My husband and i have agreed to split up and i need some advice please!!!!!!!?

we have been unhappy for many years now and we have agreed to split up but we have two children and i needed to know if we both agree on who stays in the house, keeps the children etc do we need to go through the courts also if i need paperwork to make it legal that i have custody of my children without dragging them through the courts as he agrees that i stay in the house with the children but whats to say he wont change his mind and start being difficult! please help.My husband and i have agreed to split up and i need some advice please!!!!!!!?
You're right. He could easily change his mind whenever he wants to. Get legal advice. Get it all in writing. Protect yourself.My husband and i have agreed to split up and i need some advice please!!!!!!!?
I am so sorry that you are in that situation and I think it is wonderful that you are in agreement to everything, but you should go to court and have it all in paper. Who's to say that one day he just gets mad at you for whatever reason and then you are stuck. Go to court while you are OK with one another and not if and when it turns ugly. Good luck with this and God bless you.
Get the court seal on the agreement.
you need to get an attorney.





write down your questions, and calmly discuss the issues with your attorney.





it doesn't have to be complicated if you and your husband agree on everything.





take care.
Make two appointments with two different divorce attorneys to get perspective on how all this works. The first appointment is usually free. Then hire one to proceed.
Either of you could change your mind. If you do a 'do-it-yourself-divorce' and make a custody and property settlement agreement, it should be notrized and filed with the courts for legal purposes.
You have the legal right to stay in the home with the children even if he does change his mind. The threat of going to court will deter him. The children will never have to go to court and the court will be in your favour.
if he is in agreement with you .. all you have to do is go to court and tell the judge that you have come up with your own agreement plan...most times they will approve it unless they feel that you arent getting enough.





if he is willing to give you custody of the kids...comes by one day to pick them up and doesnt bring them back...then its not kid napping because nothing was said in the courts and he has as much right as you to the children.





to protect yourself now and in the future, it is sooo much better to use the court system.





i wish you the best and hope you both can make this as amicable as ever. congrats on being honest with each other and trying to stay friends for the kids ...
If you can agree on term without a lawyer that would be great but when you do agree to terms put it on paper and make that legal. It will protect you later
its better if you can sort it out before hand to keep legal bills down, just have a final contract drawn up, but surley he wont just give you all the house, what about his share, you may have to sell it when your kids are both over 18.
when you start your divorce you see a solictor who will go over all your worried about . i know by my own experience that if you come to a reasonable access for your husband to see the children he will then send it to courts the courts will pass it without anyone going to court mine see there dad at weekend court passed it on an overnight stay with there dad as for the house your solictor will sort it that you either buy your husband out or will sort it that you stay and paper work will be signed to say that so he carnt go back on letting you stay in the house with the children hope this helps
You will be filing for an uncontested divorce. Your children won't need to be there. You'll go, they'll ask if you've tried everything you could to work out the marriage, you'll say yes, and they will say, you both agree on what's in this order, and you'll both say yes, and they usually just grant it...it's over in less than 15 minutes once you go to court. It's not as hard as you're thinking. Make sure EVERYTHING you need in the papers is in there. Don't leave ANYTHING out concerning property, debt, or custody or visitation or child support of the children. Then if he changes his mind, he already signed, and too bad for him.
My neighbour couple of years ago separated with her husband. they've done an agreement, signed it at solicitors, one copy left with solicitor and one for my neighbour and her ';husband';.. She kept the house, everything OK until time when she meet another man... Now it is nasty but Good Bless they did have that papers!
go ahead split. remember to split your children. misearable nut
My friend has been through this. I' m assuming you and your husband own your own home. I'm also assuming you're divorcing. Most certainly you and the children will stay in the home. But this needs to be made legal in divorce court.


You and the children will likely stay in the home until they are 18 or until they are finished with their schooling if they go on to college.


At this point, you can stay in the home only if you buy out your husband's half ownership or he may want to buy out your half. This would be another court date to settle the issue. You both can also agree to sell it and split the profit.


Your children need not be dragged through the courts. But you and he need attorneys to make all this legal or you will have problems down the road. I hope this helped.
know you dont have to go to courts unless your fighting over something i know because me and my ex got a divorce and we did not go to court and we have 2 kids to wich one lives with me so there for there is no child support either
If you contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau they should be able to give you advice on how to proceed. I think you can divorce outside of the courts - though I don't know much about the subject. Or you could try contacting a family lawyer for advice.
I think that if you can both agree without going through the courts, this would be great.





My mom and dad did this and there were never any problems. Although saying that, he didn't pay maintenance until we were 16 years old.... and even now he only pays about 1/3 of what he should be giving us.... so it depends whether you think your husband will be true to his word?





If I were you I'd arrange for both of you to see a lawyer and get it all in writing. If you both agree, there's no need to take it to court. You would only need to go to court if you disagreed - but if you're both of the same opinion, you just have to go and get the papers drawn up.





However, it will cost you both money.





If you can't afford it, you could always type something up yourself and get him to sign and date it. If it's on paper and there's ever a problem in the future, it's better than nothing.





I used to be a legal secretary and in many cases people had typed their own contacts with ex-spouses. When there was a problem later on it helped them to have the paper as evidence. As long as it's his proper signature, it shows what he has agreed to.





