I cant get over things that my husband has done that have hurt me. Serious advice please.?

Throughout our relationship my husband has done things that have really hurt me and made me feel unimportant. A recurring theme is devoting more time, attention or affection to other things/people. He is in the Army and we got married a year ago, right after we got married, we moved to Germany and have been here ever since. I am terribly lonely and bored; the majority of my time is spent at home waiting for him. I feel like I have made so many sacrifices for him and he doesnt appreciate it. Once we had an argument over playing rugby. He wanted to be on a team that practices 2 nights a week with games on Sat. I was hurt that he would be willing to give up so much time with me. I understand wanting to play but doesnt he realize all I do is sit alone and wait for him and he would be doubling that? Just an example. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish and other times I feel like I deserve all his love and attention for the sacrifices I have made to be with him. Advice/opinions pleaseI cant get over things that my husband has done that have hurt me. Serious advice please.?
It sound like you have some maturing to do. Of course if you are waiting for him at home all the time every moment he is away will be amplified in your mind.





Start learning German is you don't already know it and begin doing local activities. You need to get busy because you are becoming a drag on your husband life and soon he will start to resent you for it. You will become more interesting to your husband if you have new things to talk about. Make some friends and find a way to enjoy your knew life.I cant get over things that my husband has done that have hurt me. Serious advice please.?
hi hon... i'm sorry you are feeling lonely and neglected.





your husband probably has NO CLUE that you're suffering so much, and has never been left alone to fend for himself, and perhaps has never had to wait for anyone at all during his lifetime.





you can try to talk with him, let him know how you feel ';i feel lonely, i feel neglected and abandoned'; perhaps you could ask him if he could set aside at least one night a week and one day during the weekend (or his day off) to do things together?





PLEASE DO NOT blame yourself or feel guilty over someone else's actions. You DO deserve your husband's love and affection and attention.





let him know how you're feeling. if he doesn't see the light or realize how you're feeling, then i figure it's all about HIM.. and that's not how a marriage is supposed to work.





take care of YOU. i hope that, in the meantime you can find things to occupy your time... i haven't lived in germany so i am totally in the dark when it comes to what type of activities might be available to you... i hope you can find yourself a nice hobby or join a gym, -- some things which might interest YOU so you can get out and enjoy yourself, too...





take care.
I understand your feelings. You want to spend as much time with this man as possible. I get that, I've been there, I totally relate. However, I have learned over time that you cannot make someone spend all of their time away from work with you. You will sufficate him. Your feeling that he owes you since you made this sacrifice is your problem not his (and I'm not being mean, really). If you throw it up in his face that you sacrificed and wait for him to come home, and how could he spend all this time away from you... you will push him away. Stand on your own two feet, find something to do while he's gone. Don't just sit around all lonely waiting for him. There should be other military wives that are in the same boat. Check into it.





Keep in mind that men think differently than women. He may need his ';men time';, playing sports or whatever. You do deserve his attention, but you aren't going to get it all the time. Just a fact.





I hope this helps, best wishes to you.
Your in a new country with no friends or family. Your husband is always gone! My heart goes out to you! Time for you to do something about it, find a part time job and a hobby, it will make life a little easier. As far as your husband goes you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, with time it get easier dealing with him not being there. Right now your newly married and your revolving you life and time around him. Join a group and meet some friends...
Hi former military wife and military daughter here. Sounds like you need things to preoccupy your day. German tv isn't so interesting when you can't understand it :)


go to this website https://public.euromwr.army.mil/mwr_more.htm


its MWR for army bases in europe, as for the no car thing, there are tons of military wives who would be glad to give you a ride and companionship....they are in the same boat as you are after all. As for your problem with your husband, utilize the resources you have at your fingertips. I would say talk to him first, if nothing occurs, contact the base chaplain who will direct you to the proper channels as far as counseling is concerned. Sometimes all it takes is for a 3rd person to evaluate the situation for your husband to be like ';oh wow she really does need more of my time.';
I understand that you feel lonely. But for crying out loud, would he be opposed to you making friends? Are there other military wives that you could socialize with?


If he practiced and played rugby 3 times a week, why would you not go along and enjoy it also? You could make new friends that way. Maybe you and your hubby could meet other couples and go out together after practice, or after the Saturday games. Give your husband a break. He is trying to socialize with others. You should do the same, or don't try to stop him.


Get off your behind. You are responsible for your own happiness.
honey, most of the people that answered you are morons and probably the reason divorce rates are so high!


i've been with my husband since i was 14, and that's not off and on, that's exclusive. he works alot, not military or anything, but i am home by myself alot. in the last 12 years i've discovered men and women are different! i know shocking isn't it? guys don't see things the way we do, he looks at it that he's worked hard all day and wants to have some fun without you nagging, you look at it that he's been gone all day and you want his time...now! i get the whole neglected feelings but don't let them get the better of you.


