SO angry at my husband...can anybody offer a word of advice?

My husband is given to losing his temper fairly easily. He's trying to work on it for the baby that's on the way. Anyhow, this morning, our dog needed to go to the vet because it looks like she has some kind of digestive tract inflammation. She has been a sickly dog and has needed LOTS of medical care over the years. My husband was understandably upset that we have to spend more money on her. However, his reaction was to snap at me for something stupid and then start yelling at me when I told him that what he was snapping at me for wasn't a big deal. Then, he started ranting and raving about the dog and handling her roughly (she's a very small dog). He was cursing loudly and he's been trying to stop cursing so much for the baby. He was throwing his dirty socks around (he leaves them in a pile in the living room), screaming about how he couldn't deal with this f-ing dog costing so much money, and generally being rather frightening. The dog climbed up on my lap and was shaking. When I was trying to get the vet visit scheduled, he was being very difficult about it and refusing to let me just drop her off. I told him the dog was shaking and he said he didn't care...that she was costing him too much money. In the car, I was telling him that he was scaring the dog and me and he told me it was stupid for me to be afraid because he's never laid a hand on me and the dog was just a dog. Anyhow, I was trying to talk to him about his levels of reactions to situations and he didn't want to hear it. How do I deal with him rationally when he's being like this? He always gets extremely angry with me for how I react. Please don't tell me just to leave him or whatever. I need helpful advice for how to react in the moment. Thank you.SO angry at my husband...can anybody offer a word of advice?
Kick his teeth down his throat. ftw.SO angry at my husband...can anybody offer a word of advice?
Your mistake it to talk to him about his actions while they are happening - he is obviously not in a listening place. Maybe you would be better to say nothing - not a single word - when he has calmed down then you discuss his behavior and the damaging effect it is having on your marriage. Good luck with the baby
A big tough guy who beats up on women and dogs - how in the F*CK can you reproduce with this piece of sh*t?





Men who hit women and animals = three .25 caliber bullets behind the left ear. that's all those chickenshit bastards deserve.
Well if its his dog , why doesnt he do something about it , i dont understand this issue , if your husband is whinging about the cost of the dog and its his dog ......... i dont get what hes mad about
he's got some serious problems that need professional help. you probably need to leave, since he won't agree to any type of counseling. the dog is only part of the problem....LEAVE NOW
there really is nothing you can do if he doesnt want the help you cant force people to change just because you want them to
I would divorce him for handling the dog roughly.


This man is abusive, soon he will handling you and the baby roughly too.


Get out!
Regards to:Additional Details comment..Leave and take that poor dog!
You are answering your own questions! with you add'll information! Sooooo?
you need to leave him while you ca. Most men in his case turn out to be abusive
It sounds to me as if you are one of these women who hopes for a miracle that her husband will change. And then you go on about how he is going to ';work on it himself';. Give me a break. You know as well as I do that if he doesn't get to some anger management sessions, he's NOT going to ';help himself';.





Ok, what you need to do is tell him (when he's not angry) that you will leave unless he goes to anger management. Plain and simple. Right now, he knows you're not going anywhere. So why should he even TRY to help himself? He has no reason to.
You asked for ';a'; word of advice........














Leave.











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This man hasn't hit you yet, but he will. And he will be an abusive father. If he can't handle a dog, he sure can't handle a crying baby. He refuses anger management, and believe me, he will get worse and worse. this type of man does not ever ';get over it';. Get out now while it's still safe for you and the baby.


and take the dog with you.
wow, your in a spot. with men its allways about money. if he treats a small animal that way, think about how he will treat your child. im not saying he will be a horrible father, however all it takes is one outburst with an infant and game over. should have thought about his anger before getting prenant. if he is a drinker you have even more problems then you are saying. not wanting professional help bothers me also. its very hard to fix ourselves without a third and impartial party involved. good luck.
If you can already see yourself leaving him, then give him the ultimatum. It's counseling/anger management or you're leaving. and make sure you do get full custody because kids cost A LOT of money. Is he gonna start scaring the kid because of how expensive it is? Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
well i think he letting his anger out on the dog when hes not happy with you (im not being mean) -i think hes selfish n feels trapped n thats bullshit! your not his maid/your not his punching bag/ your not his wall. i think he takes advantage of you or he wouldnt do that-you feelings are getting hurt and he doesnt care. if its not the dog its the kid -not the kid its his boss etcc. anyone to blame but himself. tell him ''take the dog-do not raise your voice-do not curse-put a smile on your face and do it right'' say it straight faced-sober look. he acts like hes not being heard when he yells-dont fall into that! if you dont do something now hes going to tell you he has to do this or that get the kid etcc-i hope u do whats best for you n the new baby-congrats-you also gave a dog a new life for taking care of him-thats great!
It's a fact that when a baby comes along the husband get jealous and feels like he is taking the ';back seat';. Automatically when you talk about the baby it's more about you then him, have you given him enough attention lately? ';I see our marriage ending and me taking our son for minimal contact with his father because of his father's temper.'; - It has already become you and the baby against the father! Have you every considered that he loves you and the baby, and he is panicking out of fear of loosing you? whatever you do DO NOT THREATEN HIM LIKE THIS! read my related post at http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
I have been given to the same reactions at times. Some of us are just naturally a lot more hot headed then others and when we get upset it seems that we start to let lose with many of the things we are angry about. Then to have someone telling us to calm down or that we are scaring others is sort of like tossing gas on a flame. Now, do not ask me why many are given to being more upset or being this way. I would assume there are several reasons, many of which have some validity.





