We have 3 children ages 4,8, %26amp; 16. we both work so were busy. I just can't figure out if it's just a rutt or if i want more, need to move on. Or maybe he wants to move on and just don't want to be the bad guy.
I don't know...........I'm just sad and don't know what to do and don't want to get a divorce if this is just something people go through after marriage and kids for so long. Anyone else ever felt this way, or been through this?? Please help.Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
Bunny I'm right there with you! Married 17 years, kids ages 15, 12, 8. As far as a ';marriage'; we have none. We're basically living seperate lives in the same house. Very very busy with kids, work, and not much time for anything else. When we get some free and/or kidless time we don't even attempt to spend it together. BUT no real issues: we are friendly, no fighting, abuse, drugs, kids are all great, we just have no husband/wife relationship anymore. It just seems to have gradually slipped away over the years. Thought about leaving but that sounds pretty selfish. And not much help here on Y!A - lots of ';kids'; and folks with unrealistic/fantasy ideas about how marriage really works out. Alot of people I've talked to (in the real world) have gone thru the same thing. It seems to hit after 10 years / when your in your 40's, but if you can suck it up most say things get better when you hit 50 or so (not sure what another 10 years will do to me though...!). It's just very lonely - not really at all what I envisioned marriage would be. Kinda tough too since early in our marriage my wife had some emotional problems and I invested alot of time and make life/career choices centered on what I thought would make her happy. She's much better now, but come to find out that you cannot make someone else happy - only they can do that for themselves.
Sorry to ramble - and no real solution or advice, other than to let you know you are not alone in this and its fairly common. But I think it will get better if you two can stick it out thru the dreaded 40's / teen years... Good Luck!Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
If there is no enjoying things about him, why are just there waiting for the enjoying things to happened to you? Would it be better if you, yourself make an enjoying things for him or for the whole family, whats the use of you two both working? Isn't it for the sake of the family to have an enjoying life?銆€
This is what happens when there's limited communication, or none at all.
I think, if anything, you need to just talk to him. I think it might just be an emotional stage, but that's my opinion. There's no way of clearing things up between you 2 if you don't talk to him.
I would think about just living with this feeling rather than thinking about leaving. You already know what it's like to be with him, how sure are you about what you will find after him? Are you that sure that things will be better for you?
It sounds to me like you both are bored AND busy. You really need to spend time alone. Get a sitter, go out and try to spice things up. I bet he'll be happy you did!!
Show this to your husband - then TALK TO HIM!
You should be talking to him not asking us.
You could watch the movie ';Fireproof'; with your husband or read the book ';Love Dare'; on your own.
Aw. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
The first thing I need to tell you is that love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment. I know it's easier said than done, but I've heard it said that sometimes in a marriage, the only way it lasts is because both people are determined to make it so. In other words, no matter how you feel, you made a commitment to this man and you need to follow through on it!
So here's what you need to do. Talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling--underappreciated, overlooked. It's entirely possible that you two speak different ';love languages,'; and these feelings of being overlooked are caused by simple miscommunication. Read the book ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman, let him read it, then discuss it together. Once you both figure out your own love styles, you can more effectively communicate love in the way you treat each other.
That's the long-term situation. In the meantime, another thing to do would be to ship the kids off to Grandma's for a few days, get a hotel room, and have a second honeymoon.
Believe me, divorce isn't the answer here. It's definitely a hard thing to do, but you and your husband have the power to save your marriage! You will be so glad that you did! Good luck!
You want to move on? That is not an adult reaction. When you have problems like this you are suppose to fill in your spouse. Tell him how you have been feeling lately so you two can work this out together. There is nothing that will make me stop loving my husband of 15 years. He is a good man with a good heart. He is very hardworking and supports his family. If you are not sure if you love this man why did you marry him? You have a family and are thinking of moving on. That is very selfish and you should consider finding time for you and your husband. Go on a date and actually talk to each other. Limited comminucation is one of the primary problems here. Don't blame it on work and not seeing each other that shoudl make you want him even more and crave time with him and the family.
I haven't been through this, but if you are not sure if it's just a rut or if you want to move on, stay put.
You should aim to be close to your husband at least three times a day - that can either be a hug, sitting next to each other on the sofa, or having an intimate dinner.
The only way you can know what's going on in his head is if you two talk - he may be able to sense that things aren't right already.
Don't make any rash descisions here, a divorce is really tough on children and it would be a shame if you went through this process then regretted it. Marriage and love are a commitment that takes alot of hard work to keep going - and you obviously know there's something there to stay with your husband through 3 children. Do everything you can to keep this marriage alive, whatever it takes, because if the time comes that it really is the end there should be no emotion behind yur descision - you shouldn't feel sad about it because you should know you and your husband have done everything you can to make the marriage work and it still wasn't enough. Good luck!
Bunny,
It doesn't sound like the marriage is really the problem but I do think you both have lost sight of why you got married in the first place.
The two of you need to get some alone time make a date in those diaries that appear to be running you lives, and sit down and TALK.
You may actually find you are both frustrated in your relationship for the same reasons. Then you two can reconnect like you both desperately want to do, and together make some plans as a couple and move you life forward.
Yes you both are in a rut but it doesn't have to be this way, work together to break the pattern that your lives have fallen into.
rediscover you passions and rediscover your passion for each other, i think you both have lost your selves in this life that has grown up around you. You both need to reconnect your self so you can reconnect to each other.
Then you can be honest about what you want in your life and what you want in you relationship.
If this doesn't work for you get professional help and do the work. what you will get on the other side is a stronger more loving marriage and kids who will know how to make a marriage work.
I think the to of you need to take a romantic weekend and get away for at least a few days and reconnect and rediscover each other.
I know you will do well and that things will make a turn for the positive for you, your husband and your family.
Best wishes to you all.
Hiya Bunny,
To me it just sounds as though you both are in a rut, you have a busy life, you dont talk, so your not feeling happy or loved.
What you need to do is make time for yourselfs apart from the kids where you two can sit down and chat... Communication is a big part of marriage, adult communication.. set yourselfs times and everything kids in bed by this time, this is our space where we talk about whats gone on during the day..
or try and get a sitter and have a romantic holiday weekend if u cant afford that, have a romantic weekend at home with candlelit dinners and re start it like your dating all over can be a lot of fun..
good luck x
i think that you both are so used to being parents and taking on that role that you forgot how to be husband and wife. you need to focus on yourself and ur husband. i mean if your USED to not being romantic with eachother then it just turns into a habit-- and then you get used to it and its now a part of your life you know? i think you both just need a vacation to SEE if you can rekindle it. sometimes kids take over your spouse. give that a try, maybe ur right, maybe your no longer in love with him but u can atleast try.
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