I have been suffering with clinical depression and PTSD for the past 4 years. I have been in therapy and on medication and this is helping a great deal. The problem is when I go through a bout of depression (as I am at the moment) my husband just can't seem to leave me alone. All I want to do is sleep and stay inside the house for a few days until it passes but he chooses these times to make arrangements to be social and do ';family'; things. He thinks I shouldn't give into the feelings I'm feeling and instead should get out of the house and keep busy.
He has seen me battle with this illness since I was first diagnosed yet continues to nag me to the point where I'm feeling bullied. I've tried everything even having my therapist talk to him and I'm at my wits end.
Any serious suggestions would be wonderful.Advice needed please on dealing with my husband during a depression cycle?
i think the only way is to thoroughly explain to him in exacting and accurate terms. You don't have to be mean or angry, but at the same time, don't beat around the bush , don't hint or use euphemisms. Be clear.
Explain that you in fact need to be alone or at least kept at peace, and explain WHY, and explain why his forced social arrangements are counterproductive.
If need be, maybe you can do all this explaining in great detail when things are ';normal'; and he's acting normal.Advice needed please on dealing with my husband during a depression cycle?
This must be really difficult for you. I think you just need to say ';No, I am not going to this family thing';. It is not helping you by being forced into something you really don't want to do.
He probably thinks he is helping you but to be honest, he is not helping you at all.
My Mother suffered from depression for many years. Explain to your husband that it is an illness and when you say you want to be left alone, you mean it!
well what he thinks is obviously not what is going to help you. let him know that you appreciate his efforts, but if he wants to be helpful then he needs to let you do what you need to do and reassure him that in a few days you will be fine to attend social events. tell him you will try to get out and do one positive thing during your depression mode and that will be your compromise.. in the end, maybe it will work.. and by doing something that means something alone that you enjoy doing. like go for a walk outside, paint pottery, gardening, whatever floats your boat.
Only Girl, I have also been diagnosed with major depression and combat related PTSD. It is a roller-coaster of emotions. When I get in the deep rut of depression, as you seem to be at the moment, I just need to sleep and be alone too. y wife kept pestering me as well until one day, when explaining didn't work, I just let it burst out, ';I need you to leave me the F--- alone!!!'; I did apologize after a day or so, but now she knows that when I tell her that I need to be left alone, she complies.
I really feel for you. When I was 19 I had some real issues with depression and my mom kept telling me that I had to get control of it, and I just wanted to scream because I couldn't control it. I've noticed that when a person is really, really down there are certain personalities that like to kick them.
Sometimes telling people to take control or not ';give in'; is a way of just not having compassion. He probably just doesn't want to deal with it and feels like he didn't ';sign up for this'; when he got married.
I can only suggest that when you're both calm and rationale that you tell him that you understand he probably doesn't see this as an illness, and you're sorry he has to deal with it, but there are going to be periods of time when he just has to give you space. And I guess you could just promise him that when the ';bout'; is over, you'll do you best to make up for the time you missed and do the family things. But if he's just basically selfish, I don't know what to say.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
My husband is in iraq i have three kids all 3 and under i'm going crazy any advice for me ?
need some advice its just really hard being by myself with three babies and not having my husband around to help or to be there for me its taking its toll on meMy husband is in iraq i have three kids all 3 and under i'm going crazy any advice for me ?
do you have any friends or family??
what about help in your community?
neighbors to talk to??
Ask somebody to come over, talk to them about what you are going through, see if they can help with the load.
Pay for a nanny even if its for a couple hours out of the day so you can have some time to yourself.My husband is in iraq i have three kids all 3 and under i'm going crazy any advice for me ?
There are some real jerks out there huh? You need to find a sitter or family member to watch the kids every so often like once a week or everyother week and have a girls night out or even go out by your self to a movie or something. You need your time away from the kids. I have a part time job that keeps me from going insane sometimes. Good Luck...
OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! All these so called ';MEN'; that left comments on here need to take care of their kids once in a blue moon and maybe they would realize how hard it is....what *** BAGS! They probably don't even have any kids and that's why they have nothing else better to do than sit on the computer all night. Girl, I know it's hard right now but I'm always here for you. We just need to support each other so we can get through this....like we said before most people don't understand what it's like until they live a day in military life. That guy that said to keep your legs closed needs to go to HELL! Sorry, that really pissed me off! : ) Love ya' girl!
I know how hard it is, I have four children, including three year old twins. I am a single parent though so there isnt much light at the end of the tunnel for me. Your situation is temporary, god willing he will be home soon. Maybe you should consider paying a sitter one day a week for some time to yourself, go to a movie, get your nails done, whatever it takes. Whatever you do DO NOT NAG at your man, he is under more than enough stress as it is. This too shall pass hun.
Do you have any friends to come over and hang out with you?
First of all, dont listen to Boob M. He/She doesnt know what they're talking about. Haveing children is rough. I have two under two years old and that's rough. I couldnt' imagine three.
What you might want to do is find a job though. I stay home but to get away from kids at least 1-2 days a week even if it's at the office might be a nice break. However, you wont be making any money because all of it will be going to day care.
Also, try going to church. And while you're at church, your children will be well cared for... in the nursery. :)
But most important.... you need GRACE! Ask the Lord for it and he will give it to you. He will give you the strength and wisdom you need as well as the comfort that will carry you through.
';Cast all your cares on Him because He cares about you.';
You need help.
Of COURSE 3 that young is too much for one parent alone.
Try to think or find out what help and resources are available to you: family, friends, neighbors (you can give each other breaks by watching each other's kids, perhaps).
Maybe the military has some sort of child-care available.
That's just too much for one person, with no breaks.
Even if you have to relocate to be near family.
I'm sure he's just in paradise over there. Poor baby...you're really going crazy, huh?
You get to raise your three kids while he lies in a desert hoping some filthy arab suicide bomber doesn't kill him tomorrow. SORRY if I don't feel sympathetic for you. What would he give to spend just a few hours with his kids? He can't afford to go crazy because he might not live if he does.
PS Sorry BOOB. I hit the wrong button--I meant to give you a thumbs up. A HUGE thumbs up.
Find a good church. There are always people there that will help you.
Your Doing something most men can't handle...Know that you are a good mother and that you can do this. You should get weekly breaks also, so say like on a certain day, hire a sitter to stay with your children while you go out for some 'me' time...it's perfectly natural to want that time and you do deserve it...Your hubby is doing something for the country and you can't help the situation so help your family in letting yourself have some alone time to wind off the week and stress...
he's risking his life in iraq worrying about protecting our freedom and coming home alive and you're whining about having kids?
get a job and hire a sitter or an assistant
There is always help around if you really need it. Try a community centre or ask a friend to be with you and help out. Have faith, prayers are answered. Join a mothers group where you can take the kiddies with you, talking about you problems with other mothers always helps.
Close your legs, woman! Good God!!
Are you sure they are his kids?
(No wonder he is in Iraq - I would want to go myself if I had a whiny fat lady like you!)
GET A JOB, find a SITTER. You are getting BAU housing and I am SURE you can afford daycare. IS THERE ASNY REASON AS TO WHY YOU HAD SO MANY KIDS UNDER THREE???????fashion makeup
do you have any friends or family??
what about help in your community?
neighbors to talk to??
Ask somebody to come over, talk to them about what you are going through, see if they can help with the load.
Pay for a nanny even if its for a couple hours out of the day so you can have some time to yourself.My husband is in iraq i have three kids all 3 and under i'm going crazy any advice for me ?
There are some real jerks out there huh? You need to find a sitter or family member to watch the kids every so often like once a week or everyother week and have a girls night out or even go out by your self to a movie or something. You need your time away from the kids. I have a part time job that keeps me from going insane sometimes. Good Luck...
OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! All these so called ';MEN'; that left comments on here need to take care of their kids once in a blue moon and maybe they would realize how hard it is....what *** BAGS! They probably don't even have any kids and that's why they have nothing else better to do than sit on the computer all night. Girl, I know it's hard right now but I'm always here for you. We just need to support each other so we can get through this....like we said before most people don't understand what it's like until they live a day in military life. That guy that said to keep your legs closed needs to go to HELL! Sorry, that really pissed me off! : ) Love ya' girl!
I know how hard it is, I have four children, including three year old twins. I am a single parent though so there isnt much light at the end of the tunnel for me. Your situation is temporary, god willing he will be home soon. Maybe you should consider paying a sitter one day a week for some time to yourself, go to a movie, get your nails done, whatever it takes. Whatever you do DO NOT NAG at your man, he is under more than enough stress as it is. This too shall pass hun.
Do you have any friends to come over and hang out with you?
First of all, dont listen to Boob M. He/She doesnt know what they're talking about. Haveing children is rough. I have two under two years old and that's rough. I couldnt' imagine three.
What you might want to do is find a job though. I stay home but to get away from kids at least 1-2 days a week even if it's at the office might be a nice break. However, you wont be making any money because all of it will be going to day care.
Also, try going to church. And while you're at church, your children will be well cared for... in the nursery. :)
But most important.... you need GRACE! Ask the Lord for it and he will give it to you. He will give you the strength and wisdom you need as well as the comfort that will carry you through.
';Cast all your cares on Him because He cares about you.';
You need help.
Of COURSE 3 that young is too much for one parent alone.
Try to think or find out what help and resources are available to you: family, friends, neighbors (you can give each other breaks by watching each other's kids, perhaps).
Maybe the military has some sort of child-care available.
That's just too much for one person, with no breaks.
Even if you have to relocate to be near family.
I'm sure he's just in paradise over there. Poor baby...you're really going crazy, huh?
You get to raise your three kids while he lies in a desert hoping some filthy arab suicide bomber doesn't kill him tomorrow. SORRY if I don't feel sympathetic for you. What would he give to spend just a few hours with his kids? He can't afford to go crazy because he might not live if he does.
PS Sorry BOOB. I hit the wrong button--I meant to give you a thumbs up. A HUGE thumbs up.
Find a good church. There are always people there that will help you.
Your Doing something most men can't handle...Know that you are a good mother and that you can do this. You should get weekly breaks also, so say like on a certain day, hire a sitter to stay with your children while you go out for some 'me' time...it's perfectly natural to want that time and you do deserve it...Your hubby is doing something for the country and you can't help the situation so help your family in letting yourself have some alone time to wind off the week and stress...
he's risking his life in iraq worrying about protecting our freedom and coming home alive and you're whining about having kids?
get a job and hire a sitter or an assistant
There is always help around if you really need it. Try a community centre or ask a friend to be with you and help out. Have faith, prayers are answered. Join a mothers group where you can take the kiddies with you, talking about you problems with other mothers always helps.
Close your legs, woman! Good God!!
Are you sure they are his kids?
(No wonder he is in Iraq - I would want to go myself if I had a whiny fat lady like you!)
GET A JOB, find a SITTER. You are getting BAU housing and I am SURE you can afford daycare. IS THERE ASNY REASON AS TO WHY YOU HAD SO MANY KIDS UNDER THREE???????
My son is 3 months old. My husband and I haven't had sex since several weeks before my son's birth. Advice?
I *want* to have sex again, but when it comes down to it I can't seem to get in the mood. I am very self-conscious about the baby weight and the stretch marks, as well as the changes down there. Plus, I am always busy and/or tired because of the baby. I know that having sex can actually relieve some of the stress I've been carrying, and I want that closeness with my husband (since almost all our time is baby-time!) Any advice from other moms out there?My son is 3 months old. My husband and I haven't had sex since several weeks before my son's birth. Advice?
First of all dont discuss your sex life on Yahoo answers! Children come on this site and read this smut too. Talk to a therapist. Only a professional psychiatrist/therapist can help you. Also talk to your husband not to the public!My son is 3 months old. My husband and I haven't had sex since several weeks before my son's birth. Advice?
(SMUT? No WONDER ';Unknown'; named him/herself that way - no clue whatsoever!)
It IS perfectly natural, and chances are your husband doesn't want to push you. I have to agree with the romantic dinner idea - you need some ';alone'; time! As for your lack of self-confidence - if it doesn't bother him, don't let it bother you! You'll get back to normal soon. Meantime, nursing really helps tighten up the muscles used during pregnancy, particularly where your bust line is concerned. AND there are a lot of OTC creams now which really help with stretch marks! In any event, believe it or not, ';this too shall pass!';
You both need to go back to the people that you were before the baby. Get a family member or a baby sitter to take the baby. The baby will be better off if it is around other people. Parents learn this too late sometimes and the child has a harder time. Your husband and you could go somewhere that you had a good time and good memories and just be yourselfs. Make a date for once a week or once a month whenever you can and stay interested in what your husband is interested in and he will be more interested in you.
Your husband loves you despite any stretch marks or baby fat. He is still attracted to you and thinks you are gorgeous! If you are having trouble getting in the mood, try getting a sitter, having a romantic date night (dressing uo always makes me feels sexy), DONT DRINK TOO MUCH! because it can make you unable to orgasm, and just let yourself relax. When you get home, make sure your husband understands that you need lots of slow and romantic foreplay to get into the right mood. (Also, if you do your kegels it will help tighten that area back up, so don't worry about the down there changes!) Just relax and take it slow, and I am sure you guys will love having sex again!!
I am sorry to tell you that after the babies come it is a whole lot harder to just ';get in the mood';. I found it almost like the first time all over again after giving birth, I was really nervous, as silly as that sounds, with all the changes in my body. I made an effort to just bull right ahead and strangely enough it took a little work but there I was ';in the mood';. We got really good at quickies whether it be in the bathroom, the laundry room, etc... and pretty soon the bedroom. It was different but good all the same. Good Luck
i am not a mom but i am a part time male marriage/relationship problem solver, what you are experiencing is child dominance where the child gets in the way of things, that's a normal thing what you need to do is either hire a baby sitter or a family member to take care of your kid for a week or two so you can get to a rejuvenation point, refresh yourself, go to Kama Sudra classes with your husband/spouse, try new things, once that happens, you'll be more aware of your mothers intuition that you ll make a great mother and know how to deal with things in the appropriate time, but everything your feeling is normal, nothing to be too serious about, all you need to feel about yourself is attractive, don't let your baby marks bother you im sure your spouse doesn't care what you look like, he cares for what you are and what you stand for.
seriously talk softly in his ear but dont wisper. that really raises the hair on the neck and he'll pitch tent for sure. but seriously women that dont give head are asking to be cheated on. men love it.....my favorite is having my balls sucked. im not saying your man will cheat but i am saying men like it that much. after that all he'll think about is some seriously ruff sex with you and he wont give a crap what you think you think you look like. thats a chicks biggest problem what they think they think.....wha you really think is you want sex or you wouldnt have posted this.........BAMM your complement is welcomed
Maybe you should speak with your doctor. There is a condition I spelled this correctly; Post Pardon Syndrome. This happens to some women after recent child birth. Also can lead to depression. Please seek some help and I wish you and your husband good luck %26amp; congradulations.
You need to set aside a date night, make it a night that you both have off (maybe a Saturday?) then you have your Mom or close friend or family member babysit (you could tell them why and probably get free care for your precious one) Then you have to get into the mind set, shave your legs, condition your hair, take a nap (those are always nice) put on some makeup, fix your hair, put on some purfume, some jewlery, and that killer outfit that makes you feel great or whatever you are most comfortable in, either go out to eat even to a fast food restaurant or somewhere cheap or cook dinner for the two of you at home with candle-lite or make reservations at a favorite restaurant and go out and have a good time. When you guys go into the bedroom, have some lotion out, give him a back rub and then get one for yourself. *there is no law that says that you can't ask for oral to help you get ready for some loving* chances are it won't last long anyways. Have fun, relax in each other's arms, talk about setting up a date night, even if it is spending a little time sitting outside after the baby goes to sleep, that way you can have some grownup talk.
Give it time.You will get horny.
you gotta let having the extra weight and the stree from the baby
go. just you and your husband set a time like a date and meet and make each other happy. that's a very important step to keep
a marriage.
Get a sitter, set the mood and your mind. Romantic dinner and music... go from there.
is he home now? if so strip down to your undies and go to him a little afternoon delight instead of waiting until bedtime might make it even a bit exciting for you and it will rock his world i'm sure.
Unless you want to lose your man I suggest you put on something sexy tonight , pretend you're the sexiest woman in the world and get back into the swing of things....so to speak. It won't take long to get your confidence back.
I have 4 kids and it is hard sometimes to find time and when you do your so tired you pass out. Me and my husband always find time though. When the baby falls asleep try getting a mixed drink or a couple of beers to relax and seduce him. just think about something you guy`s did in the beginning of your relationship that really turn you on. Once the juices get flowing you`ll see that it`s better than it was before. And as far as your looks are concerned he`s not thinking about that he just wants his wife back that`s all. You have to make the 1st move sometimes but it`s well worth it. Go for it!!! And ignore what unknown said that`s what this site is for. No sex there!! What a jackass!!
All you should do is buy a vibrator and take some time (at least 5 min) when the baby is asleep and just touch your cliterus w/ it and it will get you in the mood.
I know what you are going through but when my husband and myself first had sex again it was in the day time and the baby was in the bassinet sleep and it was only for like 6 minutes but it was worth it.I was insecure about my stomach area but then I said well he put on just as much weight as I did during the pregnancy and he was insecure to but it worked out fine.And besides if he hasn't had any in a long time then he' not going to care what you like.He'll be happy just to be with you he's a MAN
you dont need to talk to a therapist this is completely normal!
your husband is probably tired and stressed with adapting too!
if you are breastfeeding your hormones will also not be helping
relax give it time - better to remind your husband that you love him than to rush it
That's very normal..give it time and it will come back
My wife had a similar problem. It took alot of time and loving on her to show her she is still the same gourgeous sex goddess I married. I wish I knew how to help. Hopefully time and your husbands love will help you conquer this.
