Any Ideas on how to help make his transition easier on him?.
We have two kids, one is only 18 mnths so does not really know daddy the other is 4.
Any previously deployed males, what helped you transition?Husband coming back from deployment in 3 mnths transition advice?
What kind of deployment?Where was he sent? And what branch of service?What is his MOS?
All these questions i asked effect what kind of advise i give you for your question. I need more information.
update:
Give him his space, don't overwhelm him. He is going to want to be alone and hang mostly out with his buddies who were there with him. Let him. But also let him know that you are there for him. It is best to keep the kids from overwhelming him as well.
Things to look out for are suicidal thoughts, Substance abuse/ too much drinking.
It might sound harsh but I have alot of experience from returning Vets from Vietnam growing up and Iraq.Husband coming back from deployment in 3 mnths transition advice?
The miltary offers transition classes for families. I suggest you try to attend the class. How long was he gone? 12-15 months?
Try not too push too many things on him, like- ';oh, you are the man of the house..you need to do this and this....';.
Ease his transition back to the ';world';. Let the kids get to know their daddy at their pace...don't push them. They will come around...just give it time.
Basically, show him that you love him and how much you love him by just being there for him. Tell him that you love him and you support him and that you are proud of him.
I agree with taking the class in transitions if you can get to one. I know our FRG made sure we had at least the mini version of it at one of our meetings before the boat DH was on came home. It really can help.
The biggest thing to do is to talk to him as much as you can about the plans. His ideas of the perfect homecoming may be totally different than yours. I know some guys who preferred to have just their wife meet them while others preferred to have the wife and kids. If anyone else is planning to come (cousins, siblings, parents...) make sure he knows and wants them there before they make plans.
The second biggest thing is be flexible. Sometimes things change at the last minute so be ready to change your homecoming plans quickly.
Make sure he knows the kids will have changed. I know you'd think that would be obvious when he's been gone for so long. But some guys are really hurt when their kids act odd around them when they get back. If he expects a bit of that up front then it tends to be easier.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Husband has so much power over my self esteem. advice or experience would be great.?
i have met my husband 3 years ago and its been hell since we got close. he had several dating pages, was married at the time (didn't know, met him overseas) and after many months i found out he was married, he got divorced, but he still slept with her whenever he went to ';see'; the kids. yes, i know, a guy like that is pretty bad anyway. on top of that he had internet relationships with other women going on. from the time i met him, i suddenly lost my self esteem, felt that if only he values me and finds me beautiful, then i am. i dont like him as a person, he is bad for me, in fact he is not a good person and threatened to kill me and got very abusive with me, but i dont want him to have anyone else. he has the power to make me feel ugly, i will try my best to be pretty for him, because thats so important to him. i dont want this, i want to leave and am getting counseling right now. any experience?
i know this all sounds crazy and it is...i am losing my mind.
please no rude comments. i am very lonely, dont have any friends, family or support in this country so its hard enough.Husband has so much power over my self esteem. advice or experience would be great.?
Sounds like he was using you especially if he was sleeping with his x wife. It only says things that hurt for the very same reason it gets to you and so you will only stay with him to use you even more. If you allow a person to abuse you, you don't have any respect for yourself and allowing it makes him have even more disrespect for you. I would turn the table, don't listen to what he says to you, love yourself. I would start stashing some money away. Open up a bank account with your name only another bank not the one your using now, and keep putting some money away. Hopefully you have a job, if not nows the time to start looking, wait until you have some plans in place. But if he is abusive it will only get worse. Don't leave high and dry, go get yourself a good attorney and file for divorce. Your safety is the most important thing. This guy is a user abuser and you deserve better.Husband has so much power over my self esteem. advice or experience would be great.?
Hi there.
It does not sound good to me...I must say.
According to your saying it looks like he is only using you for his needs, and your marriage are only valid on the papers. You sounds young and I understand that have no friends or family to speak to.
If I were you I would go to a social worker in my town, explain her the situation as it is (I did not like the part of abusing , this is the most important thing you should think about!) , she will guide you to the right people who will assist you in this matter.
No woman on earth should feel like you or be in your situation. Your relationship (if we could call it this way) is wrong from the core and needs to be change immediately.
He will never change for you and will continue his ways for ever. It is cleared that he does not respect you what so ever, or has any inside connection to you. He is using you for his needs and no more than that.
It is sad to hear it and I feel sorry fro you , but YOU are the only one that can help to yourself !!!
First you need to understand that there is no chance to this relationship at all and you need to walk out of it ASAP.
Then you need to learn to respect yourself as you are! You are the centre of your world and if you don't take care of yourself , no one will do it for you.
Respect yourself, believe in your powers, stand for your tights and take action! Don't just stand there and look how your life goes to hell!
I assume there are no kids there since you did not mention kid at all, but if there are kids there - then you should do it for them!!!
I wish you all the best and hope you will have the power to do the right thing! God bless you!
About abuse…How are you affected?
* Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself?
* Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him?
* Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
* Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate?
* Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, alcohol or drug use?
* Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to?
* Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time?
* Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours?
* Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone?
What can you do about it?
* Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help.
* Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse.
* Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously.
* Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death.
* Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour.
* Find people to talk to that can support you. Consider going for counselling.
* Do not give up if community professionals are not helpful. Keep looking for
* Someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously.
* Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time.
* Trust yourself and your own experiences.
Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive.
......................................…
• One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it's valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, unlovable. After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then ';it must be true.';
Sticks and stones ... and that saying of old keeps many women in place until verbal abuse has destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.
•
The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion. The abuser can turn on the charm with the woman he is abusing, making her doubt her instincts.
•
If the woman does challenge the abuser, he might turn on the charm and even make her doubt her instincts. This lowers her self-confidence even further.
Other abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:
';What's wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing…!”
';Come on, honey, I was drunk..” .....
';Honey, I love you… but sometimes you make me say mean things...';
';I had a bad day at work ...';
';You're not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old.';
';I was upset with my ex,';
';You know I didn't mean anything I said. I'm the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you--remember.';
Start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your ';charmer'; and don't offer belief or support. Make plans to create a better environment for yourself. Don't stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.
Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can- and sometimes does,- turn physical.
next time he goes out ..PACK YOUR BAGS .. and leave him.. .. its the only way forward for you ..
only you can control who you give your own power to. the counselor probably has already told you that. it's so hard, but you are going to have to break apart from him to rebuild yourself. remember who you are and who you were before you met him. you are still, the same, beautiful and trusting spirit. you just gave it to someone who doesn't value the precious gift of your heart. sounds like you are already trying to break apart gradually.. just go at your own pace, get some outside interests away from him and people that make you feel good. try your church or the like and try some local groups or book clubs. you sound as though you are little by little getting stronger. it will bother him if you start working out and spending alot of time at the gym and make some friends there. next time he puts you down, say whatever, and say im going to hang at the gym.it will drive him crazy.he will see that you don't care and he will panic because he will see he's losing his grip on you. when you are strong in your mind, spirit and body- leave him, but start your savings and planning now. remember, you can do anything you put your mind to..good luck you can do it
i know this all sounds crazy and it is...i am losing my mind.
please no rude comments. i am very lonely, dont have any friends, family or support in this country so its hard enough.Husband has so much power over my self esteem. advice or experience would be great.?
Sounds like he was using you especially if he was sleeping with his x wife. It only says things that hurt for the very same reason it gets to you and so you will only stay with him to use you even more. If you allow a person to abuse you, you don't have any respect for yourself and allowing it makes him have even more disrespect for you. I would turn the table, don't listen to what he says to you, love yourself. I would start stashing some money away. Open up a bank account with your name only another bank not the one your using now, and keep putting some money away. Hopefully you have a job, if not nows the time to start looking, wait until you have some plans in place. But if he is abusive it will only get worse. Don't leave high and dry, go get yourself a good attorney and file for divorce. Your safety is the most important thing. This guy is a user abuser and you deserve better.Husband has so much power over my self esteem. advice or experience would be great.?
Hi there.
It does not sound good to me...I must say.
According to your saying it looks like he is only using you for his needs, and your marriage are only valid on the papers. You sounds young and I understand that have no friends or family to speak to.
If I were you I would go to a social worker in my town, explain her the situation as it is (I did not like the part of abusing , this is the most important thing you should think about!) , she will guide you to the right people who will assist you in this matter.
No woman on earth should feel like you or be in your situation. Your relationship (if we could call it this way) is wrong from the core and needs to be change immediately.
He will never change for you and will continue his ways for ever. It is cleared that he does not respect you what so ever, or has any inside connection to you. He is using you for his needs and no more than that.
It is sad to hear it and I feel sorry fro you , but YOU are the only one that can help to yourself !!!
First you need to understand that there is no chance to this relationship at all and you need to walk out of it ASAP.
Then you need to learn to respect yourself as you are! You are the centre of your world and if you don't take care of yourself , no one will do it for you.
Respect yourself, believe in your powers, stand for your tights and take action! Don't just stand there and look how your life goes to hell!
I assume there are no kids there since you did not mention kid at all, but if there are kids there - then you should do it for them!!!
I wish you all the best and hope you will have the power to do the right thing! God bless you!
About abuse…How are you affected?
* Are you unable or afraid to make decisions for yourself?
* Do you do anything you can to please your partner or not upset him?
* Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
* Are you forgetful, confused or unable to concentrate?
* Have you noticed changes in your eating, sleeping, alcohol or drug use?
* Have you lost interest or energy to do the things you used to?
* Do you feel sick, anxious, tired or depressed a lot of the time?
* Have you lost contact with your friends, family or neighbours?
* Have you lost self-confidence and feel afraid that you could not make it alone?
What can you do about it?
* Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help.
* Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse.
* Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously.
* Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death.
* Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour.
* Find people to talk to that can support you. Consider going for counselling.
* Do not give up if community professionals are not helpful. Keep looking for
* Someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously.
* Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time.
* Trust yourself and your own experiences.
Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive.
......................................…
• One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. As women begin to internalize the criticism and believe it's valid, self-image sinks lower and lower. They start feeling worthless, incompetent, unlovable. After all, when someone who knows them so well thinks they are so worthless and unlovable, then ';it must be true.';
Sticks and stones ... and that saying of old keeps many women in place until verbal abuse has destroyed self-esteem, making leaving even harder. They even start thinking that if this man loves them, they should hold on to him.
•
The fact that verbal abusers are quite often charming people adds to the confusion. The abuser can turn on the charm with the woman he is abusing, making her doubt her instincts.
•
If the woman does challenge the abuser, he might turn on the charm and even make her doubt her instincts. This lowers her self-confidence even further.
Other abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:
';What's wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing…!”
';Come on, honey, I was drunk..” .....
';Honey, I love you… but sometimes you make me say mean things...';
';I had a bad day at work ...';
';You're not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old.';
';I was upset with my ex,';
';You know I didn't mean anything I said. I'm the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you--remember.';
Start by acknowledging the abuse. This is not an easy thing to do, especially as your self-esteem is weakened. Outside help may be necessary because family, friends, and relatives are often under the spell of your ';charmer'; and don't offer belief or support. Make plans to create a better environment for yourself. Don't stay too long, though, because every time your self-esteem sinks further, you lessen your chances of actually leaving.
Remember, verbal abuse escalates. Verbal abuse can- and sometimes does,- turn physical.
next time he goes out ..PACK YOUR BAGS .. and leave him.. .. its the only way forward for you ..
only you can control who you give your own power to. the counselor probably has already told you that. it's so hard, but you are going to have to break apart from him to rebuild yourself. remember who you are and who you were before you met him. you are still, the same, beautiful and trusting spirit. you just gave it to someone who doesn't value the precious gift of your heart. sounds like you are already trying to break apart gradually.. just go at your own pace, get some outside interests away from him and people that make you feel good. try your church or the like and try some local groups or book clubs. you sound as though you are little by little getting stronger. it will bother him if you start working out and spending alot of time at the gym and make some friends there. next time he puts you down, say whatever, and say im going to hang at the gym.it will drive him crazy.he will see that you don't care and he will panic because he will see he's losing his grip on you. when you are strong in your mind, spirit and body- leave him, but start your savings and planning now. remember, you can do anything you put your mind to..good luck you can do it
Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
My husband says he is at a crossroads in his life, we are both mid 30's and have been married for 7 and a half years, together for over 10 years. We have no children. He says he is not sure if he wants to go down the having kids route and staying with me or if he just wants to be a single man and not have to answer to anyone. He says he does not want a divorce and does not want either of us to move out of our home. We are living seperate lives at the moment but still friends, he tells me he loves me and just wishes he could make his mind up about what he wants. He says he does not want to make the biggest mistake of his life by letting me go. How long should I stay in this situation before I make up his mind for him? I love my husband dearly and want to make our marriage work. Should I give him his space and let him decide? I really don;t believe he has anyone else as he does not go out only to the local pub once a week. How can he throw this away.Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
Is it what you want also? You need to know what you want...and if it is along the same lines as he wants then there is no problem...if it is not...then find out deep inside yourself what you want....and when you do state what you want to him with conviction...
What will you put up with? What are you happy with? If you don't want to wait for him...then say so... if he is not happy with what you want and does not want to compromise or plays you along then it is better to feel the heartbreak now than much later say at 10 years time full of regret.... and maybe a couple of kids as well who would suffer also......Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
This is the true tale sign of young love.. Lets see y'all started seeing each other around age 18 or 19.. Way to early to know what directions your lives are heading and now this is the discussion that is arising years later.. Give him space then sit down and discuss what y'all both want for the future.. One way or the other y'all will both be happier..
there has to be a third party in yor situation.there is a distraction.its not fair he wants to linger u on while he makes up his mind,u r to good for this make up his mind for him.and if he wants to come running back then u deal according to your terms who do he think he is.be encouraged, be strong,u can make it through or out of this situation whatever the outcome be you must tell yourself I will be fine.don't put up with this mess.he's not being honest with u.you gave this man a decade of your life now he says he don't know make his mind up for him.say good bye with a smile on your face....
What about what you want? Don't you want to be with a man that wants you? He's B.S.ing you. He wants his freedom but is too chicken to leave you. I'd go on with my own life, and if you're still available if he comes around-go to counseling together.
Tell him to either make a U turn or take the high road, but to make a decision NOW. Life too short to be on hold. Good luck.
Have you been pressuring him to have kids?
That would be my guess - and why he wants to bail
If you want kids the choice is clear - not with him!
Its time for you to spend a little time outside the house yourself...Golf, tennis, shopping, have lunch with friends...this is not the time for you to worry about his needs. Live your life, you will appreciate this in 10 or 20 years time, no matter what decision he makes.
He wants it both ways. Doesn't want to commit to staying with you but doesn't want to commit to ending it. He might have someone else on the side and doesn't know if he should leave you for her. He's stringing you along and playing with your head. Let him know that you understand he's having issues, but that you have no intention of waiting around for him to make his decision. You don't need to be in limbo while he's trying to decide what's best for him. He needs to make his decision and stick with it...no matter what the decision is.
why dont you move out for a bit and give him time, he is being irresponsible and is wasting your time, move out and with time he will know what he really wants.
Your seriously asking this question?!? OH GIRRRRRL....here we go!!! How are u going to just sit back and wait for him to make up his mind whether or not he wants to stay married to you? He is afraid to make a decision that may leave him alone. Dont u understand that? If he actually leaves u - he will be alone at least until he finds someone else....if he stays with u for the time being...he wont be alone and will use u whenever he wants to. Your his cushion. A safety net. WTF is wrong with you?? Dont let him use u like that...take away the cushion and safety net and let him fall on his face so that he can feel the pain your feeling ';waiting'; for him. Right now, your a door mat....HIS doormat. Does it feel good having him steppin all over you?!?!
Wow.. it took him 10 years to come to the conclusion that he doesnt know if he wants to be married to u and have kids or to be single???????? lame excuse there..
And id be willing to bet he doesnt have a gf yet, thats why he's still keeping u in limbo because he hasnt found anyone yet, but when he does he'll be gone, he's using u as a security blanket.. until he does..
I think u need to make the decision for him.. , its always harder being the person being dumped then the dumper, and he needs to wake up and smell the coffee.. and not leave u in limbo, until he finds someone else thats crazy and thats mean of him to do.. so i think its time that u force his hand in the situation by telling him he needs to go and figure out what he wants ..
i think this is just a 7 year itch. he is realizing that after 10 years of being together all together and 7 years of marriage that he doesnt know what he wants. hes feeling suffocated by the marriage but he definetly still cares about you. within any marriage men will freak out about children. and along with that he will start to wonder if he wants his bachelor status again. its like getting cold feet before a marriage but its cold feet before you actually start the baby thing. tell him you want him to be happy but he has to take your feelings into consideration. you are worth a guy that wants you to be together. dont force him to make up his mind because what if you cause him to stay in the marriage but his heart isnt into it. like i said you are worth a man that wants a strong marriage. good luck
I can emphatize with you--men are sometimes hard to explain--they say they love you and cant afford to lose you, another minute they'll say they're bored and not sure about what they want..
it may be midlife crisis or quarter life crisis? but dont beg- let him go and give him space..if he comes back- then maybe it was meant to be..
It's hard to give up easily on long term marriage..but it's not fun to be with someone who thinks they are unhappy when they;'re with you..
You say you love him dearly and want to make the marriage work. Then go for it! Go all out to woo him back again!
