Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?

My husband says he is at a crossroads in his life, we are both mid 30's and have been married for 7 and a half years, together for over 10 years. We have no children. He says he is not sure if he wants to go down the having kids route and staying with me or if he just wants to be a single man and not have to answer to anyone. He says he does not want a divorce and does not want either of us to move out of our home. We are living seperate lives at the moment but still friends, he tells me he loves me and just wishes he could make his mind up about what he wants. He says he does not want to make the biggest mistake of his life by letting me go. How long should I stay in this situation before I make up his mind for him? I love my husband dearly and want to make our marriage work. Should I give him his space and let him decide? I really don;t believe he has anyone else as he does not go out only to the local pub once a week. How can he throw this away.Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
Is it what you want also? You need to know what you want...and if it is along the same lines as he wants then there is no problem...if it is not...then find out deep inside yourself what you want....and when you do state what you want to him with conviction...





What will you put up with? What are you happy with? If you don't want to wait for him...then say so... if he is not happy with what you want and does not want to compromise or plays you along then it is better to feel the heartbreak now than much later say at 10 years time full of regret.... and maybe a couple of kids as well who would suffer also......Husband Says He Is At Crossroads In His Life - Advice Please?
This is the true tale sign of young love.. Lets see y'all started seeing each other around age 18 or 19.. Way to early to know what directions your lives are heading and now this is the discussion that is arising years later.. Give him space then sit down and discuss what y'all both want for the future.. One way or the other y'all will both be happier..
there has to be a third party in yor situation.there is a distraction.its not fair he wants to linger u on while he makes up his mind,u r to good for this make up his mind for him.and if he wants to come running back then u deal according to your terms who do he think he is.be encouraged, be strong,u can make it through or out of this situation whatever the outcome be you must tell yourself I will be fine.don't put up with this mess.he's not being honest with u.you gave this man a decade of your life now he says he don't know make his mind up for him.say good bye with a smile on your face....
What about what you want? Don't you want to be with a man that wants you? He's B.S.ing you. He wants his freedom but is too chicken to leave you. I'd go on with my own life, and if you're still available if he comes around-go to counseling together.
Tell him to either make a U turn or take the high road, but to make a decision NOW. Life too short to be on hold. Good luck.
Have you been pressuring him to have kids?





That would be my guess - and why he wants to bail





If you want kids the choice is clear - not with him!
Its time for you to spend a little time outside the house yourself...Golf, tennis, shopping, have lunch with friends...this is not the time for you to worry about his needs. Live your life, you will appreciate this in 10 or 20 years time, no matter what decision he makes.
He wants it both ways. Doesn't want to commit to staying with you but doesn't want to commit to ending it. He might have someone else on the side and doesn't know if he should leave you for her. He's stringing you along and playing with your head. Let him know that you understand he's having issues, but that you have no intention of waiting around for him to make his decision. You don't need to be in limbo while he's trying to decide what's best for him. He needs to make his decision and stick with it...no matter what the decision is.
why dont you move out for a bit and give him time, he is being irresponsible and is wasting your time, move out and with time he will know what he really wants.
Your seriously asking this question?!? OH GIRRRRRL....here we go!!! How are u going to just sit back and wait for him to make up his mind whether or not he wants to stay married to you? He is afraid to make a decision that may leave him alone. Dont u understand that? If he actually leaves u - he will be alone at least until he finds someone else....if he stays with u for the time being...he wont be alone and will use u whenever he wants to. Your his cushion. A safety net. WTF is wrong with you?? Dont let him use u like that...take away the cushion and safety net and let him fall on his face so that he can feel the pain your feeling ';waiting'; for him. Right now, your a door mat....HIS doormat. Does it feel good having him steppin all over you?!?!
Wow.. it took him 10 years to come to the conclusion that he doesnt know if he wants to be married to u and have kids or to be single???????? lame excuse there..





And id be willing to bet he doesnt have a gf yet, thats why he's still keeping u in limbo because he hasnt found anyone yet, but when he does he'll be gone, he's using u as a security blanket.. until he does..





I think u need to make the decision for him.. , its always harder being the person being dumped then the dumper, and he needs to wake up and smell the coffee.. and not leave u in limbo, until he finds someone else thats crazy and thats mean of him to do.. so i think its time that u force his hand in the situation by telling him he needs to go and figure out what he wants ..
i think this is just a 7 year itch. he is realizing that after 10 years of being together all together and 7 years of marriage that he doesnt know what he wants. hes feeling suffocated by the marriage but he definetly still cares about you. within any marriage men will freak out about children. and along with that he will start to wonder if he wants his bachelor status again. its like getting cold feet before a marriage but its cold feet before you actually start the baby thing. tell him you want him to be happy but he has to take your feelings into consideration. you are worth a guy that wants you to be together. dont force him to make up his mind because what if you cause him to stay in the marriage but his heart isnt into it. like i said you are worth a man that wants a strong marriage. good luck
I can emphatize with you--men are sometimes hard to explain--they say they love you and cant afford to lose you, another minute they'll say they're bored and not sure about what they want..





it may be midlife crisis or quarter life crisis? but dont beg- let him go and give him space..if he comes back- then maybe it was meant to be..