As to how to help this out? My suggestions would be as follows. I hope these make sense to you and that they help.





If you can do so, without his knowing it at that moment, either tape record or video tape him. Many times when a person sees/hears themselves as others are seeing/hearing them, it helps them to correct course. When you see yourself acting a fool and realize how others must see you at times when in that state, you tend to want to fix the matter.





Keep a written journal about the days events each day, to include what was actually said, how you felt and so forth. Be totally honest in it. After a month or so, let him read what you wrote. Knowing how you make others feel can help you realize if you are being as ***. I do caution you though, do not make excuses for yourself and to not play a victim. If you do something that another legitimately has reason to be upset about, make sure that you are open and honest of this as well. Doing so is not to hang you but more to keep you honest and also eliminate the readers ability to think of you as one who believes they are always right or are always the victim.





Anger management. Bunk as far as I am concerned. In my view, these programs are merely just more liberal hogwash that sounds cute and addresses and accomplishes nothing but trying to make people conform to some nonsensical standard. At times people do have good reason to be mad and they have every right to be so. I would say that if you can do so, get a book on the Proverbs and have him read that. It will teach him more then some goofy liberal program ever will and do far more good. In Proverbs, it clearly tells you that a fool if rapidly angered and that a fool will give full vent to their anger. The basic moral here is that acting this way can only result in far more problems then imagined. You may look in a Christian book store for smaller books on Proverbs as well and on anger from the biblical perspective.





Realize that in some ways, you may be doing the exact things he is. I mean, you may get mad and then bring in other things that had nothing to do with the event that set you off. Make no mistake, just because you do not explode or yell does not mean that you are not doing this. Just give that some thought.





Also realize that to tell a person they are being silly or stupid or have no reason to be mad is not only pointless and more upsetting to them, it really only gives them legitimate reason to be upset. If you tell a person they have no reason to be upset you in effect are telling them their view or way of looking at things is inferior to theirs. I liken it this way. Many have open marriages and have sex with others. Just because they do so or find a way to be okay with this way of life does not mean that I cannot or should not be upset if my wife cheated on me. Just because something is okay with you does not mean I should be okay with it, have to be okay with it or have no right to see it as a much bigger deal then you do. Much of the answer in fixing him is to start with trying to really see and understand how he sees things and why.





I am by no means saying he is correct in his behavior. I am not telling you that you are wrong in your actions. What I am trying to do is give you real ways to help him and you.
I think you should get counseling even if he won't go with you. I don't anticipate an improvement on your husband's part. Working on it himself is another way of saying not working on it at all.





Your poor dog, and poor you.





I don't know why you're pregnant with this man's child.
His only option is anger management... he obviously CAN'T do it alone OR WORK ON IT HIMSELF. He is unable to work on his anger himself, HE NEEDS TO GO TO ANGER MANAGEMENT.





If you really want him to change, you're going to have to threaten to leave or make him go to anger management... he obviously CAN'T do this on his own... but you already knew that.
The dog is a helpless creature who depends on your love and protection. She doesn't understand and isn't able to control the fact that it costs you money to care for her; all she can do is react to your husband's anger with distress.





You know what else fits that description? Babies. And while he might argue that he makes a distinction between animals and children, do you really want to count on him being able to hold to that in the heat of anger (especially if he's already stressed by all the sleepless nights you have to look forward to)? If I were you, I'd think carefully about bringing your newborn home unless he agrees to those anger management classes.
You married this man and decided to have children with him before he did anything to assist in the process of working on his anger issues. Hmm!