Could it be that you both are in a rut? How about if you spice things up a bit? How about getting closer to him, so he will realise just what you both have, and how much you love him, and hopefully just how much he loves you?
Think back to some of the things you used to do when you were going out together, at the beginning of your relationship. Start doing any of those things that are still possible to do.
Do lots of little things to draw the two of you back together. Speak nicely to him, praise him. If you think he looks good, tell him so. When you are close together, touch him, maybe just on the arm, but have physical contact. If he thinks you are attractive, let him see you in little or nothing sometimes. Wear things that may tease him a bit. If you both share a bathroom, stay nude just a bit longer when you finish showering (maybe when you are doing your makeup or your teeth) or sometimes fold the towel lengthwise in half %26amp; wrap it around your bottom half. Do things to make him realise what he will be missing, though you don't want to make it all about sex. If you aren't already, shave down there - most men love it.
If you are both still close enough, let him know by your actions that you think he is sexy or handsome or still attractive to you. Ocassionally, gently rub his backside when you stand next to him. Give him a little shoulder massage when you can get behind the seat he is sitting on. Sit close to him while watching tv, put your hand on his leg - up high, and every so often just brush his member, but do it casually to promote interest. Lots of little things you can do. Try www.bringbackthespark.com they have great ideas and suggestions for a healthy relationship - it's worth it if you value yours, and it doesn't cost much. A great relationship shapes the rest of your life.
Remember that males and females think differently - it stems from cave man days. His way of thinking isn't wrong, it's just different to yours. Your acceptance and appreciation of that will help your marriage no end. Women like to talk about issues, men internalise them.
Give and take. With give and take, give more than you take, and things will be good. DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG.
When it gets to that stage - when he is showering, jump in too. Lather him up, rub his back, then run your nails GENTLY down his back, over his butt and if it suits, over his ba*ls.
See pleasurestate.com for really classy lingerie.
Hold his hand when you go out together, say to the Mall. Flirt a bit. Kiss him when suitable. Tell him you love him.
Go out on a ';date'; together.
All in all, make the relationship interesting and fun again. Keep him on the boil. If it is you, be soft and feminine with him. Good luck.
It's not unusual for couple to go through this when they reach the seven year mark. He is talking to you and expressing his feelings, which is good.
If no lines have been crossed (he hasn't cheated), then I would suggest you do the following: You may consider marriage counciling. If there is a way that you can let him know how life will be without you, that may help. Try to make it where he does not see you... don't make love to him... don't cook for him... nothing. Maybe if he gets a vision of what life would be like without you...
I think he's to young for a mid-life crisis. Could be. He's at that place where he's just kind of bored with his life and you. ';Is this all there is?';
This is not your fault. This is all his deal. He has not embraced the concept of love as you (woman) have. This is the difference between men and women. Know that he is truly lost. You don't have the authority to guide him onto any kind of path.
It's time for him to get into counseling, a men's Bible study, (solid, centered, loving men) or to start reading some books on where he's a ll screwed up.
Like an addict, the first thing he needs to do is ADMIT that he has a problem. He doesn't think he has a problem. It's just life. He's wrong.
I would ask him to go to counseling with you, theres something not right here. you need to find out what he is not happy with.maybe you can figure all this out together. good luck and I am sorry you have got to feel like this!
.hes so selfish..if i were you i will not accept his way..what about your feeling and needs
You should first decide what you would like from him, what you can live with and live without. Set some limits as to how long the ';limbo'; will continue. Then when that limit is reached he needs to give you his with and without list. You guys need to get an organized plan of action going and either make it or break it. You know? Good Luck and sorry for your trouble.
The best thing to do is to make up your own mind about this situation. How is he making you feel right now. If you feel miserable then remove yourself from the situation. If he still wants to be with you he will let you know. My friend and her boyfriend broke up after 6 years together because he decided he didn't want kids and she did. It's not that they didn't love each other it's that they could not live together and make each other happy. Give yourself some credit and cut the ties if this situation is seriously not working out for you. Don't worry if you end up alone because everything will be ok in the long run. It always is.
Tell him that you two should seek counseling NOW. It understandable that everyone reaches a point in their lives where they wonder ';Is this all there is for me?'; ';Did I make the right decisions, the right choices?'; and ';What if there's something/someone else out there?'; but he chose to get married so he has to work on his commitment, or give you the freedom to move on.
You can and should give him a definite time frame - either work out that you want to be here, or leave, by (whatever date). Living ';separate'; but still being married leaves both of you in limbo, neither can move on.
Is it what you want also? You need to know what you want...and if it is along the same lines as he wants then there is no problem...if it is not...then find out deep inside yourself what you want....and when you do state what you want to him with conviction...
What will you put up with? What are you happy with? If you don't want to wait for him...then say so... if he is not happy with what you want and does not want to compromise or plays you along then it is better to feel the heartbreak now than much later say at 10 years time full of regret.... and maybe a couple of kids as well who would suffer also......Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
This is the true tale sign of young love.. Lets see y'all started seeing each other around age 18 or 19.. Way to early to know what directions your lives are heading and now this is the discussion that is arising years later.. Give him space then sit down and discuss what y'all both want for the future.. One way or the other y'all will both be happier..
there has to be a third party in yor situation.there is a distraction.its not fair he wants to linger u on while he makes up his mind,u r to good for this make up his mind for him.and if he wants to come running back then u deal according to your terms who do he think he is.be encouraged, be strong,u can make it through or out of this situation whatever the outcome be you must tell yourself I will be fine.don't put up with this mess.he's not being honest with u.you gave this man a decade of your life now he says he don't know make his mind up for him.say good bye with a smile on your face....
What about what you want? Don't you want to be with a man that wants you? He's B.S.ing you. He wants his freedom but is too chicken to leave you. I'd go on with my own life, and if you're still available if he comes around-go to counseling together.
Tell him to either make a U turn or take the high road, but to make a decision NOW. Life too short to be on hold. Good luck.
Have you been pressuring him to have kids?
That would be my guess - and why he wants to bail
If you want kids the choice is clear - not with him!
Its time for you to spend a little time outside the house yourself...Golf, tennis, shopping, have lunch with friends...this is not the time for you to worry about his needs. Live your life, you will appreciate this in 10 or 20 years time, no matter what decision he makes.
He wants it both ways. Doesn't want to commit to staying with you but doesn't want to commit to ending it. He might have someone else on the side and doesn't know if he should leave you for her. He's stringing you along and playing with your head. Let him know that you understand he's having issues, but that you have no intention of waiting around for him to make his decision. You don't need to be in limbo while he's trying to decide what's best for him. He needs to make his decision and stick with it...no matter what the decision is.
why dont you move out for a bit and give him time, he is being irresponsible and is wasting your time, move out and with time he will know what he really wants.
Your seriously asking this question?!? OH GIRRRRRL....here we go!!! How are u going to just sit back and wait for him to make up his mind whether or not he wants to stay married to you? He is afraid to make a decision that may leave him alone. Dont u understand that? If he actually leaves u - he will be alone at least until he finds someone else....if he stays with u for the time being...he wont be alone and will use u whenever he wants to. Your his cushion. A safety net. WTF is wrong with you?? Dont let him use u like that...take away the cushion and safety net and let him fall on his face so that he can feel the pain your feeling ';waiting'; for him. Right now, your a door mat....HIS doormat. Does it feel good having him steppin all over you?!?!
Wow.. it took him 10 years to come to the conclusion that he doesnt know if he wants to be married to u and have kids or to be single???????? lame excuse there..
And id be willing to bet he doesnt have a gf yet, thats why he's still keeping u in limbo because he hasnt found anyone yet, but when he does he'll be gone, he's using u as a security blanket.. until he does..
I think u need to make the decision for him.. , its always harder being the person being dumped then the dumper, and he needs to wake up and smell the coffee.. and not leave u in limbo, until he finds someone else thats crazy and thats mean of him to do.. so i think its time that u force his hand in the situation by telling him he needs to go and figure out what he wants ..
i think this is just a 7 year itch. he is realizing that after 10 years of being together all together and 7 years of marriage that he doesnt know what he wants. hes feeling suffocated by the marriage but he definetly still cares about you. within any marriage men will freak out about children. and along with that he will start to wonder if he wants his bachelor status again. its like getting cold feet before a marriage but its cold feet before you actually start the baby thing. tell him you want him to be happy but he has to take your feelings into consideration. you are worth a guy that wants you to be together. dont force him to make up his mind because what if you cause him to stay in the marriage but his heart isnt into it. like i said you are worth a man that wants a strong marriage. good luck
I can emphatize with you--men are sometimes hard to explain--they say they love you and cant afford to lose you, another minute they'll say they're bored and not sure about what they want..
it may be midlife crisis or quarter life crisis? but dont beg- let him go and give him space..if he comes back- then maybe it was meant to be..
It's hard to give up easily on long term marriage..but it's not fun to be with someone who thinks they are unhappy when they;'re with you..
You say you love him dearly and want to make the marriage work. Then go for it! Go all out to woo him back again!
Could it be that you both are in a rut? How about if you spice things up a bit? How about getting closer to him, so he will realise just what you both have, and how much you love him, and hopefully just how much he loves you?
Think back to some of the things you used to do when you were going out together, at the beginning of your relationship. Start doing any of those things that are still possible to do.
Do lots of little things to draw the two of you back together. Speak nicely to him, praise him. If you think he looks good, tell him so. When you are close together, touch him, maybe just on the arm, but have physical contact. If he thinks you are attractive, let him see you in little or nothing sometimes. Wear things that may tease him a bit. If you both share a bathroom, stay nude just a bit longer when you finish showering (maybe when you are doing your makeup or your teeth) or sometimes fold the towel lengthwise in half %26amp; wrap it around your bottom half. Do things to make him realise what he will be missing, though you don't want to make it all about sex. If you aren't already, shave down there - most men love it.
If you are both still close enough, let him know by your actions that you think he is sexy or handsome or still attractive to you. Ocassionally, gently rub his backside when you stand next to him. Give him a little shoulder massage when you can get behind the seat he is sitting on. Sit close to him while watching tv, put your hand on his leg - up high, and every so often just brush his member, but do it casually to promote interest. Lots of little things you can do. Try www.bringbackthespark.com they have great ideas and suggestions for a healthy relationship - it's worth it if you value yours, and it doesn't cost much. A great relationship shapes the rest of your life.
Remember that males and females think differently - it stems from cave man days. His way of thinking isn't wrong, it's just different to yours. Your acceptance and appreciation of that will help your marriage no end. Women like to talk about issues, men internalise them.
Give and take. With give and take, give more than you take, and things will be good. DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG.
When it gets to that stage - when he is showering, jump in too. Lather him up, rub his back, then run your nails GENTLY down his back, over his butt and if it suits, over his ba*ls.
See pleasurestate.com for really classy lingerie.
Hold his hand when you go out together, say to the Mall. Flirt a bit. Kiss him when suitable. Tell him you love him.
Go out on a ';date'; together.
All in all, make the relationship interesting and fun again. Keep him on the boil. If it is you, be soft and feminine with him. Good luck.
It's not unusual for couple to go through this when they reach the seven year mark. He is talking to you and expressing his feelings, which is good.
If no lines have been crossed (he hasn't cheated), then I would suggest you do the following: You may consider marriage counciling. If there is a way that you can let him know how life will be without you, that may help. Try to make it where he does not see you... don't make love to him... don't cook for him... nothing. Maybe if he gets a vision of what life would be like without you...
I think he's to young for a mid-life crisis. Could be. He's at that place where he's just kind of bored with his life and you. ';Is this all there is?';
This is not your fault. This is all his deal. He has not embraced the concept of love as you (woman) have. This is the difference between men and women. Know that he is truly lost. You don't have the authority to guide him onto any kind of path.
It's time for him to get into counseling, a men's Bible study, (solid, centered, loving men) or to start reading some books on where he's a ll screwed up.
Like an addict, the first thing he needs to do is ADMIT that he has a problem. He doesn't think he has a problem. It's just life. He's wrong.
I would ask him to go to counseling with you, theres something not right here. you need to find out what he is not happy with.maybe you can figure all this out together. good luck and I am sorry you have got to feel like this!
.hes so selfish..if i were you i will not accept his way..what about your feeling and needs
You should first decide what you would like from him, what you can live with and live without. Set some limits as to how long the ';limbo'; will continue. Then when that limit is reached he needs to give you his with and without list. You guys need to get an organized plan of action going and either make it or break it. You know? Good Luck and sorry for your trouble.
The best thing to do is to make up your own mind about this situation. How is he making you feel right now. If you feel miserable then remove yourself from the situation. If he still wants to be with you he will let you know. My friend and her boyfriend broke up after 6 years together because he decided he didn't want kids and she did. It's not that they didn't love each other it's that they could not live together and make each other happy. Give yourself some credit and cut the ties if this situation is seriously not working out for you. Don't worry if you end up alone because everything will be ok in the long run. It always is.
Tell him that you two should seek counseling NOW. It understandable that everyone reaches a point in their lives where they wonder ';Is this all there is for me?'; ';Did I make the right decisions, the right choices?'; and ';What if there's something/someone else out there?'; but he chose to get married so he has to work on his commitment, or give you the freedom to move on.
You can and should give him a definite time frame - either work out that you want to be here, or leave, by (whatever date). Living ';separate'; but still being married leaves both of you in limbo, neither can move on.
Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
This is our second marriage of 5 years. In our 40's. My husband was divorced from his ex for 15 years when we met, they have a daughter who is now 28. His ex cheated on him and threw him out when he found out about it. She then married the other guy, moved out of state. All he had of hers was her phone number in case of an emergecy with daughter-which I think is alright-daughter lives out of state also.
Daughter hated me from day one. I give husband good, loving home and treat him like gold. It doesn't matter. She is a user and only calls daddy when she wants something. Husband hasn't talked to ex in years, since daughter was a minor. I thought everyone had moved on. She remarried and he had a 7 year relationship with someone else before we even met.
Last month, husband got a phone call on cell out of the blue from the ex (I was standing there) telling him she was going through a nasty divorce and giving details. WTH? He ended call quickly and was just as surprised as I was. I asked why and he said she told him she was moving far away and wanted to let him know. I said she should have told daughter to pass on the info when all was said and done. There was no need to call him and talk about her issues. Oh yeah, she was drunk besides.
Come to find out she has been calling his sister in law also. ';For advice';. I'm sure they were loving it as they never liked me. I found out she has emailed my husband on a couple of occasions and on Father's day she texted him. I don't know what's going on but my husband says nothing. If that were true, I told him it should have ended after that first drunken phone call. Period.
His family always liked her in spite of everything she did and doesn't accept me although I am loving and good to him. I will never understand. Some people are just nasty.
He said she probably just ';needed to vent';. I said okay I understand, but why YOU-your family? She should have spoken to her own friends.
When he got the text on Father's day, I asked who from and he said he didn't know. A lie. When I said I knew it was ex (from number) he got angry and defensive. I sent him an email (because we weren't talking) telling him my feelings, how this is wrong. Asked him why he is angry at me (?) for wanting to know why now-why after all these years. Didn't he think it was strange?
I told him he has some decisions to make and to let me know what he decides. If he wanted a real marriage with me to put an end to these head games with ex. I wouldn't doubt it if daughter put her up to it to get to me.
My ex and I are on good terms-but only regarding my minor son. We know none of each other's business. We divorced for a reason. Moved on.
I am not a paranoid , jealous person-but this is wrong. She knows he is married and doesn't care. I don't know if she is trying to get him back or just cause trouble. It has been YEARS!
My husband doesn't owe her anything and it is coming between us as we still haven't spoken in 2 days. I told him if there was nothing to hide, then why so defensive? Why hasn't it stopped.
I'd like to know what the reason is-not easy when he won't talk-which he hardly does anyway about ';feelings'; stuff.
Do you think there is more going on than I know? Is he just a wuss who feels bad in a way for her so won't shut it off? Why would he care after what she did to him? Is he getting an ego trip out of it because she wants him back after realizing the grass wasn't greener? He will not initiate conversation. I said everything I had to in email (it was NOT confrontational-just how hurt I was). What should my next step be? I honestly thought after that first call he would have put an end to it out of respect for me. The fact that this is still an issue makes me question where his devotion lies, what else I don't know. I should come first. I am a kind, loving person and don't deserve this.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
Well, I was completely on your husband's side of this situation until you said he started to hide it from you and lie to you about it -- that is definitely not cool. Let me explain.
If they've been divorced and without contact for that long, AND he is married to you, then why do you need to be worrying if his ex calls him or texts him, or talks to his family? How old are all of you? If his daughter is 28 years old, I can only assume the two of you are in your late 40's at least -- why all the high school drama, honestly? This woman's intentions shouldn't matter in the least bit to you -- your husband's intentions should be all that matters. If he ended the phone call with her quickly after realizing it wasn't about their daughter, then what is there to worry about, really? Even if she WAS trying to get back with him and get into his head, if he's turning her down and pushing her away does it really matter?
Where he starts to hide it and lie about it is where I would become concerned. However, is it possible -- JUST THINK ABOUT IT -- that maybe he started hiding it and lying to you about it because you were being all psycho about it? Please don't get defensive, just think about it. Maybe he IS doing the right thing and keeping her at arm's length (without being rude, because there is no reason he needs to be rude to her) but you were getting all crazy about it and not letting it go and so he decided he needed to go on the defensive and stopped telling you what was going on to prevent arguments?