And for the idiot who called this smut. Ignore him. He is an idiot.
Call Grandma and take a weekend off! BTW, with sex the weight will also come off faster and your husband will surely understand what your body just went through and it will take time to get back in shape. Ask for his support and until you feel better, turn off the lights....lol
He is probably waiting for your signal and is just as wanting as you right now for the closeness and affection. Enjoy each other and make it fun!
Sounds like you have a mighty patient husband. Just read to him what you wrote to us. He won't know unless you tell him. Men dont take hints. They have to be told. He might think something is wrong with him. you're married...talk to him.
just do it! seriously though, talk to your husband.I'll bet some of your fears are based on his reaction to any changes that may have happened.trust me hes not as worried about them as you are.
my husband under stood what I went thru. I was scared and uncomfortable too, I waited a few months, but pleasured him in the meantime, then after a few months he DEFINATLY made up for it.
give it sometime it will come back to you eventually you will have to make time because you dont want your husband to stray.
Not a mom here but I do have some advice, if you are interested. First know that both you and your husband have gone through changes and each have your own obstacles to overcome. For one you need a time devoted to each other, a date if you will, alone. Get your mom or his to babysit or have a trusted babysitter. Find a nice restaurant and movie and just find time to enjoy being with each other again. It's a process yes but worth taking time. Also realize that you need to go out of your way to be sexy to him. In his mind you are now a mom .. find a way to be a lover now. Get you a black lacy nightie and pick a time to go to a nice store and make an appointment for a makeover or cosmetic's demo. They do them free. You might also plan to have your hair cut a different way. Surprise him with someone he hasn't met in a while .. YOU after a bath with oils and nice smelling perfume (not too heavy) treat him special and let him know that you love him and want to rekindle a romance.
He should also care enough to make sure he's conscience of his hygene and appearance. You can share with each other that you want to surprise each other and then in doing so plan the cosmetic makeover. Have him also to go out and pick a surprise for you? Might be a certain underwear he picks out, a flower, a certain restaurant. Realize also that yes men are driven by the physical and you might have some weight from the baby but also know that you still will look good to him. Pick that black lacey teddie and remember that there are cosmetics that can reduce the apearance of the marks left from birth and carrying the child. Also, even if you may not need it, plan on getting some KY Jelly or Astro Glide lubricant to help things along. Then when the mood is right things willl heat up for you I bet.
Good luck but also realize that even though you have a child doesn't mean you aren't still that beautiful woman that he fell in love with. Attitude is also contagous and can set a mood so learn to find that sexy attitude about yourself again.
That's one man's opinion and also a man who thinks that the man has as much responsibility as you do to get things back on track.
I had sex 3 months after my baby was born and became pregnant again after one episode and I was breastfeeding. I didn't want to because I felt the same as you , so I think I was asleep when it happened. Breast feeding is not a birth control method. If I were to be in the mood again I would need a nanny and housekeeper and my husband would have to take me out to dinner and make me feel loved and fabulous. I think that your husband should take the initiative to help you recover from childbirth. My doctor didn't recommend sex until 4 months after the birth. Just take care of yourself and slowly start to get fit. Bike riding is great because it reduces impact on the hips etc. and taking your baby to a mother group once or twice a week helps for advice. Don't worry ...your libido will return.
If your husband loves you, the stretch marks and extra weight will not change that.. as a matter of fact he probably loves you more now after what you've had to go through! As far as not being ';in the mood'; what I found was that if I went ahead and had sex even though I wasn't ';in the mood'; to start, by the time we got going my mood changed. Be prepared though that the first time may be a little uncomfortable, depending on if you had an episiotomy or not. I had one with 2 of my children and sex was uncomfortable at first. With the other 4 I didn't have one and I had no problems. I understand the always busy or tired part but unless you make time for the two of you, in the long run it could hurt your relationship. Hope this helps and good luck to you!
Its normal, it took a while before me and my husband got back into the swing of things after my daughter was born. Find a sitter, go out to dinner, enjoy being in each other's company.
IF U R NOT SCARED OF SOME ONE IN UR FAMILY WATCHING THE BABY DO SO,SO U CAN HAVE A QUITE EVENING AND A NITE OF SOME LONG AWITED LOVE MAKING. BECAUSE IF U DON'T U R ABOUT TO LOSE UR HUBE TO STRIPPERS OR INTERNET PORN....
First of all dont discuss your sex life on Yahoo answers! Children come on this site and read this smut too. Talk to a therapist. Only a professional psychiatrist/therapist can help you. Also talk to your husband not to the public!My son is 3 months old. My husband and I haven't had sex since several weeks before my son's birth. Advice?
(SMUT? No WONDER ';Unknown'; named him/herself that way - no clue whatsoever!)
It IS perfectly natural, and chances are your husband doesn't want to push you. I have to agree with the romantic dinner idea - you need some ';alone'; time! As for your lack of self-confidence - if it doesn't bother him, don't let it bother you! You'll get back to normal soon. Meantime, nursing really helps tighten up the muscles used during pregnancy, particularly where your bust line is concerned. AND there are a lot of OTC creams now which really help with stretch marks! In any event, believe it or not, ';this too shall pass!';
You both need to go back to the people that you were before the baby. Get a family member or a baby sitter to take the baby. The baby will be better off if it is around other people. Parents learn this too late sometimes and the child has a harder time. Your husband and you could go somewhere that you had a good time and good memories and just be yourselfs. Make a date for once a week or once a month whenever you can and stay interested in what your husband is interested in and he will be more interested in you.
Your husband loves you despite any stretch marks or baby fat. He is still attracted to you and thinks you are gorgeous! If you are having trouble getting in the mood, try getting a sitter, having a romantic date night (dressing uo always makes me feels sexy), DONT DRINK TOO MUCH! because it can make you unable to orgasm, and just let yourself relax. When you get home, make sure your husband understands that you need lots of slow and romantic foreplay to get into the right mood. (Also, if you do your kegels it will help tighten that area back up, so don't worry about the down there changes!) Just relax and take it slow, and I am sure you guys will love having sex again!!
I am sorry to tell you that after the babies come it is a whole lot harder to just ';get in the mood';. I found it almost like the first time all over again after giving birth, I was really nervous, as silly as that sounds, with all the changes in my body. I made an effort to just bull right ahead and strangely enough it took a little work but there I was ';in the mood';. We got really good at quickies whether it be in the bathroom, the laundry room, etc... and pretty soon the bedroom. It was different but good all the same. Good Luck
i am not a mom but i am a part time male marriage/relationship problem solver, what you are experiencing is child dominance where the child gets in the way of things, that's a normal thing what you need to do is either hire a baby sitter or a family member to take care of your kid for a week or two so you can get to a rejuvenation point, refresh yourself, go to Kama Sudra classes with your husband/spouse, try new things, once that happens, you'll be more aware of your mothers intuition that you ll make a great mother and know how to deal with things in the appropriate time, but everything your feeling is normal, nothing to be too serious about, all you need to feel about yourself is attractive, don't let your baby marks bother you im sure your spouse doesn't care what you look like, he cares for what you are and what you stand for.
seriously talk softly in his ear but dont wisper. that really raises the hair on the neck and he'll pitch tent for sure. but seriously women that dont give head are asking to be cheated on. men love it.....my favorite is having my balls sucked. im not saying your man will cheat but i am saying men like it that much. after that all he'll think about is some seriously ruff sex with you and he wont give a crap what you think you think you look like. thats a chicks biggest problem what they think they think.....wha you really think is you want sex or you wouldnt have posted this.........BAMM your complement is welcomed
Maybe you should speak with your doctor. There is a condition I spelled this correctly; Post Pardon Syndrome. This happens to some women after recent child birth. Also can lead to depression. Please seek some help and I wish you and your husband good luck %26amp; congradulations.
You need to set aside a date night, make it a night that you both have off (maybe a Saturday?) then you have your Mom or close friend or family member babysit (you could tell them why and probably get free care for your precious one) Then you have to get into the mind set, shave your legs, condition your hair, take a nap (those are always nice) put on some makeup, fix your hair, put on some purfume, some jewlery, and that killer outfit that makes you feel great or whatever you are most comfortable in, either go out to eat even to a fast food restaurant or somewhere cheap or cook dinner for the two of you at home with candle-lite or make reservations at a favorite restaurant and go out and have a good time. When you guys go into the bedroom, have some lotion out, give him a back rub and then get one for yourself. *there is no law that says that you can't ask for oral to help you get ready for some loving* chances are it won't last long anyways. Have fun, relax in each other's arms, talk about setting up a date night, even if it is spending a little time sitting outside after the baby goes to sleep, that way you can have some grownup talk.
Give it time.You will get horny.
you gotta let having the extra weight and the stree from the baby
go. just you and your husband set a time like a date and meet and make each other happy. that's a very important step to keep
a marriage.
Get a sitter, set the mood and your mind. Romantic dinner and music... go from there.
is he home now? if so strip down to your undies and go to him a little afternoon delight instead of waiting until bedtime might make it even a bit exciting for you and it will rock his world i'm sure.
Unless you want to lose your man I suggest you put on something sexy tonight , pretend you're the sexiest woman in the world and get back into the swing of things....so to speak. It won't take long to get your confidence back.
I have 4 kids and it is hard sometimes to find time and when you do your so tired you pass out. Me and my husband always find time though. When the baby falls asleep try getting a mixed drink or a couple of beers to relax and seduce him. just think about something you guy`s did in the beginning of your relationship that really turn you on. Once the juices get flowing you`ll see that it`s better than it was before. And as far as your looks are concerned he`s not thinking about that he just wants his wife back that`s all. You have to make the 1st move sometimes but it`s well worth it. Go for it!!! And ignore what unknown said that`s what this site is for. No sex there!! What a jackass!!
All you should do is buy a vibrator and take some time (at least 5 min) when the baby is asleep and just touch your cliterus w/ it and it will get you in the mood.
I know what you are going through but when my husband and myself first had sex again it was in the day time and the baby was in the bassinet sleep and it was only for like 6 minutes but it was worth it.I was insecure about my stomach area but then I said well he put on just as much weight as I did during the pregnancy and he was insecure to but it worked out fine.And besides if he hasn't had any in a long time then he' not going to care what you like.He'll be happy just to be with you he's a MAN
you dont need to talk to a therapist this is completely normal!
your husband is probably tired and stressed with adapting too!
if you are breastfeeding your hormones will also not be helping
relax give it time - better to remind your husband that you love him than to rush it
That's very normal..give it time and it will come back
My wife had a similar problem. It took alot of time and loving on her to show her she is still the same gourgeous sex goddess I married. I wish I knew how to help. Hopefully time and your husbands love will help you conquer this.
And for the idiot who called this smut. Ignore him. He is an idiot.
Call Grandma and take a weekend off! BTW, with sex the weight will also come off faster and your husband will surely understand what your body just went through and it will take time to get back in shape. Ask for his support and until you feel better, turn off the lights....lol
He is probably waiting for your signal and is just as wanting as you right now for the closeness and affection. Enjoy each other and make it fun!
Sounds like you have a mighty patient husband. Just read to him what you wrote to us. He won't know unless you tell him. Men dont take hints. They have to be told. He might think something is wrong with him. you're married...talk to him.
just do it! seriously though, talk to your husband.I'll bet some of your fears are based on his reaction to any changes that may have happened.trust me hes not as worried about them as you are.
my husband under stood what I went thru. I was scared and uncomfortable too, I waited a few months, but pleasured him in the meantime, then after a few months he DEFINATLY made up for it.
give it sometime it will come back to you eventually you will have to make time because you dont want your husband to stray.
Not a mom here but I do have some advice, if you are interested. First know that both you and your husband have gone through changes and each have your own obstacles to overcome. For one you need a time devoted to each other, a date if you will, alone. Get your mom or his to babysit or have a trusted babysitter. Find a nice restaurant and movie and just find time to enjoy being with each other again. It's a process yes but worth taking time. Also realize that you need to go out of your way to be sexy to him. In his mind you are now a mom .. find a way to be a lover now. Get you a black lacy nightie and pick a time to go to a nice store and make an appointment for a makeover or cosmetic's demo. They do them free. You might also plan to have your hair cut a different way. Surprise him with someone he hasn't met in a while .. YOU after a bath with oils and nice smelling perfume (not too heavy) treat him special and let him know that you love him and want to rekindle a romance.
He should also care enough to make sure he's conscience of his hygene and appearance. You can share with each other that you want to surprise each other and then in doing so plan the cosmetic makeover. Have him also to go out and pick a surprise for you? Might be a certain underwear he picks out, a flower, a certain restaurant. Realize also that yes men are driven by the physical and you might have some weight from the baby but also know that you still will look good to him. Pick that black lacey teddie and remember that there are cosmetics that can reduce the apearance of the marks left from birth and carrying the child. Also, even if you may not need it, plan on getting some KY Jelly or Astro Glide lubricant to help things along. Then when the mood is right things willl heat up for you I bet.
Good luck but also realize that even though you have a child doesn't mean you aren't still that beautiful woman that he fell in love with. Attitude is also contagous and can set a mood so learn to find that sexy attitude about yourself again.
That's one man's opinion and also a man who thinks that the man has as much responsibility as you do to get things back on track.
I had sex 3 months after my baby was born and became pregnant again after one episode and I was breastfeeding. I didn't want to because I felt the same as you , so I think I was asleep when it happened. Breast feeding is not a birth control method. If I were to be in the mood again I would need a nanny and housekeeper and my husband would have to take me out to dinner and make me feel loved and fabulous. I think that your husband should take the initiative to help you recover from childbirth. My doctor didn't recommend sex until 4 months after the birth. Just take care of yourself and slowly start to get fit. Bike riding is great because it reduces impact on the hips etc. and taking your baby to a mother group once or twice a week helps for advice. Don't worry ...your libido will return.
If your husband loves you, the stretch marks and extra weight will not change that.. as a matter of fact he probably loves you more now after what you've had to go through! As far as not being ';in the mood'; what I found was that if I went ahead and had sex even though I wasn't ';in the mood'; to start, by the time we got going my mood changed. Be prepared though that the first time may be a little uncomfortable, depending on if you had an episiotomy or not. I had one with 2 of my children and sex was uncomfortable at first. With the other 4 I didn't have one and I had no problems. I understand the always busy or tired part but unless you make time for the two of you, in the long run it could hurt your relationship. Hope this helps and good luck to you!
Its normal, it took a while before me and my husband got back into the swing of things after my daughter was born. Find a sitter, go out to dinner, enjoy being in each other's company.
IF U R NOT SCARED OF SOME ONE IN UR FAMILY WATCHING THE BABY DO SO,SO U CAN HAVE A QUITE EVENING AND A NITE OF SOME LONG AWITED LOVE MAKING. BECAUSE IF U DON'T U R ABOUT TO LOSE UR HUBE TO STRIPPERS OR INTERNET PORN....
My husband is fat so it is hard to have sex. can some one give some tips or advice please?
It is hard for my husband yo loose wheaight because he is busy all the time with work and other things. So its hrad for me to enjoy it because I am always the person to be on top because he is fat. and when he is on top some times it is hard for me to breth. what can I do?My husband is fat so it is hard to have sex. can some one give some tips or advice please?
doggy style maybe best. Also when he is on top he shouldn't put all his weight on you....he can be on top w/o doing this. One position you could try is this... lying on your back, pull your knees up to your chest, he can hold onto the backs of your thighs while penetrating you. You can also lay on your side and lift one leg up, allowing him entry that way. All these positions make him an active participant and burn tons of calories too!!!My husband is fat so it is hard to have sex. can some one give some tips or advice please?
all i know is forr every 35lb a man loses he get a 1'; where it does good
On the side you can hook up with me! then when you guys have sex think of me, and you will enjoy it every-time.
Get on top!
Be truthful with him. Tell him you love him and are attracted to him, but his weight is an issue. Let him know you are willing to assist him in loosing weight.
see me at my house and i will tell you
Suggest a healthy diet. Do you cook for him? Also, try joining a gym, make time in your busy schedules as his health is important. If nothing else you can work out on the weekends.
tell him to do some plastic surgery lipo-suction and face reconstruction. Get some counseling as well:)
Get him to cut out fat and sugar and to stay away from excessive servings of carb, and no junk food except maybe once a week. Start him off walking and biking, then maybe some golfing, croquet, racquetball, yoga, swimming, canoeing and other activities. Housework is also good, along with moving furniture and gardening.
start feeding him healthy food and tell him to lay
off the junk
Roll his azz halway off the side of the bed so all that fat can role back on him and just ride him...LOL
or
hey cut his azz off until he looses weight walk around in booty shorts and tank tops to motivate him but don't give him any...LOL
No, I won't give you advice. No one can help you but yourself.
He needs liposucion but oinly fter he's lost some weight via liquid diet. He;s heading for an early grave and should join Jenny Craig.
Doggie style, or he lays on his side and you lay on yours with your back to him. both are easy and fun.
Put your husband on weight watchers or something.
fake it
okay what ya do is you go on a diet because if you go on a diet everything in the house will be very healthy so he'll have to go on one without him even knowing it !! also get a dog or if you have one ask him to take the dog for a walk ( with you of course) just say you need him to come with you cuz its scary walking by yourself.so then he's eating healthy and walking .
poor tracy you need to stay on top,if not one day you just might not catch your next breathe.so sorry for you.
TELL HIM HE HAS TO FIND TIME TO GET SOME EXCERCISE IN BETWEEN HIS WORK %26amp; OTHER THINGS IF HE WANTS TO PLEASE U. OR TELL HIM U'L START GETTIN FAT
IT'S GOOD TO STAY HEALTHY ANYWAY!
how about doggstyle.or side ways...he cant crush you like that...or what about standing up.you bent over and him from behind....or how about him picking you up against a wall...(you can sit on his belly).....just some ideas....or better yet...lock up the fridge so he cant get in it.that'll help him get on a diet.
speak to him, tell him how you fell and that he has to do something abt his weight. Play hard-to-get and don't let him have sex till he starts doing something abt it
Not to be crass but there is always ';doggy style'; And if you cook good food at home maybe he can lose some weight!
