I think your husband is masturbating frequently to compensate for lacking sex drive from you and it is impacting his performance with you...
Talk about masturbation practices and porn (possible addiction?) and see if you need to up your own involvement--my guess is with two toddlers, you do. Talk about it.
But I don't really think the real issue here is sex--it's your marital communication generally. He has serious issues and I'm sure they are really problems for you (they would be for me). I'd be a nagging housewife and this doesn't help their sex drives one bit.
I apologize for being so blunt as to tell you that I see divorce in your future. Please stop having sex with him now and wean yourself, because the last thing you need is another baby to rear alone...My husband and i have a serious sex issue...advice?
You do not know how much I wanted to be wrong about this. Porn addiction strikes again. On top of the other crap? Sweetie, I do believe there is someone out there who will treat you better than this (I pray there are still good men out there)...
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Sounds like there's a couple of issues going on. Erectile dysfunction is a medical condition that can be treated by a doctor. He needs to see a physician regarding this problem and let the doc determine a treatment. That's one issue. He's talking divorce....why? If the problems you are having were limited only to the bedroom, that seems a very extreme attempt at a solution, before medical issues have even been investigated. You two have some talking to do. Is he gay? Don't ever (even for one teeny second) believe that you are in any way the cause of this issue. Once you have figured out if its medical, or another problem (could be stress), you could approach solving it together. But the fact that he's talking divorce means there are other issues going on, and you'll have to get to the heart of those too. I wish you luck.
Edit: I read your addition, and Hon, I am so sorry. But your additional comments put a different light on it. It sounds like he's making the decision...moving out. Hard, hurtful, awful, but, now it's take-care-of-you time. YOU go see a counselor if you can, without him. You'll have enough on your plate to deal with. Take a long hard look at your finances, love your babies, love yourself. Begin to think of your life alone and how you're going to do it. I'll be thinking of you.
Is he physically attracted to you anymore?
I ask only because you added the 'friends' thing.
Otherwise I would say he could get some help. (pills.)
If he is asking for a divorce, maybe you should ask him why and perhaps even seek counseling.
That is not often to have sex.
My husband is 38 and we have been together almost 12 years. When he is here, the MINIMAL amount we have sex is five times a month.
I am thinking it is not about age.
Perhaps he is starting to have a little midlife crisis. They call it the 7 year itch....
Talk. Communication is so important.
Sounds to me like he has a girlfriend. If a husband is talking ';friends and divorce'; I hope you can collect child support because if not you may be in for years of financial disaster. The way to determine if he wants to stay married is IF HE REFUSES COUNSELING, WHICH HE WILL, HE WANTS OUT.
I do hope you have a job. I don't see any love here anymore.
babies take alot out of you but you have twins he might need to take some pills so he can stay hard or take a trip to the sex shop both of can pick up stuff up their you would like to try they have some blue pill in their that will keep him going if he doesn't want to get a rx also try lap dance dress different a Special dinner for if you up to it watch a porn with him talk it out
If it's not a medical issue then I would have to say he might be cheating or maybe he's not attracted to you anymore. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him, let him know how you feel and find out what the real problem is. Good luck!
I agree that he may have erectile dysfunction %26amp; certainly knowing that he suffered from depression could add to his sexual problems. From what you said, he needs a lot more therapy. I would do a trial separation before jumping into divorce - see if you can get therapy %26amp; work it out during the separation. If not, then at least you tried everything before going through a painful divorce.
Good luck to you.
Together 13 years and you don't know how to stimulate his erection? It's not only physical; it's also mental. Talk about what turn ons you have with each other. Ask him what you do or can do to drive him wild. Tell him what he can do to drive you wild. You must communicate to keep it fresh and inject some life back into your sex life.
He has a medical problem and he should have it looked into immediately. When you are not getting enough oxygen it will effect your erection. Have him go to the doctor and get a check to see what is causing the ED. Stand by him, because it can be fixed.
So, he's depressed, lost his job, been through marriage counseling, has a gambling problem, is the father of twin babies.........and you're wondering why he can't keep an erection????