Trust me on this one. I have a past of not letting stuff go and talking things to DEATH with my husband until he started getting defensive and hiding stuff from me too. I learned the hard way to not go there -- let things rest, please, for the sake of your marriage. Over the past few months or so I've gone through some HUGE changes in that regard, and it's helped a bit -- take my advice.
Apologize to your husband for making such a huge deal about it, and vow to back off. Make it clear between the two of you what you feel the boundaries should be regarding his ex wife, and then SHUT UP about it. Honestly. Trust him and leave it be, and don't worry about if she's talking to his family -- they don't matter either. What matters is how your husband feels.
Good luck.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
He is with you right so you do come first. The poor man has no control over what his drunken ex might say or do. Do not keep giving him grief over this issue. The ex said she is moving far away, good. If you keep on harassing the man you will be creating a problem when there does not need to be one.
How would he know why the ex is doing what she is doing. The ex can have a relationship with the inlaws if she wants that is totally up to them. You must learn that you cannot controll every issue and your husband is not responsible for his ex's behaviour.
Quite a story, but I would say take this for what he says it is which is a drunken call, some emails and a text. Your husband wants you. I can understand the questioning of her motives and wondering what's going on in his head but we all learn we can't control what others do or think.
Talk to him (no email stuff cause that's childish) and let him know it does worry you a bit that she wants back in his life because in your eyes when you move on you really move on but you don't want her to come between you so if he needs to communicate with her you will be more understanding. Let him know you love him and trust him. Maybe that's all you can do.
If something extra is going on I have a strong feeling you would find out. You are a good person, we all are good persons, and no one deserves sneaking around, lies, drama or anything but it happens. Keep your cool, make up with your man, and try not to worry. If you stay judging him he might really feel driven to see more in his ex than he was.
I think it was a phone call, a text and a few emails and you are massively over reacting, just reading the post I got irritated with you, I can only imagine how it must feel to your husband to be badgered by you over something he has no control over, he probably lied about the text because of how you react and he just wanted to save the drama. You need to consider being less meddling and controlling, if his family doesn't like you, well given the attitude I see here, I don't wonder why.
I would be upset in general that he let the calls/texts continue but honestly he cannot control what she does. As long as he doesn't call her back or text her back, then there is really nothing he or you can do.
Now you have to go talk to the hubby about it. You need to tell him you are sorry you are so bent out of shape about it and realize that he cannot control her. Tell him as long as he doesn't call her or text her back that you will be more understanding. He shouldn't lie about it after that. In this instance, I believe he lied because he was in a no win situation, can't control what she does but you're making it his fault. I don't think there is anything going on but I'm sure she is trying. . . If the calls continue, maybe you should answer his phone and tell her he is unavailable. She should move on eventually. Good luck.
Sounds as if his ex wife is finding herself getting pay back for all she has done. In other words, she is going through a difficult time and is now reaching out to your husband for comfort. I do not believe your husband did anything wrong. He sounded just as surprised by that phone call as you were and as you said, he never was the one to call her, she called him. I can understand your annoyance of her intrusion and can only find one solution for you, have your husband change his number. From the sounds of things, you are and always have been his priority and the only reason he has not opened up to you is because he is taking your anger as a sign that you doubt his love for you and is resentful of it. Ask him to change his number.You need to approach this not so much as a demand but as a suggestion. Good luck to you!everyday minerals
Daughter hated me from day one. I give husband good, loving home and treat him like gold. It doesn't matter. She is a user and only calls daddy when she wants something. Husband hasn't talked to ex in years, since daughter was a minor. I thought everyone had moved on. She remarried and he had a 7 year relationship with someone else before we even met.
Last month, husband got a phone call on cell out of the blue from the ex (I was standing there) telling him she was going through a nasty divorce and giving details. WTH? He ended call quickly and was just as surprised as I was. I asked why and he said she told him she was moving far away and wanted to let him know. I said she should have told daughter to pass on the info when all was said and done. There was no need to call him and talk about her issues. Oh yeah, she was drunk besides.
Come to find out she has been calling his sister in law also. ';For advice';. I'm sure they were loving it as they never liked me. I found out she has emailed my husband on a couple of occasions and on Father's day she texted him. I don't know what's going on but my husband says nothing. If that were true, I told him it should have ended after that first drunken phone call. Period.
His family always liked her in spite of everything she did and doesn't accept me although I am loving and good to him. I will never understand. Some people are just nasty.
He said she probably just ';needed to vent';. I said okay I understand, but why YOU-your family? She should have spoken to her own friends.
When he got the text on Father's day, I asked who from and he said he didn't know. A lie. When I said I knew it was ex (from number) he got angry and defensive. I sent him an email (because we weren't talking) telling him my feelings, how this is wrong. Asked him why he is angry at me (?) for wanting to know why now-why after all these years. Didn't he think it was strange?
I told him he has some decisions to make and to let me know what he decides. If he wanted a real marriage with me to put an end to these head games with ex. I wouldn't doubt it if daughter put her up to it to get to me.
My ex and I are on good terms-but only regarding my minor son. We know none of each other's business. We divorced for a reason. Moved on.
I am not a paranoid , jealous person-but this is wrong. She knows he is married and doesn't care. I don't know if she is trying to get him back or just cause trouble. It has been YEARS!
My husband doesn't owe her anything and it is coming between us as we still haven't spoken in 2 days. I told him if there was nothing to hide, then why so defensive? Why hasn't it stopped.
I'd like to know what the reason is-not easy when he won't talk-which he hardly does anyway about ';feelings'; stuff.
Do you think there is more going on than I know? Is he just a wuss who feels bad in a way for her so won't shut it off? Why would he care after what she did to him? Is he getting an ego trip out of it because she wants him back after realizing the grass wasn't greener? He will not initiate conversation. I said everything I had to in email (it was NOT confrontational-just how hurt I was). What should my next step be? I honestly thought after that first call he would have put an end to it out of respect for me. The fact that this is still an issue makes me question where his devotion lies, what else I don't know. I should come first. I am a kind, loving person and don't deserve this.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
Well, I was completely on your husband's side of this situation until you said he started to hide it from you and lie to you about it -- that is definitely not cool. Let me explain.
If they've been divorced and without contact for that long, AND he is married to you, then why do you need to be worrying if his ex calls him or texts him, or talks to his family? How old are all of you? If his daughter is 28 years old, I can only assume the two of you are in your late 40's at least -- why all the high school drama, honestly? This woman's intentions shouldn't matter in the least bit to you -- your husband's intentions should be all that matters. If he ended the phone call with her quickly after realizing it wasn't about their daughter, then what is there to worry about, really? Even if she WAS trying to get back with him and get into his head, if he's turning her down and pushing her away does it really matter?
Where he starts to hide it and lie about it is where I would become concerned. However, is it possible -- JUST THINK ABOUT IT -- that maybe he started hiding it and lying to you about it because you were being all psycho about it? Please don't get defensive, just think about it. Maybe he IS doing the right thing and keeping her at arm's length (without being rude, because there is no reason he needs to be rude to her) but you were getting all crazy about it and not letting it go and so he decided he needed to go on the defensive and stopped telling you what was going on to prevent arguments?
Trust me on this one. I have a past of not letting stuff go and talking things to DEATH with my husband until he started getting defensive and hiding stuff from me too. I learned the hard way to not go there -- let things rest, please, for the sake of your marriage. Over the past few months or so I've gone through some HUGE changes in that regard, and it's helped a bit -- take my advice.
Apologize to your husband for making such a huge deal about it, and vow to back off. Make it clear between the two of you what you feel the boundaries should be regarding his ex wife, and then SHUT UP about it. Honestly. Trust him and leave it be, and don't worry about if she's talking to his family -- they don't matter either. What matters is how your husband feels.
Good luck.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
He is with you right so you do come first. The poor man has no control over what his drunken ex might say or do. Do not keep giving him grief over this issue. The ex said she is moving far away, good. If you keep on harassing the man you will be creating a problem when there does not need to be one.
How would he know why the ex is doing what she is doing. The ex can have a relationship with the inlaws if she wants that is totally up to them. You must learn that you cannot controll every issue and your husband is not responsible for his ex's behaviour.
Quite a story, but I would say take this for what he says it is which is a drunken call, some emails and a text. Your husband wants you. I can understand the questioning of her motives and wondering what's going on in his head but we all learn we can't control what others do or think.
Talk to him (no email stuff cause that's childish) and let him know it does worry you a bit that she wants back in his life because in your eyes when you move on you really move on but you don't want her to come between you so if he needs to communicate with her you will be more understanding. Let him know you love him and trust him. Maybe that's all you can do.
If something extra is going on I have a strong feeling you would find out. You are a good person, we all are good persons, and no one deserves sneaking around, lies, drama or anything but it happens. Keep your cool, make up with your man, and try not to worry. If you stay judging him he might really feel driven to see more in his ex than he was.
I think it was a phone call, a text and a few emails and you are massively over reacting, just reading the post I got irritated with you, I can only imagine how it must feel to your husband to be badgered by you over something he has no control over, he probably lied about the text because of how you react and he just wanted to save the drama. You need to consider being less meddling and controlling, if his family doesn't like you, well given the attitude I see here, I don't wonder why.
I would be upset in general that he let the calls/texts continue but honestly he cannot control what she does. As long as he doesn't call her back or text her back, then there is really nothing he or you can do.
Now you have to go talk to the hubby about it. You need to tell him you are sorry you are so bent out of shape about it and realize that he cannot control her. Tell him as long as he doesn't call her or text her back that you will be more understanding. He shouldn't lie about it after that. In this instance, I believe he lied because he was in a no win situation, can't control what she does but you're making it his fault. I don't think there is anything going on but I'm sure she is trying. . . If the calls continue, maybe you should answer his phone and tell her he is unavailable. She should move on eventually. Good luck.
Sounds as if his ex wife is finding herself getting pay back for all she has done. In other words, she is going through a difficult time and is now reaching out to your husband for comfort. I do not believe your husband did anything wrong. He sounded just as surprised by that phone call as you were and as you said, he never was the one to call her, she called him. I can understand your annoyance of her intrusion and can only find one solution for you, have your husband change his number. From the sounds of things, you are and always have been his priority and the only reason he has not opened up to you is because he is taking your anger as a sign that you doubt his love for you and is resentful of it. Ask him to change his number.You need to approach this not so much as a demand but as a suggestion. Good luck to you!
Husband a porn addict?? or just a liar??? please advice?
WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS? MY HUSBAND LIED TO ME. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED 3 YRS. AGO I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTD TO WATCH PORN W ME AND WE DID. HE SAID THAT DID NOT TURN HIM ON AT ALL, AND HE SAID HE DIDNT LIKE PORN SO I TOLD HIM TAHT IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME US WATCHING PORN. THEN 3 WKS AGO I OPEND A CABLE BILL ONLY TO FIND HE HAD ORDERED 6 PORN MOVIES IN 1 MO.!! I WAS SHOCKD. HE HAD BEEN WATCHING PORN FOR 2 YRS AND NEVER TOLD ME AWORD. I ALSO FOUND OUT HE HAD SPENT AROUND A THOUSAND $ IN WEB PORN!! BESIDES HE USED TO TALK ABOUT MY DAD BECAUSE HE USED TO WATCH PORN, HE WOULD SAY MY DAD WAS A NASTY MAN FOR WATCHING PORN.. EVER SINCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS I CANT STAND HIM. I THINK HE IS A LIAR, I CANT RESPECT HIM. I CANT TRUST HIM EITHER. I GAVE HIM THE CHANCE 4 US TO WATCH IT 2GETHER AND HE DECIDED TO WATCH IT ALONE AND LIE TO ME. AM I BEING TO HARSH? OR TO EXAGERATED?
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK.
hottsophiesmom@yahoo.comHusband a porn addict?? or just a liar??? please advice?
I don't think you are being to harsh. He lied to you. Any guy who spends that kind of money on porn has issues. I think he is an addict and a liar. Tell him your issues and see what he says. I will watch porn with you anytime. Give me a call!!Husband a porn addict?? or just a liar??? please advice?
First, please do not enter questions in all caps. They're very hard to read.
Yup. I sounds like he's addicted. That much money, the hiding, the lying, the self-recrimination.
No, you're not being too harsh if you're landing on him with both feet about it. I urge you to demand that he get into treatment and get into a program. Now! http://www.sa.org
However, you can choose to trust and respect. They're both informed choices, no doubt, but still purely your choice. The question you have to answer is: are you willing to walk the long and difficult road to recovery with him?
I think you two must of talked about your Dad and he got your thoughts on what you thought about it. He said to you what HE thought you wanted to hear. The more he thought of it being forbidden the more he got hooked into it. My first husband would talk to my family and tell them how bad it is for a person to cheat on their spouse. He would say that he would never do that to jeopardize our relationship well guess what he cheated on me. I think those type of men are habitual liars and they are so bad the start to believe their own lies. I would be angry at both. He lied and he is addicted to porn. He needs tough love. You either pack your things or pack his. He needs to learn a lesson.
It sounds like he is ashamed of him liking porn around you...and for good reasons! Porn is devastating to a marriage, not to mention lack of devotion and trust is causes a couple to have towards one another.
It makes both a liar, because porn shows that you don't want each other, you want something more than you both have to offer each other, therefore it would be open cheating if you both shared a porn interest together, he is just cheating without you now.
Loads of guys watch porn and like to watch it alone. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but he could still have a problem if it's getting addictive. Also depends how wierd the porn is. Another problem is the cost. These days there's no need to pay for porn online.
I'd confront him wth the bill, appear to accept whatever rubbish excuse he comes up with and see if the situation improves.
If you find out that for whatever reasons you still can't stand him then there's really only one option,
best of luck
Porn ruins lives. Make sure to get him some professional help.
You offered, good girl. No your not being too harsh. It turns him on and he is obviously ashamed about it for some reason.
I would add disgusted to your list. He has a good wife and he is too perverted to take advantage of the situation.
Great Googley-Moogley
he is both a porn addict and a liar...sit him down and calmly tell him how you feel. anyone who spends a thousand dollars in porn is addicted. if he gets very defensive and lies, etc....the two of you should go to counseling.
he probably didnt like the way you acted when you watched porn together, but yeah that is a lot of money to spend on internet porn when alot of the good stuff is free, he must be into some 2 girls 1 cup stuff, or donkey shows, either get on the boat or jump ship, once porn is in the bloodstream it will never go away
he is dumb. my hubby is not allowed to watch porn period so yours should be thankful that you offered to watch with him. He is a big fat liar. How is he going to talk about your dad like that and then do it himself. WTF
there are times when a man just needs to sit down by himself and spend quality time with his penis. whether or not he's recieving sex from a partner is irrelevant. all men masturbate by themselves often. the real question is why he's stupid enough to spend so much money on it.
Make a deal, he spends your money on porn, and you spend an equal amount on something else. Or how about you watch it with him? You might find that you actually enjoy it.
Let him open the mail from now on so that you will not find out about the porn movies....This should solve the problem.....
I don't see how a guy could not be turned on by watching...isn't that why it's so popular among mainly men? My husband will watch porn once in a while when I'm not home, or when we haven't been together for a while. I don't mind, at least he stays out of strip clubs and he's not cheating on me. As long as he's not spending our hard earned money on videos that we could make ourselves or watching strippers do what I could do for him...with a happy ending;) I don't understand why it's become this thing that everyone is ashamed to admit they watch. It's almost silly. As far as your situation, I'm sure he acted like he didn't like porn as to lead you to believe so. Maybe he's addicted. It becomes a hard habit to break. I think the whole idea that it's naughty makes it more alluring. He just didn't want to tell you, he may be embarrased. All I can say is communication, communication, communication!
sounds like you both have issues and need to be spanked for being bad
No, but do ask him why he spent so much money on this foolishness?
He is lying to you. Men always get turn on when they watch porn unless they just finish having sex few seconds ago..xD
I THINK HE IS A SELFISH LYING AZZHOLE AND WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING???!!!
$1000 in porn? My wife would kill me!!!
Just ask him what kind of porn he's into. Maybe it's gay or fetish porn that he's embarrased about. Or he likes it by himself so he can whack without you. I tried showing my wife some of my fetish porn and she said I could watch those by myself...lol
I think you have a right to be angry, especially since he's spending marital funds to ';fund his habit';. So much of it is out there for free, that I think he has some issues or he wouldn't be spending all that money on it.
I also think maybe he was a bit jealous of YOU watching it, and that's why he hid it. A lot of people like to run their own agenda behind the scenes, but want you to be the perfect, virgin wife/husband.
To me, hiding things (secrets) are lying by ommission.
Lying is one of my pet peeves.
Once the lying starts, the trust begins to crumble.
Without trust, you have nothing.
I'd sit him down and have a ';come to Jesus'; meeting.
If we couldn't compromise or get on the same page somehow, then the ball is back in MY court, and I have to decide what I'M going to do.
yea what a retard, he can just go to www.limewire.com and download it for free
you can install NetDog Porn Filter :http://www.netdogsoft.com on the computer, netdog will block all porn sites quitely in the background when your husband's on the internet.