You must talk to him about it.
Sex is a crucial thing for a couple to live a exciting, bonding life.
Try going out with him to work out with him it will motivate him. GOOD LUCK GIRL!
you lying on a table and he standing.
Bleh.
Tel him how you feel kay?
Tell him for once you wanna b on the bottom and tell him to start eating healthy. i know its hard, but be easy on him and try not to sound like '; hey get thin or im leaving you!'; he might say'; Oh you should respect me for who i am and not how i look';
but hey!
It hurts!
Good luck
Treati =*
doggy style maybe best. Also when he is on top he shouldn't put all his weight on you....he can be on top w/o doing this. One position you could try is this... lying on your back, pull your knees up to your chest, he can hold onto the backs of your thighs while penetrating you. You can also lay on your side and lift one leg up, allowing him entry that way. All these positions make him an active participant and burn tons of calories too!!!My husband is fat so it is hard to have sex. can some one give some tips or advice please?
all i know is forr every 35lb a man loses he get a 1'; where it does good
On the side you can hook up with me! then when you guys have sex think of me, and you will enjoy it every-time.
Get on top!
Be truthful with him. Tell him you love him and are attracted to him, but his weight is an issue. Let him know you are willing to assist him in loosing weight.
see me at my house and i will tell you
Suggest a healthy diet. Do you cook for him? Also, try joining a gym, make time in your busy schedules as his health is important. If nothing else you can work out on the weekends.
tell him to do some plastic surgery lipo-suction and face reconstruction. Get some counseling as well:)
Get him to cut out fat and sugar and to stay away from excessive servings of carb, and no junk food except maybe once a week. Start him off walking and biking, then maybe some golfing, croquet, racquetball, yoga, swimming, canoeing and other activities. Housework is also good, along with moving furniture and gardening.
start feeding him healthy food and tell him to lay
off the junk
Roll his azz halway off the side of the bed so all that fat can role back on him and just ride him...LOL
or
hey cut his azz off until he looses weight walk around in booty shorts and tank tops to motivate him but don't give him any...LOL
No, I won't give you advice. No one can help you but yourself.
He needs liposucion but oinly fter he's lost some weight via liquid diet. He;s heading for an early grave and should join Jenny Craig.
Doggie style, or he lays on his side and you lay on yours with your back to him. both are easy and fun.
Put your husband on weight watchers or something.
fake it
okay what ya do is you go on a diet because if you go on a diet everything in the house will be very healthy so he'll have to go on one without him even knowing it !! also get a dog or if you have one ask him to take the dog for a walk ( with you of course) just say you need him to come with you cuz its scary walking by yourself.so then he's eating healthy and walking .
poor tracy you need to stay on top,if not one day you just might not catch your next breathe.so sorry for you.
TELL HIM HE HAS TO FIND TIME TO GET SOME EXCERCISE IN BETWEEN HIS WORK %26amp; OTHER THINGS IF HE WANTS TO PLEASE U. OR TELL HIM U'L START GETTIN FAT
IT'S GOOD TO STAY HEALTHY ANYWAY!
how about doggstyle.or side ways...he cant crush you like that...or what about standing up.you bent over and him from behind....or how about him picking you up against a wall...(you can sit on his belly).....just some ideas....or better yet...lock up the fridge so he cant get in it.that'll help him get on a diet.
speak to him, tell him how you fell and that he has to do something abt his weight. Play hard-to-get and don't let him have sex till he starts doing something abt it
Not to be crass but there is always ';doggy style'; And if you cook good food at home maybe he can lose some weight!
You must talk to him about it.
Sex is a crucial thing for a couple to live a exciting, bonding life.
Try going out with him to work out with him it will motivate him. GOOD LUCK GIRL!
you lying on a table and he standing.
Bleh.
Tel him how you feel kay?
Tell him for once you wanna b on the bottom and tell him to start eating healthy. i know its hard, but be easy on him and try not to sound like '; hey get thin or im leaving you!'; he might say'; Oh you should respect me for who i am and not how i look';
but hey!
It hurts!
Good luck
Treati =*
My meth addicted husband wants me ask people onyahoo anwers for advice because he thinks he deserves more time
my husband seems to think that my dicisions were based in great part on yahoo,s answers (its not) he has told me so many reasons as to why he does meth and why he cant stop.anyway he said he would go to rehab and give me his complete checks over to me,ive heard all this before and i dont trust what he says at all any more, because he lies very well and is abusive ,mostly verble,threatens me constanly ,im sure its because hes scared but then so am I.am divorcing him and he wants it to stop and him stay in the home.1. First of all he said he would have his work check put in my name and sent dirrectly to me it never happend he said his employer would not do it , even though im half owner of his truck it in writing. 2.when hes on a down time from meth he dont work a lot and has lied in past and told me there was no work so i called to verify sure enough he was suppose to be working I have no control over anything (except for his heart).3. he spends his money before he gets it .My meth addicted husband wants me ask people onyahoo anwers for advice because he thinks he deserves more time
if his lifestyle doesn't agree with you then he's not right for you. Get your divorce and go find another guy. If he can't leave you alone, nothing helps a person renew there life better then relocation. even if its temporary, just don't tell him where your going.My meth addicted husband wants me ask people onyahoo anwers for advice because he thinks he deserves more time
leave. u are already a statistic by staying with an abusive user...don't be a statistic being buried because of it. i went to a funeral last year for a woman that was stabbed to death by her husband...he did it in front of three of the kids. she was in the same place u are...exactly. be strong and be wise.
If his life's decisions are based on what's said here then here's a good but very hard way to start his rehabilitation process, and I hope everyone else shares my sentiments:
Kick his sorry loser pathetic behind to the curb. Sounds like he needs to lose everything to get himself a wakeup call, IF that's even possible. Sounds like you've given enough chances. Now it's time for you to take control of YOUR life.
If he's still lying - then he doesn't deserve any more time. Kick his butt out of the house and when he gets clean perhaps you two can talk about having a civil relationship. Until that happens, you need to go about your own life doing your own thing.
IT IS HARD TO QIUT,BUT IF HE LOVES YOU ENOUGH HE WILL,YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE GAVE HIM SOME GOOD
OPORTUNITIES TO QUIT.GIVE HIM SOME TOUGH LOVE.TELL
HIM TO GROW UP
let him go hun that is gonna ruining your relashionship and ur health that a diseas and u will catch it if u keep up with his **** so get ride of him he is not worth ur love
i have a lot of sympathy for your situation. i see that you are very angry and have made up your mind. do what is right for you. if your husband truly loves you then he'll sraighten up and put up or shut up. addiction is a disease and i agree he'll need a lot of help to overcome it however, overcoming an addiction is possible. best of luck to you.
Why are you with him....If he is doing meth what are you doing, drinking???? You need help because you are not seeing right yourself. You talk about him, but you need to look at yourself. You know dang well a meth head is nothing but T-R-O-U-B-L-E.....When are you going to wake up!!!
give it 2 him ok,,,1st lose the truck yhat,s where the meth started 2nd put him in re hab ...........where the cash going ............try **** dealer
get out
Well, I will type slowly. Dont try to ask a guestion and at the same time make yourself look like a queen. You promised him life, under all circumstances,did you not? If you didnt, sorry but that is what the words meant. If you didnt understand them, sorry that your are ignorance of the language. Maybe you should have been straight when you took the vows or you should have asked for clarification.
Just leave him and get it over with. You know that's what you should do! I had a boyfriend that kept promising me he wasn't gonna smoke crack anymore. I finally just moved out of state to get away from him because he wouldn't leave me alone. Always wanting money, wanting me to smoke too, he would get mean when I would tell him to leave the house - it was awful!
I really feel for you on this. My brother is a cocaine addict and we have been dealing with this for 5 years now. He got divorced and his drug use skyrocketed. He lost his car, his home and finally after his 2nd failed drug test ..lost his job. He is 47 yrs old..living with his dad...driving a car in dads name..we have sent him to 4 rehab places..just got out of one a few months ago..he preaches the 12 step program and says he is clean and all is well...but I have heard it ALL before..I have told him it will take time for me to believe him...So sad to have gone from a wife and 2 beautiful daughters..70,000 a yr job to being 47 and have nothing...working for 8.00 an hour doing manuel labor..my brother would sleep alot when he ws off drugs...i think because on the drugs he did not sleep..this is a terrible thing to face adn there is no quick fix answer...he will not get clean for you..for his job..for his kids..he has to do it for HIMSELF..I alwasy heard that when they hit rock bottom they would get help..ZI thought loosing everything was rock bottom for my brother..but as it turns out his rock bottom seemed to be the fact that he was not allowed to live at daddys anymore..so it was either the streets or rehab...but time will tell.. God Bless you and yours...
Got no Idea what age group you are in but I am familiar with the problems created by the availability of very pure Meth.
';Ice'; is addictive as hell! Reality is it is probrably a crutch that has become an obsesion.
Even trying to put him into rehab is not likely to help.
Options I could reccomend other than ditching this person you have pledged to help through thick and thin-Please try to help Him-he needs it.
Water the stuff down big time! Make it sooo weak that he can fall asleep 2 hours later! Then when it is time to go ';Cold Turkey'; he won't suffer the withdrawels. Substitute Caffiene pills if it helps at the time of breaking away!
Move! Get him out of the environment that he is in and go somewhere where Mexican ';Ice'; is not so readily availabe.
What is another desperate but in my opinion very dangerous and foolhardy manuvere(He might have several sources anyway) is to report his supplier. Unfortunately you will find that without correcting the addiction, that it will just be a short term solution!
For what it is worth, all through the 50's and 60's Speed was readily available and even Elvis loved the stuff-Why do you think so many of the great generation needed false teeth?
Also, what in the world do you think is the key ingredient in medicine for AADD and ADD-Idiot parents trying to keep their kids alert in school are just supplying very weak speed!-DUH!!!
In closing, I would again like to EMPHASIZE that it is the PURITY that is the single biggest reason so many Americans are getting strung out-It does a real number on your pleasure senses at the purer level-Instant Addiction!
If you ever really loved your husband stay with him and help him-he needs you more than his addicted mind even knows!
girl go on with your plans ! no future in a meth head ! been there - done that - got the t shirt ! good luck in everything !!! happy new year !
So what is your question???
I am so sure we have talked before--He needs to hit rock bottom--he needs to not have a place to go and hide with his drugs--he has to loose his wife, folks, everything--so that he can make his decision to get help--He is going to turn you inside out with worry and grief--Why are you letting him make your life hell--make him go-now--He doesn't deserve anymore of YOUR time--GO GO GO
how many times have u forgiven him, and waited patiently to see changes, how many times has he made u promises and broken them? how many lies has he told u? he is wasting your life, and putting u in a bad environment, and eventually will pull u down to his level. of course he wants to stay in the home, it's safe with u, u don't hold him accountable when he messes up. Truth is until he has to suffer some serious pain he won't change. until he hits rock bottom and sees the drugs are taking him no where but to the road to hell, there won't be any changes. u weren't created to be abused and lied to. seek some counseling, and some spiritual therapy, so u can get past this man.
HIS TIME HAS EXPIRED........ESPECIALLY AT THIS POINT... YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS OUT LIFE LIE IS TO SHORT TO GO THRU THIS KIND OF S***.....THAT'S A COPE OUT FOR HIM ABOUT GOING TO REHAB.....DON'T BUY THAT.. HE TRYING TO STALE YOU....GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE....JUST MAYBE HIS NEXT BINGE WANT BE SO SWEET.. AND ON THE OTHER HAND YOU CANT HAVE ANY THING IN LIFE USING.......WHATS THE HOLD Up?........YOU SEE HES CONSTANTLY LYING ABOUT THAT .....TIME WAITS ON NO ONE.....CUT YOUR LOSES AND MOVE ON.....DON'T LOOK BACK/
Sweetheart,
All the lies he has had come out of his mouth, are the meth talking. He has a nasty habit that has taken over him. Think of seeing him in the window of a mental institution. Would the things he says and does make you feel the same way? You are dealing with addiction. I would highly recomend finding the closest alanon/narcotics anonymous group that you can for YOUR sanity. I am about to start going to an adult children of alcoholic's meeting and a narcotic's anonymous meeting here in St Paul Mn. I do not know where you are, but find out where you can go for the support you need to stay sane and healthy. You are beautiful and you deserve the very best in life. Do not ever settle for abuse. We were not put on this earth for that kind of treatment. From ,my heart to yours, sister.
I am a recovering drug addict myself (11 years clean). PLEASE READ....
You desperately need to go to AL-ANON. This is a support group for people who have dealt with addicts. Many of them have years of experience and they can help you with your situation. You can find some peace and happiness for yourself in this world, even if he chooses to continue this lifestyle. He will only get worse with time. He is going to end up dead or in jail if he doesn't seek help. The sad part is, that he has to want help really bad before anything will even begin to work. If you leave, it could actually help him get more miserable and hit bottom, so he could begin to work his way back up. It is possible to recover, but the odds are really stacked against him. Good luck!
here's the link for Al-Anon
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.h鈥?/a>
ONE MORE THING - IF YOU DON'T GET SOME HELP AND SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF, YOU WILL MOST LIKELY END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAT IS JUST LIKE HIM. WE TEND TO PICK THE SAME SORT OF PEOPLE OVER AND OVER UNLESS WE FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE OUSELVES FIRST.
I too have heard it all from my husband who is addicted to crack. Because of his addiction we are now separated for the upteenth time (I have lost count). As you know it is a very hard situation to be in. So much has happened so can't go in to details here but an incident that happened recently has me more determined than ever to stay separated until he gets help and stays with that help. I wish you all the best. I realize I haven't given you anything to work with, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
KLet him go to rehab, reiterate that this is his last chance, if he does not kick the habit, get rid of him before he drags you down with him. While he's doing it, it's very important that you are supportive and encouraging. If he really wants to, with time and with your help, he can change.
If he doesn't, MAYBE, you leaving will be the kick in the *** he needs. If not, at least you got out of a bad situation.
Good luck
if his lifestyle doesn't agree with you then he's not right for you. Get your divorce and go find another guy. If he can't leave you alone, nothing helps a person renew there life better then relocation. even if its temporary, just don't tell him where your going.My meth addicted husband wants me ask people onyahoo anwers for advice because he thinks he deserves more time
leave. u are already a statistic by staying with an abusive user...don't be a statistic being buried because of it. i went to a funeral last year for a woman that was stabbed to death by her husband...he did it in front of three of the kids. she was in the same place u are...exactly. be strong and be wise.
If his life's decisions are based on what's said here then here's a good but very hard way to start his rehabilitation process, and I hope everyone else shares my sentiments:
Kick his sorry loser pathetic behind to the curb. Sounds like he needs to lose everything to get himself a wakeup call, IF that's even possible. Sounds like you've given enough chances. Now it's time for you to take control of YOUR life.
If he's still lying - then he doesn't deserve any more time. Kick his butt out of the house and when he gets clean perhaps you two can talk about having a civil relationship. Until that happens, you need to go about your own life doing your own thing.
IT IS HARD TO QIUT,BUT IF HE LOVES YOU ENOUGH HE WILL,YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE GAVE HIM SOME GOOD
OPORTUNITIES TO QUIT.GIVE HIM SOME TOUGH LOVE.TELL
HIM TO GROW UP
let him go hun that is gonna ruining your relashionship and ur health that a diseas and u will catch it if u keep up with his **** so get ride of him he is not worth ur love
i have a lot of sympathy for your situation. i see that you are very angry and have made up your mind. do what is right for you. if your husband truly loves you then he'll sraighten up and put up or shut up. addiction is a disease and i agree he'll need a lot of help to overcome it however, overcoming an addiction is possible. best of luck to you.
Why are you with him....If he is doing meth what are you doing, drinking???? You need help because you are not seeing right yourself. You talk about him, but you need to look at yourself. You know dang well a meth head is nothing but T-R-O-U-B-L-E.....When are you going to wake up!!!
give it 2 him ok,,,1st lose the truck yhat,s where the meth started 2nd put him in re hab ...........where the cash going ............try **** dealer
get out
Well, I will type slowly. Dont try to ask a guestion and at the same time make yourself look like a queen. You promised him life, under all circumstances,did you not? If you didnt, sorry but that is what the words meant. If you didnt understand them, sorry that your are ignorance of the language. Maybe you should have been straight when you took the vows or you should have asked for clarification.
Just leave him and get it over with. You know that's what you should do! I had a boyfriend that kept promising me he wasn't gonna smoke crack anymore. I finally just moved out of state to get away from him because he wouldn't leave me alone. Always wanting money, wanting me to smoke too, he would get mean when I would tell him to leave the house - it was awful!
I really feel for you on this. My brother is a cocaine addict and we have been dealing with this for 5 years now. He got divorced and his drug use skyrocketed. He lost his car, his home and finally after his 2nd failed drug test ..lost his job. He is 47 yrs old..living with his dad...driving a car in dads name..we have sent him to 4 rehab places..just got out of one a few months ago..he preaches the 12 step program and says he is clean and all is well...but I have heard it ALL before..I have told him it will take time for me to believe him...So sad to have gone from a wife and 2 beautiful daughters..70,000 a yr job to being 47 and have nothing...working for 8.00 an hour doing manuel labor..my brother would sleep alot when he ws off drugs...i think because on the drugs he did not sleep..this is a terrible thing to face adn there is no quick fix answer...he will not get clean for you..for his job..for his kids..he has to do it for HIMSELF..I alwasy heard that when they hit rock bottom they would get help..ZI thought loosing everything was rock bottom for my brother..but as it turns out his rock bottom seemed to be the fact that he was not allowed to live at daddys anymore..so it was either the streets or rehab...but time will tell.. God Bless you and yours...
