We both got married last year. I married a hard working 23 year old,Godly man who loves life. Were now expecting our first baby in 5 months.
My best friend got swept off her feet by a 30 year old sex offender.
Seriously I just don't get it! We both went to HS together, we were both devote Christians and both were on a good path.
I don't see her common sense in this. She would say, ';you have to bring your baby over so we can babysit';. My husband even tho he likes my best friend thinks it's crazy for him to allow our baby to be left alone with a man with a crazy path. I know my best friends husaband and I know he would not hurt our baby, but just the Idea of knowing that what he did creeps me out.
The thing that really upsets me is, My BF does not see what is so bad with what he did. (Have you ever seen to catch a predator?). Well my BF's husband was sexually chatting online with a 13 year old. Arranged sex and then got caught. My Bf, she's that what he did has minor. She states ';It's not like he rapped anyone';.
I am really annoyed, My husband now 24 won't let my BF come over with her husband and my husband is very uncomfortable with the whole situation. What would you do?My Best Friend is married to a sex offender and she doesn't get why my husband won't let her babysit! Advice?
Sounds like this is an area where you need to agree to disagree Absolutely never, EVER leave your chid alone with this person. I don't think I would take my child to their house, either. if you and your husband can agree, depending on the the offence was, I might let into my house if I'm there and my child was well supervised.My Best Friend is married to a sex offender and she doesn't get why my husband won't let her babysit! Advice?
Sounds like it's time to get a new best friend.
Your husband is RIGHT and you should most definitely side with him on this. This is his child you are talking about here. Not your best friends.
And since you've only been married a short while, here's some more advice. Your husband and baby should always come BEFORE your friend.
I need to know the crime that caused him to be convicted as a sex offender.
Was it because he sent a naked text to somebody and that person complained to authorities? Because if so, i would let him around my child.
Rape, molestation? He would never be allowed 20 feet from my child.
tell your BF that although you love her you are not comfortable with leaving your children with a man who arranged to go have sex with a child and you don'twant him alone with any of your children at any time. .
Your BF doesn't get it. Your husband is right. Either end it with your BF or visit together at another place, like a coffee shop. I wouldn't leave a child with a guy who does it with young teenaged girls either.
I would need to know the exact conviction. Either way they would NEVER babysit my child alone.
I could see them coming over as a couple to see your baby. But with you and your husband present the whole time.
Many women are clueless to what their men are capable of. BTK killer's wife for instance. Me and my ex husband. Your husband is right and I think you need to find a new best friend.
If she states again ';It's not like he rapped anyone';
Say: ';He Wanted to rape a Little Girl!';
I would think if he was charged with trying to have sex with a minor he may have restrictions that don't allow him to be near children at all. Personally I wouldn't even let him near my child with me around. I wouldn't even feel comfortable giving her a picture of my child knowing that he would look at it. Just because he was charged for trying to have sex with a 13 year old doesn't mean that he doesn't like younger kids too, the 13 year old was just an easy target. Theres no way to know if he would molest a younger child too.
I agree with your husband, this guy should never be allowed anywhere near your child. Unfortunately if your BF doesn't understand that than you may end up losing the friendship over it but its better to risk the friendship than put your child at risk.
i would stick by my husband. sounds like your friend doesn't have too much common sense. i would NEVER let them watch my child, heck i wouldn't even let the friends husband be in the same room with my child. everytime this guy looked at my kid i would be wondering what he is thinking. if your friend can't understand why you and your hubby would feel this way then you need to tell her STRAIGHT, flat out and honest why you feel this way. if that still doesn't work i would limit my friendship with her. she doesn't sound too bright.
I also wouldn't be comfortable with that. Your friend may not view it as a big deal, but it's your child and your entitled to deem what is safe and unsafe. To tell you the truth I would find it hard remaining friends with someone like that. I just couldn't be around anyone like that and would feel uncomfortable in my own home with them there.
