Husband's Racist Friend is concerning me, any advice?

My husband is great friends with a very nice young man who is in the same unit with him, I have no problems with him. He is polite, well mannered and fun to be around. However, recently his girlfriend came down and we invited them to our home for a BBQ, and she seemed rather stand-offish and generally anti-social. The funny thing is, the guy's girlfriend IM's my husband all the time, and they seem to be pretty good friends with one another. She even has nicknames she calls him. This has been goin on way before the BBQ, but I have bo reason to distrust my husband, I just assumed she was a very friendly girl...and afterall, her boyfriend is my husband's soldier.





When I met her, she seemed cold and I got a vibe that she doesn't like me, even though I have given her no reason not to. I welcomed her into my home and I consider myself a good hostess. Last night, while hubby was on shift, she IM's him on Yahoo, and I pretend to be him. She wanted to make sure *he* was coming to their house for some wrestling show and dinner on the 16th. She was under the impression that I was my husband, and she was quite explicit in stressing that my presence was *optional*. Her exact words were: ';She doesn't have to come.'; And, ';It's no big deal if she doesn't come with you.';





So, I check out this girl's myspace page, and there is all this racist stuff up there. I am Black and French, so this naturally concerns me. I don't know how to approach my husband about it since I really don't want to start trouble over nothing, and it's life that some people just won't like you even if they've no reason not to. I can live with that. But I don't think I would EVER do my husband this way. If I was welcomed at a friend's home but my husband was *not*, I wouldn't go either. I don't know what to do and if I am wrong for feeling kind of upset about this.Husband's Racist Friend is concerning me, any advice?
I think you are justified in being upset. If my partner was knowingly befriending someone that is a racist and did not treat me with respect I would certainly take offense to that. I think that your husband should know that you are feeling disrespected by this women and that you really do not appreciate it. He should not think that it is ok for another women to insinuate that she really does not want you to come with him to her house. I am with you, if someone made it clear to me that they did not care for my partner/husband and that they would prefer that he come to her house without him I would not go either. The racist thing alone would bother me enough to make my feelings know to my husband. He should not tolerate that behavior from anyone against his wife. If he does then he is also disrespecting you. I think you should not approach him like he has done something wrong, although in my opinion he kinda has, but that you feel as if this women is doing something wrong and that you are feeling slighted by her. I would show your husband her myspace page if he has not already seen it and ask what his thoughts are on it. If you don't want to tell him you were on his IM I would go with him everytime he goes to her house and let your presence be known. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. This women is no friend of yours therefore I would think your husband should not consider her to be a friend of his. You do have to talk to your husband about it or you will begin to feel some resentment towards him. I have been in several interracial relationships and would never deal with anyone that shows any signs of racism. Even if I weren't in an interracial relationship I cannot tolerate ignorance, racism or disrespect to anyone from someone that is close to my husband. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. If you didn't sound like such a nice person I would say get that bi**h on the side and let her know that you see right through her and that if she messes with you or your man you will beat her A**. Sorry, I just get worked up over people like her. I wish you luck honey. Stand your ground!!!Husband's Racist Friend is concerning me, any advice?
you have no reason to feel wrong about it you married him not her, and also you should never leave your husband with another girl by the way tell him how you feel he is your HUSBAND
Do not feel guilty! You did your job as a hostess and by being polite you shouldnt feel bad. You gave her a chance to get along with you and she sounds very rude. If I was a guest I would never do that to anyone no matter what the circumstances. And I thinks its more than enough suspicious that she IMs your husband and trys to not let you come along. I think she is trying to be more than friendly if you know what I mean. I would confront your husband in an appropriate manner by being cool, calm, and collected. Dont overreact, your husband may just be acting polite to avoid drama, but you should bring it to his attention about how you felt at the bbq and those emails.
Keep an eye on this woman, she is after your husband!


(Unless they are already having an affair.)


How convenient, he says he will go see his friend and actually sees her , I have seen this same situation before.


Don't let him go by himself and keep your eyes and ears open!