It's hard to give up easily on long term marriage..but it's not fun to be with someone who thinks they are unhappy when they;'re with you..
You say you love him dearly and want to make the marriage work. Then go for it! Go all out to woo him back again!





Could it be that you both are in a rut? How about if you spice things up a bit? How about getting closer to him, so he will realise just what you both have, and how much you love him, and hopefully just how much he loves you?





Think back to some of the things you used to do when you were going out together, at the beginning of your relationship. Start doing any of those things that are still possible to do.





Do lots of little things to draw the two of you back together. Speak nicely to him, praise him. If you think he looks good, tell him so. When you are close together, touch him, maybe just on the arm, but have physical contact. If he thinks you are attractive, let him see you in little or nothing sometimes. Wear things that may tease him a bit. If you both share a bathroom, stay nude just a bit longer when you finish showering (maybe when you are doing your makeup or your teeth) or sometimes fold the towel lengthwise in half %26amp; wrap it around your bottom half. Do things to make him realise what he will be missing, though you don't want to make it all about sex. If you aren't already, shave down there - most men love it.





If you are both still close enough, let him know by your actions that you think he is sexy or handsome or still attractive to you. Ocassionally, gently rub his backside when you stand next to him. Give him a little shoulder massage when you can get behind the seat he is sitting on. Sit close to him while watching tv, put your hand on his leg - up high, and every so often just brush his member, but do it casually to promote interest. Lots of little things you can do. Try www.bringbackthespark.com they have great ideas and suggestions for a healthy relationship - it's worth it if you value yours, and it doesn't cost much. A great relationship shapes the rest of your life.





Remember that males and females think differently - it stems from cave man days. His way of thinking isn't wrong, it's just different to yours. Your acceptance and appreciation of that will help your marriage no end. Women like to talk about issues, men internalise them.





Give and take. With give and take, give more than you take, and things will be good. DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG, DON'T NAG.





When it gets to that stage - when he is showering, jump in too. Lather him up, rub his back, then run your nails GENTLY down his back, over his butt and if it suits, over his ba*ls.





See pleasurestate.com for really classy lingerie.





Hold his hand when you go out together, say to the Mall. Flirt a bit. Kiss him when suitable. Tell him you love him.





Go out on a ';date'; together.





All in all, make the relationship interesting and fun again. Keep him on the boil. If it is you, be soft and feminine with him. Good luck.
It's not unusual for couple to go through this when they reach the seven year mark. He is talking to you and expressing his feelings, which is good.





If no lines have been crossed (he hasn't cheated), then I would suggest you do the following: You may consider marriage counciling. If there is a way that you can let him know how life will be without you, that may help. Try to make it where he does not see you... don't make love to him... don't cook for him... nothing. Maybe if he gets a vision of what life would be like without you...
I think he's to young for a mid-life crisis. Could be. He's at that place where he's just kind of bored with his life and you. ';Is this all there is?';


This is not your fault. This is all his deal. He has not embraced the concept of love as you (woman) have. This is the difference between men and women. Know that he is truly lost. You don't have the authority to guide him onto any kind of path.


It's time for him to get into counseling, a men's Bible study, (solid, centered, loving men) or to start reading some books on where he's a ll screwed up.


Like an addict, the first thing he needs to do is ADMIT that he has a problem. He doesn't think he has a problem. It's just life. He's wrong.
I would ask him to go to counseling with you, theres something not right here. you need to find out what he is not happy with.maybe you can figure all this out together. good luck and I am sorry you have got to feel like this!
.hes so selfish..if i were you i will not accept his way..what about your feeling and needs
You should first decide what you would like from him, what you can live with and live without. Set some limits as to how long the ';limbo'; will continue. Then when that limit is reached he needs to give you his with and without list. You guys need to get an organized plan of action going and either make it or break it. You know? Good Luck and sorry for your trouble.
The best thing to do is to make up your own mind about this situation. How is he making you feel right now. If you feel miserable then remove yourself from the situation. If he still wants to be with you he will let you know. My friend and her boyfriend broke up after 6 years together because he decided he didn't want kids and she did. It's not that they didn't love each other it's that they could not live together and make each other happy. Give yourself some credit and cut the ties if this situation is seriously not working out for you. Don't worry if you end up alone because everything will be ok in the long run. It always is.
Tell him that you two should seek counseling NOW. It understandable that everyone reaches a point in their lives where they wonder ';Is this all there is for me?'; ';Did I make the right decisions, the right choices?'; and ';What if there's something/someone else out there?'; but he chose to get married so he has to work on his commitment, or give you the freedom to move on.


You can and should give him a definite time frame - either work out that you want to be here, or leave, by (whatever date). Living ';separate'; but still being married leaves both of you in limbo, neither can move on.