I don't think that its like she said that he didn't rape anyone but its the fact he was going to. You know? I wouldn't let a sex offender anywhere near my kids. I think your husband is right not to let your friends babysit. That's your child and you have to protect him/her to the best of your ability. I think I would find a new best friend, I'm sorry and I know it sounds bad, but do you really want you child around those kinds of people? I hope this helps and you never know some people change but... it's not really a chance I would be willing to take with my kids. Good luck
As a person who worked with sex offenders for about 10 years I can say that your husband is in the right. very few never re-offend and when they do re-offend is it often worse than what they have done in the past. Keep your baby safe. If your friend wants to come over and hang out with you and the baby, that's fine, but do not allow them to babysit. Your friend should understand that if that were not a sting operation he would have had sex with a 13 year old girl. period. Also, unless your friend has actually read the court documents for herself (they are public record and you can request them), it is likely that he is understating his role. It is possible to have sex with a minor (even rape them) and plead it down to something like Lewd and Lacivisous conduct which would be the likely charge if he had indeed only chatted and agreed to meet her. It is your responsibility and your husband's to keep your baby safe. Take no chances.
Krystal- it is one thing to forgive people and another to knowingly put your children in harms way. BTW why does a 19 year old guy want to have sex with a 14 year old girl? He should get a girlfriend his own age and doesn't God demand that we follow the laws of our society? I think He does which means a 19 year old having sex with a 14 year old is out of the question. Unless, they're married, right? because a true christian would not have sex outside of marriage. isn't that what the Bible says??
do you even know the reasoning behind his registration? it could be something as simple as him being 18 and an ex girlfriend being 17 and her parents pressing charges on him. this has happened to my cousin, it has made everything really hard for him.
if it is something more serious i completely understand where your coming from.
sorry, didnt se the explanation..i wouldnt let him babysit my child, but your friend i would.
My daughter would not be going over there. I unfortunately know a guy who is a pedophile, but never got caught, so he's not registered. He's 25 and had sex with a 13 year old and the cops have been called on him, but it's never been proven. He doesn't even know my daughters name or what she looks like. He mentioned her once after she was born through facebook and I ripped him a brand new one for even asking someone about her.
Anyone who preys on young children have no business around children.
What is she going to do if they have kids and he winds up talking sexually to them? I highly doubt she'll be giving the same line of ';It's not like he raped anyone';. Sex offenders tend to be repeat offenders.
Did the BF's hubby know that he was chatting w/ a 13 year old and tried to hook-up? Was it a boy or girl, and are you having a boy or girl? Is he sorry, regrettful, for what he did?
You can think about how severe it was - obviously your BF was ok with it and it seems that you both were ok with him before baby. In any case, it all comes down to how you and your hubby feel about the situation. Sit down and talk about it keeping your child's best interests in mind - that should be the most important issue. If it makes you uncomfortable, maybe just let the child interact under your supervision, i.e. not letting them babysit alone. I think your husband is a bit extreme in cutting off the relationship with the BF's even though he's worried about your child. Be a voice of reason: was the guy good enough to be a friend even though you knew about his past before the baby? Do you not trust him as a friend, hubby of your BF, or trust your BF?
If you want to preserve the relationship with your BF, just avoid the babysitting questions. Do you have a babysitter/day care in mind? Be it relative, student job, day care place, tell your BF that you already have something setup.
If you want to avoid them altogether, then you're basically severing the relationship - just be prepared for that. She is your BF after all. Of course the issue is with the BF's hubby, but as a married couple, they go together, and of course she would support him. Of course, you'd go to any length to ensure the safety of your baby, but does this couple (BF + BF's hubby) pose that much of a threat? That's only for your family to decide.
Good luck.
Explain to her yours and your husbands feelings on this, I cant really say to much because when I was 15 I was with a man who was 24 and he is now a sex offender because of me...but I ended up getting pregnant with his baby and I see nothing wrong with allowing him to come around my daughter even though I was young and he knew that..If it was consensual then I dont really see a problem with it but if he lied about his age or something and then did something then I would say NO NO NO! How old was he when this whole thing happened??
this would be like my husband saying my brother can't see our child b/c he is a sex offender for having sex with a 14 yr old when he was 19. and i think you friend is right. he didnt technically rape this girl just had sex with her with her consent even if she wasn't old enough to give consent. if your husband is so much of a godly person he should be more understanding then in my opinion because isn't it a true christian belief that forgiveness and love is the way into the holy land? at least thats what my church taught when i went as a teenager. it's you and your husbands decision either way but i think it to be a little non christian to not forgive this man for his past. besides she is stating to let THEM babysit not for her to leave your child alone with him.
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