Advice on how to have sex with my husband?

Married 1.5 years. Had our first baby 3 months ago.





Our first year was rough. He didn't cheat on me that I know of but did a lot of inappropriate things. He lied a lot and did not try to work on things but I kept trying.





I was ready to leave but wanted to make the decision after I had the baby since I did not think it was a good idea to make such a major decision while pregnant. Well, I decided to stay.





He has made major positive changes in the past 3 months, he is like a new husband. It is really great. I am working on getting over the past and trusting him again and it is going well except for one issue...sex.





I can't bring myself to have sex with him. Since we got married his sex drive rapidly declined as his lies and BS increased. When I was pregnant it just got worse, less and less frequent.





We have not had sex since I was 7 months pregnant, his choice, not mine (while I was pregnant - I wanted it all the time, he rejected me all the time, it hurt my feelings really bad).





Now he wants to have sex but I just can't do it. I still feel rejected from how sex was the first years of marriage and I feel like he will start rejecting me again.





I am attracted to him, I love him, I am back to preprego size/look but I just can't do it. I do have a sex drive, but I just don't trust him.





He is being patient. I am having a hard time figuring out what is going on in my head and heart.





Any advice? Insight into why I feel this way about sex with him? Any idea how to get over it?Advice on how to have sex with my husband?
Here is mine.....i am 7 months pregnant, my husband has been acting up, he wants to go out a lot, he rejects me for sex, i found phone calls made to other females, he always comes home, but he makes me feel insecure all the times by doing a lot of wrong things, now.....you say you love him, you are attracted to him and you have a sex drive, thats great! but if you want to make your relationship work, you need to let go of the things that happened in the past, trust me i am the kind to hold on to the bad and oversee the good and it has made me miss out on a lot, so try as hard as you can to let go of the bad things that happened to you in your relationship, take your time in the sex department, you still have a get out of jail free card which is you just had a baby, ';you could be tired'; or ';you could be having cramps'; or ';you are not in the mood'; but be ready for you not for someone else, as you experienced no one will ever care about you the way you care about yourself, he has put himself in that position, and yes you might feel deep inside of you even though you said no that he cheated and slept around, so give yourself therapy, think of the good in your life or how good you want your life to be, have a positive outlook, dont look back, when a negative thought comes to your head think about somehting else, it will be hard at the beggining but practice makes perfect! so there i think you have a good chance to save your relationship, but its all in you now, give yourself the chance you deserve! Good Luck to you and if you feel like you would liek to talk more email me!!!Advice on how to have sex with my husband?
What inappropriate things? What did he lie about? You either want this or you don't. You seem to be the one who doesn't want to work through things now. If you don't trust him, you need to be willing to practice transparency and integrity first in yourself and THEN demand it from him. Otherwise you're the issue now.
I really sympathize with you, I know how you feel from experience. I to recommend couples counseling or counseling by yourself. I fell your pain but, I agree with many of the responders that it is a trust issue and men do not realize once they hurt you in a marriage, that hurt never goes away.
have a night out with him. have a nice dinner and a few glasses of wine. get tipsy. forget the movie. go home. pay the babysitter. get busy.
Some day when he is out, get all liquored up and watch some porn. Then, when he comes home, see what you feel like. If you're still not interested in him, then nothing is going to fix it.
Try this.





In. Out. Repeat.
Think about the way sex is often referred to, intimate relations. Even though the two of you are working hard to resolve your issues there is still a great deal of distrust on your part. And his rejection of you during pregnancy hurt you, which made you distrust him even more. Until you are able to rebuild at least some of that trust, you probably aren't going to want to be intimate with him. We are never so vulnerable to hurt and ridicule as during times of intimacy.





I have to suggest that you get some outside help so that you learn how to rebuild the honesty and trust needed for a relationship to work. Either counseling or talking to a pastor would be a real good idea.
It's more emotional for women...men can do it with anyone anytime no matter what, but if you're harboring resentment against him (as you should!) it's really hard to express your love intimately with someone who lies to you, rejected you, and who you don't trust. You don't want to give yourself to someone like that.





I don't think you SHOULD get over it. I think sex is the least of your problems right now. I think you need to decide if you want to stay in a marriage like this, or if you are prolonging the inevitable (divorce.)





Good luck.
What really bothers me is that things were ';rough'; in your relationship but you still chose to get pregnant and bring a baby into it.





Oh and I think you are being immature and you should just get over it and have sex with your husband! If you've truly forgiven him for the past then move on and don't stay with him and punish him, that won't work.
You need to relax and remember why you loved each other Having kids is stressfull for men and women you two have major problems but if you love each other you will work them out For many men sex during late prenancy scares them so he wasn t just rejecting you. Now you need to start with kissing an cuddling believe me it will lead to sex but that is a good thing
I am betting that even tho you said you didn't think he cheated on you, you feel deep inside that he did....cheating isn't just about the actual sex...you can have emotional affairs....you feel betrayed by him and this is why you don't want to make love....you don't want sex, you want to make love and you can't do it because he broke your trust.





If you are committed to this marriage and he is, then you need honest and open communication, from each of you. You need to learn to forgive him, for your sake....This doesn't mean tolerate what he did, but forgive him for being human. If he has changed, you will know in your heart. Take it slow, rebuild the trust carefully.





Look up Joyce Meyer ministry...she will be able to help you a great deal on forgiveness!
You feel this way about sex with him because you are still holding some of the hurt from when you were pregnant and he rejected you and his inappropriate behavior prior to your pregnancy. Women generally equate sex with trust and comfort. If you don't fully trust him and aren't completely comfortable in the stability or trust level in your relationship it can definately effect your viewpoints on sex with him.I mean, who wants to have sex with someone who hurt them? I suggest you guys go to marriage counceling and talk through some of your past and present issues. I hope everything works out for you guys. Good luck.
I highly recommend couples counseling for you two. I think this would be the best way to get over this hump is to get all those feelings out on the table with a third party and then you can start the healing. You have to be able to trust him again and he has to prove to you that he has cleaned up his act before you can give yourself fully to him.





Even though sex is not all there is to a marriage it is important to want to come together and to have intimate time with one another. Talking with one another openly and lovingly is all a pat of having a healthy marriage.
You said it yourself, when you have sex, you have to lose all of your inhibitions and go strictly on trust, and you don't have that for him. Deep down, you have never forgiven him his treatment of you, and subconsciously you are still punishing him and yourself.


It sounds as if the two of you would greatly benefit from professional help, not that the two of you are crazy or anything like that, but how to cope with your feelings while trying to get closer to


each other.