I think my husband may be bi? I need mature advice.?

We have been married for 4 years, together for 10. We have 2 children. We were happy, have a great life, an active sex life.





2 weeks ago, he left his computer open on the coffee table when he had to run out on an emergency (he is a firefighter) On it, was a yahoo messenger box, with a name that left nothing to the imagination and it was clearly someone looking to meet bi men. He had a whole list of contacts. He has had this active profile for a year.





I threw up, and waited till he got home. At first, he denied everything but I had too much proof. We did not talk for days, only if it was something about the kids would we speak. Finally we sat down last night and had an open conversation. He said that he started with a group of friends a year or so ago setting up a new cadets profile under a gay site so he would get emails from gay men. It was all to be a joke. Then he was curious when he got home and it went from there. He says that it is something he can do to get away from reality (talk to bi or gay men) and he would never meet up in ';real life'; and it was just something that he found ';intriguing';. I asked him many times if he had ever done anything other then chat and he says no. He says that he does not have that strong of a desire, it is just a thing that interested him on the net alone.





I do not think that he has met any of these people. They weren't local. I don't want to sound naive...but...





We are together most always. We WORK together even. If he is not with me, he is with the kids or I could easily account to where he is. We have a happy sex life, but for the past 2 weeks have not slept together (my choice)





I guess what I am asking is this. I know women who get turned on by lesbian porn but are ';straight'; Is it possible that he is just living out a fantasy via chatting? Like, do I trust him not to go out and have sex with a gay man?





I have been searching for answers and I just don't know. I have confided in my best friend who said that many men have these fantasies but don't act them out and many never get caught like he did. But he has had this profile for a year...this is not new.





I don't want to go to counseling. He would not either.





I am thankful he was as open as he was about this, but can I trust that he says it's just a fantasy on the internet only?





We had such a stable marriage.I think my husband may be bi? I need mature advice.?
It sounds like he was exploring a fantasy online. I don't think I'd freak out about it too badly but let this be an opportunity to be more open with each other. I'm sure it was very hard for him to admit this to you! Just because someone has a fantasy and explores it online, doesn't mean they will cheat. I totally went through a bisexual fantasy stage (I'm a woman) and had zero interest in actually making it a reality. In time, those thoughts subsided and I moved on to explore other things. Now, a few years later, I don't find those thoughts arousing at all. It was a phase.





I think we humans are pretty complicated and now that we can quietly explore things (like no other time in the past) so we do.





Ask yourself, does he know your every fantasy? If not, it's time for both of you to put those things on the table and help each other explore them sexually (not with other people, just the two of you, alone). If you do this, your sex life will open up to something that I'm sure neither of you thought possible.





You say you ';had'; a stable marriage. You've just peeled back another layer of knowing him that can actually lead you to an even more stable marriage! It's up to the both of you how this turns out. Good luck :)I think my husband may be bi? I need mature advice.?
Never heard of a STRAIGHT man fantasizing about other man... makes no sense... either you are or you aren't gay... even a gay person will tell you that... he's a homo... he's just in the closet
This sounds like a terrible situation. I would definitely recommend some sort of marriage counseling, but if you both refuse to do that...well, I'm not sure if you can make it work on your own. There is clearly a trust issue. And I am sorry, but being curious doesn't mean you act on the curiosity. Even if he's just ';chatting';. I think you need to really to decide if you can rebuild trust...and if he can put a stop to his behavior.
I do not like the scenario. Most straight men may make fun out of men in drag but, they are too busy looking at women' behinds. I am glad that this fantasy never comes to my mind as I find that there is nothing appealing to it. Remember that where the mind goes, the man follows. I see it as a fantasy under control but, given the opportunity, who knows what could happen. I think that many men and women would get involved in a same sex affair if they happen to be far from home and leaving no trace for future calls or visits. They had satisfied a long time suppressed fantasy.
I sure wish I had some advice for you... trust is a huge issue and if you do not have trust you really have a miserable life. Always worrying or wondering what is going on ...Communicate with him .. sorry your in this situation.
No such thing as a straight woman turned on by lesbian porn.





No such thing as a straight man turned on by gay male porn.





These people are in denial. Even if they don't act on it, they still have the attraction, which knocks them out of the straight category.
Just be thankful that he was honest with you.I understand why you would be upset but marriage is a messed up thing.As long as you love one another every thing will turn out ok.Good luck!