Got no Idea what age group you are in but I am familiar with the problems created by the availability of very pure Meth.
';Ice'; is addictive as hell! Reality is it is probrably a crutch that has become an obsesion.
Even trying to put him into rehab is not likely to help.
Options I could reccomend other than ditching this person you have pledged to help through thick and thin-Please try to help Him-he needs it.
Water the stuff down big time! Make it sooo weak that he can fall asleep 2 hours later! Then when it is time to go ';Cold Turkey'; he won't suffer the withdrawels. Substitute Caffiene pills if it helps at the time of breaking away!
Move! Get him out of the environment that he is in and go somewhere where Mexican ';Ice'; is not so readily availabe.
What is another desperate but in my opinion very dangerous and foolhardy manuvere(He might have several sources anyway) is to report his supplier. Unfortunately you will find that without correcting the addiction, that it will just be a short term solution!
For what it is worth, all through the 50's and 60's Speed was readily available and even Elvis loved the stuff-Why do you think so many of the great generation needed false teeth?
Also, what in the world do you think is the key ingredient in medicine for AADD and ADD-Idiot parents trying to keep their kids alert in school are just supplying very weak speed!-DUH!!!
In closing, I would again like to EMPHASIZE that it is the PURITY that is the single biggest reason so many Americans are getting strung out-It does a real number on your pleasure senses at the purer level-Instant Addiction!
If you ever really loved your husband stay with him and help him-he needs you more than his addicted mind even knows!
girl go on with your plans ! no future in a meth head ! been there - done that - got the t shirt ! good luck in everything !!! happy new year !
So what is your question???
I am so sure we have talked before--He needs to hit rock bottom--he needs to not have a place to go and hide with his drugs--he has to loose his wife, folks, everything--so that he can make his decision to get help--He is going to turn you inside out with worry and grief--Why are you letting him make your life hell--make him go-now--He doesn't deserve anymore of YOUR time--GO GO GO
how many times have u forgiven him, and waited patiently to see changes, how many times has he made u promises and broken them? how many lies has he told u? he is wasting your life, and putting u in a bad environment, and eventually will pull u down to his level. of course he wants to stay in the home, it's safe with u, u don't hold him accountable when he messes up. Truth is until he has to suffer some serious pain he won't change. until he hits rock bottom and sees the drugs are taking him no where but to the road to hell, there won't be any changes. u weren't created to be abused and lied to. seek some counseling, and some spiritual therapy, so u can get past this man.
HIS TIME HAS EXPIRED........ESPECIALLY AT THIS POINT... YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS OUT LIFE LIE IS TO SHORT TO GO THRU THIS KIND OF S***.....THAT'S A COPE OUT FOR HIM ABOUT GOING TO REHAB.....DON'T BUY THAT.. HE TRYING TO STALE YOU....GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR LIFE....JUST MAYBE HIS NEXT BINGE WANT BE SO SWEET.. AND ON THE OTHER HAND YOU CANT HAVE ANY THING IN LIFE USING.......WHATS THE HOLD Up?........YOU SEE HES CONSTANTLY LYING ABOUT THAT .....TIME WAITS ON NO ONE.....CUT YOUR LOSES AND MOVE ON.....DON'T LOOK BACK/
Sweetheart,
All the lies he has had come out of his mouth, are the meth talking. He has a nasty habit that has taken over him. Think of seeing him in the window of a mental institution. Would the things he says and does make you feel the same way? You are dealing with addiction. I would highly recomend finding the closest alanon/narcotics anonymous group that you can for YOUR sanity. I am about to start going to an adult children of alcoholic's meeting and a narcotic's anonymous meeting here in St Paul Mn. I do not know where you are, but find out where you can go for the support you need to stay sane and healthy. You are beautiful and you deserve the very best in life. Do not ever settle for abuse. We were not put on this earth for that kind of treatment. From ,my heart to yours, sister.
I am a recovering drug addict myself (11 years clean). PLEASE READ....
You desperately need to go to AL-ANON. This is a support group for people who have dealt with addicts. Many of them have years of experience and they can help you with your situation. You can find some peace and happiness for yourself in this world, even if he chooses to continue this lifestyle. He will only get worse with time. He is going to end up dead or in jail if he doesn't seek help. The sad part is, that he has to want help really bad before anything will even begin to work. If you leave, it could actually help him get more miserable and hit bottom, so he could begin to work his way back up. It is possible to recover, but the odds are really stacked against him. Good luck!
here's the link for Al-Anon
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.h鈥?/a>
ONE MORE THING - IF YOU DON'T GET SOME HELP AND SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF, YOU WILL MOST LIKELY END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAT IS JUST LIKE HIM. WE TEND TO PICK THE SAME SORT OF PEOPLE OVER AND OVER UNLESS WE FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE OUSELVES FIRST.
I too have heard it all from my husband who is addicted to crack. Because of his addiction we are now separated for the upteenth time (I have lost count). As you know it is a very hard situation to be in. So much has happened so can't go in to details here but an incident that happened recently has me more determined than ever to stay separated until he gets help and stays with that help. I wish you all the best. I realize I haven't given you anything to work with, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
KLet him go to rehab, reiterate that this is his last chance, if he does not kick the habit, get rid of him before he drags you down with him. While he's doing it, it's very important that you are supportive and encouraging. If he really wants to, with time and with your help, he can change.
If he doesn't, MAYBE, you leaving will be the kick in the *** he needs. If not, at least you got out of a bad situation.
Good luck
Seperated from husband who is on ';down low';,I want divorce and custody, he is living recklessly, advice?
He is still in denial, he only has ';friends'; he is doing drugs and has no consideration for our young children who have no idea what is going on...he is careless when it comes to their care, and isnt really interested in having the children in his life because it is easier for him to do what he wants when he wants. I'm sure he would still live any kind of way and do anything in front of the kids..they didnt ask for this nor did I...but it is like he needs to keep me and the kids as a cover...he also doesnt want to pay child support...Seperated from husband who is on ';down low';,I want divorce and custody, he is living recklessly, advice?
You need proof to get a good settlement. (Photos, phone bills or recorded conversations, letters from friends saying they personally saw him engaged in illegal acts etc.) Get it before you leave because it's almost impossible after.
He won't be able to get out of paying child support, the state will garner his wages.Seperated from husband who is on ';down low';,I want divorce and custody, he is living recklessly, advice?
If you don't have a lawyer... call legal services... I don't know what state your in but the judicial standards have to be the same. Legal services deal in divorce and custody... If you do not make too much money they basically do it free and give you a lawyer... if that doesn't work talk to a few lawyers and see if you can make out a payment plan... if still no luck.... save you some money and go to the court house and file. you will have to type it up yourself but you can print a copy of someone's case a little similar to yours and go off of that. Call your court house and you should be able to file everything for 200 bucks...
You need proof to get a good settlement. (Photos, phone bills or recorded conversations, letters from friends saying they personally saw him engaged in illegal acts etc.) Get it before you leave because it's almost impossible after.
He won't be able to get out of paying child support, the state will garner his wages.Seperated from husband who is on ';down low';,I want divorce and custody, he is living recklessly, advice?
If you don't have a lawyer... call legal services... I don't know what state your in but the judicial standards have to be the same. Legal services deal in divorce and custody... If you do not make too much money they basically do it free and give you a lawyer... if that doesn't work talk to a few lawyers and see if you can make out a payment plan... if still no luck.... save you some money and go to the court house and file. you will have to type it up yourself but you can print a copy of someone's case a little similar to yours and go off of that. Call your court house and you should be able to file everything for 200 bucks...
For sometimes now my husband prefer staying with his friends,drinking and other things with them,advice me?
sounds as if he is beginning to disconnect from u, best if u speak to him and tell him how u feel, than based on his response to it u will know what to do and how to handle it. but after talking and there are still no changes, it usually means he doesn't love u anymore and doesn't care how u feel.For sometimes now my husband prefer staying with his friends,drinking and other things with them,advice me?
Is this a change in his behavior or has he been doing this throughout your marriage? If this is new I would sit and talk to him and let him know how you feel communication and trust is the key to marriages.
Best of Luck!!!For sometimes now my husband prefer staying with his friends,drinking and other things with them,advice me?
Give him a reason to stay at home with you.
well my EX husband was like that and we have a son together but that is why he is now my ex
That is not much information to go on. Has there been any changes in his life, maybe problems at work? Health problems? Family problems? Something that maybe he would be uncomfortable talking about with you?
Sometimes when men are feeling inadequate in some area of his life he will turn to his buddies for some macho bonding to make him feel like a full man again. It can be something little like a problem on the job. It does not mean he has a problem with you.
Talk to him but don't approach it like you are questioning his motives. Be honest with him and tell him that you have noticed that he is going out more and more with the guys. Ask him if maybe you and him could go out on the town instead. Give him plenty of room and an opening and he will tell you what is wrong.
Mine does too, sometimes. He still comes home to me and we get along just fine! (minus the drinking and replace it with sports!)
He's getting bored at home. It's not bad as long as there isn't any girls involved at the gatherings.
Spice it up a little in the bedroom, Role play, watch movies together, and sexy lingerie.
Is this a change in his behavior or has he been doing this throughout your marriage? If this is new I would sit and talk to him and let him know how you feel communication and trust is the key to marriages.
Best of Luck!!!For sometimes now my husband prefer staying with his friends,drinking and other things with them,advice me?
Give him a reason to stay at home with you.
well my EX husband was like that and we have a son together but that is why he is now my ex
That is not much information to go on. Has there been any changes in his life, maybe problems at work? Health problems? Family problems? Something that maybe he would be uncomfortable talking about with you?
Sometimes when men are feeling inadequate in some area of his life he will turn to his buddies for some macho bonding to make him feel like a full man again. It can be something little like a problem on the job. It does not mean he has a problem with you.
Talk to him but don't approach it like you are questioning his motives. Be honest with him and tell him that you have noticed that he is going out more and more with the guys. Ask him if maybe you and him could go out on the town instead. Give him plenty of room and an opening and he will tell you what is wrong.
Mine does too, sometimes. He still comes home to me and we get along just fine! (minus the drinking and replace it with sports!)
He's getting bored at home. It's not bad as long as there isn't any girls involved at the gatherings.
Spice it up a little in the bedroom, Role play, watch movies together, and sexy lingerie.
How can I get My Busy Husband to spend more time with me Advice ladies please?
I Love My Husband so much. He Loves Me More than anything also.
He Just is always So busy. He is in the clouds, and I am down here. If you get what I'm saying. He is just so Busy, How can I get Him to spend more time with me. I want to Get Him away from this Busy important Job He has, and Just come and spend some time with me.
He knows I want to be with Him, but i think He is waiting to do something really special for me when I least expect it..
How can I tell Him though that I want Him to do that special thing now.
Thanks for the advice:)How can I get My Busy Husband to spend more time with me Advice ladies please?
Im no lady but Ill give it a go here.
Call him at work and tell him you need him home straight away. This is when you would put on a sexy outfit, my wife uses a school girl get up that is out of this world!!!!
When he walks into the house let him come looking for you. (dont be standing in the open). If he calls you just be quiet. (anticipation builds)
stand in the bedroom behind the open door and when he walks in looking for you cover his eyes with a blindfold. lead him to the bed and strip him. Tell him not to move!!!!!!
Stand above him in your sexy outfit and ask him to remove the blindfold.
I promise you that he will not be able to control himself!How can I get My Busy Husband to spend more time with me Advice ladies please?
Just tell him that you want some time together. You can plan time with him.
Tell him every little minute with him is special and this you want not only need. Plus if you add a few tears it goes a long long way.
stand there naked
You tell him about my oh so busy husband. He was a really good guy and he worked hard to provide for us. We lived a good life but I wish that he had been around more. We loved each other very much and he would always say we would have pleanty of time later when we had done all we needed to do.
Three months after our daughter married, he was diagnosed with an inoperable lung cancer. they gave him 5 years, he died in 9 months. Later is not going to come for us and all my waiting was for nothing. One of the last things my husband said was ';I wasted so much time.'; Tell your husband to take a little time to spend with you now because later might not come for you either.
Awww, :(....that is so sweet. I am not married but i am sooo crazy about my man...i just adore him....and he too is always so busy...wish i could spend alot more time with him....and I know he wants to be with me as often as I want to be with him. I am home missing him right now...wishing he was close to me.
One of the reasons I love him so much is that he is as driven and responsible as he is..but yes..i do wish i could just kidnap him and not let him out of the house. I want to spend each and every night with him and I think he would like to be in a position to do the same...circumstances are that this is not our reality though...and probably will not be our reality. Sucks!
Let him plan that special something....don't take the joy out of his desire to surprise you as often as he can. Tell him you miss him and love him lots, and that you are happy to know that he loves you as much as he does...and that you know how hard it is for him to be away from you...this should convey the message you are trying to send.fashion makeup
He Just is always So busy. He is in the clouds, and I am down here. If you get what I'm saying. He is just so Busy, How can I get Him to spend more time with me. I want to Get Him away from this Busy important Job He has, and Just come and spend some time with me.
He knows I want to be with Him, but i think He is waiting to do something really special for me when I least expect it..
How can I tell Him though that I want Him to do that special thing now.
Thanks for the advice:)How can I get My Busy Husband to spend more time with me Advice ladies please?
Im no lady but Ill give it a go here.
Call him at work and tell him you need him home straight away. This is when you would put on a sexy outfit, my wife uses a school girl get up that is out of this world!!!!
When he walks into the house let him come looking for you. (dont be standing in the open). If he calls you just be quiet. (anticipation builds)
stand in the bedroom behind the open door and when he walks in looking for you cover his eyes with a blindfold. lead him to the bed and strip him. Tell him not to move!!!!!!
Stand above him in your sexy outfit and ask him to remove the blindfold.
I promise you that he will not be able to control himself!How can I get My Busy Husband to spend more time with me Advice ladies please?
Just tell him that you want some time together. You can plan time with him.
Tell him every little minute with him is special and this you want not only need. Plus if you add a few tears it goes a long long way.
stand there naked
You tell him about my oh so busy husband. He was a really good guy and he worked hard to provide for us. We lived a good life but I wish that he had been around more. We loved each other very much and he would always say we would have pleanty of time later when we had done all we needed to do.
Three months after our daughter married, he was diagnosed with an inoperable lung cancer. they gave him 5 years, he died in 9 months. Later is not going to come for us and all my waiting was for nothing. One of the last things my husband said was ';I wasted so much time.'; Tell your husband to take a little time to spend with you now because later might not come for you either.
Awww, :(....that is so sweet. I am not married but i am sooo crazy about my man...i just adore him....and he too is always so busy...wish i could spend alot more time with him....and I know he wants to be with me as often as I want to be with him. I am home missing him right now...wishing he was close to me.
One of the reasons I love him so much is that he is as driven and responsible as he is..but yes..i do wish i could just kidnap him and not let him out of the house. I want to spend each and every night with him and I think he would like to be in a position to do the same...circumstances are that this is not our reality though...and probably will not be our reality. Sucks!
Let him plan that special something....don't take the joy out of his desire to surprise you as often as he can. Tell him you miss him and love him lots, and that you are happy to know that he loves you as much as he does...and that you know how hard it is for him to be away from you...this should convey the message you are trying to send.
I think i may leave my husband, and i am so confused. Any advice would be so helpful.?
We are both 25, married 3 years now, and have been together since we were 17. He used to be very abusive, not really sure why i stayed with him, but as the years went on, things got better. I have a horrible family life, and he has helped me tremendously with that. There have been a few more abusive episodes (emotional and physical) and i just feel like i woke up from a dream, and cant seem to forget all of the horrible things that have happened. We don't talk at all, he is extremely quiet and more so as the years go on, and i am in desperate need of conversation. I am sad all of the time, cant sleep at night. I have explained these things to him and yet nothing changes. I know he loves me, and i don't want to hurt him. But i don't want to spend my life without love and laughter. I'm hurting so badly, and very much alone.. I could use any kind of good advice. Thank you.I think i may leave my husband, and i am so confused. Any advice would be so helpful.?
If you have been abused, either physically or emotionally in the past. Then the chances are things wont change. Yes, they may get easier from time to time but i think it would only be temporary.
If you cant communicate with him, then the relationship is doomed to fail, as anyone will tell you that communication is key in a relationship.
If you're not happy, then you have to seriously look into your heart and think about what you want. If you have no children then the situation may be slightly easier as that would be a big complication.
If you are unhappy and you know things won't change then maybe it is time to call it a day. You have to think of yourself, and you cant be miserable, just because you are frightened to walk away. Good luckI think i may leave my husband, and i am so confused. Any advice would be so helpful.?
Honey, it appears that you've given your relationship your all and should've left a long time ago. It's high time you do something for yourself!! How he'll feel is really irrelevant. After all, has he cared about your feelings? I think he's proven that time and again with his abuse. God doesn't intend for us to be punching bags, nor does he intend us to suffer through such abuse and have it adversely affect our attitude. Depression isn't something you should endure at the hands of another's abuse.
As I said, you've given your marriage 3 more years than you should've. It's a good thing that you've awaken and realized that things aren't going to change, and it's obvious that he has no desire to change them. Do something for YOU!
You're in my heart and prayers, Sweet. May God richly bless you today and always!!
I totally agree with abradley...
Your man is really having a tough time. He exhibits signs of severe clinical depression and need some help right now (preferably professional help). By what you said about his earlier behaviours, this is a long standing emotional problems.