';he is dumb. my hubby is not allowed to watch porn period';
ROFLMFAO - Talk about whipped.......
Frankly I don't see anything wrong with watching it, but the fact that he lied and spent the $$$ is a problem.
I see nothing wrong with naked people having sex, but lying and spending the family $$$ is an issue.
\weeder
PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK.
hottsophiesmom@yahoo.comHusband a porn addict?? or just a liar??? please advice?
I don't think you are being to harsh. He lied to you. Any guy who spends that kind of money on porn has issues. I think he is an addict and a liar. Tell him your issues and see what he says. I will watch porn with you anytime. Give me a call!!Husband a porn addict?? or just a liar??? please advice?
First, please do not enter questions in all caps. They're very hard to read.
Yup. I sounds like he's addicted. That much money, the hiding, the lying, the self-recrimination.
No, you're not being too harsh if you're landing on him with both feet about it. I urge you to demand that he get into treatment and get into a program. Now! http://www.sa.org
However, you can choose to trust and respect. They're both informed choices, no doubt, but still purely your choice. The question you have to answer is: are you willing to walk the long and difficult road to recovery with him?
I think you two must of talked about your Dad and he got your thoughts on what you thought about it. He said to you what HE thought you wanted to hear. The more he thought of it being forbidden the more he got hooked into it. My first husband would talk to my family and tell them how bad it is for a person to cheat on their spouse. He would say that he would never do that to jeopardize our relationship well guess what he cheated on me. I think those type of men are habitual liars and they are so bad the start to believe their own lies. I would be angry at both. He lied and he is addicted to porn. He needs tough love. You either pack your things or pack his. He needs to learn a lesson.
It sounds like he is ashamed of him liking porn around you...and for good reasons! Porn is devastating to a marriage, not to mention lack of devotion and trust is causes a couple to have towards one another.
It makes both a liar, because porn shows that you don't want each other, you want something more than you both have to offer each other, therefore it would be open cheating if you both shared a porn interest together, he is just cheating without you now.
Loads of guys watch porn and like to watch it alone. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but he could still have a problem if it's getting addictive. Also depends how wierd the porn is. Another problem is the cost. These days there's no need to pay for porn online.
I'd confront him wth the bill, appear to accept whatever rubbish excuse he comes up with and see if the situation improves.
If you find out that for whatever reasons you still can't stand him then there's really only one option,
best of luck
Porn ruins lives. Make sure to get him some professional help.
You offered, good girl. No your not being too harsh. It turns him on and he is obviously ashamed about it for some reason.
I would add disgusted to your list. He has a good wife and he is too perverted to take advantage of the situation.
Great Googley-Moogley
he is both a porn addict and a liar...sit him down and calmly tell him how you feel. anyone who spends a thousand dollars in porn is addicted. if he gets very defensive and lies, etc....the two of you should go to counseling.
he probably didnt like the way you acted when you watched porn together, but yeah that is a lot of money to spend on internet porn when alot of the good stuff is free, he must be into some 2 girls 1 cup stuff, or donkey shows, either get on the boat or jump ship, once porn is in the bloodstream it will never go away
he is dumb. my hubby is not allowed to watch porn period so yours should be thankful that you offered to watch with him. He is a big fat liar. How is he going to talk about your dad like that and then do it himself. WTF
there are times when a man just needs to sit down by himself and spend quality time with his penis. whether or not he's recieving sex from a partner is irrelevant. all men masturbate by themselves often. the real question is why he's stupid enough to spend so much money on it.
Make a deal, he spends your money on porn, and you spend an equal amount on something else. Or how about you watch it with him? You might find that you actually enjoy it.
Let him open the mail from now on so that you will not find out about the porn movies....This should solve the problem.....
I don't see how a guy could not be turned on by watching...isn't that why it's so popular among mainly men? My husband will watch porn once in a while when I'm not home, or when we haven't been together for a while. I don't mind, at least he stays out of strip clubs and he's not cheating on me. As long as he's not spending our hard earned money on videos that we could make ourselves or watching strippers do what I could do for him...with a happy ending;) I don't understand why it's become this thing that everyone is ashamed to admit they watch. It's almost silly. As far as your situation, I'm sure he acted like he didn't like porn as to lead you to believe so. Maybe he's addicted. It becomes a hard habit to break. I think the whole idea that it's naughty makes it more alluring. He just didn't want to tell you, he may be embarrased. All I can say is communication, communication, communication!
sounds like you both have issues and need to be spanked for being bad
No, but do ask him why he spent so much money on this foolishness?
He is lying to you. Men always get turn on when they watch porn unless they just finish having sex few seconds ago..xD
I THINK HE IS A SELFISH LYING AZZHOLE AND WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING???!!!
$1000 in porn? My wife would kill me!!!
Just ask him what kind of porn he's into. Maybe it's gay or fetish porn that he's embarrased about. Or he likes it by himself so he can whack without you. I tried showing my wife some of my fetish porn and she said I could watch those by myself...lol
I think you have a right to be angry, especially since he's spending marital funds to ';fund his habit';. So much of it is out there for free, that I think he has some issues or he wouldn't be spending all that money on it.
I also think maybe he was a bit jealous of YOU watching it, and that's why he hid it. A lot of people like to run their own agenda behind the scenes, but want you to be the perfect, virgin wife/husband.
To me, hiding things (secrets) are lying by ommission.
Lying is one of my pet peeves.
Once the lying starts, the trust begins to crumble.
Without trust, you have nothing.
I'd sit him down and have a ';come to Jesus'; meeting.
If we couldn't compromise or get on the same page somehow, then the ball is back in MY court, and I have to decide what I'M going to do.
yea what a retard, he can just go to www.limewire.com and download it for free
you can install NetDog Porn Filter :http://www.netdogsoft.com on the computer, netdog will block all porn sites quitely in the background when your husband's on the internet.
';he is dumb. my hubby is not allowed to watch porn period';
ROFLMFAO - Talk about whipped.......
Frankly I don't see anything wrong with watching it, but the fact that he lied and spent the $$$ is a problem.
I see nothing wrong with naked people having sex, but lying and spending the family $$$ is an issue.
\weeder
Husband removed me from our joint account...need good advice?
About six months ago my husband decided to take me off our joint account. We were in debt and overdrafts up the wall ($1000)plus 7,000 in credit debt. This is totally irresponsible. We have been together 17 years, I have been a stay at home mom through out our marriage. My husband has been in and out of work. He has a difficult time keeping work ( I suspect it might have something to do with chronic lateness) but he swears that has nothing to do with it. He says I am just plain careless with money. This may be somewhat true but not entirely. We have 5 kids and I don't think he understands how expensive it is to supply each childs needs and run a home. I feel like a second class citizen. I have to ask for everything we need. He is somewhat understanding of it but we continue to argue about my being on the account. Is this an irrational fear? Is there any relationships out there that are going through a similar ordeal? I love my husband, but I feel somewhat lost in feeling secure. I also homeschool one child and have a three year old, working outside the home is not an option. I am attending school.Husband removed me from our joint account...need good advice?
Well, beings he wants to be a control freak about the checking, he can be a control freak when it comes time to go grocery shopping, cooking meals, soccer dad and anything else you can think of that you did %26amp; still do, that he doesn't do. My wife and I share everything and keep no secrets from each other. This would not be fair to my wife by taking her name off of stuff. If something happened to me, then how would she know how much we had or what we owed. Your both careless with money from the sounds of it. With the economy the way it is, you may consider getting a part-time job to help him out with the bills. I would find something that pays tips if I were you and save all the cash you can save without telling him. You need to think about you and your children. Also, you never know what the future has in store for you. He may want to divorce you, keep the kids and kick you to the curb. It's time to grow up girl and sacrafice things to support your family. If and when things get better, then go back to college, but right now your family needs you and maybe even your husband even if he doesn't admit it.Husband removed me from our joint account...need good advice?
If your finances have been fixed by this, then as the other answerer said, just suck it up.
If not, then he needs to realize that a marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
FYI other answerers, you CAN remove a person from a joint account. The bank will CLOSE the joint account, and open another one in your name only.
first of all your husband can not take you off a JOINT account. if he told u that he is not telling u the truth. you have to go to the bank yourself to remove your own name. and yeah that's BS. both of y'all need to try better. you have 5 kids to teach things like saving money and how to be a good employee. among a million other things.
The real question here is did he get the finances under control this way? If he did, then suck it up and deal with it until you reach a point that you are working too. When you start to work, put your pay into an account that he doesn't have access to. But until then, go along... if he got the finances under control then that's a good thing. He will quickly realize how the expenses add up on his own.
how could he remove you from the account. It is a federal law that you HAVE to go in there and sign your name off.... I would check into this a bit further.
First and foremost provide receipts for each childs needs. You might need some money managing skills, TRUE, but no excuse of taking the joint account away. He CAN control you because he knows YOU don't have any other source of income besides himself. SO what YOU need to do is ';ACT LIKE'; you are going to find a job, leave him with the kids SENSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR DAYCARE ****wink**** and let him stay with the kids ALL DAY. He thinks it's an easy job, because they are just kids, but don't understand because he isn't there ALL DAY with the kids
If you were the one writting the bad checks, and racking up all the overdraft fees, then I think your husband was right in taking you off the account. If you were the one who did it, then you've already shown that you are very irresponsible with money, and that you don't know how to manage your funds very well. I think that at least for now, it would be best for you to not have access to the checking account.. to prevent any further debt.
That being said, if it was BOTH of you who were out writting the checks, and using the credit cards.. then you are BOTH equally responsible, and should work together to get your finances back in order.
I know it must be frustrating to not have access to the checking account. But really, I think that (if you did write the checks) it's the best thing to do, at least for the time being, while you all get your finances back in order.
One more thing - If money is that tight for you all, then you should really look into cutting out whatever unnecessary expenses you have (internet, cable/satellite tv..etc.) until it all gets sorted out.
I wish you the best!
well i dont think its possible for him to remove you fro the account...did u call the bank?!
also he is really being irresponsable , my husband did the same thing...i went to pay for my lunch and i had to write a check b.c he turned my debit card off....
bastard!
we have 3 kids total ...i think you should do e-bay to make more money i make about$500 in a week..go through your kids old clothes and sell them!!!
also your husband is an idiot(like mine) he needs to realize u dont ahve to ask him for money!!! he should give you what you need for HIS kids!
and thats that!!
or you can tell him to go buy everythign and go get grocerys and walmart and whatever else u use money for.....he wont like that to much(if hes anything like my husband) LOL
If he controls the money, is he also the one that actually does the paying of the bills? Maybe he thinks that you are the soul cause of the debt you are in. Let him have his way and if things don't change then he will see that is was not your fault. If he can get you out of the hole you are in, then you had a lot to do with it.
I have a sister in law that LOVES to spend money, A LOT OF MONEY. My brother had her taken off his account too and he ended up having to open another account in his own name with our mother just to make sure that at least his house payment was made every month. The house is in his name only, they had to file bankruptcy because they almost lost the house because she never paid the payment, he works out of town and is gone for 3 wks out of the month and was not able to keep up with the bills himself due to his job. The sad thing is that he brings home about 2 thousand a week, and she works and brings home quit a bit week yet they are ALWAYS broke and have very few bills. All she is suppose to do is pay the utilities phone, electric, gas, water and she can't even do that because she never has enough money and they are always getting turned off...WHY we just can't figure it out other than the U.P.S. guys coming to their house EVERY DAY dropping off something new.
Well, beings he wants to be a control freak about the checking, he can be a control freak when it comes time to go grocery shopping, cooking meals, soccer dad and anything else you can think of that you did %26amp; still do, that he doesn't do. My wife and I share everything and keep no secrets from each other. This would not be fair to my wife by taking her name off of stuff. If something happened to me, then how would she know how much we had or what we owed. Your both careless with money from the sounds of it. With the economy the way it is, you may consider getting a part-time job to help him out with the bills. I would find something that pays tips if I were you and save all the cash you can save without telling him. You need to think about you and your children. Also, you never know what the future has in store for you. He may want to divorce you, keep the kids and kick you to the curb. It's time to grow up girl and sacrafice things to support your family. If and when things get better, then go back to college, but right now your family needs you and maybe even your husband even if he doesn't admit it.Husband removed me from our joint account...need good advice?
If your finances have been fixed by this, then as the other answerer said, just suck it up.
If not, then he needs to realize that a marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
FYI other answerers, you CAN remove a person from a joint account. The bank will CLOSE the joint account, and open another one in your name only.
first of all your husband can not take you off a JOINT account. if he told u that he is not telling u the truth. you have to go to the bank yourself to remove your own name. and yeah that's BS. both of y'all need to try better. you have 5 kids to teach things like saving money and how to be a good employee. among a million other things.
The real question here is did he get the finances under control this way? If he did, then suck it up and deal with it until you reach a point that you are working too. When you start to work, put your pay into an account that he doesn't have access to. But until then, go along... if he got the finances under control then that's a good thing. He will quickly realize how the expenses add up on his own.
how could he remove you from the account. It is a federal law that you HAVE to go in there and sign your name off.... I would check into this a bit further.
First and foremost provide receipts for each childs needs. You might need some money managing skills, TRUE, but no excuse of taking the joint account away. He CAN control you because he knows YOU don't have any other source of income besides himself. SO what YOU need to do is ';ACT LIKE'; you are going to find a job, leave him with the kids SENSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR DAYCARE ****wink**** and let him stay with the kids ALL DAY. He thinks it's an easy job, because they are just kids, but don't understand because he isn't there ALL DAY with the kids
If you were the one writting the bad checks, and racking up all the overdraft fees, then I think your husband was right in taking you off the account. If you were the one who did it, then you've already shown that you are very irresponsible with money, and that you don't know how to manage your funds very well. I think that at least for now, it would be best for you to not have access to the checking account.. to prevent any further debt.
That being said, if it was BOTH of you who were out writting the checks, and using the credit cards.. then you are BOTH equally responsible, and should work together to get your finances back in order.
I know it must be frustrating to not have access to the checking account. But really, I think that (if you did write the checks) it's the best thing to do, at least for the time being, while you all get your finances back in order.
One more thing - If money is that tight for you all, then you should really look into cutting out whatever unnecessary expenses you have (internet, cable/satellite tv..etc.) until it all gets sorted out.
I wish you the best!
well i dont think its possible for him to remove you fro the account...did u call the bank?!
also he is really being irresponsable , my husband did the same thing...i went to pay for my lunch and i had to write a check b.c he turned my debit card off....
bastard!
we have 3 kids total ...i think you should do e-bay to make more money i make about$500 in a week..go through your kids old clothes and sell them!!!
also your husband is an idiot(like mine) he needs to realize u dont ahve to ask him for money!!! he should give you what you need for HIS kids!
and thats that!!
or you can tell him to go buy everythign and go get grocerys and walmart and whatever else u use money for.....he wont like that to much(if hes anything like my husband) LOL
If he controls the money, is he also the one that actually does the paying of the bills? Maybe he thinks that you are the soul cause of the debt you are in. Let him have his way and if things don't change then he will see that is was not your fault. If he can get you out of the hole you are in, then you had a lot to do with it.
I have a sister in law that LOVES to spend money, A LOT OF MONEY. My brother had her taken off his account too and he ended up having to open another account in his own name with our mother just to make sure that at least his house payment was made every month. The house is in his name only, they had to file bankruptcy because they almost lost the house because she never paid the payment, he works out of town and is gone for 3 wks out of the month and was not able to keep up with the bills himself due to his job. The sad thing is that he brings home about 2 thousand a week, and she works and brings home quit a bit week yet they are ALWAYS broke and have very few bills. All she is suppose to do is pay the utilities phone, electric, gas, water and she can't even do that because she never has enough money and they are always getting turned off...WHY we just can't figure it out other than the U.P.S. guys coming to their house EVERY DAY dropping off something new.
Husband on drugs! almost 6 months pregnant! please give advice?
my husband has a drug problem. he is addicted to crystal meth he was clean when we got married but shortly after started using again. so now im pregnant and we are not even living together because of his drug use. every time i talk to him or see him he accuses me of cheating (even though im pregnant) and he calls me a wh*re and b*tch and every name you could think of. it really hurts me. i really love this man we have known each other since we were 13 years old. he also lives a couple blocks from me at the moment. just lately he turned his phone off and hasn't talked to me for 2 days and i feel horrible i know its stupid but i really want to just go over to where he is living and try to talk to him. i worry about him and love him. do you think i should just show up at his house or should i just leave him alone? any advice from someone who has been in a similar situation?Husband on drugs! almost 6 months pregnant! please give advice?
My sister got with a guy that she didnt know was a drug addict he kept saying he was gonna do better she had a daughter with him and he was there for her son since he was a baby anyways 8 years later kids lifes are ruined her life is ruined her kids were almost taken by state and now he is finally in jail but those kids are ruined for life mentally and also with somone being hooked on drugs eventually there money runs out and they turn too selling stuff your stuff think about your child right now let him go and deal with his issues when he is done he will be back good luckHusband on drugs! almost 6 months pregnant! please give advice?
OK this is going to be harsh ,do you really want to be with a man who is a drug taker. Do you want to bring your child into the world with this man who obviously disrespects you and his unborn child i would break free from this man if only for your child who deserves a safe environment to be brought up in .You are worth more than this man .
