In desperate need of advice....feel its the right thing to do to leave my husband...?

But he is begging for me not to go...suggesting anything and everything to make me stay...really upset etc etc....


i love him, he's my world! just that i cant trust him when he's not around me and he has been physical in the past, he says it'll change, but it hasn't so far (3years).... help!!!!


What if I regret leaving... I'm scared!In desperate need of advice....feel its the right thing to do to leave my husband...?
been there. he's the love of my life, and he takes care of me really good. except i had the same problem you have now. he must have a reason for stopping you. give him another chance, and then one more, and then another one, if you really love him. you'll get to a point when you say enough and that would be it. if it works out, it's fine. when you're angry wait a short while to spit it out because you don't want a relationship filled with rage. you will have to learn a lot of controlling of emotions. have friends around to talk with and have coffee with, listen to what they say but follow your heart. be very open to him and tell him how this affects you. if he loves you he will listen and care for you. try to get to the core of why he does what he does. be prepared for a lot of fighting because only then you can resolve your issues. try to be part of his fantasies, without hurting yourself of course. try to compromise. i let him feel what he made me feel, good and bad, physically and mentally. give him all he wants and show him that you are there for him, BUT ask for the same in return. he will try to do the same if he loves you for real. i'm still working on mine and i hope to get there soon. so far we got a lot closer to each other and we now know we are really inseparable. he changed. there were things i had to change too. i know he loves me. best is he acknowledges that i love him, too. we'd do anything to make this relationship work.





you have to remember that you don't have control over other people. you have control over yourself only. try to work first on the things you have control of because it will be your strength. and love yourself. do things that you enjoy sometimes without worrying what he does. it will give you a boost. i know it's hard but you'll get through it. and don't let this pull you down.In desperate need of advice....feel its the right thing to do to leave my husband...?
I think when it comes right down to it only you can make this decision and listening to the advice of others will only cloud the issue since when thinking about this in the wee small hours of the morning you need to be sure that YOU have made the right choice.





However, in my opinion ....





Firstly it is very likely that he is begging you since even if he doesnt love you (and he may well do) it is a basic human instinct to panic when the status quo is upset in your life (the old phrase 'you dont know what you have until it is gone).





Love and trust go hand in hand. If you cant trust him then you cannot fully love him and this will never go away. Most times I have found that when people 'cope' with this it gradually eats away at the love until there is nothing but resentment left and that makes for a bitter and unpleasant relationship.





I dont know the ins and outs of your situation so cannot say whether you have talked it through etc but if you have and this cannot be resolved then for both of your sakes you may need to walk away.





One thing I will say is that there is NEVER an excuse for a man to hit a woman (I assume that is what physical means) and as such if you need motivation to leave then that should be it. If he hasnt changed in three years (including the fact that you are thinking of leaving!) then it is unlikely that he ever will and what is certain is that he doesnt deserve you!





Be strong and good luck with your decision I am sure you will make the right one ;)





Love ya! x
I just divorced my hubby. Been together 11 years. He controlled my life, was possessive and jealous and during arguments got aggressive towards me. I dont regret divorcing him but if I could have planned it better I would say, stash away some money beforehand as I had to declare all my finances and he was entitled to half of them. He wont change, my ex never did and still got aggressive towards me during the final weeks of the divorce and after. He would never accept that he was like this. I have come out of my shell and turned into a very confident, s*xy woman and I get loads of attention but just want to be on my own as he emotionally and mentally tortured me. I just hope all men are not like him and that I meet a nice man one day who will look after me.
You won't know until you do. Leave, take some time to think about things. Really give yourself some time to ponder it. Don't just get lonely and think if this is what you want to deal with, or if you want to toss what you have and start over.


If you regret it you can always come back. If he really loves you he'll understand that you need this time and be willing to try and fix it in the future. He'll have to realize he's done this to himself.
This is tragic, but I think deep down you know what you need to do for now.





You feel it is the right thing to leave. You cannot trust him. He has 'been physical' - whatever you mean by that. You have given him 3 years of trying so far.





So go.





You can go and still love him. You can go and he can still love you. You can still see each other and talk if needs be. You can still go and maybe get back together at a later date if that feels right at that time.





But at the moment, you need to go for your own sanity and strength, he is bringing you down.





We all have regrets in life. You say what if you regret leaving? Well what if you regret staying? Life is a journey.
This guy needs help...so lay it on the line...he gets help or u get out!!!!
Why would you ever regret leaving an abusive jerk? Of course he is promising anything and everything right now, this is an important test that he is running on you. If he can get you to swallow his lies and stay, he will know that he has you completely brainwashed and that it's safe to escalate the violence. Run while you can, girl, and never look back.
It's never gonna change, not without some severe counseling and a wake up call. You should leave and you won't regret it. Being physical is NEVER acceptable and if you can't trust him, he's got 2 of the major strikes against him in this marriage. Don't listen to the begging and pleading - his behavior only get worse if you stay and it will be more and more difficult to leave as time goes on.





Of course he's upset - abusers need their partners, which is why they abuse - to keep you in line and near him. Please get out now.
Hi, Sorry about your situation. As a Christian I may be considered someone who would say that you should stay and work it out, but quite frankly, if he has physically hurt you, you must get out. If you do still love him, and if he still loves you, let him prove it by getting serious help. Offer to go along, but make no promises. Hope it works out. The most important thing for you now is to have support from people who are behind you 100% and will make you feel good about yourself. I would recommend you don't hang out with anyone who will condemn you for whatever you decide.
I myself have been in the same circumstances as yourself, and have stuck with it, dont really know why.


