I really need some advice here about how to HELP MY HUSBAND COPE THIS XMAS?

It seems kind of impossible to point out our whole situation to you without filling pages plus confusing you so I'm gonna try and keep this as short as possible..


I've been knowing him for 20 years, we were both married to different people, his wife died, my husband died, ... eventually his daughter died 2 years ago and this is his first christmas he's gonna spend with us and without her. We remarried in October so I really wanted him to spend the holiday with his new family. I have two daughters - he adores them, he's like their father - but of course he's having a hard time mourning over his daughter without hurting us too much. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand and support him being sad and everything, it's no big deal, I've been thru all this also. It's just he tries to keep his feeling back and swallow the pain, which I know is killing him and he doesn't dare letting it out. I talked to hima bout it and he said he was fine but I know he isn't, he was crying himself to sleep last night. I told him it was ok for him to cry, my family is used to big emotions and everyone understand and loves him, in fact we're all happy to know how everyone is feeling, better than hiding feelings away..


What can I do to help him??I really need some advice here about how to HELP MY HUSBAND COPE THIS XMAS?
We're going thru something similar - we lost my dad very suddenly 2wks ago, %26amp; we're facing having a pretty empty Christmas this year. I can't imagine the pain your husband is going through with the loss of his daughter - it's just not the natural order of life.





I don't know the living hell he's going through. Only someone that's lost a child would know this pain (regardless of their age-they're always your babies). Let him go through what he needs to go through. He's thankful you're there for him - I'm sure of that - men don't want to show their weaknesses to us. They're programmed to be strong %26amp; be tough - never show you're weak. They rarely admit they need outside help.





I'm sorry for the sadness you've been dealt - I'll be praying for you.I really need some advice here about how to HELP MY HUSBAND COPE THIS XMAS?
just try your best to support him and comfort him the best way you can, let him know that you love him with all your heart and you want him to be open with you about his feelings. Tell him you know what he is going through and although you can't change the past, you want him to have a happy life from now on. i hope things get better, i know how he must be hurting :(
It sounds like you are already doing everything you can do for him- which is being there for him and being supportive and understanding, which I'm sure he realizes. Just continue to be the way you are- eventually he will open up.
Everybody deals with things in their own way.


Just don't bother him about it. Show love and support and try to be as normal as you can about everything without making a big deal about his sorrow.





Time heals wounds.
Encourage him to get into a grief support group. The old swallow it down and pretend like everything's fine thing doesn't work - never has, never will.
Let him cry privately. It's just that it takes time. No one yet has a time machine that makes that go faster.
Everything everyone else said is true - you're doing the best you can, and KEEP THAT UP. But I would add, equally don't look at him with sympathetic eyes ALL the time, because sometimes he will just want to put it out of his head, and he'll probably value you for being that distraction.





Another thing you can do is to give him a journal. Just a plain one, dark blue or something - nothing fancy. Explain to him you realise he might not feel comfortable talking to you about some things to do with it- and you've got him this to scribble what he's feeling down. STRESS that its JUST for him (and never ever betray that trust yourself). Once you've made sure he's taking it seriously leave him to it, and don't bring it up again. He will find, and use it if he wants to. Men often find it harder to express emotions - this will get it out, its a proven psych technique, and he wont have the guilt of making you feel bad.





Hope it helps!
Loosing your wife and then child has got to be VERY tramautic. It will take him a while to get over this, not sure he ever will. I would recommend some sort of counseling. Christian counseling seems to be a better fit I think...but I don't know where you stand religiously. But definitely some sort of counseling. Just continue to be there for him and let him know you care and that he can talk to you whenever. Good luck with everything. I wish you and your ';new'; family the best!!
Your already doing it, by understanding it and empathizing with him.


I lost my first wife, as well, and my second wife is great, except for the empathy. She doesn't know what it is like, so I pretty much, can't talk about my first wife in front of her, or she becomes jealous. I have to just do the best I can, or maybe talk to an old friend, alone, without involving my wife. It's manageable, but I would rather she had your attitude about it all. Losing a child would be worse, and I know that.


God Bless and Merry Christmas!