Wow, this guy is definitely bad news. Think of it this way, if your daughter dated a guy like him who treated her that way, wouldn't you want her to move on? You need to focus on your baby now, he needs to be out of the picture. But, if you stay with him, then you know the stress and trouble you're causing yourself AND your unborn child. NOT healthy.
hey jenn i understand this must be hard for you. I want to take this opportunity to send out my well wishes towards you. However, I think that you should forget about him he is only going to bring you down. Right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby try to stay happy during your pregnancy it helps in the long run. Being around a drug addict is potentially a dangerous situation for you and your child, there is no telling what he might do and you need to focus on your safety first. I am pretty sure that you love him and that fact has you hurting but right now you are not in a position to help him, he needs a professional. If you would like to help him you should see about getting one for him. But right now you need to focus on yourself you are lucky that you are giving the gift of life to somebody. Many people \want to and cant.
Also you have to think in terms of your future if you go back to him what kind of life would it result in for your child and yourself. He can potentially be a woman beater and child abuser and you should not expose yourself and your child to that ..
And in times of weakness never discount the love of God. Pray to him it might help, maybe not at first but eventually.
It would be the stupidest move ever to hang on to this man until he proves his sobriety for at least a year. You aren't just dealing with yourself anymore. . . you have a child to worry about. You can't bring this child into the world where it will be around a drug addict as a father. And meth! That's like the worst of the worst! Meth addicts are prone to unpredictable and violent behavior. This is NOT safe for you or your baby.
You can't force someone to get sober. You can't rationalize with them. He has to make the decision on his own. It might take jail, or a health crisis like a heart attack which wakes him up to what he's doing to himself. He isn't going to do it for the sake of you or this pregnancy. And you don't deserve this kind of abuse, being called names and accused of being a cheater.
You need to gain some self esteem, independence, and shift the focus of your life off of this man and onto your unborn child. If you keep pursuing him in the hopes of changing him, you are only setting yourself up for more heartbreak, and setting your child up for a lifetime of misery. The choice is yours.
My sister got with a guy that she didnt know was a drug addict he kept saying he was gonna do better she had a daughter with him and he was there for her son since he was a baby anyways 8 years later kids lifes are ruined her life is ruined her kids were almost taken by state and now he is finally in jail but those kids are ruined for life mentally and also with somone being hooked on drugs eventually there money runs out and they turn too selling stuff your stuff think about your child right now let him go and deal with his issues when he is done he will be back good luckHusband on drugs! almost 6 months pregnant! please give advice?
OK this is going to be harsh ,do you really want to be with a man who is a drug taker. Do you want to bring your child into the world with this man who obviously disrespects you and his unborn child i would break free from this man if only for your child who deserves a safe environment to be brought up in .You are worth more than this man .
Wow, this guy is definitely bad news. Think of it this way, if your daughter dated a guy like him who treated her that way, wouldn't you want her to move on? You need to focus on your baby now, he needs to be out of the picture. But, if you stay with him, then you know the stress and trouble you're causing yourself AND your unborn child. NOT healthy.
hey jenn i understand this must be hard for you. I want to take this opportunity to send out my well wishes towards you. However, I think that you should forget about him he is only going to bring you down. Right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby try to stay happy during your pregnancy it helps in the long run. Being around a drug addict is potentially a dangerous situation for you and your child, there is no telling what he might do and you need to focus on your safety first. I am pretty sure that you love him and that fact has you hurting but right now you are not in a position to help him, he needs a professional. If you would like to help him you should see about getting one for him. But right now you need to focus on yourself you are lucky that you are giving the gift of life to somebody. Many people \want to and cant.
Also you have to think in terms of your future if you go back to him what kind of life would it result in for your child and yourself. He can potentially be a woman beater and child abuser and you should not expose yourself and your child to that ..
And in times of weakness never discount the love of God. Pray to him it might help, maybe not at first but eventually.
It would be the stupidest move ever to hang on to this man until he proves his sobriety for at least a year. You aren't just dealing with yourself anymore. . . you have a child to worry about. You can't bring this child into the world where it will be around a drug addict as a father. And meth! That's like the worst of the worst! Meth addicts are prone to unpredictable and violent behavior. This is NOT safe for you or your baby.
You can't force someone to get sober. You can't rationalize with them. He has to make the decision on his own. It might take jail, or a health crisis like a heart attack which wakes him up to what he's doing to himself. He isn't going to do it for the sake of you or this pregnancy. And you don't deserve this kind of abuse, being called names and accused of being a cheater.
You need to gain some self esteem, independence, and shift the focus of your life off of this man and onto your unborn child. If you keep pursuing him in the hopes of changing him, you are only setting yourself up for more heartbreak, and setting your child up for a lifetime of misery. The choice is yours.
Caught husband downloading naked pics of my mom from her laptop....advice??
My husband is across the country staying with my parents to look for work. I was looking at my husbands email %26amp; saw he had downloaded pics off my moms laptop of her naked. They were pics she took for her hubby. I freaked out and am now disgusted by my husbands actions. This goes further than your typical guy looking at porn. I can't tell my mom because they will kick him out and he is job hunting and house hunting there. What would you have said/done? How would you feel? Any advice will be helpful. Thanks.Caught husband downloading naked pics of my mom from her laptop....advice??
I want to know how he found the pics....knew that they even existed in the first place....there is something very wrong with this story. Why were you looking at his email??? Were you trying to find something??? What are you NOT telling us?Caught husband downloading naked pics of my mom from her laptop....advice??
Put him on the Jerry Springer show
ask him about it. He may just be setting them up for a mean joke...I hope. anyway, get ready to have a big fight with him though. If your mom looks a lot like you and is lovely, then you have nothing to worry about. otherwise he is a freak!
Wow.....you sure can pick them. Good luck with that!!!
just slowly get on the subject. tell your mom, trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should kick him out of the house instead of your mother. That is just plain sick. Your mom should of been smarter and took those pics out of the computer knowing that someone is going to stay there and possibly see them. It would be one thing if he called you and told you that he has seen a pic of your Mom naked but you know he downloaded them for his sexual gratification.
just let it out. if he's doing such a thing imagine what ge will do to your parents' marriage?! and you still worry about him?! defend your parents first what if he's some kind of sicko?!
Truthfully, in this case, I would let my mother know. This is complete and utter DISRESPECT for BOTH u and your mother and if this is the kind of sick person he is, he needs help. And because he is there staying with them, u need to let your mother in on this as soon as possible. When he comes back home, u deal with him separately.
That is completely unacceptable behavior. If he is doing this, you need to ask yourself what else has he doing half way across the country. You did not say whether or not you have kids, or how long you have been married. But, if it were me I would be looking for a divorce lawyer. This guy can not be trusted. If he is doing something this sick then I guarantee you he is doing other stuff you are unaware of. He can not be trusted. Get out while you can. Also you mom does need to know. May think about how you tell her. You dad is likely to blow a gasket and get into some legal problems over it. Hope things work out best for you.
omg...i would be so pissed....I'm talking divorce!!.....or at least look at his dad naked to get back at him!!...lol
How did she look?
EEk i would dump him......
That is really gross. I would get him out her house ASAP and start counseling for him!
I would do the following:
1. Let my husband know I know what he did
2. I would tell my mother
Sorry, that is just all the way around wrong, looking for a job or not - and you want to be with him?
Relax sweetie. I need to evaluate the pictures before I can make an accurate assessment. I think you might be over-re-acting. ------------
I would be looking for a good lawyer
Maybe it's your mom you need to talk to......
thats sick, i don't know what to tell you...smack him are kick him in the nutz
uhm eww why do u care if they kick him out they should and if u stay with him ur stupid!
who cares if he is job or house hunting tell them he is a gross pig and be done with his a*s you dont need that and neither do they... i would want to know if he did that to me and was sleeping under my roof you owe it to them to tell them for godsake dont you think... it is your mom after all the woman that gave birth to you dont not tell her she would want you to tell her asap....do it .... for your own peace of mind and theirs
thats not right
EEWWWW
Your mom put the pic's out there. Maybe you should have a chat with your mom.Would you be upset if the pic's were of someone else other then your mom?
I want to know how he found the pics....knew that they even existed in the first place....there is something very wrong with this story. Why were you looking at his email??? Were you trying to find something??? What are you NOT telling us?Caught husband downloading naked pics of my mom from her laptop....advice??
Put him on the Jerry Springer show
ask him about it. He may just be setting them up for a mean joke...I hope. anyway, get ready to have a big fight with him though. If your mom looks a lot like you and is lovely, then you have nothing to worry about. otherwise he is a freak!
Wow.....you sure can pick them. Good luck with that!!!
just slowly get on the subject. tell your mom, trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should kick him out of the house instead of your mother. That is just plain sick. Your mom should of been smarter and took those pics out of the computer knowing that someone is going to stay there and possibly see them. It would be one thing if he called you and told you that he has seen a pic of your Mom naked but you know he downloaded them for his sexual gratification.
just let it out. if he's doing such a thing imagine what ge will do to your parents' marriage?! and you still worry about him?! defend your parents first what if he's some kind of sicko?!
Truthfully, in this case, I would let my mother know. This is complete and utter DISRESPECT for BOTH u and your mother and if this is the kind of sick person he is, he needs help. And because he is there staying with them, u need to let your mother in on this as soon as possible. When he comes back home, u deal with him separately.
That is completely unacceptable behavior. If he is doing this, you need to ask yourself what else has he doing half way across the country. You did not say whether or not you have kids, or how long you have been married. But, if it were me I would be looking for a divorce lawyer. This guy can not be trusted. If he is doing something this sick then I guarantee you he is doing other stuff you are unaware of. He can not be trusted. Get out while you can. Also you mom does need to know. May think about how you tell her. You dad is likely to blow a gasket and get into some legal problems over it. Hope things work out best for you.
omg...i would be so pissed....I'm talking divorce!!.....or at least look at his dad naked to get back at him!!...lol
How did she look?
EEk i would dump him......
That is really gross. I would get him out her house ASAP and start counseling for him!
I would do the following:
1. Let my husband know I know what he did
2. I would tell my mother
Sorry, that is just all the way around wrong, looking for a job or not - and you want to be with him?
Relax sweetie. I need to evaluate the pictures before I can make an accurate assessment. I think you might be over-re-acting. ------------
I would be looking for a good lawyer
Maybe it's your mom you need to talk to......
thats sick, i don't know what to tell you...smack him are kick him in the nutz
uhm eww why do u care if they kick him out they should and if u stay with him ur stupid!
who cares if he is job or house hunting tell them he is a gross pig and be done with his a*s you dont need that and neither do they... i would want to know if he did that to me and was sleeping under my roof you owe it to them to tell them for godsake dont you think... it is your mom after all the woman that gave birth to you dont not tell her she would want you to tell her asap....do it .... for your own peace of mind and theirs
thats not right
EEWWWW
Your mom put the pic's out there. Maybe you should have a chat with your mom.Would you be upset if the pic's were of someone else other then your mom?
My husband and I are having an issue about my not having a job. Any advice? (please read details)?
Okay, I had a full-time job until May of this year. Then I got let go. My husband had used all his sick time by the end of March by interpreting ';sick'; as ';not having slept well,'; so when our kids got sick, it was up to me to call in every time.
He makes good money (I made next to nothing), and we aren't struggling by any means. I've cut out my spending money for the most part, and I've been doing other things to try to cut back to cover the difference. I've also been keeping the house really clean (something he didn't help with when I WAS working), going on field trips with my son's class, babysitting my niece, errand running, etc. I haven't been sitting around doing nothing all day.
I have no problem with getting a job, but I'd like to be able to take my time and find a job I would LIKE and would allow me to be there for my family. He wants me to get a job NOW, at a gas station or grocery store, even though I would never get to see him or our kids. Am I being unreasonable?My husband and I are having an issue about my not having a job. Any advice? (please read details)?
Perhaps he is stressed out about paying the bills? Perhaps there are bills that you don't know about, and the financial strain on the family is more than you are aware of? Regardless, I believe you have the smarter, more logical approach, find a job with flexibility, one that allows you to be more of a Mom and wife....and try to find out why he's so insistent. The truth is if you can afford to stay home with the kids, then that's the best choice you can make for them....My husband and I are having an issue about my not having a job. Any advice? (please read details)?
get a part time...look in the internet for job go to tsi...
Both jobless parents.........so, the kid could get a paper route and be better than you.......nice.......one more reason to have a test before people duplicate.....
I don't think he truly appreciates what you provide for the family by staying at home. He may be feeling a lot of pressure because he now is the sole income in the house. Perhaps as a compromise you could do something to make money from home like Avon, Partylite, etc. That way you are making money, contributing to the household income and can still be there for the family. It might also be helpful to tally up how much you spent on gas, clothes, lunches etc while you were working out of the house compared to what you are spending now. Men understand the bottom line and if that is his main concern, then some good hard numbers might be what will ease his mind.
He feels an inequity in the household. No amount of ';talking'; will convince him of that. The money that comes into the house is joint - that is it is yours and his. He is resenting you for using ';his'; money. That is his view. He is telling you much more than get a job. Listen to why he wants you to get a job... if you don't find something, he will develop a long term resentment. Why not find something until you can get something you like. In the mean time, work on not resenting him for his feelings. It is a viscous cycle.
Your husband needs to get a clue. It sounds like you being a stay at home mom is pretty profitable in ways other than money. Have you asked your kids what they prefer? You being home or working? The house is being kept clean, the kids see more of you which is only a good thing, and money is fine. You are budgeting well it sounds like.
He is being extremely selfish and not thinking of your children or what you want. I would tell him to suck it up and forget you getting a job. You aren't going to make much anyway, so what is the point? He needs to learn to share his money and to realize that he is the provider of the family.
Good luck!
He makes good money (I made next to nothing), and we aren't struggling by any means. I've cut out my spending money for the most part, and I've been doing other things to try to cut back to cover the difference. I've also been keeping the house really clean (something he didn't help with when I WAS working), going on field trips with my son's class, babysitting my niece, errand running, etc. I haven't been sitting around doing nothing all day.
I have no problem with getting a job, but I'd like to be able to take my time and find a job I would LIKE and would allow me to be there for my family. He wants me to get a job NOW, at a gas station or grocery store, even though I would never get to see him or our kids. Am I being unreasonable?My husband and I are having an issue about my not having a job. Any advice? (please read details)?
Perhaps he is stressed out about paying the bills? Perhaps there are bills that you don't know about, and the financial strain on the family is more than you are aware of? Regardless, I believe you have the smarter, more logical approach, find a job with flexibility, one that allows you to be more of a Mom and wife....and try to find out why he's so insistent. The truth is if you can afford to stay home with the kids, then that's the best choice you can make for them....My husband and I are having an issue about my not having a job. Any advice? (please read details)?
get a part time...look in the internet for job go to tsi...
Both jobless parents.........so, the kid could get a paper route and be better than you.......nice.......one more reason to have a test before people duplicate.....
I don't think he truly appreciates what you provide for the family by staying at home. He may be feeling a lot of pressure because he now is the sole income in the house. Perhaps as a compromise you could do something to make money from home like Avon, Partylite, etc. That way you are making money, contributing to the household income and can still be there for the family. It might also be helpful to tally up how much you spent on gas, clothes, lunches etc while you were working out of the house compared to what you are spending now. Men understand the bottom line and if that is his main concern, then some good hard numbers might be what will ease his mind.
He feels an inequity in the household. No amount of ';talking'; will convince him of that. The money that comes into the house is joint - that is it is yours and his. He is resenting you for using ';his'; money. That is his view. He is telling you much more than get a job. Listen to why he wants you to get a job... if you don't find something, he will develop a long term resentment. Why not find something until you can get something you like. In the mean time, work on not resenting him for his feelings. It is a viscous cycle.
Your husband needs to get a clue. It sounds like you being a stay at home mom is pretty profitable in ways other than money. Have you asked your kids what they prefer? You being home or working? The house is being kept clean, the kids see more of you which is only a good thing, and money is fine. You are budgeting well it sounds like.
He is being extremely selfish and not thinking of your children or what you want. I would tell him to suck it up and forget you getting a job. You aren't going to make much anyway, so what is the point? He needs to learn to share his money and to realize that he is the provider of the family.
Good luck!
Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
Ok, my hubby and I are going to make this decision ourselves, I'm just asking for other's advice.
My hubby's current job is 45min drive from home, it's about $120 in gas a week. He doesnt like what he's doing now. Long hrs, long drive no room to grow, but decent money.
His new job offer is something he wants to do,(still within the same field) maybe 10min from home, in a more positve environment, room to grow, tuituion reimbursment, but we're looking at about a $7/hr pay cut. Is it worth it?
We know God will provide for us, but we need to use some wisdom and common sense as well.
Is it worth it in the long run?
Does this make sense?
I will support my husband in what he wants to do as we make this decision...I know it may put us in a crunch, but if he's happy, I'll crunch down.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
I say, go for it. His happiness is so much more important than money. Plus he will be home more. You can cut corners by clipping coupons, baby sitting, changing your cable to attena service only ( usually about 10 bucks for 30 channels), Gas will be cheaper - That will justify about a day a week of pay cut- and also, he will probably go to a different tax bracket. I know it will be hard but sounds like you all need to pull together and do this for him right now. If he is willing to stick it out and be miserable where he is then it shows you how committed he is to you and the family and if it were me, it would show me that I need to make the changes even more. You know what to do. It is going to be hard but I give it to you for supporting him.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
It can be done if you downsize your lifestyle. If you cut out the unneccessary stuff, you can swing it. You'd be amazed at how much money you can save by not eating out every night, cutting out cable, canceling newspaper subscriptions etc etc.