1. get yourself a hobby, even if it's something small you do at home or something the point is occupy your time with something other than him.


2. get involved in stuff he likes to do. if he wants to play rugby whats stopping you from going to watch and cheering him on?


3. don't give up and leave, that's stupid and pathetic advice. he's not trying to neglect you, but when you're married it's just as important to have stuff you do seperately, as you do together.


ps- i find not nagging helps alot, and trust me i nag...alot! ;)


marriage is more than the wedding, it takes alot of work!! just hang in there, if you really love him, the hard work won't seem like work at all. good luck!
There is nothing easy about loving a military man. Unfortunately, it is a lonely, hard job. I am told there are support groups for military wives, and places where they can get together to get through the hard times. If they are not for you, perhaps you should go find somewhere to volunteer, or perhaps get a job. Your husband should be a little more sensitive to your needs. But, you could suggest date nights, and things like that to keep his attention.


Good luck to you.
If you are feeling that neglected, get out now before you guys bring any kids into it. You and your husband are a poor match in terms of the amount of time you need with each other.
LEAVE!!!!!!!!!! If he loves you he'll do what it takes to get you back.................... Sounds like talking doesn't work so prove your point.
You need to do something to fill your time. Try a job or volunteering. You are bored and this won't help your relationship. Do something other than sitting around waiting for him. That is unhealthy for you and unfair to him.
I understand you wanting him to appreciate your sacrifices - and he needs to. But on the other hand you need to find more to do with your life than sit around and wait for him. I don't know what there is to do over there, but there must be some kind of athletic clubs that you can join, get a job, take some classes, etc. You need to have your own life, independent of him.
You're right, you are being neglacted. And no matter what he says, he cant be mad at you about the way you feel. Wether your happy or incredibly angry, no one can tell you that you have no right to feel that way. If your husband doesnt want to give you the attention you deserve, then forget him. Find your own things to do. Im sure their are plenty of other army wives you can hang out with, even if theyre alot older or younger, that doesnt matter. Make friends, plan your own activities. Be supportive of your husband and go watch him play rugby on saturdays, even if you find it boring. Evenyually you麓ll stop nagging him, and he麓ll see that you no longer need him. Which will make him want to be closer to you, inturn hell be begging for your attention
Being married to a military man is hard. There job is always their first priority--I know this because my Dad spent 22 years in the Army. But the one thing my Mom never did was sit at home and be miserable waiting for him. She had plenty of friends, and had her own activities, and took advantage of the fact that we were living in a foreign country and did some traveling. If you spend the rest of your life with him thinking, ';See, look what I've done for you?'; YOUR life is going to pass you by. Don't be a martyr--we all know what happens to them. Find some balance--get your own thing going on. Germany is a beautiful country--take advantage of it while you are there. By doing this, you may find that your husband will show a little more interest in you.