Now he has you nagging that he sucks in bed?
Give the guy a break....geez.....
He may have erectile dysfunction. He needs to see a doctor about that. Maybe you guys need counseling too. Why is he talking about a divorce? It can't be just because of the sex because if there is someting wrong, it doesn't matter who he is with.
i think many of the other answers are making way too much of this.
personally, i think he sounds too immature to handle the stress of life with children. not because he's having sex issues, but because he's threatening divorce over it.
Your husband needs to see an MD and be physically checked. There might be a physical reason why he goes limp. There are medications that can help him and if that helps him then it might help his confidence which I think could be an emotional problem for him.
Did u marry HIM FOR SEX? A relationship is all about being there for ur better half and not just sex. U need to understand him. Beats me that u ve been together for 13 yrs and u dont know him fully yet. Get a life girl!
Sounds like you just don't do it for him anymore. DId you gain a lot of weight? Maybe it's the same old thing every time. Try doing something wild and kinky.
there have to be something on his mind! Try to talk to him ,maybe get some counseling! Did you tried to spice up your sex life (like strip for him, sexy clothes??)
He is under lots of stress. Just be patience with him. He'll return back to normal when the time is right.
Maybe if you'd stop critizing him he could keep it up.
When he goes soft, give him a bl*wj*b to make him hard again. Then go to town!!!
Sounds like he is feeling guilty over something in the middle of sex. Is there any chance he might be cheating?
put some viagra in his favorite drink. 4 hours of love.
Find out what's on his mind.
It could be a medical condition or he could be distracted or stressed, but the fact that he's leaning towards divorce would make me think he's got another love interest--or is just embarrassed and doesn't want to be in a position where he has to ';perform.';
You've got to get him to open up. Be kind and diplomatic, but (no pun intended) firm. Fight for your marriage. Suggest counseling, but be prepared for his pride to rule this option out of the question.
Well G';Day from down under. MMm you have dramas my dear. Firstly I have read all the other comments and the biggest problem is that they are as confusing as the problem to hand.. Maybe it is stressed related and he is burying his head in the sand so to speak. You know running away. Us big tough men are great when its hit the thumb with the hammer stuff, yeh we are tough but when it comes to the nitty gritty we have a tendancy to fall apart rather quickly. When a mans life starts to fall apart especially when loses job and remember you now have 20 month old twins. some men feel a certain amout of loss when the babies come along and this can go on for quite a while as before he had you to himself and now , well your time is taken up with 2 babies etc etc etc . so time to relax. sit back and maybe just maybe to coin a phrase, dont through the baby out with the washing water. get rid of all the anxiety and frustraltion. and this cant be done in 5 minutes but it can be done in lots of 5 minutes bit by bit. Family is important, especially for the 2 youngsters you share parenthood with. Both of you sit down and think about them and what they would say to you both if they could talk. It would be something like hey mum and dad, we dont care about the flash new car, or the dinners out at the local restraunt. we would be happy to live in a tent in the back yard, as long as it is with both of you, together. Think that might be close to what the kids would say. Best of luck and what we should all do is work harder at our relationships than we do at our work
There may be something much bigger going n beneath the surface...before you guys even mention the ';D'; word again (divorce) go see a therapist. you two will be able to work out this issue with a professional and hopefully make it past this slump. Sex is a very importnat part of every relationship and if it becomes a problem, it needs to be resolved. However, if he is unwilling to go to a therpaist or get help about this, that means he us unwilling to work on the realtionship and there is nothing more you can do. A marriage is only really truly over when one person fails to try any more.
But it is possible to reignite the flame and be happy again. GOOD LUCK and i wish you the best!
That happened to me several times I found out it was all mostly stress related and a lack of sleep. New born twins even at 20 months has got to be tiring not just for you but for him also. If you 2 cant sit down and talk about it together I would suggest Counseling and taking time out for yourselves not sex go out on a date it is so important to keep that part of your marriage going as you are farther along in marriage. Try something new together that you both have always wanted to do but just haven't done yet sit down and make a list. I would also suggest the book called the ';love dare'; and watching the movie Fireproof together.
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