So I recommend sitting down and make a list of your expenses and look at what you can cut out and see if the new salary covers all the expenses. Good luck!
I have taken several pay cuts for a better opportunity in my work life. One of several things to consider is, a $7 cut is not $7 because of reduced taxes. It may be more like a $4 or $5 cut. You may save $80 or $90 in gas, son now it's more like a $2 pay cut. Heck, that's only $80 per week less for a better quality of life.
My husband's happiness would be worth a $7 pay cut anytime!
Happiness is the key. I say go for it and keep that positive energy churning. good luck
If he will be happier, then you will be too.
The price of gas is another consideration.
Room to grow is another plus.
Good Luck
Calculate the amount of money a day. Figure out the math; assuming he works 5 days a week, he spends about 3 dollars an hour on gas then. That means he's only taking a 4/hr pay cut because of the gas he saves. Also, more time for the family (or the two of you), if he's happy, that's all that's worth it. Being happy with what you do for the rest of your life is all that matters, it's terrible to be miserable. Positive environment and room to grow, what else could you want! If financially you think you can handle that much of a cut, I'd go for it. Plus if he can grow and has a good background he'll be able to work his way up soon enough.
But do as you say; put your trust in God he'll provide for you. !
If it saves you $120 in gas a week you will be ahead, but look at your budget and see if he can afford it.
You are looking at a 90 minute drive a day, and if you only get 20 mpg, and if the new job is closer, then it may be more beneficial to take it.
mmmm....maybe make a budget and see how to make it work
he'll be happier
gain 1 hr daily from commute
save on gas, maybe car insurance, wear N tear on the car
You could cut out eating out except on special occasions like anniversary.
Cut back on groceries by becoming vegetarians and make a lot of soup: Vegetable, bean, split pea, French onion, minnestronne, lentil, etc.
Cut back on vacations - maybe every other year instead of each year. Take shorter, less expensive ones.
Joy to you!
First realize that the difference in gas could will help a bit in the loss of pay. You only need to tighten the belts a little and maybe there is the possibility of overtime to help as well. He can then take some courses to finish school or his master's and the job will pay for that. This will really be a blessing. Once he finishes then the paycheck should increase. Also, after a certain amount of time, he can go in and ask for a raise if they don't have automatic pay increases.
a person should never force themselves into working a job they dont like, even if its less money , theres just no sense in being miserable, money cant always compensate that. and in the long run 90 minutes travel a day compared to 20 , i would take the cutmedication cream
My hubby's current job is 45min drive from home, it's about $120 in gas a week. He doesnt like what he's doing now. Long hrs, long drive no room to grow, but decent money.
His new job offer is something he wants to do,(still within the same field) maybe 10min from home, in a more positve environment, room to grow, tuituion reimbursment, but we're looking at about a $7/hr pay cut. Is it worth it?
We know God will provide for us, but we need to use some wisdom and common sense as well.
Is it worth it in the long run?
Does this make sense?
I will support my husband in what he wants to do as we make this decision...I know it may put us in a crunch, but if he's happy, I'll crunch down.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
I say, go for it. His happiness is so much more important than money. Plus he will be home more. You can cut corners by clipping coupons, baby sitting, changing your cable to attena service only ( usually about 10 bucks for 30 channels), Gas will be cheaper - That will justify about a day a week of pay cut- and also, he will probably go to a different tax bracket. I know it will be hard but sounds like you all need to pull together and do this for him right now. If he is willing to stick it out and be miserable where he is then it shows you how committed he is to you and the family and if it were me, it would show me that I need to make the changes even more. You know what to do. It is going to be hard but I give it to you for supporting him.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
It can be done if you downsize your lifestyle. If you cut out the unneccessary stuff, you can swing it. You'd be amazed at how much money you can save by not eating out every night, cutting out cable, canceling newspaper subscriptions etc etc.
So I recommend sitting down and make a list of your expenses and look at what you can cut out and see if the new salary covers all the expenses. Good luck!
I have taken several pay cuts for a better opportunity in my work life. One of several things to consider is, a $7 cut is not $7 because of reduced taxes. It may be more like a $4 or $5 cut. You may save $80 or $90 in gas, son now it's more like a $2 pay cut. Heck, that's only $80 per week less for a better quality of life.
My husband's happiness would be worth a $7 pay cut anytime!
Happiness is the key. I say go for it and keep that positive energy churning. good luck
If he will be happier, then you will be too.
The price of gas is another consideration.
Room to grow is another plus.
Good Luck
Calculate the amount of money a day. Figure out the math; assuming he works 5 days a week, he spends about 3 dollars an hour on gas then. That means he's only taking a 4/hr pay cut because of the gas he saves. Also, more time for the family (or the two of you), if he's happy, that's all that's worth it. Being happy with what you do for the rest of your life is all that matters, it's terrible to be miserable. Positive environment and room to grow, what else could you want! If financially you think you can handle that much of a cut, I'd go for it. Plus if he can grow and has a good background he'll be able to work his way up soon enough.
But do as you say; put your trust in God he'll provide for you. !
If it saves you $120 in gas a week you will be ahead, but look at your budget and see if he can afford it.
You are looking at a 90 minute drive a day, and if you only get 20 mpg, and if the new job is closer, then it may be more beneficial to take it.
mmmm....maybe make a budget and see how to make it work
he'll be happier
gain 1 hr daily from commute
save on gas, maybe car insurance, wear N tear on the car
You could cut out eating out except on special occasions like anniversary.
Cut back on groceries by becoming vegetarians and make a lot of soup: Vegetable, bean, split pea, French onion, minnestronne, lentil, etc.
Cut back on vacations - maybe every other year instead of each year. Take shorter, less expensive ones.
Joy to you!
First realize that the difference in gas could will help a bit in the loss of pay. You only need to tighten the belts a little and maybe there is the possibility of overtime to help as well. He can then take some courses to finish school or his master's and the job will pay for that. This will really be a blessing. Once he finishes then the paycheck should increase. Also, after a certain amount of time, he can go in and ask for a raise if they don't have automatic pay increases.
a person should never force themselves into working a job they dont like, even if its less money , theres just no sense in being miserable, money cant always compensate that. and in the long run 90 minutes travel a day compared to 20 , i would take the cut
I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I've had the most wonderful love affair with my husband for the past 12 years and counting!
About 2 years ago we decided to bring some adventure to our marriage by finding unusual things for us and WOW is all I can say!
But hears the PROBLEM, we put a bunch of suggestion in a bag and withdrew one for us to do this year we drew KNITTING so we took classes together for the past year now and both of us have had a fun at it!
Our final class was last week and doing 2 projects on our own we had to make it with all the fundamental of what we learned!
I made a a sweater and blanket and got an A for it!
My husband made a pair of panties and a bra, the instructor saw what he made she said she could not give him credit until they were shown, her idea was to put them on the BUST, his idea was to have me model them, I did soft fabric yarn too god they felt so good he got an A+, and that night we had the most increasable SEX should I be ashamed because I'd like him to knit more for me?I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I fail to see ANY problem here. What do you have to be ashamed about? You are married adults having fun, and you will soon have a wonderful collection of one-of-a-kind lingerie! As long as your husband enjoys making these things for you, just enjoy.I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
Hey, whatever floats your boat chickie! Just live and be happy (and it sounds like you are!).
Oh your question is so believable or you're just a weirdo...
You're having great sex, because of knitting bras and panties, if you get off on that, then so be it. You obviously feel like you have the best marriage on earth, so good on ya, and keep doing what you are doing.
Can I borrow him?
Liar
If it works, don't try to fix it they say, right? So, if you can make any sparks, while you are trying to spice things up, and if you ignite a fire, then good for you and him, go for it baby....I would say. and hey, if you have any other pointers, let me know!!!!!, i would love to put a flame under my husbands @ss and then weeeeeeeeeeee, will be back on the love boat again... keep having him knit, after all wintertime if right around the corner.
Is this true. Have him make me a set.
I think that you should let him continue to knit you bras and panties as long as he wants too. I mean, if he is agreeing, then you aren't taking advantage of him. Besides, you said you're having great sex now so that is good, right?
Sounds good to me, whatever floats ur boat and keeps ur marriage alive!!! Congrats!
what was that song? how can it be wrong if it feels so right? if he doesn't mind making them keep em coming!
and more power to the over sex drive!
sounds weird
How many times you gonna post this?
How can anything be wrong when it comes to two people enjoying each other doing the same thing? One is the taker and one is the giver as long as you take turns in this roll.Pleasing you is most likely turning him on (no problem in that, right?) If he wants to knit, you flaunt and both be happy and sexually full filed. Do SHOW him how much you love what he is doing for you. a reach around is a must. Enjoy!!
You are obviously a guy with a weird knitting fetish
That was some freaky azz zhit you wrote.........you must be smoking some good zhit......
wow good for you...if it works then good luck to the both of you.............
I dont understand the issue? its a bra n panties made from wool? be happy this is the only dillema you have in your marriage apart from your spelling mistakes.
Have a nice day/night.
About 2 years ago we decided to bring some adventure to our marriage by finding unusual things for us and WOW is all I can say!
But hears the PROBLEM, we put a bunch of suggestion in a bag and withdrew one for us to do this year we drew KNITTING so we took classes together for the past year now and both of us have had a fun at it!
Our final class was last week and doing 2 projects on our own we had to make it with all the fundamental of what we learned!
I made a a sweater and blanket and got an A for it!
My husband made a pair of panties and a bra, the instructor saw what he made she said she could not give him credit until they were shown, her idea was to put them on the BUST, his idea was to have me model them, I did soft fabric yarn too god they felt so good he got an A+, and that night we had the most increasable SEX should I be ashamed because I'd like him to knit more for me?I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I fail to see ANY problem here. What do you have to be ashamed about? You are married adults having fun, and you will soon have a wonderful collection of one-of-a-kind lingerie! As long as your husband enjoys making these things for you, just enjoy.I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
Hey, whatever floats your boat chickie! Just live and be happy (and it sounds like you are!).
Oh your question is so believable or you're just a weirdo...
You're having great sex, because of knitting bras and panties, if you get off on that, then so be it. You obviously feel like you have the best marriage on earth, so good on ya, and keep doing what you are doing.
Can I borrow him?
Liar
If it works, don't try to fix it they say, right? So, if you can make any sparks, while you are trying to spice things up, and if you ignite a fire, then good for you and him, go for it baby....I would say. and hey, if you have any other pointers, let me know!!!!!, i would love to put a flame under my husbands @ss and then weeeeeeeeeeee, will be back on the love boat again... keep having him knit, after all wintertime if right around the corner.
Is this true. Have him make me a set.
I think that you should let him continue to knit you bras and panties as long as he wants too. I mean, if he is agreeing, then you aren't taking advantage of him. Besides, you said you're having great sex now so that is good, right?
Sounds good to me, whatever floats ur boat and keeps ur marriage alive!!! Congrats!
what was that song? how can it be wrong if it feels so right? if he doesn't mind making them keep em coming!
and more power to the over sex drive!
sounds weird
How many times you gonna post this?
How can anything be wrong when it comes to two people enjoying each other doing the same thing? One is the taker and one is the giver as long as you take turns in this roll.Pleasing you is most likely turning him on (no problem in that, right?) If he wants to knit, you flaunt and both be happy and sexually full filed. Do SHOW him how much you love what he is doing for you. a reach around is a must. Enjoy!!
You are obviously a guy with a weird knitting fetish
That was some freaky azz zhit you wrote.........you must be smoking some good zhit......
wow good for you...if it works then good luck to the both of you.............
I dont understand the issue? its a bra n panties made from wool? be happy this is the only dillema you have in your marriage apart from your spelling mistakes.
Have a nice day/night.
Advice for friend who is married and doesn't want to list husband as their child's father.?
A friend of mine wants to begin divorce proceedings and she is 7 months pregnant. Even if her husband shows up for the delivery and stuff, is she required to list him as the baby's father if they are still legally married and living together? She doesn't want to have to explain things to the child later. I don't even know where to begin to tell her to look for answers. Please help!!Advice for friend who is married and doesn't want to list husband as their child's father.?
Generally it is assumed her husband is the father because they are married. I'm not sure if she has to list him or not. I'm not sure why it would matter if she does or not, it doesn't change the fact that he is the father legally and he will still have all the same rights regardless of his name being on the birth certificate. Some day the child may want to look for his/her father and having his name would make it an easier start. Just because things are bad now, doesn't mean they will be forever.Advice for friend who is married and doesn't want to list husband as their child's father.?
It depends who she lists on the birth certificate.
In Virginia, you can leave it as unknown and then when they get divorced, if he wants to be known as the father, he would ask for a DNA test to be done. It seems to be the trend up here for women to list the baby as unknown so that they are able to collect more assistance from the state.
In TN, regardless of who the father is, the state will list the husband as the father.
Look up the law in your state.
So...she wants to start out her child's life with a big fat lie. Her child surely will not resent her later in life...will he?
dose she want child support?
Advise her to place on the birth certificate the name of the man who impregnated her. If that man is her husband, she should list him. If it is someone else, she should list the other name. If she does anything else, she is doing her child a gross disservice.
Who does she want to list? Seriously, it's best to be honest about it. Regardless of whether he's a jerk or not, he's the father and the child has a right to know. It's only fair.That said, it doesn't mean that he has to be a part of the child's life if he's cruel or in some way unfit.
There are two legal issues here.
FIrst, Paternity fraud. If she does NOT tell him and allows him to sign the Acknowledgement of Paternity and the child is NOT his, he can not only disavow the paternity and the execution of the AOP, but may have grounds for a civil suit aside from the divorce proceedings.
Second, she won't be ALLOWED under law to not list the child in the divorce. The divorce won't happen until the child is born and by that time, if she lies in the court papers by attesting to the fact that 'there are no children of the marriage' she faces criminal contempt and perjury charges.
By law, the child is a product of the marriage, regardless of whether or not the husband is the biological father. Therefore, unless she so stipulates in the divorce decree that there are no children of the marriage and explains to the court why she has so stipulated, the child has a legal father.
I would STRONLY suggest she tell the husband it MAY not be his and to have a paternity test done before any divorce proceedings have begun. Otherwise, she puts herself in a very precarious legal position.
I'm not sure where you are located, but in the state of Michigan, the judge will not sign a judgement of divorce until the husband is proved to be the father through dna testing or he accepts the child as his. I believe in most states the husband is automatically assumed the father unless proven otherwise. What she has to remember is that when that child grows up, he/she is going to wonder who their father is. She will eventually have to explain what happened. My advice would be to seek answers from an attorney. They would be most equipped to answer this question.
Generally it is assumed her husband is the father because they are married. I'm not sure if she has to list him or not. I'm not sure why it would matter if she does or not, it doesn't change the fact that he is the father legally and he will still have all the same rights regardless of his name being on the birth certificate. Some day the child may want to look for his/her father and having his name would make it an easier start. Just because things are bad now, doesn't mean they will be forever.Advice for friend who is married and doesn't want to list husband as their child's father.?
It depends who she lists on the birth certificate.
In Virginia, you can leave it as unknown and then when they get divorced, if he wants to be known as the father, he would ask for a DNA test to be done. It seems to be the trend up here for women to list the baby as unknown so that they are able to collect more assistance from the state.
In TN, regardless of who the father is, the state will list the husband as the father.
Look up the law in your state.
So...she wants to start out her child's life with a big fat lie. Her child surely will not resent her later in life...will he?
dose she want child support?
Advise her to place on the birth certificate the name of the man who impregnated her. If that man is her husband, she should list him. If it is someone else, she should list the other name. If she does anything else, she is doing her child a gross disservice.
Who does she want to list? Seriously, it's best to be honest about it. Regardless of whether he's a jerk or not, he's the father and the child has a right to know. It's only fair.That said, it doesn't mean that he has to be a part of the child's life if he's cruel or in some way unfit.
There are two legal issues here.
FIrst, Paternity fraud. If she does NOT tell him and allows him to sign the Acknowledgement of Paternity and the child is NOT his, he can not only disavow the paternity and the execution of the AOP, but may have grounds for a civil suit aside from the divorce proceedings.
Second, she won't be ALLOWED under law to not list the child in the divorce. The divorce won't happen until the child is born and by that time, if she lies in the court papers by attesting to the fact that 'there are no children of the marriage' she faces criminal contempt and perjury charges.
By law, the child is a product of the marriage, regardless of whether or not the husband is the biological father. Therefore, unless she so stipulates in the divorce decree that there are no children of the marriage and explains to the court why she has so stipulated, the child has a legal father.
I would STRONLY suggest she tell the husband it MAY not be his and to have a paternity test done before any divorce proceedings have begun. Otherwise, she puts herself in a very precarious legal position.
