that need to be made. You may become strong and inform him his way will no longer be tolerated. Or you may have him hit the road. That will be your choice since you are your own lady and you know what is truly best for you and your teen. From here on out it is all about you and your needs. If he wants to be a part of it he will have to do somew major changing. If you will allow it that is...
Different States have different laws regarding divorce and asset allocation. But as a lifelong partner you are certainly entitled to your half...
They have ala-teen also...
Whatever you do lady you are someone special and there is someone out there that would be thankful to have you as a friend and partner...
Good luck on whatever your decision....Husband with 2 affairs under his belt-so to speak- advice required?
Treslayr - Thank you for taking the time to give your advice - much appreciated. Have been away for a few weeks therefore missed the 'deadline' for comments/replies etc.
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my mother was married to my father for 32 yrs. his neglect and selfishness pissed my 2 brothers and myself off since as far back as i can remember. i found out 3 yrs ago that my dad was having an affair. when i broke the news to my mother she said ';the straw that broke the camels back is here';. she stayed forever not wanting to hurt us kids or lose everything, she left him and i so happy now. a new woman. i am so proud of her. make you child proud and stand up for yourself.
Hi! first of all he has broken the trust in your marriage, 2nd of all the bible says that if your spouse is unfaithful, it is just cause for a divorce, why are you living this way, in Ontario, Canada, even if you left you are entitled to half providing the house is under both your names, or whatever is under both of your names, I have lost everything through my divorce, God is replacing everything I have lost........Jesus loves you, seek Him and you shall find Him.....please do what is best for you and your daughter, do what is right, and God will help you through it....take care
you are entitled to 50% of everything ... and thats just the start so go and see a legal aid person (it costs nothing to get advice).... and no he hasn't got you over a barrel at all ...its only if you allow him to , there are plenty of oranisations out there to help you.... so let your fingers do the walking and get on the phone and start to help your self
Get a job and save $$ then leave...regardless you'll likely have to work if you leave him, so why not start now?
you must leave , it will be hard at first , but you will be much happier in the end, declare yourself homeless , if your husband is abusive ,you and your daughter could go into a women's hostel , this would only be temporary they will give you all the advice you need , claim benefits and see a solicitor which you should get legal aid for, divorce your husband and everything will be divided between you , it wont be easy but worth it , for both your sakes .
I was in the same position as you 4 years ago and my ex was a drunken, serial adulterer. In the end I could stand no more so I files for divorce...you must NOT leave your house. We ended up having to live separately in the house for 3 years until the house was settled. It had to be sold in the end but a small price to pay for the happiness and contentment I now have with my son.
Its scary, don't get me wrong...but well worth it in the end.
If you need to talk, email me any time, good luck hun.
You know what, I may be only 15 years old but I say that there is no price value to your safety! If you have a daughter then you should def. get out of there and live somewhere else! Maybe it's none of my business but how can you put up with that for 20 years?!
Have you talked to someone in legal counsel%26gt;
I'm mean I'd change the locks whilst he was out!!
No being serious, my Dad has had 2 affairs and I recently found out he has a daughter that was put up for adoption by his second bimbo! It's not nice on anyone but I still love my Dad and see him quite often, I know that my older brother and sister said that when they were young my Dad used to be violent to my Mum. I never witnessed it I am 12 years younger than my sister,it was all over and done with I was the do and make mend baby, I think they only had my younger brother because I had been a girl and it brought back memories for my Mum about Dad's other daughter, who is 5 years younger than my older brother and 5 years older then me, but if I had been there I would have said Mum come on pack your stuff up we are leaving.
He obviously doesn't give a stuff about anybody but himself, so hard as it may be, you need to think of yourself and your daughter get somewhere to live and find a solicitor and and make sure you get everything that is due to you,
Take Care of yourself X
You have rights too Dear. If you worked 20 yrs outside the home and have proof of that then get a good attorney. You should be able to move out because of his abusive behavior, but why can't he move out? It can be done. Your lawyer would be able to tell you how this happens and the police are more than welcome to let a spouse get his things while they wait. Then with a restraining order he can't come near you. Talk to a lawyer, do what he advises, it will all workout. Good luck to you.
You don't need to stay in the house, move out but seek advice from a Lawyer they will advise you the best route to take regarding starting divorce and settlement proceedings.
If you have custody of your child then you should be entitled to more than 50% of the equity in your house sometimes it can be a 75-25 split.
Don't see it as leaving everything you've worked for behind... you will be taking your daughter with you.... surely she is everything you have worked for and make a new happier life for yourselves.
Seek legal advice as soon as possible and usually the first hours consultation is free... go for it.