It would be good that you carry on with your counseling and if you can ask him to join for a joint session sometimes , saying that it would help you. (talk to you own therapist/counsellor first that if they agree he should get some individual help, they would encourage him to and perhaps find him another therapist?) That's what you could do for him.
He sounds like he is willing to do something to be able to still have you in his life. (clue : 'what do you want me to say' + willingness to talk about it) I suspect he feeling that you are getting ready to leave him and has retreated into himself even more.
Focus on you.
Ask him to go with you to help you. Never mention that he is the one needing help. He is overwhelmed and can't cope and so won't face the fact that he really needs help. He is scared to feel even more pain than he feels now, that's why he is running %26amp; hiding from it.
Do this, please? For him and for you, even if the final outcome is that you won't be able to reconcile the relationship. There is a chance that you can. The choice will still be yours in the end. At least you won't be thinking back that you haven't done everything you could.
People who truly love someone else do not abuse them physically or mentally. Sounds like he has control issues and he has you right where he wants you. He knows you won't leave. I suggest you do before you wind up in the hospital or worse yet dead because he goes off the deep end someday and goes further than he intends too.
The relationship you are in is unhealthy. Any relationship that has abuse in it is just not ok.
Get out now while you can.
I am kinda going through a similiar thing. My husband had an affair 8 years ago. We met when we were 17 and have been together almost 13 years now with 2 beautiful kids. Recently all of the things in the past came back up for me...He has changed 100% and is a wonderful husband now but now I am being tempted to have an affair and to leave him. He says that he will change whatever I want to stay with me but I feel like there is no love there for me. You are not alone in this crazy world of marriage. I definately don't like the abusive part that you mentioned. Sounds like you should make a support networ and move on. Once he has laid a hand on you, I doubt that he could change like you need.
try other methods to communicate, dont nag him to talk to you maybe you can brush up or read up on something he is interested in and go from there
as u say he is a good man,better talk it out to him.tell him u feel so lonely and ask him to talk to u for some 20 minutes or so daily.both of u sit down and spend time talking.it will work out
If he does not want to change then he won't. That is just the way he is. He thinks he is right just as you think you are right. Move on, life is short. You will survive with out him. You can do it.
Men are funny that way the more you try to connect with them the less they want to connect. Yet if you stop trying and do other things he will be back up your @** wanting to hang around. Now as far as the abuse that is unacceptable if that is something that is going on you need to leave.
You can Find ALL you are looking for if you allow yourself to Stop feeling Guilty about a man who never Loved you the way you deserved! Go out there and find your Mr. Right ! You can do it ! You will be so, so glad you did ! Good Luck!!
Why don't you ask him to go into counseling with you. This may open doors up for more conversation between you two. Tell him in order for you to heal you will need him there for support. I think both of you should go to counseling. Good luck with everything!!!
read your post. then read it again. you are not happy at all, so why stay? you have already made up your mind. and i agree with your decision. you got married too young. you still have your whole life ahead of you and will find a deserving partner with whom you can share many things, including a family if thats what you both want. get out now, you deserve better than him
I went through this myself after 8 years and it only get's worse over the year's . Leave now it will not get better. It started when we were together after 3 years and gotten worse over the years. Finally after 5 more years that's how long it took me to prepare to leave him , I got my own jobs, went and got my own bank accounts stuff like that. I had a small child at the time and it was hard but i was able to do it. i had no friends, was miserable wasn't allowed to go out anywhere or do anything,
First of all, it sounds to me like he is hurting from something as well. That is why he is so quiet now and doesn't talk. If you love him, he probably needs you more than ever right now. You should encourage him to go to counseling with you. He needs to talk about what is bothering him and work on communicating with you. This is fixable but, fixing things si something people don't want to do these days because running is so much easier. Either way, he does need to go to counseling and learn how to open up and communicate. He helped you through some hard time, now it's your turn to help him.
baby firl tell him to kick rocks
he is an ******** i have no repect for a guy that lays hand on a woman
and hes not giving you wat you need.and if you dont leave him now *** teh years go bye it will get harder.and just th9ink of your self
Sounds like you've already made up your mind you just need to put some action in it. If you still feel unsure about leaving for good try a seperation period it will give you sometime alone without having to deal with his crap and figure out who you are. Spend time with friends and people who make you feel good about yourself. If your husband is sad or whatever (whether he admits or not) you don't need to be around that-negativity is sooo contagious. The good thing is you are young and there are no children involved if you keep putting this off things will just get worse and you may end up in your fourties depressed and have children in that mess of a life you don't want anyone else to feel the way you do or what if you did have kids and he became abusive to them? Anyway get out now while you can the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
My dear girl, it all sounds like my past, I have been there more than once, and perhaps a bit of it now please feel free to email me so we can really talk, I will give it my all to help you threw this. mhower38@yahoo.com This is not life or love trust me.. hope to hear from you:)
u did not menthion kids.
together since 17 u have not lived, u need to get a place of your own and live and if after time u feel that u look past the past and b with then do it.
Other wise take a break
If you have children and things really are better, get some counseling. If kids aren't involved it will be easier to leave. Either way, counseling is likely to help you get over you painful family life. Good luck.
You are only 25. You could start again so easily. Just make sure you make your choice when you are calm and not angry and confused.
Honestly, if he does not change for you and won't get counseling then either you will be unhappy the rest of your life or you need to get a divorce and move on and find happiness.
If you have been abused, either physically or emotionally in the past. Then the chances are things wont change. Yes, they may get easier from time to time but i think it would only be temporary.
If you cant communicate with him, then the relationship is doomed to fail, as anyone will tell you that communication is key in a relationship.
If you're not happy, then you have to seriously look into your heart and think about what you want. If you have no children then the situation may be slightly easier as that would be a big complication.
If you are unhappy and you know things won't change then maybe it is time to call it a day. You have to think of yourself, and you cant be miserable, just because you are frightened to walk away. Good luckI think i may leave my husband, and i am so confused. Any advice would be so helpful.?
Honey, it appears that you've given your relationship your all and should've left a long time ago. It's high time you do something for yourself!! How he'll feel is really irrelevant. After all, has he cared about your feelings? I think he's proven that time and again with his abuse. God doesn't intend for us to be punching bags, nor does he intend us to suffer through such abuse and have it adversely affect our attitude. Depression isn't something you should endure at the hands of another's abuse.
As I said, you've given your marriage 3 more years than you should've. It's a good thing that you've awaken and realized that things aren't going to change, and it's obvious that he has no desire to change them. Do something for YOU!
You're in my heart and prayers, Sweet. May God richly bless you today and always!!
I totally agree with abradley...
Your man is really having a tough time. He exhibits signs of severe clinical depression and need some help right now (preferably professional help). By what you said about his earlier behaviours, this is a long standing emotional problems.
It would be good that you carry on with your counseling and if you can ask him to join for a joint session sometimes , saying that it would help you. (talk to you own therapist/counsellor first that if they agree he should get some individual help, they would encourage him to and perhaps find him another therapist?) That's what you could do for him.
He sounds like he is willing to do something to be able to still have you in his life. (clue : 'what do you want me to say' + willingness to talk about it) I suspect he feeling that you are getting ready to leave him and has retreated into himself even more.
Focus on you.
Ask him to go with you to help you. Never mention that he is the one needing help. He is overwhelmed and can't cope and so won't face the fact that he really needs help. He is scared to feel even more pain than he feels now, that's why he is running %26amp; hiding from it.
Do this, please? For him and for you, even if the final outcome is that you won't be able to reconcile the relationship. There is a chance that you can. The choice will still be yours in the end. At least you won't be thinking back that you haven't done everything you could.
People who truly love someone else do not abuse them physically or mentally. Sounds like he has control issues and he has you right where he wants you. He knows you won't leave. I suggest you do before you wind up in the hospital or worse yet dead because he goes off the deep end someday and goes further than he intends too.
The relationship you are in is unhealthy. Any relationship that has abuse in it is just not ok.
Get out now while you can.
I am kinda going through a similiar thing. My husband had an affair 8 years ago. We met when we were 17 and have been together almost 13 years now with 2 beautiful kids. Recently all of the things in the past came back up for me...He has changed 100% and is a wonderful husband now but now I am being tempted to have an affair and to leave him. He says that he will change whatever I want to stay with me but I feel like there is no love there for me. You are not alone in this crazy world of marriage. I definately don't like the abusive part that you mentioned. Sounds like you should make a support networ and move on. Once he has laid a hand on you, I doubt that he could change like you need.
try other methods to communicate, dont nag him to talk to you maybe you can brush up or read up on something he is interested in and go from there
as u say he is a good man,better talk it out to him.tell him u feel so lonely and ask him to talk to u for some 20 minutes or so daily.both of u sit down and spend time talking.it will work out
If he does not want to change then he won't. That is just the way he is. He thinks he is right just as you think you are right. Move on, life is short. You will survive with out him. You can do it.
Men are funny that way the more you try to connect with them the less they want to connect. Yet if you stop trying and do other things he will be back up your @** wanting to hang around. Now as far as the abuse that is unacceptable if that is something that is going on you need to leave.
You can Find ALL you are looking for if you allow yourself to Stop feeling Guilty about a man who never Loved you the way you deserved! Go out there and find your Mr. Right ! You can do it ! You will be so, so glad you did ! Good Luck!!
Why don't you ask him to go into counseling with you. This may open doors up for more conversation between you two. Tell him in order for you to heal you will need him there for support. I think both of you should go to counseling. Good luck with everything!!!
read your post. then read it again. you are not happy at all, so why stay? you have already made up your mind. and i agree with your decision. you got married too young. you still have your whole life ahead of you and will find a deserving partner with whom you can share many things, including a family if thats what you both want. get out now, you deserve better than him
I went through this myself after 8 years and it only get's worse over the year's . Leave now it will not get better. It started when we were together after 3 years and gotten worse over the years. Finally after 5 more years that's how long it took me to prepare to leave him , I got my own jobs, went and got my own bank accounts stuff like that. I had a small child at the time and it was hard but i was able to do it. i had no friends, was miserable wasn't allowed to go out anywhere or do anything,
First of all, it sounds to me like he is hurting from something as well. That is why he is so quiet now and doesn't talk. If you love him, he probably needs you more than ever right now. You should encourage him to go to counseling with you. He needs to talk about what is bothering him and work on communicating with you. This is fixable but, fixing things si something people don't want to do these days because running is so much easier. Either way, he does need to go to counseling and learn how to open up and communicate. He helped you through some hard time, now it's your turn to help him.
baby firl tell him to kick rocks
he is an ******** i have no repect for a guy that lays hand on a woman
and hes not giving you wat you need.and if you dont leave him now *** teh years go bye it will get harder.and just th9ink of your self
Sounds like you've already made up your mind you just need to put some action in it. If you still feel unsure about leaving for good try a seperation period it will give you sometime alone without having to deal with his crap and figure out who you are. Spend time with friends and people who make you feel good about yourself. If your husband is sad or whatever (whether he admits or not) you don't need to be around that-negativity is sooo contagious. The good thing is you are young and there are no children involved if you keep putting this off things will just get worse and you may end up in your fourties depressed and have children in that mess of a life you don't want anyone else to feel the way you do or what if you did have kids and he became abusive to them? Anyway get out now while you can the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
My dear girl, it all sounds like my past, I have been there more than once, and perhaps a bit of it now please feel free to email me so we can really talk, I will give it my all to help you threw this. mhower38@yahoo.com This is not life or love trust me.. hope to hear from you:)
u did not menthion kids.
together since 17 u have not lived, u need to get a place of your own and live and if after time u feel that u look past the past and b with then do it.
Other wise take a break
If you have children and things really are better, get some counseling. If kids aren't involved it will be easier to leave. Either way, counseling is likely to help you get over you painful family life. Good luck.
You are only 25. You could start again so easily. Just make sure you make your choice when you are calm and not angry and confused.
Honestly, if he does not change for you and won't get counseling then either you will be unhappy the rest of your life or you need to get a divorce and move on and find happiness.
I don't know how to deal with my ex-husband; we have a 2 year old together. Advice Please?
He thinks I'm too strict. I think he's too lenient. We both feel like we can't get anywhere with the other. I email or call him to ask a question about something our daughter has been doing. I want to know if he's noticed it, and if so what he does about it. I also want him to know where I stand, and what I've done to try and correct the situation. He automatically thinks I'm accusing him of the actions. Even if I explain that I'm not accusing him of causing it. I just want to know if he approves of the action, or if he's trying to disciple her. Every time I try to talk to him we end up in a huge fight. He's incredibly sensitive, and according to him I'm incredibly insensitive. Of course neither one of us believes the other. I told him I wanted to find a way for us both to compromise and meet in the middle. He feels he's doing everything right. I feel the same way about myself, but I'm at least willing to meet him in the middle. He's not. I don't know what to do.I don't know how to deal with my ex-husband; we have a 2 year old together. Advice Please?
As long as your daughter is safe when she's with him, I'd stop worrying about trying to match parenting styles with him. Kids really can deal with different rules %26amp; expectations at different houses. Think of her time at dad's as time spent at a daycare center that you can't change.
Parent her as you see fit when she's with you. Instead of relying on rules %26amp; unnatural consequences, teach her values that apply not only to the time when she's with you, but throughout her life. Teach her to make good decisions for herself, not to follow rules in order to please someone (or avoid punishment).
Google the phrase ';Parallel Parenting'; to learn more about doing things this way. Nice article about it here: http://www.parentingafterdivorce.com/art鈥?/a>I don't know how to deal with my ex-husband; we have a 2 year old together. Advice Please?
I am sorry. Every couple has differences in opinion on how to raise a child and it usually seems to balance out if they are both dedicated and caring. I guess since you are divorced it is no surprise you dont agree. It does sound like he cares, though, no? I mean he loves your child, no? You dont want the child exposed to this conflict anymore, so not sure if that is going on during phone calls which take his/your time away from child care. I guess I would lay off for a while and see if things get better. I mean two year old mainly need safety precautions, constant watching and lots of love and diversionary activities as well as good nutrition and sleeping routines. Try to not worry about what you cannot control and just enjoy her before the larger problems emerge ( dating, schoolwork, etc)
Well, there's always family counseling, I suppose, with the counselor acting as a neutral third party to help you both reach a compromise.
The other option is to call, present the behavior/problem that you're seeing, and ask what he suggests, what way he would handle it. Then DO NOT tell him what you would suggest doing, or how you want him to handle it. Merely listen to his advice, say thanks, and choose to modify what you do (or not) based on his recommendations.
After a few times of this, you may find that he is more willing to discuss matters with you on a more level field than he is now.
No matter what you do, your daughter is going to grow up knowing that she is expected to behave a certain way at your house, and that she can act differently at Daddy's house.
Good luck!
I learned something from a class that I took a long time ago. You can control the space around you and THAT IS IT. I know how hard it is to have an ex that feels like you are attacking him but remember, what goes on at his house is his business. Ask yourself, is your daughter safe? Is there any reason (other than your feelings) that you feel like she should not be there? If not then let him have a life with her and understand that it does not include you. That does not mean that you never talk to him about stuff but, if you remember that then you can start to just be parents to the child and not exes.
go ahead and do what u feel b4 telling him abt it, since both of u never agree on anythi. asking his opinion will only cos a fight
You two have to have a heart to heart and agree on how the raise the kids then stick with it. The worst thing for children is inconsistancy between the parents.....on another note since you added additional details where you brought up other things hes done that have nothing to do with your main post...im assuming that one of the reasons arguements never get resolved is because you bring up totally unrelated complaints durring the discussion...discuss the problem and only the problem if you want a resolution
This is a tough situation. Good parenting requires consistency. A lack of consistency creates confusion and that can develop into a mess.
It's probably his drinking that is the biggest problem. Do you have any kind of leverage at all? Is he on parole or probation? It's a little late for mediation or arbitration, but maybe it would work if there were a third person you both respect.
Other than this, I predict that things will just get worse. Try to find a better father for her, someone who will love and support you as well.
It's apparant that you both need some assistance with compromise. Please read over what you have written.
Basically you both feel that you are right. And that can very well be......to a point. But working together for the good of your child, is the more important issue.
I feel for your situation but you two now have to come up with a solution that will benefit the child
as a divorced/remarried mom i am wondering why you are calling/emailing him to ask him questions. you said you think he is too lenient....so you call him to see what he does about it? that is like telling someone that they are ugly and then asking them for beauty advice. no wonder you are not getting anywhere with him. what i would do is raise my daughter the way i feel is right and realize that he has the choice to do what he feels is right. save the phone calls for the major decisions and problems. when you have a problem with her tell him as you drop off/ pick up and tell him what you are doing but let him make the choice of what he does with that information. if you keep doing this he will start to feel less defensive. just because he does things differently does not make him wrong. as long as he isn't hurting her then try to let it go.
First of all, why did you marry him in the first place? I have been divorced and let me tell you...it isn't easy. You have to remember that you can not control what he does in his house just like he can't control what you do in yours. That was the first thing I had to realize in order to be civil with him. For your daughter's sake, don't start fights about her - she will know you are fighting about her. Kids are innocent in a divorce - try to remember that! Good Luck and God Bless.
In my experience, as long as she's not being hurt it's best just to let it go. She will learn the difference between the rules for behavior in daddy's house and in mommy's house eventually, you just need to be patient while she figures it out. The hardest part about being apart and raising one child is that you really can't tell him what to do or question him; he is in his own house with his daughter. Focus on the positives and try to let the little things go; just tell your daughter, ';We don't do that / say that in Mommy's house.';
Good luck to you!
Sounds to me like you have tried to deal with him and he is to self centered to care about anything else. If he is not willing to sit down and figure this out then here's what you need to do..You by the sound of it have custody of your daughter. Tell him what she is and is not suppose to do. Tell him how you punish her for doing it and that you would like him to follow those rules... I have a question for you. Your ex sounds like my ex. with the drinking all day everyday thing. Does he drink when he has your child with him? My ex did and I gave him the chance to not drink around the kids when he had them. He didn't think I had a right to tell him what to do. So I no longer let them go over. If he wants to hurt himself fine, but not my kids. I would die protecting my kids.