I'm not sure where you are located, but in the state of Michigan, the judge will not sign a judgement of divorce until the husband is proved to be the father through dna testing or he accepts the child as his. I believe in most states the husband is automatically assumed the father unless proven otherwise. What she has to remember is that when that child grows up, he/she is going to wonder who their father is. She will eventually have to explain what happened. My advice would be to seek answers from an attorney. They would be most equipped to answer this question.
Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
Ok, my hubby and I are going to make this decision ourselves, I'm just asking for other's advice.
My hubby's current job is 45min drive from home, it's about $120 in gas a week. He doesnt like what he's doing now. Long hrs, long drive no room to grow, but decent money.
His new job offer is something he wants to do,(still within the same field) maybe 10min from home, in a more positve environment, room to grow, tuituion reimbursment, but we're looking at about a $7/hr pay cut. Is it worth it?
We know God will provide for us, but we need to use some wisdom and common sense as well.
Is it worth it in the long run?
Does this make sense?
I will support my husband in what he wants to do as we make this decision...I know it may put us in a crunch, but if he's happy, I'll crunch down.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
You sound like wonderful people. You have not filled in all the blanks on the dollars and if you have children involved but I think he should go for the closer job.
The miles on the car are actually much more costly than the gas alone. He is probably are racking up 350-500 miles per week and that is 20,000 miles per year on the vehicle. A few years and some personal miles and you are at 100,000 miles and need a new vehicle. At ten minutes from home dad could ride a bike or moped to work and you could get rid of one car if you have an extra one now. We had a single car and I rode a moped to work for years and it was fun and very economical.
Also there is the cost on dad's and family's health. 1.5 hours each day in the car is a long time that could be spent exercising, reading, throwing the baseball, teaching life lessons, etc. When the kids are gone these little intangibles will suddenly be the things that were the most important - you just didn't realize it at the time. My kids are probably out playing with our grandkids now - largely because these are the things they remember they enjoyed they we did together many years ago...Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
You didn't say what the hourly wage was so that we know the impact of the $7 cut. If you think you can manage on the income that the cut provides then I say do it. Life is too short to be in a miserable job no matter what it pays. What does the $120 a week equivalent in -$7 per hour? I guess 40 hours at $7 is 280 so that would be almost half the wage cut in gas alone plus wear and tear on the car.
If you can budget on the new hourly wage ~ do it. Things will be tight in the short-term but apparently much better in the long-term not to mention the peace of mind and happiness the new job would provide.
A $7 per hour cut when factoring in the reduced amount of gas usage is not a bad cut at all. If you go from spending say $120 down to $60, you're not doing bad. If this means he is happier, more productive, and can spend more time with his family, then you'll learn to adjust to a $7 cut. And if there is room to grow, there's a strong chance that $7 will shrink to $5, $3, or better, more pay than his last job.
I urge you to tell your husband to take it. It will be better in the long run.
Not sure what percentage that is because you don't tell us his salary. $7 less an hour is a pretty good chunk. That's $15K a year!
You will lose $280 a week, but will save $120 in gas.
If the potential can make up that $160 a week soon, then it is probably worth it.
The $120 he will save in gas will cover almost half of the pay cut. It makes sense, you may have to scrimp a bit, but the time saved in commuting and better job satisfaction should be worth it.
If it feels good DO IT! Many commuters driving to work never seem to consider anything but income and that raise when it is due. A huge consideration in determining job value is drive time. Every year State Farm Insurance in North Atlanta Metro area does a study on commuter's travels from their home offices to downtown Atlanta, approx. 30 miles. Factoring fuel, depreciation, mileage, stress and necessary repairs due to constant ';stop and go';, drivers time wasted, etc., their estimate on a mid-size 6 cylinder 4-door auto is approx. $6,000 annually. Someone can take this figure, take a position closer to home and have a better more positive day just by saving aggravation of the daily drive. A nicer, better and more productive employee just simply taking reduction in pay that had an immediate impact.
Your husband and family will do well. Valued is the support shown by you and this decision is a POSITIVE.
God Bless
My hubby's current job is 45min drive from home, it's about $120 in gas a week. He doesnt like what he's doing now. Long hrs, long drive no room to grow, but decent money.
His new job offer is something he wants to do,(still within the same field) maybe 10min from home, in a more positve environment, room to grow, tuituion reimbursment, but we're looking at about a $7/hr pay cut. Is it worth it?
We know God will provide for us, but we need to use some wisdom and common sense as well.
Is it worth it in the long run?
Does this make sense?
I will support my husband in what he wants to do as we make this decision...I know it may put us in a crunch, but if he's happy, I'll crunch down.Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
You sound like wonderful people. You have not filled in all the blanks on the dollars and if you have children involved but I think he should go for the closer job.
The miles on the car are actually much more costly than the gas alone. He is probably are racking up 350-500 miles per week and that is 20,000 miles per year on the vehicle. A few years and some personal miles and you are at 100,000 miles and need a new vehicle. At ten minutes from home dad could ride a bike or moped to work and you could get rid of one car if you have an extra one now. We had a single car and I rode a moped to work for years and it was fun and very economical.
Also there is the cost on dad's and family's health. 1.5 hours each day in the car is a long time that could be spent exercising, reading, throwing the baseball, teaching life lessons, etc. When the kids are gone these little intangibles will suddenly be the things that were the most important - you just didn't realize it at the time. My kids are probably out playing with our grandkids now - largely because these are the things they remember they enjoyed they we did together many years ago...Others with advice for potential $7/hr pay cut for husband's new job....?
You didn't say what the hourly wage was so that we know the impact of the $7 cut. If you think you can manage on the income that the cut provides then I say do it. Life is too short to be in a miserable job no matter what it pays. What does the $120 a week equivalent in -$7 per hour? I guess 40 hours at $7 is 280 so that would be almost half the wage cut in gas alone plus wear and tear on the car.
If you can budget on the new hourly wage ~ do it. Things will be tight in the short-term but apparently much better in the long-term not to mention the peace of mind and happiness the new job would provide.
A $7 per hour cut when factoring in the reduced amount of gas usage is not a bad cut at all. If you go from spending say $120 down to $60, you're not doing bad. If this means he is happier, more productive, and can spend more time with his family, then you'll learn to adjust to a $7 cut. And if there is room to grow, there's a strong chance that $7 will shrink to $5, $3, or better, more pay than his last job.
I urge you to tell your husband to take it. It will be better in the long run.
Not sure what percentage that is because you don't tell us his salary. $7 less an hour is a pretty good chunk. That's $15K a year!
You will lose $280 a week, but will save $120 in gas.
If the potential can make up that $160 a week soon, then it is probably worth it.
The $120 he will save in gas will cover almost half of the pay cut. It makes sense, you may have to scrimp a bit, but the time saved in commuting and better job satisfaction should be worth it.
If it feels good DO IT! Many commuters driving to work never seem to consider anything but income and that raise when it is due. A huge consideration in determining job value is drive time. Every year State Farm Insurance in North Atlanta Metro area does a study on commuter's travels from their home offices to downtown Atlanta, approx. 30 miles. Factoring fuel, depreciation, mileage, stress and necessary repairs due to constant ';stop and go';, drivers time wasted, etc., their estimate on a mid-size 6 cylinder 4-door auto is approx. $6,000 annually. Someone can take this figure, take a position closer to home and have a better more positive day just by saving aggravation of the daily drive. A nicer, better and more productive employee just simply taking reduction in pay that had an immediate impact.
Your husband and family will do well. Valued is the support shown by you and this decision is a POSITIVE.
God Bless
My husband wants me to have a fling with a female, any advice. I am curious. Would it ruin our relationship?
Why does he want you to do that? Does he want to watch? This sounds very odd to me. Would you want him to have a ';fling'; with a gay man?
Unless you are prepared for unpleasant repercussions, tell him to put the idea where the sun does not shine.
Rose P.My husband wants me to have a fling with a female, any advice. I am curious. Would it ruin our relationship?
Hi, There are a couple of ';key'; words in your statement... Your husband ';WANTS'; you to have a fling with a female.
That's okay for him, but WHAT ABOUT YOU...? Is this what you WANT..?
And you said You are curious... As to what..? Whether it would ruin your relationship or curious about being with another female.
Regardless of how close'; your relationship is, don't get ';pushed'; into something you don't want to be involved in, but if your curious about the situation with another female, then it would appear as though you can see the possibilities to all of this..
Do think it all through very thoroughly - a night's excitement may not work out all in your favour in the long run...
Good luck in your decision..
Regards,
Rachelle In High HeelsMy husband wants me to have a fling with a female, any advice. I am curious. Would it ruin our relationship?
It all depends on how stable your relationship is. If you are both not 100% on board with it you would be well advised not to. My wife and I have done this and we have not had any major problems other than the occasional bout of jealousy (not just on her side but on mine). The first thing you need to do is ALOT of talking. Talk about your concerns and be open and honest with each other. Don't hold back on any questions, just let it rip. The most important thing is communication. Not just with him, but with her. The last thing you want to do is make her mad, because that could be a wedge driven between you and your husband. Hope this answer helped. BTW, we've been married 15 years as a testimony.
Randy
yea, I think that it would ruin your relationship. He may think it won't and you may wonder if it will but it will. in less its a one night 3some a fling with someones else ruins relationships.
well if your husband may be open enough to not get jealous. that would be cool.....but what if you started to like your female friend more than your husband? Just some things to think about.......
I think that it would ruin your relationship. plus I just don't get it why people want to do that.
So...President Bush is a genetic success?
Yes I'm sure he does....that is the ultimate guy fantasy.
Unless you are prepared for unpleasant repercussions, tell him to put the idea where the sun does not shine.
Rose P.My husband wants me to have a fling with a female, any advice. I am curious. Would it ruin our relationship?
Hi, There are a couple of ';key'; words in your statement... Your husband ';WANTS'; you to have a fling with a female.
That's okay for him, but WHAT ABOUT YOU...? Is this what you WANT..?
And you said You are curious... As to what..? Whether it would ruin your relationship or curious about being with another female.
Regardless of how close'; your relationship is, don't get ';pushed'; into something you don't want to be involved in, but if your curious about the situation with another female, then it would appear as though you can see the possibilities to all of this..
Do think it all through very thoroughly - a night's excitement may not work out all in your favour in the long run...
Good luck in your decision..
Regards,
Rachelle In High HeelsMy husband wants me to have a fling with a female, any advice. I am curious. Would it ruin our relationship?
It all depends on how stable your relationship is. If you are both not 100% on board with it you would be well advised not to. My wife and I have done this and we have not had any major problems other than the occasional bout of jealousy (not just on her side but on mine). The first thing you need to do is ALOT of talking. Talk about your concerns and be open and honest with each other. Don't hold back on any questions, just let it rip. The most important thing is communication. Not just with him, but with her. The last thing you want to do is make her mad, because that could be a wedge driven between you and your husband. Hope this answer helped. BTW, we've been married 15 years as a testimony.
Randy
yea, I think that it would ruin your relationship. He may think it won't and you may wonder if it will but it will. in less its a one night 3some a fling with someones else ruins relationships.
well if your husband may be open enough to not get jealous. that would be cool.....but what if you started to like your female friend more than your husband? Just some things to think about.......
I think that it would ruin your relationship. plus I just don't get it why people want to do that.
So...President Bush is a genetic success?
Yes I'm sure he does....that is the ultimate guy fantasy.
Whats ur advice to a newly married girl?If submit me fully to husband,will he fed-up & loose interest on me?
My friend says like that from her own life.Whats ur advice to a newly married girl?If submit me fully to husband,will he fed-up %26amp; loose interest on me?
Don't worry about your friends marriage. All marriages are different %26amp; they all have their up %26amp; downs. You will experience hard times, if you keep your communication open %26amp; don't play the blame game, you'll be able to make it through. You can also try counseling at those times to. It sometimes helps to get a 3rd opinion.
You might want to give everyone's advice to your friend. Sounds like she's the one who needs the help.Whats ur advice to a newly married girl?If submit me fully to husband,will he fed-up %26amp; loose interest on me?
The main key to a happy marriage is communication and understanding each other and be very patient
my god why do you women always think you are psychiatrist, stop analyzing crap and live you life. Because you are missing the fun you could be having
Just enjoy each other, and dont be concerned with what your friend says.
JUST KNOW EACH OTHER AND UNDERSTAND WELL.
HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.
Yes you are to be a submissive wife but not a door mat. You are to be his help mate and honor and respect him but you are not to be insuperior and a slave either as you have a mind of your own. He is to love and cherish you as he would his own body and he is to be a loving man who provides for and takes care of you. Women look at submissive as a dirty word but if they understood what it really meant they would not see it as that. Some men take submissive and abuse what it really means and make their wives a slave and to do whatever they want to them and the women are trampled on abused and hurt and this is not right at all.
relax and be yourself!
Don't worry about your friends marriage. All marriages are different %26amp; they all have their up %26amp; downs. You will experience hard times, if you keep your communication open %26amp; don't play the blame game, you'll be able to make it through. You can also try counseling at those times to. It sometimes helps to get a 3rd opinion.
You might want to give everyone's advice to your friend. Sounds like she's the one who needs the help.Whats ur advice to a newly married girl?If submit me fully to husband,will he fed-up %26amp; loose interest on me?
The main key to a happy marriage is communication and understanding each other and be very patient
my god why do you women always think you are psychiatrist, stop analyzing crap and live you life. Because you are missing the fun you could be having
Just enjoy each other, and dont be concerned with what your friend says.
JUST KNOW EACH OTHER AND UNDERSTAND WELL.
HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.
Yes you are to be a submissive wife but not a door mat. You are to be his help mate and honor and respect him but you are not to be insuperior and a slave either as you have a mind of your own. He is to love and cherish you as he would his own body and he is to be a loving man who provides for and takes care of you. Women look at submissive as a dirty word but if they understood what it really meant they would not see it as that. Some men take submissive and abuse what it really means and make their wives a slave and to do whatever they want to them and the women are trampled on abused and hurt and this is not right at all.
relax and be yourself!
I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I've had the most wonderful love affair with my husband for the past 12 years and counting!
About 2 years ago we decided to bring some adventure to our marriage by finding unusual things for us and WOW is all I can say!
But hears the PROBLEM, we put a bunch of suggestion in a bag and withdrew one for us to do this year we drew KNITTING so we took classes together for the past year now and both of us have had a fun at it!
Our final class was last week and doing 2 projects on our own we had to make it with all the fundamental of what we learned!
I made a a sweater and blanket and got an A for it!
My husband made a pair of panties and a bra, the instructor saw what he made she said she could not give him credit until they were shown, her idea was to put them on the BUST, his idea was to have me model them, I did soft fabric yarn too god they felt so good he got an A+, and that night we had the most increasable SEX should I be ashamed because I'd like him to knit more for me?I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I think you and your husband will have a wonderful marriage until one of you dies. God bless you and please stick to answering questions because alot of people who ask questions NEED you AND your husband to ANSWER!
I think you and he are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God bless you.I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
That is hilarious!! Sounds like your husband discovered a talent for fashion design!
Huh??? You guys are weird, but hey, if this makes you happy, great for you. Better than him watching porn behind your back and you asking on YA if watching porn is considered cheating...
well all I can say is ';I hate you'; :)
Knit, knit, knit...... You luckym girl.... mmmm a mmmm a mmmm! Gitter done!
NO, that is so cute, sexy and hot!! You never find a man who knits. Most men just say forget it ';I'm not doing that'; How in the world did you get him to do that? Anyway, no,ask him to make you more..You were looking for more ways to turn up the heat..this could be one of those ways.
I can't help but think you have too much spare time on your hands.
Rosey Grier, a famous football player for the NFL did needlepoint and macrame. Watcha wanna bet no one gave him any flack about it?
No, it's ok.
That is the cutest thing ever!! If he has time and likes it tell him to keep um coming knit to his hearts content :)
ummmm............. no of course not. some people have weird turn ons and that is one of yours. get it how you get it. if he doesn't mind so be it.
LOL, You enjoy it honey !!!
This is okay, but in return you gotta go into the garage and change the spark plugs.
if it feels good then do it good on you ... i wish i could see it to..hahaha ha ha ha good luck...
Why do you think you should be ashamed.
Most american clothing is imported from near sweatshop conditions overseas. You wear it and it was made by human beings who pray for a lifestyle as wealthy as the poor in the US.
Are you ashamed that he made something for you, that it was unmanly, that you had fun with it, or that it was a context for some marital intimacy that you both enjoyed?
YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM YOU HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD TO WEAR WHAT HE MAKE ONLY FOR YOU.....
LOL--LOL--LOL
THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I EVER HEARD COMING FROM A MARRIED COUPLE! MAY GOD CONTIUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ANOTHER 12 YEARS PLUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND YES KEEP KNITTING, HECK I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK MY HUSBAND DO HE WANT TO TAKE THE CLASS AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!
No that is hot!!! You go girl...
lol, this is too cute!
You both agreed to take a knitting class (a bit unusual, but cool).
He knitted underbits for you, and nailed the size.
You enjoyed them, a LOT.
And showed him just how much.
I don't see the problem anywhere.
He now has a new skill. Put him to work (if he's willing) and don't hesitate to put them on for him, take them off for him*, and show him just how much you appreciate his work, again and again.
* Option: have him take them off of you.
Ashamed, no way! Looks like you both benefit from his ability to knit. I say - enjoy.medication cream
About 2 years ago we decided to bring some adventure to our marriage by finding unusual things for us and WOW is all I can say!