I don't mean any disrespect when I say this, and please forgive me if it sounds cruel, but don't make him the center of your universe. You may be starting to sound like a broken record to him, and come off as being overly needy because you don't have anything else going on. Does this make sense? When this happens in any relationship, it tends to push people away because they would rather not deal with someone like that. I hope that I have helped you?
Have you discussed your feelings with your husband? Was he in the Army before you married him? Not that its an excuse but the soldiers tend to be away from home for extended periods of time...whether they are sent to Europe, or Korea or the Middle East. Usually a soldiers family accompanies them to duty assignments in Germany, so I don't quite understand why you didn't go with him. I'm not trying to be insensitive but if you are part of a military family you have to adapt to being alone quite a bit. Have you thought about getting a hobby? Or making friends in the area with whom you spend time with regularly? It's depressing that you sit at home alone and wait for him incessantly. I recommend being around for him when he is home; when he isn't...well, live your own life. There are so many options.... You can have a rewarding and successful career. You can take classes and learn new things. You can participate in a sport. Any of the above are great ways to meet people and make new friends that you share common interests with. Being in the Army is often times stressful and rugby is a great way for your husband to relieve his frustrations. It's unfortunate that it does indeed take valuable time from both of you as a couple. Maybe you two could set up a ';date'; night once a week, just the two of you having some romantic 'alone' time. I hope my answer has been helpful and I wish you the best of luck!
Seriously, get your own life so that you can be a whole person. Find some hobbies and make your own friends. Don't play that martry and wallow in self pitty. Also when you have your own life, don't be at his beck and call.
get a hobby or better yet some self esteem and bounce!
Well, if you're planning to stay with him I suggest get a hobby or a group of friends and do weekly dinners out or shopping or something to keep you from sitting at home alone and steaming about him be out playing rugby, etc. If he's done things in the past such as cheating, then I'd be done in a heartbeat!
Why are you still with him.
You sound very lonely. Your husband has made friends and just wants some guy time thats ok. What you need to do is really put some effort into finding a girlfriend. It makes all the difference in the world. You will depend on him a whole lot less. Because you will be busy with friends and that keeps you busy in your mind. Then you will look back and think what was I doing. I know I have been there. I moved to a new state and blamed my husband for my loneliness. Now I have a circle of friends that keep me so busy he is asking me for some alone time. I am so much more happy. Look for friends, do what you have to to find some.
even though im not married but what u should do is set up this romantic evening for the two of you, dinner and the whole nine yards, then after desert tell how u feel and see if hes up to making a few changes
I was that wife... I was content when my husband and I were alone... I only wanted to be withe him... big mistake... I think you need to find a hobby or something that makes you happy... I am reading a book called ';Codependency No More';... great book... and I am not a reader... Try making your own friends and maybe when he goes out with his, you can go our with yours... It will take your mind away from him going out without you... Try to find things that make you happy... I enjoy crafts, working out, and spending time with my kids... I can't imagine being in a strange country all by yourself... it's tough... I would also talk to him and make a date night at least once a week where you go out alone with your husband... Good Luck
.Tell your husband thanks for his service to his country and to kill as many muslim terrorist as possible. And you need a hobby to keep you busy.
Think of the situation from your husband's point of view for a moment; he works all day, then comes home to a wife who is bored and can only talk about the sacrifices she has made and of how much she needs him. Not very exciting for him!The problem is, that you are too dependent on him. He should not be your only source of happiness. It'll weigh very heavily on him that you are clinging to him.


The way out of this is for you to get other interests. You need friends, hobbies, learn German, do sports, get pets. Anything that makes you happy.


When you are happier, and have interesting things to talk about, your husband will be much happier to be in your company.


It's not too late to do something about it, though. Good luck!!
I don't think your being selfish at all, in fact I think your quite right to be upset about this. Try telling him about how you feel, I know you probably have already but there's no harm in trying again. Sit down with him when you do have the time and discuss each other's side of the story. Maybe he has reasons to be like this and maybe he doesn't see why its hurting you. Also, instead of sitting around for him all the time, why don't you try and go out with some friends or something? That way, you can have the fun that you deserve as well!!! Hope this has helped
Hmmm.....you're kinda like sad so why don't you give him a nice long and hard spanking and turn his butt into crimson. I'm also spanked even I'm 21 now!
Sadly the divorce rate for military couples is about double what it is for the general population. The number one issue is usually ';he doesn't spend enough time with me'; which leads many women to cheat and/or leave. Between long deployments, the stress of combat, and the general shi ttiness of Army life, a marriage can be tough to keep going, especially if you married young.





I suggest that you give him one last chance to attend marriage counseling. If he refuses, pack up and leave. You deserve better.
You had me with you until:





';other times I feel like I deserve all his love and attention for the sacrifices I have made to be with him.';





Appreciation, yes. Acknowledgement, yes. All his attention? No. If he were with you 24/7 you'd hate each other.





You two need to hammer out time that is JUST for you two. In the meantime, stop being bored and lonely. Stop waiting at home. Get out, make friends, see a country with a rich history, find a job, volunteer. Give yourself permission to fill that time WITHOUT him. If you're going to be there a while...LEARN to speak the language.





Do that and it may even serve as a wake up call to him. Even if it doesn't you'll have a life.
I understands u ,u r newly married,but i think ur husband is an army pperson ,so he will always think like patriot %26amp; independence and more interest on sports and he thinks nothing can cheat him as he is so perfect...


But u need to clarify with him


ask him does he really loves u,or cares u,atleast wants u


say him u need care..i can understand the feeling .,u r loosing all the happiness %26amp; fun and joy of ur life when u came here


as u missed all ur parents ,friends %26amp; just waiting hours for a person who doesnt cares u %26amp; dont want to spoent time with u


..Ask him all these.,be defensable .,dont hid eur feelings


which may lead to frustration %26amp; u will focus it on other things
You do deserve all this attention. You moved (from your home town) to be with him, devoted, loving, caring, stay at home wife. And he wants to do all this? I would tell his a** that if i wanted to be miserable i would have never gotten married. Tell him you married to be happy, that you are devoted to him, you love him and care for him, that you are faithful. He doesn't realize that most other women won't take his crap. (That's what i tell my hubby, and it's true)
It sounds like you got a stupid husband maybe it's time for you to move on.