Good Luck xx
Contact an attorney today for a consult. Have a list of questions ready. Also document your husband's abusive behavior.
This is the time to call in favors from family and friends should you need a place to stay. The preferred method is to get yr husband out. If he has physically abused you a police report needs to be filed.
Good luck.
You need to get a lawyer. You won't get nothing, you will get half of everything you have earned in your marriage. If you don't work you will get alimony. Don't leave the house. He will be the one to have to leave the house, but he will have to continue to pay the house payment. Good Luck.
Have a wee word with the police regarding the abuse, then fling that sad git ontae the street. Don't crumble and let him back. he will just continue tae give ye loads of grief. Once an eejit- always an eejit!!!!
It would appear your marriage has ended or at least that you have made up your mind to end it...
If, indeed, he is as abusive as you indicate, then you must also indicate the extent of abuse. Does he beat you or the child...? Does he just rant and rave in a rage using swear words...?
My first thought is that you should talk to him when he is sober and have your daughter present when doing so. Tell him you both need counseling to save your marriage... If he reacts negatively, say no more...your daughter is your witness...
If that fails co-operation on his part...do this...!
When he next gets drunk...start an argument with him...be sure your daughter is in the house but not in the same room...your witness. When he becomes abusive, retaliate likewise loud enough for your daughter to hear...
When she becomes aware, scream for her to call 911 for help... At the same time, tear your blouse open breaking the buttons off...mess up your hair...find something to scratch yourself with...not fingernails...make yourself look beaten...
Then run to your daughters room and stay with her until officers arrive. When they arrive let them see the abuse and tell them you are in fear of safety for your daughter and yourself... They will take him away...
You should then go to the police station and file a complaint and request a restraining order based on the danger of abuse against your daughter and yourself.
The next day, find a divorce lawyer to start divorce proceedings...
The restraining order will prevent him from going home and he cannot even gather his belongings unless an officer is with him...
It seems a drastic procedure to follow, but your situation and safety is of drastic concern...
I agree with you...you and your daughter have paid into your home and should not be out on the street if it is him that is failing the marriage. If you are out in the street, you are sure to lose custody of your daughter as well...
I wish you well...be careful...
u are entitled to half the home, he may have to pay u alimony, child support, never walk out on your home, file for divorce, if he is abusive get a protective order, he will have to move out. get a job, don't count on him to support u. when a man loves u he doesn't sling insults at u, or abuse u, or name call. when a man does this he is trying to make u so miserable that u do leave, if u walk out on the home its not the smartest thing one could do. he does not see the nice home or all the good in u, because he probably has someone on the side he wants to move in so he is deliberately trying to make u want to leave.
Tell him to leave bc you are the one who has worked so hard for what you two have. The next time he abuses you mentaly or physicaly, go get an emergency restraining order against him. Place his things outside and change all of the locks. This will get him out of the house. Then you can go back to work so that you will be able to pay the bills. Divide the property through the divorce so that he doesn't get what you deserve. You may want him to file for divorce so that he may have to pay your attorney fees. Also, draw up child support payments and have him sign them before you go anywhere. I would not leave at all. I would stay regardless of what he says unless he has you thrown out by the police. The only place you could move to is like a womans shelter for the time being if you do not have family and friends to put you up until you get back on your feet. You still own half of the house along with all other property at this time. I would also go for spousal support since he wouldn't let you work any longer. This will also help you get back on your feet. The best thing for you to do is at least consult with a lawyer at this time, and see what he recommends you do before you do anything at all. Most likely, if you stay in the house, you will probably end up getting it in the divorce. The judge will at least let you have temp. possession of it while you have your daughter until the divorce is final and assets are divided between the two of you. No judge is going to put a woman and child in the streets. He will make the man move out before he does this.
one of my best friends just had her 37th anniversary and she served him divorce papers about a week ago
it took over a year in the making to do it...she moved into her own apartment even though they shared the house, but she really enjoys having her OWN place and is able to do with it whatever she wants without walking on eggshells
during this time she went through 3 lawyers...had to find the right one, and had to pay for it without him clueing in on it
i would seek legal action first
also, she spoke with the pastors of our church, in private, to discuss whether or not she SHOULD seek a divorce...obviously he was the one who broke the marriage vows, not her, and not you
god bless you
You dont need to here as if you file for divorce,youllbe awarded custody and along with custody comes the house. So allyou have to do is get a court order for immediate vacating of premises on him and hes gone. You have more than enough grounds for divorce and more than enough attempts to save the marriage so you will get the divorce and go for everything youre legally entitled to. If I can be of anymore assistance emailme at thunder_wright@yahoo.com and Ill get back with you as soon as I can
babe you need to look after yourself and your daughter, i didnt own my own home but i literally just walked out and left everything before his abuse got worse. went to court and sorted things out that way. you dont say how old your daughter is but you will be able to keep the house atleast until she has finished full time education. you dont say if he has been physically violent, if he has go to court and get an injunction if you feel threatened. good luck, i know its hard, especially when youve been with someone for a long time, but the only one you will end up hurting is your daughter, she must notice whats happening, mine did, as much as i tried to protect her.