If you are the one with custody then you are responsible for your child's up bringing, both you and your ex must come to some agreement for the sake of your child the last thing any child needs is mixed signals maybe you should be a little easier on the child and your ex to be a little firmer, but if he is drinking then you should never leave your child unsupervised with him after all a 2 year old can get into all sorts of mischief and if he is drinking when the child is around you have to ask your self is he capable of caring for her but please keep in mind that your daughter is only 2 years old
As long as your daughter is safe when she's with him, I'd stop worrying about trying to match parenting styles with him. Kids really can deal with different rules %26amp; expectations at different houses. Think of her time at dad's as time spent at a daycare center that you can't change.
Parent her as you see fit when she's with you. Instead of relying on rules %26amp; unnatural consequences, teach her values that apply not only to the time when she's with you, but throughout her life. Teach her to make good decisions for herself, not to follow rules in order to please someone (or avoid punishment).
Google the phrase ';Parallel Parenting'; to learn more about doing things this way. Nice article about it here: http://www.parentingafterdivorce.com/art鈥?/a>I don't know how to deal with my ex-husband; we have a 2 year old together. Advice Please?
I am sorry. Every couple has differences in opinion on how to raise a child and it usually seems to balance out if they are both dedicated and caring. I guess since you are divorced it is no surprise you dont agree. It does sound like he cares, though, no? I mean he loves your child, no? You dont want the child exposed to this conflict anymore, so not sure if that is going on during phone calls which take his/your time away from child care. I guess I would lay off for a while and see if things get better. I mean two year old mainly need safety precautions, constant watching and lots of love and diversionary activities as well as good nutrition and sleeping routines. Try to not worry about what you cannot control and just enjoy her before the larger problems emerge ( dating, schoolwork, etc)
Well, there's always family counseling, I suppose, with the counselor acting as a neutral third party to help you both reach a compromise.
The other option is to call, present the behavior/problem that you're seeing, and ask what he suggests, what way he would handle it. Then DO NOT tell him what you would suggest doing, or how you want him to handle it. Merely listen to his advice, say thanks, and choose to modify what you do (or not) based on his recommendations.
After a few times of this, you may find that he is more willing to discuss matters with you on a more level field than he is now.
No matter what you do, your daughter is going to grow up knowing that she is expected to behave a certain way at your house, and that she can act differently at Daddy's house.
Good luck!
I learned something from a class that I took a long time ago. You can control the space around you and THAT IS IT. I know how hard it is to have an ex that feels like you are attacking him but remember, what goes on at his house is his business. Ask yourself, is your daughter safe? Is there any reason (other than your feelings) that you feel like she should not be there? If not then let him have a life with her and understand that it does not include you. That does not mean that you never talk to him about stuff but, if you remember that then you can start to just be parents to the child and not exes.
go ahead and do what u feel b4 telling him abt it, since both of u never agree on anythi. asking his opinion will only cos a fight
You two have to have a heart to heart and agree on how the raise the kids then stick with it. The worst thing for children is inconsistancy between the parents.....on another note since you added additional details where you brought up other things hes done that have nothing to do with your main post...im assuming that one of the reasons arguements never get resolved is because you bring up totally unrelated complaints durring the discussion...discuss the problem and only the problem if you want a resolution
This is a tough situation. Good parenting requires consistency. A lack of consistency creates confusion and that can develop into a mess.
It's probably his drinking that is the biggest problem. Do you have any kind of leverage at all? Is he on parole or probation? It's a little late for mediation or arbitration, but maybe it would work if there were a third person you both respect.
Other than this, I predict that things will just get worse. Try to find a better father for her, someone who will love and support you as well.
It's apparant that you both need some assistance with compromise. Please read over what you have written.
Basically you both feel that you are right. And that can very well be......to a point. But working together for the good of your child, is the more important issue.
I feel for your situation but you two now have to come up with a solution that will benefit the child
as a divorced/remarried mom i am wondering why you are calling/emailing him to ask him questions. you said you think he is too lenient....so you call him to see what he does about it? that is like telling someone that they are ugly and then asking them for beauty advice. no wonder you are not getting anywhere with him. what i would do is raise my daughter the way i feel is right and realize that he has the choice to do what he feels is right. save the phone calls for the major decisions and problems. when you have a problem with her tell him as you drop off/ pick up and tell him what you are doing but let him make the choice of what he does with that information. if you keep doing this he will start to feel less defensive. just because he does things differently does not make him wrong. as long as he isn't hurting her then try to let it go.
First of all, why did you marry him in the first place? I have been divorced and let me tell you...it isn't easy. You have to remember that you can not control what he does in his house just like he can't control what you do in yours. That was the first thing I had to realize in order to be civil with him. For your daughter's sake, don't start fights about her - she will know you are fighting about her. Kids are innocent in a divorce - try to remember that! Good Luck and God Bless.
In my experience, as long as she's not being hurt it's best just to let it go. She will learn the difference between the rules for behavior in daddy's house and in mommy's house eventually, you just need to be patient while she figures it out. The hardest part about being apart and raising one child is that you really can't tell him what to do or question him; he is in his own house with his daughter. Focus on the positives and try to let the little things go; just tell your daughter, ';We don't do that / say that in Mommy's house.';
Good luck to you!
Sounds to me like you have tried to deal with him and he is to self centered to care about anything else. If he is not willing to sit down and figure this out then here's what you need to do..You by the sound of it have custody of your daughter. Tell him what she is and is not suppose to do. Tell him how you punish her for doing it and that you would like him to follow those rules... I have a question for you. Your ex sounds like my ex. with the drinking all day everyday thing. Does he drink when he has your child with him? My ex did and I gave him the chance to not drink around the kids when he had them. He didn't think I had a right to tell him what to do. So I no longer let them go over. If he wants to hurt himself fine, but not my kids. I would die protecting my kids.
If you are the one with custody then you are responsible for your child's up bringing, both you and your ex must come to some agreement for the sake of your child the last thing any child needs is mixed signals maybe you should be a little easier on the child and your ex to be a little firmer, but if he is drinking then you should never leave your child unsupervised with him after all a 2 year old can get into all sorts of mischief and if he is drinking when the child is around you have to ask your self is he capable of caring for her but please keep in mind that your daughter is only 2 years old
I'm looking for some advice about the CSA - maintenance and arrears from ex husband. Can anbody help?
My children are now 6 and 8, my husband left in June 2000 we have received no support since then. My ex has never wanted contact with the children and I am a lone parent. Every 6 months or so, I get a letter from CSA giving a nil assessment. I rang them recently to ask if they would stop sending these letters. In conversation I learned that arrears of æ‹¢16,000 were outstanding on the case. I worked part-time till recently - but am now full time (just under æ‹¢24K) and things are a bit easier - but still no luxuries, no holidays etc. My ex husband works and whilst I don't know his earnings, but he was earning more than æ‹¢2500 monthly 7 years ago when we were together. I don't know the CSA system and am desperate for some advice on how to tackle the maintenance and arrears - it would make such a difference to us! Someone suggested closing the case and re-opening it 16 weeks later which would put us on a new assessment system but I'm not confident about this. Any advice most welcome...thanks.I'm looking for some advice about the CSA - maintenance and arrears from ex husband. Can anbody help?
I have no idea where you live but in my state of Missouri, if they you are ordered to pay child support you better pay it. They will withhold your income taxed each year and if you get to far behind your drivers license can be taken away from you plus jail time. You should have a case worker who keeps you informed about your case and if he works they should be withholding it from his pay. I would look closer into this and even talk with a lawyer, your first visit is free.
I have no idea where you live but in my state of Missouri, if they you are ordered to pay child support you better pay it. They will withhold your income taxed each year and if you get to far behind your drivers license can be taken away from you plus jail time. You should have a case worker who keeps you informed about your case and if he works they should be withholding it from his pay. I would look closer into this and even talk with a lawyer, your first visit is free.
Advice needed re: going back to a ex-husband?
been divorced a year this august, been talking on and off. now we are going to meet this weekend at his house he is more excited than me...plus...i just met someone and have had feelings starting...we have been kinda flirting with eachother for the past 2 days. i have known of him for 1 month. Should i tell my ex? Should i just move forward? help!!!Advice needed re: going back to a ex-husband?
The fact that you're confused about what to do suggests that you make no sudden moves in either direction. You're not sure if you want to go back and you're feeling like you'd like to look around and so going back to your ex doesn't seem like a good option, but the other guy is still a big unknown.
Take your time. You don't have to decide anything right now.Advice needed re: going back to a ex-husband?
yes i think you should be honest with him so he doesn't get his hopes up. Just say bob were meeting but its been a year and i've gone on with my life and i am dating again. I still care for you ( obviously you do or you wouldn't be meeting him) and say lets take things slow and see where it takes us. that way your not setting him up for a fall and your letting him know where your at in your life. start slowly see if what you didnt' like about him has change see how he treats you again and so on and so forth.
good luck
hadn't you already been down that road before.there's some reason you got divorced.continue seeing the new guy---he might be ';the man of your dreams';.
That is a tough question but he is your ex for a reason. Maybe you should just move forward and let the past stay in the past. Why tell your ex when nothing happened yet between you and the other guy? If you end up with this guy and still feel the need to tell your ex about him then fine but I wouldn't mention him when nothing has happened. But give the new guy a try, you never know!
I would not tell him you just met someone. You have not even given yourself a chance to know the new guy yet. If you want to meet up with your ex, that is YOUR choice. Do you think there is a chance of getting back together? Do you LOVE him?
You divorced him for a reason!
well you didn't state why you divorced...if you both too the step of divorce then maybe you shouldn't go back with him...marriage isn't something to take lightly...so if you both weren't able to save it while still married what makes you all think it will work not that your divorced....its probably best for both of you to move on..sad but true..and you can't be playing games with him..you say he is happy your going over then he may still have feelings for you..let everything out in the open...if you two get along now then stay friends but dont let feelings be crossed or mislead...
Alot of people learn what went wrong for the marriage to breakdown. They look back at the emotional dead corpse and perform an autopsy of it ';reflecting'; Pain from a relationship ending causes great emotional growth. Hopefully you have learned from this and him to. Have dinner with your ex and tell him what problems you had with him. See if he realizes that they where problems and is willing to work hard on those issues. Nobody is perfect and everybody deserves a second chance. Turn those new feelings towards your ex and start dating all over again. Explore new places and things with him. Learn how to dance and travel to show it off. Good luck and prove those people wrong who say ';an ex is an for a reason';
I would stop.....and examine why you both divorced in the 1st place.
I been friends with my ex almost 20 yrs now........but I wouldn't want her back at all.
That chapter in the Book of Life has been closed and sealed.
I'm leaving well enough alone.
People are who they are.............
Depends on why the marriage ended. Have you both changed, or would you both simply be going into Round 2 of a boxing match. Why don't you play it slowly and carefully, and don't rush it with either of these guys. You are a free agent now, so take some time to see what's out there. Some people make a mistake by divorcing because there was really a lot there between them but they didn't see it, and so they screwed up and gave up on the marriage too quickly. But if you felt the whole thing was better off over and you just began to get strong and grow as an individual, think twice before getting back into a situation that was not right for either of you guys and just didn't work out although you both tried to make it work (if that was the case). Nothing would make me get back into a relationship with my ex-. I would rather be single forever, although I was lucky to meet a wonderful man who loves the heck out of me about a year ago! Good luck!
you should have been honest with him in the beginning , that
way he would not be excited about your plans to get back together especially since you are not sure that what you
want and also that you are seeing someone else. may you
need to let him know this weekend what on your mind.
he and ex for a reason.other wise you would be still
married.
Which one has the most money and the best in bed pick him.. choose the one with the most money you can get your sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
The fact that you're confused about what to do suggests that you make no sudden moves in either direction. You're not sure if you want to go back and you're feeling like you'd like to look around and so going back to your ex doesn't seem like a good option, but the other guy is still a big unknown.
Take your time. You don't have to decide anything right now.Advice needed re: going back to a ex-husband?
yes i think you should be honest with him so he doesn't get his hopes up. Just say bob were meeting but its been a year and i've gone on with my life and i am dating again. I still care for you ( obviously you do or you wouldn't be meeting him) and say lets take things slow and see where it takes us. that way your not setting him up for a fall and your letting him know where your at in your life. start slowly see if what you didnt' like about him has change see how he treats you again and so on and so forth.
good luck
hadn't you already been down that road before.there's some reason you got divorced.continue seeing the new guy---he might be ';the man of your dreams';.
That is a tough question but he is your ex for a reason. Maybe you should just move forward and let the past stay in the past. Why tell your ex when nothing happened yet between you and the other guy? If you end up with this guy and still feel the need to tell your ex about him then fine but I wouldn't mention him when nothing has happened. But give the new guy a try, you never know!
I would not tell him you just met someone. You have not even given yourself a chance to know the new guy yet. If you want to meet up with your ex, that is YOUR choice. Do you think there is a chance of getting back together? Do you LOVE him?
You divorced him for a reason!
well you didn't state why you divorced...if you both too the step of divorce then maybe you shouldn't go back with him...marriage isn't something to take lightly...so if you both weren't able to save it while still married what makes you all think it will work not that your divorced....its probably best for both of you to move on..sad but true..and you can't be playing games with him..you say he is happy your going over then he may still have feelings for you..let everything out in the open...if you two get along now then stay friends but dont let feelings be crossed or mislead...
Alot of people learn what went wrong for the marriage to breakdown. They look back at the emotional dead corpse and perform an autopsy of it ';reflecting'; Pain from a relationship ending causes great emotional growth. Hopefully you have learned from this and him to. Have dinner with your ex and tell him what problems you had with him. See if he realizes that they where problems and is willing to work hard on those issues. Nobody is perfect and everybody deserves a second chance. Turn those new feelings towards your ex and start dating all over again. Explore new places and things with him. Learn how to dance and travel to show it off. Good luck and prove those people wrong who say ';an ex is an for a reason';
I would stop.....and examine why you both divorced in the 1st place.
I been friends with my ex almost 20 yrs now........but I wouldn't want her back at all.
That chapter in the Book of Life has been closed and sealed.
I'm leaving well enough alone.
People are who they are.............
Depends on why the marriage ended. Have you both changed, or would you both simply be going into Round 2 of a boxing match. Why don't you play it slowly and carefully, and don't rush it with either of these guys. You are a free agent now, so take some time to see what's out there. Some people make a mistake by divorcing because there was really a lot there between them but they didn't see it, and so they screwed up and gave up on the marriage too quickly. But if you felt the whole thing was better off over and you just began to get strong and grow as an individual, think twice before getting back into a situation that was not right for either of you guys and just didn't work out although you both tried to make it work (if that was the case). Nothing would make me get back into a relationship with my ex-. I would rather be single forever, although I was lucky to meet a wonderful man who loves the heck out of me about a year ago! Good luck!
you should have been honest with him in the beginning , that
way he would not be excited about your plans to get back together especially since you are not sure that what you
want and also that you are seeing someone else. may you
need to let him know this weekend what on your mind.
he and ex for a reason.other wise you would be still
married.
Which one has the most money and the best in bed pick him.. choose the one with the most money you can get your sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
Depends, do you want to save the marriage? Would you be able to put this behind you and trust again? Would you remind him every chance you got what he did wrong? There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself.
While I would not make a decision right away, I would seek counseling. Even if you decide to end your marriage. You will at least be doing so knowing its what you feel will be best and not having any doubts. I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
First you need to decide if you can ever repair the trust between the two of you. It takes a lot of hard work and counseling, but it can be done. Also, find out if he is interested in ending his relationship and working on yours. If he is, you can work through it, if he is not, there is not much you can do. Just remember that he cheated on you because of problems of his own, not because of you. Good luck.I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
My husband cheated on me to with his ex wife. I made the decision to try and work things out with him and so far so good. It hurts very badly when your best friend and the love of your life cheats on you, it makes you feel pain like no other. I never felt so much pain in my life, i thought i would never make it through and every day was so hard. When i woke up in the morning i felt like i was stabbed in the heart, i had really bad dreams about the whole situation and i couldn't eat or sleep. If your husband is willing to work things out with you and he is truly sorry and has remorse for what he has done to you then i think you should try too. My whole family told me not to work things out with my husband and they told me he would just do it again and they all gave me hell when i told them i wanted to try and work things out. But i am glad i did because we have a better marriage then we did before he cheated on me. I know that seems very far off from where you are now but it took me a long time to get to this point. My husband had to earn my trust back and he had to show me and prove to me that he loved me all over again. It takes a lot of time and a lot of faith to get through something like this.
But you know your husband better than anyone so only you can answer the question of does he deserve you to give him another chance. Of course what he did was hurtful and wrong but is he a good man otherwise? Can he change and not do this again to you? Only time will tell.
If you need to talk about things like what helps to get through this you can email me. This is very hard but i know that you will get through this because i did and i was on the brink of insanity and death, so you are not alone and dont ever think that you are.
If he wont tell you the truth and he keeps denying it then it is because of two reasons he is either cheating or hes not so you need to find out. If you cant afford to hire someone to watch him and follow him to see what he is up to then be your own detective. Borrow a friends car and bring the friend cause it wont be easy for you if you do catch him and follow him for a few weeks here and there to see if he is where he says he is. Listen to his voice mails daily if you can.
What did he say about the earing you found? Who did he say it belonged to? What did the voicemails say that you heard?
I would also let it die down for a little while if he wont give you straight answers then stop asking for a week and then let him think that you trust him then start your snooping.