Yesterday was my 7th wedding anniversary and guess what ';he forgot it';.....
You WILL regret STAYING because he is just WORDS, no ACTION. People can say anything when it serves them best at the time, but if he has been saying he will change and it has been 3 years, he has no intention of changing - ever. IF YOU STAY, he will be good for a little while, then revert right back to the way he always has been. IF he was getting counseling, there might be a chance, but without it, he cannot and will not change.
babes like i said in the txt its totally up to you no one can choose for u but u deserve better x
the fact that you saya he has been physical (?? violence, rape??) makes me say get out of there
Abusers don't change. They want to be in control of the situation, so they will say anything, promise anything, offer anything to keep you there and under their control. And then, sooner or later, they will hit you some more (because you ';made'; him do it).





Get out. Get help. And get some counseling to figure out why you made this guy your world instead of being a world of your own.
Just an observation, but judging by your screen name it sounds like you have one foot out the door. It is sad when a marriage breaks up, mostly becouse people in this country are so lazy and really lack passion, they are just prone to quit, but you said he has got physical in the past, if this is true it may be best (for both of you) that you at least seperate, remain faithful (seperation does not give anyone permission to disregard thier wedding vows) and see a therapist. Regarless of what you do , do it with dignity and have respect for yourself in spite of the desperate whore wife society we live in. good luck.
what if you regret staying???
What if you regret leaving?........................ Well, too bad. You will have made your decision %26amp; if he is any sort of man he would not take you back.





Your fault. No-one else's if you have stayed with someone who is physical towards you for three years. I can only assume you mean violence when you use the term ';physical';.....not the sexual physical aspect of things.





I really don't know why you have asked such a question here when you know you will get a 100% response, from other females, advising you to kick him into the gutter...blah....blah....blah....
Who knows whether you will regret it or not ? Do you really want to take another beating or worse ?
you wont regret leaving a manipulative bully as that is what he is.Be strong and get him out of your life,men like him rarely change and they put the tears on to suit themselves so that you stay and feel sorry for them and then it all starts over again in time.I have known lots of women in your situation and they have all said that by leaving they are stronger people for it and happier.You deserve better than him.Good luck and i wish you well
If you do leave him you could probably go back, but then he would have a bigger hold over you than he has now.





Its best to weigh up all the facts, that only you know, and only you can make the decision wether to leave or not.





Ultimately, if you can't trust him and if he doesn't respect you by not compromising and changing, even a little, then every day is a wasted day.





Everyone deserves to be happy.
try going to any kind of counseling to get help for uns. get him in anger management, if he loves you like he says he will go to any kind of place to gt help for uns. give him that chance and if he dont prove it to u get out fast.
If he hits you, leave. that is not love, it's abuse. You can't change that - only he can. He won't change, believe me, I have been in that place, heard all the promises, still believing that if I loved him enough he would change, even when he was breaking my ribs.





It won't change.
if he's been abusive, leave now. don't listen to his crap.
Making the decision to leave and leaving is the hardest thing you're ever going to do. If he gets violent with you, RUN! He's trying to put you on a guilt trip, please do NOT let him do that. I've been married 22 years to a violent man and, trust me when I tell you, it will NOT change. I tried to get out 12 years ago at age 28; at age 40 I'm leaving and NOT looking back! You don't say how old you are or if there are any children, but if you have children, eventually his abuse will carry over to them, again I say trust me, I KNOW what I'm saying. You deserve to be happy and be truly loved. A man that loves you wouldn't hurt you. At first leaving will probably be hard, but surround yourself with friends and family that love you and when you start feeling guilty, talk to them. Find a support system in them. I've (thank God) got my sister in law and everytime I think up something new, I have her add it to ';the list'; so that when the time comes that I'm feeling lonely and scared she's armed and ready to bring me back to reality and remind me of all of the reasons why I left. Abusers will say anything they can think of to keep you there, as women we all need to stick together and fight back! Email me if you want to talk, I'll offer you some support. Don't give up anymore of yourself; this is time that you'll never get back in your life.
Leave him - temporarily. Let him get what ever help he needs (especially for the violence) and see what you feel then. At the moment he's giving the standard phrases but is he prepared to follow it up with actions?





If he loves you as much as you say you love him then he should go for it.





Most importantly though, you love yourself first. So if it is not good for you to be with him at the moment, leave until it is. Set him a timeframe - too long and the love will die with the separation. At the end of the time frame, see what he is like.





It's a good comprimise at the moment, and one thing is for sure... if he rerally loves you, you'll soon know.
If he has laid a hand on you in violence in the past, and hasn't changed I would leave!


You WILL feel better, the relief will be there, and you will wonder why you didn't leave sooner.


You only get one life, how can you live your life with someone you cannot trust? Imagine being with a person you love,and is your world who idolises you and would protect and care for you?


Go out there and find them!!
i personally wouldnt put up with any kind of physical abuse but at the end of the day its your decision to forgive/give a second chance but if you do make sure he knows theres one more chance, one more slip up %26amp; your out of there %26amp; stick to it
You have to do what is right for you. If he has not kept his promises he probably never will. Just follow your head. I would say follow your heart but that gets us in trouble every time. Think rational about this one. You know that you have common sense if you were your friend what would you tell her to do? Good luck.