Now he is unwilling to do anything, not accepting of any type of anger management. I guess you simply need to deal with it or divorce him. Now he is exhibiting signs of abuse ';dog'; the next step is being abusive toward you physically and or the children. You need to decide what is best for the children and stop wondering. He is already mentally and emotionally abusive. And refuses to admit he has an issue and refuses to take action to work on his problem.
Maybe he is just tired and having a bad day, I think you should just leave him alone for a little while, until he seems happier. Then you should try talking to him (CALMLY) if this continues, when he is in a really good mood (if that ever does happen) try talking him into marriage and or anger management. If this doesn't work, I am sorry I couldn't answer your question.
You can't be rational with someone who's being irrational, so don't even try. The time to talk to him about his tantrum is after the tantrum is over. That's when you should ask him what he thinks he could have done better.





And, if you have not already done so, you owe it to your husband to look him in the eye during a period of calm and tell him with grave seriousness, not anger, ';If things don't improve, I see our marriage ending and me taking our son for minimal contact with you because of your temper.';
My husband had a problem just like this. On top of that, he was very moody, and would have these horrible outbursts much like you describe. It was scary, and horrific. Finally, I said he needed help or I was leaving.





He saw a therapist, who immediately referred him to a psychiatric evaluation. The doctor doing the evaluation obviously didn't give him a diagnosis after only talking to him for 1 hour, but did say she thought he had a chemical problem and gave him a prescription anti anxiety and depression medication.





He's been on it for 3 1/2 weeks, and it is like a flippin light switch. Seriously. He has not had ONE outbust since he's been on it. He no longer walks around like he has a chip on his shoulder day all. He is much more active and happy. He SMILES. He's loving, and all around in a better, more loving mood.





He's very happy with the medication, and he's very happy he went and saw someone, because his quality of life has improved so much.





My advice to you would be show your husband your question, and this answer. Tell him he can be happy. If it's that big of a deal to you, tell him what I told my husband -- get help, or we aren't going to make it.





Good luck. And stay strong -- I know the pain you're going through.
Well your son is the most important thing in you world now, even before he is born. It is inappropriate for your husband to act that way in any situation especially when your pregnant. All of your stress effects the baby and he can feel when you're upset. Even after you have calmed down, he is still feeling that turmoil. You need to give him an ultimatum. Its anger management or you walk with your son. There is never an excuse to stay in a generally hostile environment especially with a baby on the way. It doesn't matter if its not physically abusive, this is mental and emotional. You deserve to have him treat you like a princess, especially since being pregnant is stress enough.
I hope he's not the type of man that starts out holering and cussing and winds up beating on you. It really sounds like he's the type though. With his kind of temper, that's usually what happens. Since you don't want us to tell you to leave him, then you've got to make him go to some kind of anger management program. There's something that happened probably in his childhood that makes him angry and he needs to find out just what it is. He doesn't want to be like he is, so get him some help.In his next anger fit, he's liable to be even rougher with the dog and wind up hurting it really bad or worse.He needs help badly or else he's going to wind up with an anger he can't control and might hurt you or the baby. Please get him to go to someone for the help he needs at once.
Well if he makes such a big fuss aboutr this then i wonder what he does bout other things


i will give u to options


1- leave the house:


even if you have to live at ur moms house or on welfare its better than you getting abused or hurt


2- Talk with him:


Why dont u try to have a mature husband to wife conversation


Have this talk at starbucks or Tim hortons somewhere where he is foced to ot yell cuz he is in public


TRy to compromise


reach a decison


if u cant talk to him then send him an email or text message


or u can write him a letter


hope i helped
Very few people who are being irrational and/or angry are in the ';mood'; to listen to someone nagging them and the only thing you succeed in doing is antagonizing / needling them further to a more aggressive state of mind.





These people with a temper / anger issue (especially when stressed) don't particularly make good spouses / fathers but you made that choice. The only thing you can do is difuse the situation by being calm, telling him you are understanding why he is angry and that you yourself are frustrated at the cost but it has to be done and not fighting fire with fire.
SO GET RID OF THE FKIN DOG. I partly understand him, if the dog doesn't live a good life, you know what to do. All you care about is the dog. I think you need help as well.
i think thast he is just worried about the cost of things cuse money is kinda tight right now . so he probaly just wants to try and save money for the baby and if this is your first child than hes probaly trippin just a tad .if he starts yelling tell him to take a deep breath and re look at the sittuation . tell him that it will be ok and that you are woried about him .
Oh my god...your question was far too long for me to be bothered reading.





But on behalf of all men can I give the following answer:





';


When it comes to relationships, we are all stupid...there is no doubt about that...so stupid that we sabotage what is important to us...by our own stupidity......you could not believe how stupid we are when it comes to relationships... we do stupid things...not to hurt.. just because we are not very smart about relationships...





If he has full on betrayed you by cheating with another woman...then dump him... but if it is just normal male stupidity...cop us some slack.





So if at all possible...help us out a bit....





Because we are idiots...';

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