Then you have to ask yourself if you can forgive him. If he slept with someone once or fifty times it doesnt matter it is all the same. In the end he still slept with her. So you need to start thinking about what you are goint to do if he has cheated on you. It may have been a one time thing or it could still be going on, he may have done it once but is to scared to admit it to you. He probably doesnt want to hurt you. You two have been married for 17 years he loves you even if he did cheat on you so he may be afraid that you may leave him to.
You are right there is no excuse for his roaming but it can be fixed and forgiven if both parties are willing to do dthe work. Dont get caught up in the blame game either, if he cheated then he is wrong and there is no excuse for it but everyone allready knows that and that is a given. So dont make the situation worse by stooping down to his level. Say your peace a couple times and then make your decision either to stay or go.
Good luck.
At the end of the day sweetheart the question is can you forgive him and move on from this, by this I mean not watching his every move to check if he is doing it again, which will cause an atmosphere in the home which will rub off on the children, who must be your prime concern at the moment, in other words trust him. If the answer to this is no a reconciliation will not work. I don't know if you have ever heard the old saying that the wife always knows, If you think that he is lying then he probably is, go with you gut feelings love they are usually right. What it comes down to really is do you love him enough to forgive him, because the one thing I can tell you is that you will never forget. What you really need right now, because you are hurting so much, is time out to consider your feelings towards him. Good luck I hope that things turn out well for you
Well, it depends on the circumstances and upon how he behaves now. Was it a one night stand, or was it a long term affair? You have to find a way to get your anger out, and also to let him know how you feel. What is he saying now? Is he remorseful and ashamed? Or is he in denial? Does he care? Do you love each other? You may need help to sort it all out. Talk to someone you trust - a friend, clergy, family member. And talk to him.
1st of all, don't get into a screaming match, it will get you nowhere. Instead, sit down and ask him calmly why he cheated on you and how long this has been going on. Make sure that you tell him how you feel and depending on the circumstances figure out if you should go to marriage counseling or get a divorce. This way it will be a lot less messy and painful and you will get something done.
First, sorry, but you need to go see your doctor and get checked for STD's. They may also be able to refer you to someone to deal with the grief. Then the ugly stuff, you are going to have to sit down with your spouse and both decide if your relationship is even going to continue. Right now though, go spend some time with a good friend, you have some crying to do. Sorry hun :(
Always go with your gut feeling. You're right their is no reason for someone to cheat and no one can really tell you what you should do. You're in a complicated situation. You just need to maybe go to your mom or dad and sit down and tell them what you've found and see what they say. If not, then you need to do some good hard thinking about what you want to do about this.
More details?
If it was 5 years ago and he kissed some girl during a drunken stint.. Laugh at him for being a moron, and allow him to build your trust in him again.
If it was a 3 year relationship with another woman, whenever it was, kick him out and let him GROVEL for your affections again, if you even want to bother after that. (likely not, if that is the case)
The only thing I can tell you is he willing to make things work with you? If he is then are you willing to work things out as well? 17years is a long time.Family and friends will give you different advise. But at the end only you can make that decision. I know this is not the best advise but whatever the outcome. NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!
it hurts, i know. same thing happened to me recently but at the end of the day i had to conclude that i wanted to stay with him and forgive him. it doesn't matter what others think about my decision (their lives isn't all that either). of course you know that no ones perfect including ourselves but really think about what and your husband have went through in those 17 years, then ask yourself if its worth it to stay in the relationship. god bless.
After all the tears and confronting and all the mess if and only if your husband is willing to admit it and if he does can you too work to saving the marriage. But if you found out sneaky like and haven't done the above it is only going to tear you apart
Yes, do what you gotta do, sometimes things work out for the best! I'm not saying you should leave or stay,but once upon a time I left my husband for about 9mos. and reconciled with him and he became the most loving,faithful, honest husband to me than ever before. I lost him to lung cancer about four years later and now hopes for someone like him.So if you love him still,seek forgiveness,believe,and receive your blessing! God isn't through with him yet(smile)!!! Have a good one, and good luck!
That is a tough one, b/c it is hard to throw away a relationship that SOMEONE else decided wasn't worth keeping.
First off, do you have children? How old are they?
I would ask him to leave. And let the feather fly where it will. See what he does. Don't call him or make contact with him. Just tell him you need time to think. Does he grovel for your attention, to have you back? Or does he just ignore you and go on about his buisness. If it were me, i would even hire someone to follow him and get info on where he was going. To see how serious he is about getting back with you. If at all.
I am so sorry this had to happen to you. My thoughts and well wishes are being sent your way.
ETA: I also just wanted to agree with Jude. After 17 years of marrriage there is a world of difference btwn a one night stand and an ';affair';. ABSOLUTLY
just depends on if it were an affair or a one time thing.would depend how remorseful he was, and if he were willing to take responsibility for it.cheating is wrong, but theres a world of difference in a one night stand, and an affair.
If that hurt you enough,which it would me,leave his ***.If you don't want to do that try marriage counseling,but trust me you will never be able to trust him again you will always have that memory and distrust.good luck
You can confront him directly and see how he reacts, but once a man cheats, he will almost always do it again. In other words, the trust is gone.
You will first have to decide if your life would be better with him, or without him.
Once you have decided that, you will either seek counselling or start divorce proceedings.
It depends on if you want to stay or if you want to go or if you are undecided. What does it depend on?
kick him to the curb, no one deserves to be cheated on.
divorce
HOLY CRAP
What is it about the 17 year mark i have heard so many married couples talk about being cheated on after 17 years of marriage and i am one of them. Yes my husband cheated on me after 17 years and it was with a co-worker of course who else. Damn female co-workers can't keep their hands off our married men why? They try and put the blame on us by saying something as stupid like if you gave him more sex or if you made him happy he wouldn't be with me. That's how stupid they are to really believe that s h i t. First thing you can't make someone happy they are either happy or their not and it isn't your job to try and make someone happy. All you can do is be happy yourself and have a nice home for him to come home to. If he is unhappy about something then it's up to him to talk to you about the problem not turn to someone else. How is that your fought if he turns to another woman but they try and put the blame on you any way. I wouldn't let my husband get away with blaming me he knew it was all on him and her. I know right now you are living a nightmare and wish you would wake up. What ever you do don't blame yourself no matter what you did or didn't do he is the one who went out side of the marriage not you. Get good and mad at him and tell him how much you hate him right now and don't hold anything in and if you want to hit him then do it after all he deserves much more then a slap in the face.
I would cheat back.
cheat back!!!
While I would not make a decision right away, I would seek counseling. Even if you decide to end your marriage. You will at least be doing so knowing its what you feel will be best and not having any doubts. I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
First you need to decide if you can ever repair the trust between the two of you. It takes a lot of hard work and counseling, but it can be done. Also, find out if he is interested in ending his relationship and working on yours. If he is, you can work through it, if he is not, there is not much you can do. Just remember that he cheated on you because of problems of his own, not because of you. Good luck.I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
My husband cheated on me to with his ex wife. I made the decision to try and work things out with him and so far so good. It hurts very badly when your best friend and the love of your life cheats on you, it makes you feel pain like no other. I never felt so much pain in my life, i thought i would never make it through and every day was so hard. When i woke up in the morning i felt like i was stabbed in the heart, i had really bad dreams about the whole situation and i couldn't eat or sleep. If your husband is willing to work things out with you and he is truly sorry and has remorse for what he has done to you then i think you should try too. My whole family told me not to work things out with my husband and they told me he would just do it again and they all gave me hell when i told them i wanted to try and work things out. But i am glad i did because we have a better marriage then we did before he cheated on me. I know that seems very far off from where you are now but it took me a long time to get to this point. My husband had to earn my trust back and he had to show me and prove to me that he loved me all over again. It takes a lot of time and a lot of faith to get through something like this.
But you know your husband better than anyone so only you can answer the question of does he deserve you to give him another chance. Of course what he did was hurtful and wrong but is he a good man otherwise? Can he change and not do this again to you? Only time will tell.
If you need to talk about things like what helps to get through this you can email me. This is very hard but i know that you will get through this because i did and i was on the brink of insanity and death, so you are not alone and dont ever think that you are.
If he wont tell you the truth and he keeps denying it then it is because of two reasons he is either cheating or hes not so you need to find out. If you cant afford to hire someone to watch him and follow him to see what he is up to then be your own detective. Borrow a friends car and bring the friend cause it wont be easy for you if you do catch him and follow him for a few weeks here and there to see if he is where he says he is. Listen to his voice mails daily if you can.
What did he say about the earing you found? Who did he say it belonged to? What did the voicemails say that you heard?
I would also let it die down for a little while if he wont give you straight answers then stop asking for a week and then let him think that you trust him then start your snooping.
Then you have to ask yourself if you can forgive him. If he slept with someone once or fifty times it doesnt matter it is all the same. In the end he still slept with her. So you need to start thinking about what you are goint to do if he has cheated on you. It may have been a one time thing or it could still be going on, he may have done it once but is to scared to admit it to you. He probably doesnt want to hurt you. You two have been married for 17 years he loves you even if he did cheat on you so he may be afraid that you may leave him to.
You are right there is no excuse for his roaming but it can be fixed and forgiven if both parties are willing to do dthe work. Dont get caught up in the blame game either, if he cheated then he is wrong and there is no excuse for it but everyone allready knows that and that is a given. So dont make the situation worse by stooping down to his level. Say your peace a couple times and then make your decision either to stay or go.
Good luck.
At the end of the day sweetheart the question is can you forgive him and move on from this, by this I mean not watching his every move to check if he is doing it again, which will cause an atmosphere in the home which will rub off on the children, who must be your prime concern at the moment, in other words trust him. If the answer to this is no a reconciliation will not work. I don't know if you have ever heard the old saying that the wife always knows, If you think that he is lying then he probably is, go with you gut feelings love they are usually right. What it comes down to really is do you love him enough to forgive him, because the one thing I can tell you is that you will never forget. What you really need right now, because you are hurting so much, is time out to consider your feelings towards him. Good luck I hope that things turn out well for you
Well, it depends on the circumstances and upon how he behaves now. Was it a one night stand, or was it a long term affair? You have to find a way to get your anger out, and also to let him know how you feel. What is he saying now? Is he remorseful and ashamed? Or is he in denial? Does he care? Do you love each other? You may need help to sort it all out. Talk to someone you trust - a friend, clergy, family member. And talk to him.
1st of all, don't get into a screaming match, it will get you nowhere. Instead, sit down and ask him calmly why he cheated on you and how long this has been going on. Make sure that you tell him how you feel and depending on the circumstances figure out if you should go to marriage counseling or get a divorce. This way it will be a lot less messy and painful and you will get something done.
First, sorry, but you need to go see your doctor and get checked for STD's. They may also be able to refer you to someone to deal with the grief. Then the ugly stuff, you are going to have to sit down with your spouse and both decide if your relationship is even going to continue. Right now though, go spend some time with a good friend, you have some crying to do. Sorry hun :(
Always go with your gut feeling. You're right their is no reason for someone to cheat and no one can really tell you what you should do. You're in a complicated situation. You just need to maybe go to your mom or dad and sit down and tell them what you've found and see what they say. If not, then you need to do some good hard thinking about what you want to do about this.
More details?
If it was 5 years ago and he kissed some girl during a drunken stint.. Laugh at him for being a moron, and allow him to build your trust in him again.
If it was a 3 year relationship with another woman, whenever it was, kick him out and let him GROVEL for your affections again, if you even want to bother after that. (likely not, if that is the case)
The only thing I can tell you is he willing to make things work with you? If he is then are you willing to work things out as well? 17years is a long time.Family and friends will give you different advise. But at the end only you can make that decision. I know this is not the best advise but whatever the outcome. NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!
it hurts, i know. same thing happened to me recently but at the end of the day i had to conclude that i wanted to stay with him and forgive him. it doesn't matter what others think about my decision (their lives isn't all that either). of course you know that no ones perfect including ourselves but really think about what and your husband have went through in those 17 years, then ask yourself if its worth it to stay in the relationship. god bless.
After all the tears and confronting and all the mess if and only if your husband is willing to admit it and if he does can you too work to saving the marriage. But if you found out sneaky like and haven't done the above it is only going to tear you apart
Yes, do what you gotta do, sometimes things work out for the best! I'm not saying you should leave or stay,but once upon a time I left my husband for about 9mos. and reconciled with him and he became the most loving,faithful, honest husband to me than ever before. I lost him to lung cancer about four years later and now hopes for someone like him.So if you love him still,seek forgiveness,believe,and receive your blessing! God isn't through with him yet(smile)!!! Have a good one, and good luck!
That is a tough one, b/c it is hard to throw away a relationship that SOMEONE else decided wasn't worth keeping.
First off, do you have children? How old are they?
I would ask him to leave. And let the feather fly where it will. See what he does. Don't call him or make contact with him. Just tell him you need time to think. Does he grovel for your attention, to have you back? Or does he just ignore you and go on about his buisness. If it were me, i would even hire someone to follow him and get info on where he was going. To see how serious he is about getting back with you. If at all.
I am so sorry this had to happen to you. My thoughts and well wishes are being sent your way.
ETA: I also just wanted to agree with Jude. After 17 years of marrriage there is a world of difference btwn a one night stand and an ';affair';. ABSOLUTLY
just depends on if it were an affair or a one time thing.would depend how remorseful he was, and if he were willing to take responsibility for it.cheating is wrong, but theres a world of difference in a one night stand, and an affair.
If that hurt you enough,which it would me,leave his ***.If you don't want to do that try marriage counseling,but trust me you will never be able to trust him again you will always have that memory and distrust.good luck
You can confront him directly and see how he reacts, but once a man cheats, he will almost always do it again. In other words, the trust is gone.
You will first have to decide if your life would be better with him, or without him.
Once you have decided that, you will either seek counselling or start divorce proceedings.
It depends on if you want to stay or if you want to go or if you are undecided. What does it depend on?
kick him to the curb, no one deserves to be cheated on.
divorce
HOLY CRAP
What is it about the 17 year mark i have heard so many married couples talk about being cheated on after 17 years of marriage and i am one of them. Yes my husband cheated on me after 17 years and it was with a co-worker of course who else. Damn female co-workers can't keep their hands off our married men why? They try and put the blame on us by saying something as stupid like if you gave him more sex or if you made him happy he wouldn't be with me. That's how stupid they are to really believe that s h i t. First thing you can't make someone happy they are either happy or their not and it isn't your job to try and make someone happy. All you can do is be happy yourself and have a nice home for him to come home to. If he is unhappy about something then it's up to him to talk to you about the problem not turn to someone else. How is that your fought if he turns to another woman but they try and put the blame on you any way. I wouldn't let my husband get away with blaming me he knew it was all on him and her. I know right now you are living a nightmare and wish you would wake up. What ever you do don't blame yourself no matter what you did or didn't do he is the one who went out side of the marriage not you. Get good and mad at him and tell him how much you hate him right now and don't hold anything in and if you want to hit him then do it after all he deserves much more then a slap in the face.
I would cheat back.
cheat back!!!
Please help how to cope up with my great frustration in life my husband past away....and i need a good advice.
Yet, you're looking for info on how NOT to get pregnant using a calendar? Hmm. Maybe you should avoid the casual sex and seek some counseling.Please help how to cope up with my great frustration in life my husband past away....and i need a good advice.
Oh I am so sorry to hear,
a support group, one on one counseling... Lots of family and friends... WHAT EVER YOU DO, do not go out and drink and party to make the pain go away, it inly makes it worse (belive me i did it last night for being upset with a family situation) just stay with friends and try not to be alone... it can help im sure... Try treating your elf to something so that you can keep your mind straight and try to think about good things ahead...
I hope all goes well for you...
God Bless,
AmandaPlease help how to cope up with my great frustration in life my husband past away....and i need a good advice.
I'm a widow also , It isnt easyto deal with the loss of someone you have cared so much for and for how long were you to gether. alot of people would tell me move on you are young, and lots of stuff bu t they wernt in my shoes. People always said call me but not long after the funeral people just seem to disappear,, I found one of my best therapies was not to forget him, But to look at his pictures read his letters and greive , Greif has 5 stages (1.-Denial-';this can't be happening to me';, looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.( 2.Anger-';why me?';, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. (3.Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. (-4.Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. (5.Acceptance.
And dont put a time limit on these some time you will feel like you are experiencing 3 of these at one time and u may feel like you 'll never get to acceptance but it does come dont rush yourself through any of these emotions they are all healthy ,
I also kept a Journal and I put thoughts I was having and I wrote to David these feelings like they were letters to him and it was the most significant thing to help me through ,, after 2 years of writng in the journal hundreds of pages I decided I could finnally write him a good bye letter and release him back into the peace in which he had left me,,, My husbands death was very hard cause it was unexpected through an auto accident.
if you feel like crying, let your tears flow. You will feel better afterwards. Take a walk in the park with your kids (if you have), or with friends.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss.
No matter what, it is a bad time, but try to stay positive.. it is hard right now, but the pain will start to go away with time.
No death is easy to cope with, and the best advice I can say is be with loved one's at this time, they can help support you during this time of loss, and they'll have you also to help comfort them.
speak to your dr.
you could develop PSD and become emotionaly unstable.
I don't think you need good advice, I think you need a shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Take some time to mourn, but then consider how he'd want you to live life. I've seen a lot of people get through this by accomplishing all the dreams and goals they set with their spouse. And watch for little signs of him around. If you have him in your heart, he'll always be there.
Spend time with your family and friends. Write a diary of his life and dedicate it to him. Start a charity or scholarship in his name.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Live your life the way he wanted you to live.