But hears the PROBLEM, we put a bunch of suggestion in a bag and withdrew one for us to do this year we drew KNITTING so we took classes together for the past year now and both of us have had a fun at it!
Our final class was last week and doing 2 projects on our own we had to make it with all the fundamental of what we learned!
I made a a sweater and blanket and got an A for it!
My husband made a pair of panties and a bra, the instructor saw what he made she said she could not give him credit until they were shown, her idea was to put them on the BUST, his idea was to have me model them, I did soft fabric yarn too god they felt so good he got an A+, and that night we had the most increasable SEX should I be ashamed because I'd like him to knit more for me?I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
I think you and your husband will have a wonderful marriage until one of you dies. God bless you and please stick to answering questions because alot of people who ask questions NEED you AND your husband to ANSWER!
I think you and he are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God bless you.I got a funny problem with my husband so please from married folks some sound advice on dealing with it?
That is hilarious!! Sounds like your husband discovered a talent for fashion design!
Huh??? You guys are weird, but hey, if this makes you happy, great for you. Better than him watching porn behind your back and you asking on YA if watching porn is considered cheating...
well all I can say is ';I hate you'; :)
Knit, knit, knit...... You luckym girl.... mmmm a mmmm a mmmm! Gitter done!
NO, that is so cute, sexy and hot!! You never find a man who knits. Most men just say forget it ';I'm not doing that'; How in the world did you get him to do that? Anyway, no,ask him to make you more..You were looking for more ways to turn up the heat..this could be one of those ways.
I can't help but think you have too much spare time on your hands.
Rosey Grier, a famous football player for the NFL did needlepoint and macrame. Watcha wanna bet no one gave him any flack about it?
No, it's ok.
That is the cutest thing ever!! If he has time and likes it tell him to keep um coming knit to his hearts content :)
ummmm............. no of course not. some people have weird turn ons and that is one of yours. get it how you get it. if he doesn't mind so be it.
LOL, You enjoy it honey !!!
This is okay, but in return you gotta go into the garage and change the spark plugs.
if it feels good then do it good on you ... i wish i could see it to..hahaha ha ha ha good luck...
Why do you think you should be ashamed.
Most american clothing is imported from near sweatshop conditions overseas. You wear it and it was made by human beings who pray for a lifestyle as wealthy as the poor in the US.
Are you ashamed that he made something for you, that it was unmanly, that you had fun with it, or that it was a context for some marital intimacy that you both enjoyed?
YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM YOU HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD TO WEAR WHAT HE MAKE ONLY FOR YOU.....
LOL--LOL--LOL
THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I EVER HEARD COMING FROM A MARRIED COUPLE! MAY GOD CONTIUE TO BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ANOTHER 12 YEARS PLUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND YES KEEP KNITTING, HECK I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK MY HUSBAND DO HE WANT TO TAKE THE CLASS AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!
No that is hot!!! You go girl...
lol, this is too cute!
You both agreed to take a knitting class (a bit unusual, but cool).
He knitted underbits for you, and nailed the size.
You enjoyed them, a LOT.
And showed him just how much.
I don't see the problem anywhere.
He now has a new skill. Put him to work (if he's willing) and don't hesitate to put them on for him, take them off for him*, and show him just how much you appreciate his work, again and again.
* Option: have him take them off of you.
Ashamed, no way! Looks like you both benefit from his ability to knit. I say - enjoy.
I am sick and tired of my husband's dog I want it gone!!!! Any advice?
About a year and a half ago (when my husband and I were dating/almost engaged...we basically knew we were gonna get married so we discussed various issues), we talked about animals. He had already had two indoor cats that i knew would move in with him once he got his house. I grew up w/ cats but they were indoor/outdoor..So even tho we weren't engaged yet I had to get use to the fact. Next subject was about getting a dog (this is the issue). I never grew up with dogs but I do like them...if they stay outside and once in a blue moon can come in. He's the opposite. He wants a dog that can be indoors almost at all times. We had discussed/agreed that we will see about getting a dog after we are married and settled in to our home. Come Sept. of 2007 he had found a dog that he wanted and begged me about it..I told him no and that it was ugly (he begged me and begged..he gets attached to animals to easily).I am sick and tired of my husband's dog I want it gone!!!! Any advice?
You made a huge mistake by saying ';yes';. It is very similiar to being married and not wanting kids (but your spouse does). Under no circumstances should you ever allow your spouse to talk you into doing something you absolutely don't want to do (particularly given the responsibilities of being a pet owner).
At this point in time, the best thing you can do is tell your husband you made a huge mistake giving into his demands. Tell him honestly that you want the dog gone if there is anyway possible to find it a new home.
However, don't give it to the pound or have it put to sleep. You originally agreed to take on this responsibility and until you have found it a new home killing / abandoning it is morally / ethically wrong.
As other people have pointed out this dog is a product of its nature and the way it was raised. Its behavior can be modified if you have the patience to do so. It also is biting you because it is picking up your negative emotions toward it.I am sick and tired of my husband's dog I want it gone!!!! Any advice?
I would love to have a puppy and we both raise it together. Having his animals in the house even tho we are married..dn't feel like 'they are part of me'
Tell him its me or the dog, your choice, We discussed dogs, and you know how I feel about this, I am not playing second fiddle to the dog, so your decision buddy.
Sounds like you're jealous of the dog.
And your question is what then??
so does he have a dog or just want one?
Dogs know when people don't like them -- which is why the dog is leery of you.
You know, it sounds a little strange, but you actually sound jealous of the dog. Can that be possible? A lot of your comments have to do with your impatience towards your husband and his affection for the dog, and how you ';never have your husband to yourself';. Do you REALLY think that your husband is sharing affection between you and the dog?
It sounds like some sort of compromise is in order, here. You agreed to the dog, but now you feel like the dog is somehow infringing on your life by just being in the same house with you. You and your husband need to sit down and come up with an acceptable compromise -- perhaps the dog isn't allowed in the house except for an hour or two each day, etc., or is crated when your husband is away, etc.
Good luck -- but whatever you do, don't use the ultimatum, ';Me or the dog!'; You might be surprised which one he'd pick . . .
The reason why the dog has bitten you twice, is because it can sense your negative energy! Dont blame the dog, if you wanna know how to get on with this dog, then watch ';The Dog Whisperer';
Put the dog outside, pay a neighbor to take the dog for a walk, so you can have time with hubby! If you have a fenced in yard then put him outside and have time with hubby! Lock the dog in another room, put the dog in another room..
Well, you need to deal with the dog, it's part of your family now!
animals can feel love.
animals can also feel hate and rejection.
can you imagine how it would be, if your hubby got jealous at your child, IF you had one together?
if you can't love an animal, you can't love, period.
Life can be a wonderful thing. Yet so many just want to look for problems. If you love your husband and he wants a dog in the house, what鈥檚 the harm? Do you have children that would be sick with an animal in the home? If not give it a try. You might find out it is not as bad as you think. If it doesn鈥檛 work out then you may speak up and let him know the problems. But life will not be kind to you if you try to make problems that are not there.
And what is the question? Maybe try accepting the dog and it won't be so bad. What if your husband to you to get rid of the cats? Would you? Probably not. Unless the dog is mean, bites or destroys stuff, get over it or move out.
the dog knows that you don't like it and sees you as a threat, so of course it's going to be hostile to you.
sounds like the dog and you need to go to obedience training. The dog will learn to listen to you and see you as an alpha and you'll learn how to handle the dog so that it is not hostile towards you. If that doesn't clear things up then a hostile and jealous dog should not stay in the house and should definitely be gone if you have young children.
BTW: if you are the only one the dog is hostile with, then you are the problem. Me: I've dumped people from my life that my dogs don't like. I find them to be very accurate judges of character.
Is the dog following you around everywhere like he did w/ his previous owner? The dog is just doing what he knows. The lady probably Did spoil the dog. The dog is probably the only company she had. Try to cope the best you can. You've got your cats, and now, he has his dog. Good Luck!!
You are jealous of a dog!??!
You MUST be mean to the dog for it to bite you! It is obvious that you do not like this dog because the dog takes some of your alone time with your husband. Sigh.
You have much bigger problems than just a dog. The dog is being used as an excuse for your neediness. Get some help.
You may have made a mistake saying yes, but you did, so now you have to live with the consequences! Also, cats and dogs should not be outdoors all the time. They need comfort, socialization and love like all living souls. You are stuck! Get used to it. If you tell your husband ';it's me or the dog'; I sure hope he chooses the dog.
The dog probably hates you because she knows you hate her. Animals are very sensitive to people and their moods and feelings.
I am a dog lover. What exactly is your problem with the dog? You said you didn't mind the idea at first, What changed your mind? Maybe it's just a matter of retraining it. Contrary to the saying, You can teach an old dog new tricks. I would suggest having a professsional dog trainer look at your situation. For most, a pet is considered a member of the family, it would be like giving away a child. Personally, if I had to chose between a spouse and a dog, I would pick the dog everytime. Because Dogs are not capable of lying, or cheating, the way humans are.
A person can go overboard with pets there's no doubt about that, but you knew how he felt before you got married! I have a dog and he is my best friend so I know how he feels. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking sides but if you love him enough let him have a dog, just don't let it get out of hand! RandyCasino!!
The dog senses that you hate her. So she hates you too. She also finds you a threat to her and her master so she is going to the one thing that comes natural to her and that is to bite when she feels threaten. Either she has to go or you will. This dog has no plans to every be nice to you because she will never totally trust you. When any animal sense they aren't liked by someone they will do what they have to in order to protect themselves and their owner/s. You also seem to be jealous cause the dog is always around. I mean it's a dog. It's not like she's a person that comes over day after day and stays until the next day. It's a dog. That lives there. So you have a couple of choices here. Either find a way to like the dog and learn to live with the dog always being around or you can move. Or you can speak to your husband and explain how you truly feel about the dog and that you regret telling him ok to getting it but he pressured you into it. Now you resent the dog totally and his going to have to make a choice you or the dog. Or last but not least..... If you can get the dog in a cage or your car you can always take her to the pound or dump her on a side road. If you can live with yourself afterwords.
Yes, you are jealous of the dog.
If you were allergic to the dog, then I could see why you would not want it in the home. If you had a traumatic experience with a dog when you were younger, I could understand why you wouldn't want a dog. Just growing up without one doesn't sound like a good enough reason to not have one now.
You want time alone with your husband, and honey I have to tell you: that dog isn't taking your time away from one another. A baby will. If you are jealous of the dog being around, you better think long and hard about having a child (if you intend to). And why wait until you are settled in? I have been married forever and still am not settled in. I have always wanted a big furry dog, but my husband keeps getting these little dogs. I still love them, though. Take time out from being angry and pay close attention to this animal. He's more joy than you apparently realize~
You made a huge mistake by saying ';yes';. It is very similiar to being married and not wanting kids (but your spouse does). Under no circumstances should you ever allow your spouse to talk you into doing something you absolutely don't want to do (particularly given the responsibilities of being a pet owner).
At this point in time, the best thing you can do is tell your husband you made a huge mistake giving into his demands. Tell him honestly that you want the dog gone if there is anyway possible to find it a new home.
However, don't give it to the pound or have it put to sleep. You originally agreed to take on this responsibility and until you have found it a new home killing / abandoning it is morally / ethically wrong.
As other people have pointed out this dog is a product of its nature and the way it was raised. Its behavior can be modified if you have the patience to do so. It also is biting you because it is picking up your negative emotions toward it.I am sick and tired of my husband's dog I want it gone!!!! Any advice?
I would love to have a puppy and we both raise it together. Having his animals in the house even tho we are married..dn't feel like 'they are part of me'
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Tell him its me or the dog, your choice, We discussed dogs, and you know how I feel about this, I am not playing second fiddle to the dog, so your decision buddy.
Sounds like you're jealous of the dog.
And your question is what then??
so does he have a dog or just want one?
Dogs know when people don't like them -- which is why the dog is leery of you.
You know, it sounds a little strange, but you actually sound jealous of the dog. Can that be possible? A lot of your comments have to do with your impatience towards your husband and his affection for the dog, and how you ';never have your husband to yourself';. Do you REALLY think that your husband is sharing affection between you and the dog?
It sounds like some sort of compromise is in order, here. You agreed to the dog, but now you feel like the dog is somehow infringing on your life by just being in the same house with you. You and your husband need to sit down and come up with an acceptable compromise -- perhaps the dog isn't allowed in the house except for an hour or two each day, etc., or is crated when your husband is away, etc.
Good luck -- but whatever you do, don't use the ultimatum, ';Me or the dog!'; You might be surprised which one he'd pick . . .
The reason why the dog has bitten you twice, is because it can sense your negative energy! Dont blame the dog, if you wanna know how to get on with this dog, then watch ';The Dog Whisperer';
Put the dog outside, pay a neighbor to take the dog for a walk, so you can have time with hubby! If you have a fenced in yard then put him outside and have time with hubby! Lock the dog in another room, put the dog in another room..
Well, you need to deal with the dog, it's part of your family now!
animals can feel love.
animals can also feel hate and rejection.
can you imagine how it would be, if your hubby got jealous at your child, IF you had one together?
if you can't love an animal, you can't love, period.
Life can be a wonderful thing. Yet so many just want to look for problems. If you love your husband and he wants a dog in the house, what鈥檚 the harm? Do you have children that would be sick with an animal in the home? If not give it a try. You might find out it is not as bad as you think. If it doesn鈥檛 work out then you may speak up and let him know the problems. But life will not be kind to you if you try to make problems that are not there.
And what is the question? Maybe try accepting the dog and it won't be so bad. What if your husband to you to get rid of the cats? Would you? Probably not. Unless the dog is mean, bites or destroys stuff, get over it or move out.
the dog knows that you don't like it and sees you as a threat, so of course it's going to be hostile to you.
sounds like the dog and you need to go to obedience training. The dog will learn to listen to you and see you as an alpha and you'll learn how to handle the dog so that it is not hostile towards you. If that doesn't clear things up then a hostile and jealous dog should not stay in the house and should definitely be gone if you have young children.
BTW: if you are the only one the dog is hostile with, then you are the problem. Me: I've dumped people from my life that my dogs don't like. I find them to be very accurate judges of character.
Is the dog following you around everywhere like he did w/ his previous owner? The dog is just doing what he knows. The lady probably Did spoil the dog. The dog is probably the only company she had. Try to cope the best you can. You've got your cats, and now, he has his dog. Good Luck!!
You are jealous of a dog!??!
You MUST be mean to the dog for it to bite you! It is obvious that you do not like this dog because the dog takes some of your alone time with your husband. Sigh.
You have much bigger problems than just a dog. The dog is being used as an excuse for your neediness. Get some help.
You may have made a mistake saying yes, but you did, so now you have to live with the consequences! Also, cats and dogs should not be outdoors all the time. They need comfort, socialization and love like all living souls. You are stuck! Get used to it. If you tell your husband ';it's me or the dog'; I sure hope he chooses the dog.
The dog probably hates you because she knows you hate her. Animals are very sensitive to people and their moods and feelings.
I am a dog lover. What exactly is your problem with the dog? You said you didn't mind the idea at first, What changed your mind? Maybe it's just a matter of retraining it. Contrary to the saying, You can teach an old dog new tricks. I would suggest having a professsional dog trainer look at your situation. For most, a pet is considered a member of the family, it would be like giving away a child. Personally, if I had to chose between a spouse and a dog, I would pick the dog everytime. Because Dogs are not capable of lying, or cheating, the way humans are.
A person can go overboard with pets there's no doubt about that, but you knew how he felt before you got married! I have a dog and he is my best friend so I know how he feels. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking sides but if you love him enough let him have a dog, just don't let it get out of hand! RandyCasino!!
The dog senses that you hate her. So she hates you too. She also finds you a threat to her and her master so she is going to the one thing that comes natural to her and that is to bite when she feels threaten. Either she has to go or you will. This dog has no plans to every be nice to you because she will never totally trust you. When any animal sense they aren't liked by someone they will do what they have to in order to protect themselves and their owner/s. You also seem to be jealous cause the dog is always around. I mean it's a dog. It's not like she's a person that comes over day after day and stays until the next day. It's a dog. That lives there. So you have a couple of choices here. Either find a way to like the dog and learn to live with the dog always being around or you can move. Or you can speak to your husband and explain how you truly feel about the dog and that you regret telling him ok to getting it but he pressured you into it. Now you resent the dog totally and his going to have to make a choice you or the dog. Or last but not least..... If you can get the dog in a cage or your car you can always take her to the pound or dump her on a side road. If you can live with yourself afterwords.
Yes, you are jealous of the dog.
If you were allergic to the dog, then I could see why you would not want it in the home. If you had a traumatic experience with a dog when you were younger, I could understand why you wouldn't want a dog. Just growing up without one doesn't sound like a good enough reason to not have one now.
You want time alone with your husband, and honey I have to tell you: that dog isn't taking your time away from one another. A baby will. If you are jealous of the dog being around, you better think long and hard about having a child (if you intend to). And why wait until you are settled in? I have been married forever and still am not settled in. I have always wanted a big furry dog, but my husband keeps getting these little dogs. I still love them, though. Take time out from being angry and pay close attention to this animal. He's more joy than you apparently realize~
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