Tell him to leave.Whats wrong with you.Any right minded man would worship the ground you walk on.Why should you leave.I'd be willing to bet that alot of your answers are going to tell you like I am that he is the one that sounds like a waste of space.He really sounds like a cheaten loser.You could be happy with someone else that will appreciate your fine loving self.Be Strong and give him the boot.If your teenager is getten pissey with him,it's time to make a serious change.I did it you can to.I am only sorry I wasted so much time trying to make it work.....It didn't.....after 26 years and no job,I booted my X for good and I'm very happy with the Love Of My Life.Once a cheat always a cheat.
Sounds like he could be an abusive alcoholic, I would speak to the citzens advice bureau on where you stand financially. But get out as soon as you can he'll break your spirit and your self esteem also this environment isn't healthy for your kids. x
Don't leave your home ,he is the one with he problem,take legal advice you are entitled to remain in your home whilst your daughter is at school,you could take out a injunction for mental abuse,good luck honey.
Bin this waste of space ASAP, and take your daughter with you. Figure out what is worth more to you; you and your daughters sanity--or bricks and mortar and all you have worked for and earned over the last 20 years?...sorry, but its a no brainer really--sanity wins out every time:/ There IS help out there for you, muchmuch more than there ever was, find it and use it to your best advantage and you and your daughter WILL be fine--let HIM rot along with his trollops and the bricks and the mortar:)) LOOK OUT FOR YOU NOW!!!
Simply leaving when you are entitled to half of the stuff both you and your husband own is pointless unless you think you are in a very severe and dangerous situation.
If he is abusive report him.
I, too, am only 15 like one of the other answerers but my advice, as a Christian, is totally different. Seek marriage help. Find out what is causing your husband to be like this and sort it out. There is always hope. If you are in fear of your or your daughter's safety then you do really need to report him.
Go to an attorney and get some advise. Most will give an initial consultation for free.
Protect yourself and your rights. Document any abuse, both emotional and physical. You'll need the facts.
Don't walk out until you have legal advise. You might be able to get him to move.
He is a serial cheater, has substance problems and is abusive??
Most likely, since he had you quit working, he might have to pay alimony for awhile while you get back on your feet. He will have to pay child support until they are at least 18, and maybe longer if they are in college.
It depends on the state you live in and local laws as to how the assets will be divided.
Go see a divorce lawyer. Document your assets (bank accounts, house contents, etc). Do not move out. If he is abusive, then get a restraining order against him. I don't know if it's the right thing to do (ask your lawyer!), but I would consider changing the locks on the house and taking out money from shared accounts. Good luck.
I would stay in the house I wouldn't
let him think that you are a push over. I believe the law is to split the assets once you are divorcing. I would definetly stay in the house because then the judge might order that you and the child can stay in the house for so many years or you can pay his half of the assets in cash and then he can never kick you out. If you don't have the cash I'm pretty sure a judge would let you and your daughter stay because your daughter is important to the courts and they want her to have as little change as possible. The cards are in your hand don't blow it. Stay there. If he abuses at all call the cops I think you might be able to ask the courts if he can be removed out of the house by going to a temporary court hearing until your big hearing comes up. I believe there should be a free legal clinic somewhere in your area. I am not sure how you would get the legal advice without him coming in the house and locking you out. so before you leave try to find that out by having a friend go to the free clinic for you first.
You HAVE to get out. Otherwise your teen will grow up thinking that this is a normal relationship and most likely have the same kinds of relationships in her own life. You have to stand up and let your child know that this is not the way a relationship is supposed to work. You have already worked so you know that you can get a job. If I were you I would change the locks and tell him to move. If he stands at the door and won't leave or tries to come in then you call the police and get a restraining order. Be a strong woman!! You have just as much right as him since you are married. HE will be the one to have to find somewhere else to go.. then you will figure the rest out in the divorce. I mean everything he has is 50% yours so maybe you will end up with the house in the long run. In the meantime you will have the house to yourself and have some time to get a job and make a new start. Let him go live with his girlfriends. After all what would be worse.. staying in this horrible relationship and ruining you and your daughters happiness in life, or getting out and working hard to make a better life for the two of you??
Mate...get out. To be respected you have to have self respect yourself. Any woman/male who puts up with being made to feel shi* lacks any sort of respect.
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