However, another thing you must consider is that in some ways he'd be quite entitled to change his mind later on. Not about the house, but let's say he's not happy with seeing the children at weekends and wants joint custody (i.e. one week with you, one week with him). He would be perfectly entitled to want this and it would be nice if you could perhaps consider it if it ever came to that.





Try to sort it out between yourselves, but if you are very worried persuade him to see a lawyer with you.





xx Emmie
Get a proper agreement drawn up through a professional mediator. It's not as expensive as you think.





DON'T stay together to pretend to love each other for the sake of the kids - they can see through that malarkey!!!! Kids know instinctively when they are being manipulated and when they are really loved!





Make it a clean, painless break. Speak of each other in front of the kids without any personal bias or politics. But above all else, be honest to the kids and yourself and your ex, ok!!!! Kids don't like dishonesty! It just messes them up, even if it's well intentioned.
You can do it the hard way by hiring lawyers and going to court. May I suggest that you look into a mediator, they are cheaper, faster, and easier and can give you the same results, you guys agree to something you write a contract, both sign, and are then bound. You might want to define things to a better extent. You said custody rights, what about visitation rights? (Lay it out exactly, he has rights every other weekend, every other holiday, etc) If you get an agreement to the very detail it will avoid a lot of arguments and disagreements later on. Good Luck
Foxy everything you have is 50/50 you really need to keep it that way . The kids must come first when making a decision both parents need to work together when it comes to the kids no matter what the feelings are towards each other.


Always file for a legal separation that way what he does wont effect you and what you do wont effect him and you can also put that the kids will remain with you, or if you are just wanting a divorce file for it and the kids will remain in your custody until the judge makes the decision. I have been there please try to put your feelings aside towards each other and work things out if not the kids can develop bad feeling towards the parents. Relationships die cause people quit working on the relationship there maybe other people out there but there is always problems in any relationship its just depends on how you resolve issues and always remember how much work and want you put into the relationship in the begging and ask your self are you still putting in the effort


I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you the way you want
MY ADVISE IS WORK THING OUTS DON'T SPLIT UP FOR THE KIDS. I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIPS..





There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.





Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. Withholding the truth also constitutes telling a lie. Here are some examples of telling the unarguable truth: ';I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at the party or at school,'; ';I feel angry when you hang up on me,'; ';I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be round me.';


Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings.


Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.


Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner.


Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.


Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything so tell her or him you love him and that you don't want to argue but talk and make it better.


Review your expectations. Make sure you don't try to make your partner fulfill every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else鈥檚 mode of processing or personality style won鈥檛 work--and will create derailments.


Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a relationship. You can't have both. Most people argue to be ';right'; about something. They say ';If you loved me, you would....'; They argue to hear the other say ';Okay, you're right.'; If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.





Tips


Remember what you don鈥檛 do is as important as what you do.


Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.


Portions of this article are based on the works of Dr. Gay and Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks.


All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe that they are losing respect for you, then consider rebuilding the respect immediately.


Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship so try and call your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.


Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender; just keep flirting out of the friendship.


Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner.





Warnings


Keep your thoughts about the relationship realistic. Marriage should not be on your mind if you've been dating for a week, for example. Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you'll never be lonely again, or anything like that. Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them.


Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle.
First of all one of you has to file for legal seperation/divorce. Then you will go to court and it will be determined between the both of you and the judge who will get custody, what type of custody/visitation arrangement will be made, there will be no ';dragging the kids through the courts'; because they won't be the ones making the determination. I suggest you seek a lawyer and have this more fully explained to you as to what your rights are because there is more to custody/support than who gets the kids.
stay out of the courts,get all that you have agreed written and documented by a lawyer to safe gaurd you in the future,it sounds like things are amicable at the moment,dont make things into a battle,keep your part of the bargain hopefully things will be fine
The best way to divorce is to agree on how things and responsibilities are divided. You can use the same lawyer to draw up the agreements and a judge still needs to review and sign off on the whole deal.
GET IT ALL AGREED LEGALLY then you will be right.


He will change his mind.
If you can leave court out of it. If you two can agree then leave it at that. However, if either one of you is the type to forget the agreed upon when you are angry, your first priority needs to be the children. Get that in writing on paper legally if needed. Thats the only thing I suggest you take completely seriously
Hi, Good luck. If you are always fighting in front of the children it is sometimes better to part.You don't have a crystal ball to know if your husband will turn awkward. I suggest that for now you give him the benefit of the doubt for the children's sake at least. It's better for them if you both stay calm in front of them. I'm sure that you already realise this. I don't intend to patronise.


If you can afford to go to mediation it can be a good move
no dont go to the courts, my parents both signed a contract that was watched by a solicitor and then when mum tried to get me back she couldnt good luck xx
That's what lawyers are for. Verbal agreements mean nothing.
My best advice to you is to do what you are already doing, if he has agreed to you staying in the house with the kids you'll be fine. If it comes up that he wants to change things around the courts will be on your side with regards to the living arrangements. In time you can file for a DIY divorce that you do yourself, it's best to do this together as you can agree all the wording etc. It sounds as though you are doing the best thing by everyone, don't listed to those who tell you to';work it out'; You, your ex and your children will be much happier if you go your seperate ways. Best of luck to you x