I've been dealing with the whole ';expectations of a woman'; thing. Why should I have to have a child (much less two)? Because I can? For me that's not enough of a reason. Just because ';it's what my husband has always wanted,'; isn't good enough reason to create another life either. I feel like all the passion has left me after our fight. I'm finally at a weight I'm happy with and he wants me fat and prgnant again. I feel trapped and I'm worried what will happen to us. Why isn't our little family of three good enough for him?Husband wants a second child. I don't. Advice please?
Well.... First of all, do NOT have another child just to make him happy or to ';save'; your marriage.
If he is willing to put so much pressure on you and uses ultimatum kind of language to push you into such a commitment just to make him happy (even if it is just an implied thing), there sounds like there are more issues that need addressing than whether you two have another child. I agree that counseling would be helpful.
And to help you understand his side of things....
I'm willing to bet part of his desire is to have another child, but specifically a BOY. Men have a leftover thing about siring a male heir. Don't ask me why, but a perceived need for a son to carry on the family name, a male heir, etc. etc. It's not that we don't love our daughters. It's just an idea put into our heads like women being indoctrinated as little girls with the whole fairy tale princess romance idea. (Prince Charming riding in on a white horse coming in to sweep them off their feet and marry them to live ';happily ever after';.)
I cannot imagine anything worse than a woman going through pregnancy with the chance that she may resent the child she carries for any reason. That is not a circumstance I would want any child to come into the world having to deal with.
(And for goodness sake, I hope your little girl has not and is not around these discussions. The last thing you want to plant in her mind is the idea that she is not enough to make Daddy happy.)
However, you both need to sit down and have a discussion about what you both want and why. Try to allow each other the opportunity to understand each other's point of view. But ultimately, it's your body and your decision to have another child.
However, if this is a ';deal breaker'; kind of issue for him. You may be better off knowing that now than after ';giving in'; and having another child.
Hope that helps.Husband wants a second child. I don't. Advice please?
Stop being selfish. When you discussed children before you were married, you didn't firmly say to him you wanted only one child. If you did he would likely not have married you and you probably knew this. His values for a full family is part of who he is. One child is a pet. Two is a family.
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I really think you two should consider counseling. Just stay on your birth control. It wouldn't be fair to him either if you wanted more and he didn't. Tell him this is a decision for the both of you to make, not one of you. Tell him you might want another one in a few years, and you might not. Tell him to be grateful for what he does have.
The two of you should really get into therapy.
The worst thing that can happen to a child is to be born with a *job* -- and if you have this second child just to satisfy your husband's wishes it would be the absolute wrong thing to do.
Good luck, Sweetie!
xoxoxo
no i think u should have one more it will turn things better for ur life wat if ur husband filed a divorce for only this reason or wat if u cant reproduce anymore n then regret its been seven years as u told n if u really love ur husband i think u should plan one more baby
It's like women who want to get married but their men don't. Same scenario. He needs to realize that pushing you into procreation isn't going to be good for ANYONE ... least of all the prospective child.
talk to him!
Hi,
I think that you need to sit down and talk with your husband. Tell him that you are afraid of having another child because of the incident that happened in your last pregnancy, and feel that at this time you are not ready. I would explain to him that you are happy in your marriage with him and that you are content with the way things are going. Assure him that in the future you may be willing to have another child (if you want to), but at this time you are not ready and that he should respect that. I would also ask him if his sister has been talking about this to him, and if she has that she needs to mind her business. It's none of her concern. Anyhow, I hope this helps you. Don't feel pressured to do anything that you don't want to, and if he is trying to force you and intimidate you with a divorce then so be it. You know whats best for you right now so don't let anyone take away your happiness:)
I think he was angry when he said that, you did say you were fighting.
I am guessing he would like a son.
My wife wanted a third child and I really didn't but I wanted to make her happy. It has not been void of some resentment though, and certainly wouldn't be in your case either.
Every pregnancy is not the same, another one could be easier and it does sound like two children is the common ground.
I would wait until you have your marriage more stable first though (less fighting, more discussion) but at the same time I much preferred having the kids close together rather than spacing it out over years. Get it done with.
You can use this as a negotiation point as well *as long as* you mean it; don't make a laundry-list of excuses.
e.g. we need to take better care of and do a better job handling the responsibilities we have with our current child before I want another one. We need to reconnect more first before we introduce the stress of rearing another infant.
I'll agree to a second child if you agree with a tubal-ligation (or maybe a vasectomy) after-wards, boy or girl.
sorry you have to go through this.
bringing a child into this world take two to make( usually lol) and two people to decide and be Happy with that decision.
i think that his sister put abit of pressure onto him. its not entirely his decision you carry that child give birth and mainly look after it and go through everything else a new mother would. just put your foot down and tell him your not ready to have another baby now maybe in a few years if it comes down to you guys divorcing well let it be it.
if he threatens you with divorce tell him to go jump dont give in to a baby that way he will know he will always get what he wants. ome people especially men dont understand what we woman have to go through its easy for them just make it and woman does the rest. people dont think before bringing children into the world thats the saddest thing, i think.
good luck hun xxx
i think that the two of you need some counseling because you are not on the same page about this. also, the sister needs to butt out of this as well. as you know that she's a manipulator you must be careful what you tell her (and you don't tell your spouse's sister something serious and think that it won't get back to him...no matter how friendly the two of you are, 9 times out of 10 blood is thicker than gold and and her loyalty will be to him, not you) if this issue is allowed to fester, it will turn to other things. right now, this is the tip of the iceberg. if you get pregnant and you don't want to be, you will end up resenting him for it and feeling trapped as well.
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