Really sorry to hear that... it is bound to take a long time to get over that kind of grief -- I hope you have friends and family around you to support you
Talking about it helps and I would say that you should not 'make' yourself get over this but let it run its course... a cliche but very true: ';time heals';
In the meantime, be nice to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself too soon - but don't hide away or anything - try seeing some close friends for a quiet evening on a regular basis until you feel able to do more
Counseling might help, also ------ good luck
you have my sympathy no one that hasnt experienced the loss knows how it hurts all i can say is it will take time to heal n no can say how long but i do advice you to go and get help just somewhere you can talk to others with similar losses and pray like never before hes the healer GOD BLESS and cry if u need to also being with family and friends might help just know that your husband will be watching over you remember ALL THE GOOD TIMES.
FIRST FIND OUT WHAT'S THE FRUSTRATION U R FACING ABT......THEN GO TO FIND ITS SOLUTION......IF ITS MENTAL FRUSTRATION THEN RESORT TO MEDITATION AND IF ITS PHYSICAL FRUSTRATION THEN OBVIOUSLY LOOK FOR A STRONG GUY. HE W'D REMOVE UR PHYSICAL FRUSTRATION, IF ANY.......SO GOOD LUCK......
support group contact your church and yellow pages
im sorry i dont know . but i can be your net friend
church
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the perfect advice for you. I do not. The only thing I can offer is my experience with the loss of my marriage. They say the process is similar. I don't know if I believe that completely; however, I know the loss is there.
When I went through my divorce, I was so lost and wanted so badly to snap out of it. The harder I tried to fake it, the quicker the tears would come. Everyone that cares for the person wants to cheer them up and make them feel happy. It is impossible, yet nice to know they are there. Just make sure to let them know if you need to be alone.
I was on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I was grieving, the next I was so mad I could have broken something, then I was devastatingly sad, then I was hopeless and felt I had nothing in life. It was a vicious cycle of emotional turmoil; however, you have to go through it to heal. Your dealing may be different than mine, but, whatever you feel or however you want to behave, I say you do it. You have to heal to grow strong again. It takes a long time so don't punish yourself for not being ';BETTER'; or ';NORMAL';. You suffered the greatest loss.
Therapy can be helpful if you get the right person (there is not guarantee) There a lot of good books out there. I read a bunch of self help books that gave me temporary relief to know my feelings were normal and I actually utilized some of the strategies the books offered.
The main quote I will never forget was, ';He has the right not to love you, he has the right to leave you, you have the right to accept his rights.'; That really doesn't help your situation; however, if you were to change the context, you may interpret that as God has the right to call upon his children to come home, your Husband had the right to accept the invitation to heaven and you have the right to accept that husband had the right to choose to go where there is no pain and there is eternal peace. I feel strange saying that because, I was brought up Catholic until my Grandmother passed away when I was in 6th grade, then my parents stopped taking my sister's and I to church. I believe in God but am not a church goer. I hope you don't feel like I pushed any beliefs on you. I just know in my heart that heaven is real and it is home.
I wish I could help you. I am so helpless for you. Please let yourself grieve and go through the motions. Get a punching bag or kick the heck out of a soccer ball. You have a million emotions stirring inside you (I would imagine), don't let them eat at you. When you are ready, join the real world at your pace.
Good luck and take care.
Kitt.
My fiance lost her husband 4 years ago, says that widownet.com saved her. Our prayers are with you and yours.
May allah bless your husband soul with peace and harmony
First of all my sympathy and prayer are with you.
It is a loss which no one can recover. But you should understand that god is not going to sent your husband back again.
You should start thinking about the other family member, his father, mother, brother%26amp; sister(if any). How are they going through?
Support them and think how you can make them feel good and if you have any child think about him. Think what your husband may be feeling seeing you in such a situation. Live thinking that how your husband at this stage wants you to live like(remember he may be watching you)
If you are not too old why dont you try to join for a work. and please start praying and ask God for support, I am sure you will feel better
Best of luck
We are with youfashion makeup
Oh I am so sorry to hear,
a support group, one on one counseling... Lots of family and friends... WHAT EVER YOU DO, do not go out and drink and party to make the pain go away, it inly makes it worse (belive me i did it last night for being upset with a family situation) just stay with friends and try not to be alone... it can help im sure... Try treating your elf to something so that you can keep your mind straight and try to think about good things ahead...
I hope all goes well for you...
God Bless,
AmandaPlease help how to cope up with my great frustration in life my husband past away....and i need a good advice.
I'm a widow also , It isnt easyto deal with the loss of someone you have cared so much for and for how long were you to gether. alot of people would tell me move on you are young, and lots of stuff bu t they wernt in my shoes. People always said call me but not long after the funeral people just seem to disappear,, I found one of my best therapies was not to forget him, But to look at his pictures read his letters and greive , Greif has 5 stages (1.-Denial-';this can't be happening to me';, looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.( 2.Anger-';why me?';, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. (3.Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. (-4.Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. (5.Acceptance.
And dont put a time limit on these some time you will feel like you are experiencing 3 of these at one time and u may feel like you 'll never get to acceptance but it does come dont rush yourself through any of these emotions they are all healthy ,
I also kept a Journal and I put thoughts I was having and I wrote to David these feelings like they were letters to him and it was the most significant thing to help me through ,, after 2 years of writng in the journal hundreds of pages I decided I could finnally write him a good bye letter and release him back into the peace in which he had left me,,, My husbands death was very hard cause it was unexpected through an auto accident.
if you feel like crying, let your tears flow. You will feel better afterwards. Take a walk in the park with your kids (if you have), or with friends.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss.
No matter what, it is a bad time, but try to stay positive.. it is hard right now, but the pain will start to go away with time.
No death is easy to cope with, and the best advice I can say is be with loved one's at this time, they can help support you during this time of loss, and they'll have you also to help comfort them.
speak to your dr.
you could develop PSD and become emotionaly unstable.
I don't think you need good advice, I think you need a shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Take some time to mourn, but then consider how he'd want you to live life. I've seen a lot of people get through this by accomplishing all the dreams and goals they set with their spouse. And watch for little signs of him around. If you have him in your heart, he'll always be there.
Spend time with your family and friends. Write a diary of his life and dedicate it to him. Start a charity or scholarship in his name.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Live your life the way he wanted you to live.
Really sorry to hear that... it is bound to take a long time to get over that kind of grief -- I hope you have friends and family around you to support you
Talking about it helps and I would say that you should not 'make' yourself get over this but let it run its course... a cliche but very true: ';time heals';
In the meantime, be nice to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself too soon - but don't hide away or anything - try seeing some close friends for a quiet evening on a regular basis until you feel able to do more
Counseling might help, also ------ good luck
you have my sympathy no one that hasnt experienced the loss knows how it hurts all i can say is it will take time to heal n no can say how long but i do advice you to go and get help just somewhere you can talk to others with similar losses and pray like never before hes the healer GOD BLESS and cry if u need to also being with family and friends might help just know that your husband will be watching over you remember ALL THE GOOD TIMES.
FIRST FIND OUT WHAT'S THE FRUSTRATION U R FACING ABT......THEN GO TO FIND ITS SOLUTION......IF ITS MENTAL FRUSTRATION THEN RESORT TO MEDITATION AND IF ITS PHYSICAL FRUSTRATION THEN OBVIOUSLY LOOK FOR A STRONG GUY. HE W'D REMOVE UR PHYSICAL FRUSTRATION, IF ANY.......SO GOOD LUCK......
support group contact your church and yellow pages
im sorry i dont know . but i can be your net friend
church
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the perfect advice for you. I do not. The only thing I can offer is my experience with the loss of my marriage. They say the process is similar. I don't know if I believe that completely; however, I know the loss is there.
When I went through my divorce, I was so lost and wanted so badly to snap out of it. The harder I tried to fake it, the quicker the tears would come. Everyone that cares for the person wants to cheer them up and make them feel happy. It is impossible, yet nice to know they are there. Just make sure to let them know if you need to be alone.
I was on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I was grieving, the next I was so mad I could have broken something, then I was devastatingly sad, then I was hopeless and felt I had nothing in life. It was a vicious cycle of emotional turmoil; however, you have to go through it to heal. Your dealing may be different than mine, but, whatever you feel or however you want to behave, I say you do it. You have to heal to grow strong again. It takes a long time so don't punish yourself for not being ';BETTER'; or ';NORMAL';. You suffered the greatest loss.
Therapy can be helpful if you get the right person (there is not guarantee) There a lot of good books out there. I read a bunch of self help books that gave me temporary relief to know my feelings were normal and I actually utilized some of the strategies the books offered.
The main quote I will never forget was, ';He has the right not to love you, he has the right to leave you, you have the right to accept his rights.'; That really doesn't help your situation; however, if you were to change the context, you may interpret that as God has the right to call upon his children to come home, your Husband had the right to accept the invitation to heaven and you have the right to accept that husband had the right to choose to go where there is no pain and there is eternal peace. I feel strange saying that because, I was brought up Catholic until my Grandmother passed away when I was in 6th grade, then my parents stopped taking my sister's and I to church. I believe in God but am not a church goer. I hope you don't feel like I pushed any beliefs on you. I just know in my heart that heaven is real and it is home.
I wish I could help you. I am so helpless for you. Please let yourself grieve and go through the motions. Get a punching bag or kick the heck out of a soccer ball. You have a million emotions stirring inside you (I would imagine), don't let them eat at you. When you are ready, join the real world at your pace.
Good luck and take care.
Kitt.
My fiance lost her husband 4 years ago, says that widownet.com saved her. Our prayers are with you and yours.
May allah bless your husband soul with peace and harmony
First of all my sympathy and prayer are with you.
It is a loss which no one can recover. But you should understand that god is not going to sent your husband back again.
You should start thinking about the other family member, his father, mother, brother%26amp; sister(if any). How are they going through?
Support them and think how you can make them feel good and if you have any child think about him. Think what your husband may be feeling seeing you in such a situation. Live thinking that how your husband at this stage wants you to live like(remember he may be watching you)
If you are not too old why dont you try to join for a work. and please start praying and ask God for support, I am sure you will feel better
Best of luck
We are with you
I'm seperating from my husband & moving in with my mom... any advice or encouragement?
long story short, my husband has problems, some of which have lead us to lose the house %26amp; everything. my credit is ruined because of this, and i'm also unemployed, so i have no choice but to take my 1yr old %26amp; go live with my mom. my husband isn't welcome there because of what he did, and doesn't want to live there anyway. he's got no where to go and not much of a plan. i have tried to encourage him to go into job corps so he can get a good job eventually %26amp; provide for our daughter, but he has grand plans to work at Thrillville this summer so he can go on the rides for free. (i know, i picked a great one. *kicks self*)
anyhow, my mom %26amp; i don't get along that great, my husband is borderline paranoid, and i have to file for bankruptcy, go back to school, and be a single mom and i'm a bit overwhelmed....
anyone have any general advise? either about dealing with a deadbeat hubby or moving back in with a parent or whatever...
thanks!!I'm seperating from my husband %26amp; moving in with my mom... any advice or encouragement?
Get a DivorceI'm seperating from my husband %26amp; moving in with my mom... any advice or encouragement?
Sorry you are in this situation. You know you will have to get a job of some kind once you get settled with your mom. But in the meantime, sit down with your mom and make some rules for living with her. Remember that it is HER home and you need to respect her wishes, so come to some solutions you can both live with. It may not be so easy, but if you both compromise, it can work.
ive never been there, but it sounds like he put you through hell. in the short term, even if you feel like you are going through a really tough time, you will come out of it, and you will be a better person for it.
you are doing a good thing for you and your daughter. it is better that she have no father around than that she grow up thinking that fighting, yelling, whatever, is normal for a relationship.
good luck, chickie! :)
File for divorce so you can at least get custody settled. Without a court ordered decree he can pick up the baby anytime and not bring her back until you file for her in court. So dodge that bullet right away.
I am sorry for you. That is sad. Good luck. When you eventually start to date again you will know what to avoid.
hang in there and learn from ones' mistake.
good luck
First, thank your mom for letting you move back in with her and your baby. Tell her how you much you love her and appreciate her in your life during this stressful time.
As for your husband, I suggest not contacting him until he gets his act together. If he sends money for child support ( I have a bad feeling he won't ) make sure it goes into a bank account for any health emergencies that might occur.
For the money problems, start with a part time job, and work your way up. Times are going to be stressful, but remember you have a mother who loves you no matter what, a little bundle of joy who sees the sun rise and set on you, and a heart that knows it deserves better. Give it time and patience, things will get better eventually.
Despite money being tight, handle your business legally. DON'T go by word of mouth promises he makes.
You'll want to talk to an attorney about 1) A Disso (I would strongly suggest one) and 2) Filing a BK. (you want to see if it would really be helpful of if it would hinder your situation)
You may not get along great with your mom, but she's being there for you when you really need her. Try to get along, help around the house, and generally try to appreciate anything/everything she's doing to help (even if it's little to nothing). I think you'll find that if you're positive and helpful at her house, it will be better for everyone there.
Be strong and be prepared to have a FULL plate: You'll have a child to care for, homework to do, and likely a job to help pay bills. %26gt;DO NOT%26lt; quit school once you start. It's the only thing that will help you change your sitation. Remember, if you don't do anything different this year, how on earth can you expect your situation to change next year?
Please, whatever you do: 1) Don't go crawling back to the loser, and 2) Be more selective in future mates. Don't be afraid to date someone a long time. If a guy is serious about you, he won't be in a rush to get you in bed. If he's just a player or loser, he'll move on for easier game and you won't be 0 for 2 in the marriage game.
Good luck.
you have to be strong for your baby becuase you are a responsible mom.
if he goes to thrillville for a free ride and don't sent money for his baby...then file a child support lawsuit. he lost job and wanna go to dreamville maybe he thought he had enough of being a good decent guy and wanna be childish about it. I don't think you have that luxury.
mom and dauther 50% not get along but I'm sure she love you same as you love your baby... maybe when she's adult, she will think the same way with her mom but I'm sure it won't make you love her less.
file for bankruptcy, go back to school, and be a single mom ... you can do it... you are not alone (so many of my friends lost job or their husband lost job)
things can't be any worst (you cover all bad arrow checklist already) ... and like I always say when we are at the bottom already (hell), you can ONLY LOOK UP (heaven)
keep your hopes up...that what will keep you going
anyhow, my mom %26amp; i don't get along that great, my husband is borderline paranoid, and i have to file for bankruptcy, go back to school, and be a single mom and i'm a bit overwhelmed....
anyone have any general advise? either about dealing with a deadbeat hubby or moving back in with a parent or whatever...
thanks!!I'm seperating from my husband %26amp; moving in with my mom... any advice or encouragement?
Get a DivorceI'm seperating from my husband %26amp; moving in with my mom... any advice or encouragement?
Sorry you are in this situation. You know you will have to get a job of some kind once you get settled with your mom. But in the meantime, sit down with your mom and make some rules for living with her. Remember that it is HER home and you need to respect her wishes, so come to some solutions you can both live with. It may not be so easy, but if you both compromise, it can work.
ive never been there, but it sounds like he put you through hell. in the short term, even if you feel like you are going through a really tough time, you will come out of it, and you will be a better person for it.
you are doing a good thing for you and your daughter. it is better that she have no father around than that she grow up thinking that fighting, yelling, whatever, is normal for a relationship.
good luck, chickie! :)
File for divorce so you can at least get custody settled. Without a court ordered decree he can pick up the baby anytime and not bring her back until you file for her in court. So dodge that bullet right away.
I am sorry for you. That is sad. Good luck. When you eventually start to date again you will know what to avoid.
hang in there and learn from ones' mistake.
good luck
First, thank your mom for letting you move back in with her and your baby. Tell her how you much you love her and appreciate her in your life during this stressful time.
As for your husband, I suggest not contacting him until he gets his act together. If he sends money for child support ( I have a bad feeling he won't ) make sure it goes into a bank account for any health emergencies that might occur.
For the money problems, start with a part time job, and work your way up. Times are going to be stressful, but remember you have a mother who loves you no matter what, a little bundle of joy who sees the sun rise and set on you, and a heart that knows it deserves better. Give it time and patience, things will get better eventually.
Despite money being tight, handle your business legally. DON'T go by word of mouth promises he makes.
You'll want to talk to an attorney about 1) A Disso (I would strongly suggest one) and 2) Filing a BK. (you want to see if it would really be helpful of if it would hinder your situation)
You may not get along great with your mom, but she's being there for you when you really need her. Try to get along, help around the house, and generally try to appreciate anything/everything she's doing to help (even if it's little to nothing). I think you'll find that if you're positive and helpful at her house, it will be better for everyone there.
Be strong and be prepared to have a FULL plate: You'll have a child to care for, homework to do, and likely a job to help pay bills. %26gt;DO NOT%26lt; quit school once you start. It's the only thing that will help you change your sitation. Remember, if you don't do anything different this year, how on earth can you expect your situation to change next year?
Please, whatever you do: 1) Don't go crawling back to the loser, and 2) Be more selective in future mates. Don't be afraid to date someone a long time. If a guy is serious about you, he won't be in a rush to get you in bed. If he's just a player or loser, he'll move on for easier game and you won't be 0 for 2 in the marriage game.
Good luck.
you have to be strong for your baby becuase you are a responsible mom.
if he goes to thrillville for a free ride and don't sent money for his baby...then file a child support lawsuit. he lost job and wanna go to dreamville maybe he thought he had enough of being a good decent guy and wanna be childish about it. I don't think you have that luxury.
mom and dauther 50% not get along but I'm sure she love you same as you love your baby... maybe when she's adult, she will think the same way with her mom but I'm sure it won't make you love her less.
file for bankruptcy, go back to school, and be a single mom ... you can do it... you are not alone (so many of my friends lost job or their husband lost job)
things can't be any worst (you cover all bad arrow checklist already) ... and like I always say when we are at the bottom already (hell), you can ONLY LOOK UP (heaven)
keep your hopes up...that what will keep you going
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