Daughter hated me from day one. I give husband good, loving home and treat him like gold. It doesn't matter. She is a user and only calls daddy when she wants something. Husband hasn't talked to ex in years, since daughter was a minor. I thought everyone had moved on. She remarried and he had a 7 year relationship with someone else before we even met.
Last month, husband got a phone call on cell out of the blue from the ex (I was standing there) telling him she was going through a nasty divorce and giving details. WTH? He ended call quickly and was just as surprised as I was. I asked why and he said she told him she was moving far away and wanted to let him know. I said she should have told daughter to pass on the info when all was said and done. There was no need to call him and talk about her issues. Oh yeah, she was drunk besides.
Come to find out she has been calling his sister in law also. ';For advice';. I'm sure they were loving it as they never liked me. I found out she has emailed my husband on a couple of occasions and on Father's day she texted him. I don't know what's going on but my husband says nothing. If that were true, I told him it should have ended after that first drunken phone call. Period.
His family always liked her in spite of everything she did and doesn't accept me although I am loving and good to him. I will never understand. Some people are just nasty.
He said she probably just ';needed to vent';. I said okay I understand, but why YOU-your family? She should have spoken to her own friends.
When he got the text on Father's day, I asked who from and he said he didn't know. A lie. When I said I knew it was ex (from number) he got angry and defensive. I sent him an email (because we weren't talking) telling him my feelings, how this is wrong. Asked him why he is angry at me (?) for wanting to know why now-why after all these years. Didn't he think it was strange?
I told him he has some decisions to make and to let me know what he decides. If he wanted a real marriage with me to put an end to these head games with ex. I wouldn't doubt it if daughter put her up to it to get to me.
My ex and I are on good terms-but only regarding my minor son. We know none of each other's business. We divorced for a reason. Moved on.
I am not a paranoid , jealous person-but this is wrong. She knows he is married and doesn't care. I don't know if she is trying to get him back or just cause trouble. It has been YEARS!
My husband doesn't owe her anything and it is coming between us as we still haven't spoken in 2 days. I told him if there was nothing to hide, then why so defensive? Why hasn't it stopped.
I'd like to know what the reason is-not easy when he won't talk-which he hardly does anyway about ';feelings'; stuff.
Do you think there is more going on than I know? Is he just a wuss who feels bad in a way for her so won't shut it off? Why would he care after what she did to him? Is he getting an ego trip out of it because she wants him back after realizing the grass wasn't greener? He will not initiate conversation. I said everything I had to in email (it was NOT confrontational-just how hurt I was). What should my next step be? I honestly thought after that first call he would have put an end to it out of respect for me. The fact that this is still an issue makes me question where his devotion lies, what else I don't know. I should come first. I am a kind, loving person and don't deserve this.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
Well, I was completely on your husband's side of this situation until you said he started to hide it from you and lie to you about it -- that is definitely not cool. Let me explain.
If they've been divorced and without contact for that long, AND he is married to you, then why do you need to be worrying if his ex calls him or texts him, or talks to his family? How old are all of you? If his daughter is 28 years old, I can only assume the two of you are in your late 40's at least -- why all the high school drama, honestly? This woman's intentions shouldn't matter in the least bit to you -- your husband's intentions should be all that matters. If he ended the phone call with her quickly after realizing it wasn't about their daughter, then what is there to worry about, really? Even if she WAS trying to get back with him and get into his head, if he's turning her down and pushing her away does it really matter?
Where he starts to hide it and lie about it is where I would become concerned. However, is it possible -- JUST THINK ABOUT IT -- that maybe he started hiding it and lying to you about it because you were being all psycho about it? Please don't get defensive, just think about it. Maybe he IS doing the right thing and keeping her at arm's length (without being rude, because there is no reason he needs to be rude to her) but you were getting all crazy about it and not letting it go and so he decided he needed to go on the defensive and stopped telling you what was going on to prevent arguments?
Trust me on this one. I have a past of not letting stuff go and talking things to DEATH with my husband until he started getting defensive and hiding stuff from me too. I learned the hard way to not go there -- let things rest, please, for the sake of your marriage. Over the past few months or so I've gone through some HUGE changes in that regard, and it's helped a bit -- take my advice.
Apologize to your husband for making such a huge deal about it, and vow to back off. Make it clear between the two of you what you feel the boundaries should be regarding his ex wife, and then SHUT UP about it. Honestly. Trust him and leave it be, and don't worry about if she's talking to his family -- they don't matter either. What matters is how your husband feels.
Good luck.Husband's ex making contact after YEARS of none-advice please?
He is with you right so you do come first. The poor man has no control over what his drunken ex might say or do. Do not keep giving him grief over this issue. The ex said she is moving far away, good. If you keep on harassing the man you will be creating a problem when there does not need to be one.
How would he know why the ex is doing what she is doing. The ex can have a relationship with the inlaws if she wants that is totally up to them. You must learn that you cannot controll every issue and your husband is not responsible for his ex's behaviour.
Quite a story, but I would say take this for what he says it is which is a drunken call, some emails and a text. Your husband wants you. I can understand the questioning of her motives and wondering what's going on in his head but we all learn we can't control what others do or think.
Talk to him (no email stuff cause that's childish) and let him know it does worry you a bit that she wants back in his life because in your eyes when you move on you really move on but you don't want her to come between you so if he needs to communicate with her you will be more understanding. Let him know you love him and trust him. Maybe that's all you can do.
If something extra is going on I have a strong feeling you would find out. You are a good person, we all are good persons, and no one deserves sneaking around, lies, drama or anything but it happens. Keep your cool, make up with your man, and try not to worry. If you stay judging him he might really feel driven to see more in his ex than he was.
I think it was a phone call, a text and a few emails and you are massively over reacting, just reading the post I got irritated with you, I can only imagine how it must feel to your husband to be badgered by you over something he has no control over, he probably lied about the text because of how you react and he just wanted to save the drama. You need to consider being less meddling and controlling, if his family doesn't like you, well given the attitude I see here, I don't wonder why.
I would be upset in general that he let the calls/texts continue but honestly he cannot control what she does. As long as he doesn't call her back or text her back, then there is really nothing he or you can do.
Now you have to go talk to the hubby about it. You need to tell him you are sorry you are so bent out of shape about it and realize that he cannot control her. Tell him as long as he doesn't call her or text her back that you will be more understanding. He shouldn't lie about it after that. In this instance, I believe he lied because he was in a no win situation, can't control what she does but you're making it his fault. I don't think there is anything going on but I'm sure she is trying. . . If the calls continue, maybe you should answer his phone and tell her he is unavailable. She should move on eventually. Good luck.
Sounds as if his ex wife is finding herself getting pay back for all she has done. In other words, she is going through a difficult time and is now reaching out to your husband for comfort. I do not believe your husband did anything wrong. He sounded just as surprised by that phone call as you were and as you said, he never was the one to call her, she called him. I can understand your annoyance of her intrusion and can only find one solution for you, have your husband change his number. From the sounds of things, you are and always have been his priority and the only reason he has not opened up to you is because he is taking your anger as a sign that you doubt his love for you and is resentful of it. Ask him to change his number.You need to approach this not so much as a demand but as a suggestion. Good luck to you!
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