This e-mail came to me late last night and this morning she did add that she's not sure but she gets the feeling he either is cheating or did cheat on her, he had quit sleeping in the bed with her quite a while before he moved out and is now saying he hasn't met anyone but really encouraging her to go out and meet someone.
I just got this e-mail from her last night:
Well this isn't something that I've been wanting to have to say, but I don't like hiding important things from my people. Ryan decided that he has not been happy for a long time, so he moved out. He says it MIGHT be temporary, but has no current plan of coming back. He is living with his friend right now. It's only been a couple of weeks since he left, but I just have the feeling that it's over. Evan doesn't know what's going on yet. Ryan's friend is actually out of town so he is ';taking care'; of his place while he is gone and that is all that Evan knows. No one in our family knows. I plan on telling Peyton soon, but I'm not going to talk to anyone else in my family until it is completely final.
There are many ugly details that I could pass on, but who wants to hear all that drama? Basically he doesn't love me anymore and he says he doesn't know why. I had been talking to him about how he gets angry with me all the time and so he stopped talking to me and looking at me all together. When I did talk to him directly he would respond but he just looked at me like he detested the fact that he even had to put up with me. I told him this and he said that its not right for him to treat me like that and that is what made him think to move out. He would rather leave me than try to stay and make things better.
It wasn't something that I saw coming. We had been arguing more often than usual but I just felt like it was a low part in our marriage that we would get through. He must have taken it more seriously than I did. He said it was ';hell';.
I go through phases of being sad, hurt, angry, bitter. He's annoyed with me because I keep trying to talk about it. I just don't know how we can stop talking about it until its resolved. Whatever way it gets resolved.... He's never been one to talk much about anything so when I do try to have a discussion he finds a way to get angry so he can shut the conversation off.
Last week I was hopeful that he would come back, but this week I realized that he doesn't want to.
I feel like leftovers. I'm worried about having to sell the house. I'm worried about being broke. And what person is going to want me anytime soon after this drama. I'm going to get older, uglier and lonelier.
Well I think that is all I can say right now. I know I should probably have told you this over the phone, but then I would sound like a blubbering idiot...soo...here it is.I need some words of wisdom/advice/comfort for my friend whose husband is leaving her - she's 27 y/o?
I think her husband was or is cheating. I wouldn't even consider counseling at this point because he just told her he doesn't love her anymore. If he really loved her and want to work things out he would suggest counseling with her not leave her in the dust. Tell her hang in there and to take care of herself and her son. She has the better half, their son Evan. Tell her chin up and stay strong for her and her son. She will just let herself go if she keeps thinking negative of herself. She needs to think positive and believe in herself because when you believe you will achieve. My sister has 8 kids and is 44 years old, and she still have guys asking her out. My sister was hurt at the beginning of her devorce and felt the same as your friend but time did heal and she continued to stay strong for herself %26amp; kids. Don't let any man bring you down. Not worth it, you can do better and you deserve a better happy life with a wonderful man who will love you unconditionally. Tell her chin up and think positive. Just be there for your friend %26amp; do fun things together. She can always go back to school, there is such thing as student loans, or financial aid, or find a job to save her house. Tell her I would sell the house instead of foreclosure if anything. If she stays strong and positive any man will accept that. Being depressed and just thinking and waiting for the idiot who just left her in the dust will just make her older, uglier, and lonelier. So don't waste precious time and make something out of herself. I wish her the very best!I need some words of wisdom/advice/comfort for my friend whose husband is leaving her - she's 27 y/o?
I am going through a similar situation as your friend. Unfortunately there is not much that you can really say to make her feel better. The best thing for you to do is let her know that you are there for her when she needs you.
My family and friends have been my biggest support system. I can lean on their shoulder to cry or have their ears so I can ***** and let out the anger. Counseling may help her deal with what's been going on.
To me the hardest thing to hear from other people is what they would do in the situation. Leave him seems to be the easiest thing to say to someone but to actually do it is difficult. Be there for her as much as you can.
Good luck to your friend in all this.
This is so common.The best thing here is to let it develop
and see whats going to happen.He has to find what's happening to him.Since your still young,you won't have a lot of trouble finding another guy.For now I would date if I were you.Just talk to him about house payments (money matters).
He doesn't love her anymore, no need to look for a reason. Maybe he cheats maybe he doesn't, but it doesn't change the fact he is not in love with her and she needs to move on.
She's only 27 y/o. She will get over this in no time. She will be young and beautiful for many many years to come. She will meet another man and maybe even have babies with him. Even though this seams unfair now, him leaving will turn out to be for the best. She was just a teenager when she started dating him, she has changed into a grown woman since then. She will know now what she wants out of a relationship and out of a man.
There's no easy way out of a marriage but instead of being the end of something, she could see this as the beginning of a new life, a life in which she is more mature, more experienced and more aware of the traps of life waiting for her.
Better to be left at 27 than at 57. You have a lifetime in front of you. If it is a man that you want, you have now been granted a new opportunity to find one who is deserving so be thankful that you are being given this opportunity now rather than later. The one who is leaving is wrong for you so don't grieve but be thankful that you have another opportunity to make a better choice. All change in life whether viewed as good or bad really are neither, they are just more opportunities and learning experiences. As humans, we tend to learn more readily from painful experience so view this pain now as a new opportunity to become who you are truly meant to be. Your next choice will be more in keeping with your heart. You are wiser now and will be happier tomorrow than yesterday. Just let go and accept this opportunity with grace. Whether you know it or not, your values are changing. I know these things because I have lived them and have learned my lessons. Bless you, you will be fine. Be strong and use your head but follow your heart, it never steers you wrong. We are born to grow and there is always pain involved in that process but also huge reward. You are your priority now.
Your friend is afraid of whats to come in her life .I would not ponder what tomorrow will bring just live life be happy
Most of my friends that split apart the ladies find some one they like/love more in time she is only 27 y old
I am in the playpen with sweet Mildred
I feel you should absolutely encourage her to move on, grow, change, and find a love worthy of her. Ryan is not communicative. I think from what you write that he doesn't fully know what he's feeling or why... and doesn't seem particularly interested in discovering it. That's his choice, but it's an unhappy way to live for him and even more so for her. She feels like leftovers, because she is. He no longer values her, if he ever did. That won't be completely his fault, no doubt there are things she could change and will... but this guy does not deserve her love; she should move on.
I suggest supporting your friend 100% during this time, let her know how special you feel she is, how she and those she loves deserve for her to be in a mutual, passionate, loving relationship. Don't let her waste her young life on something that is obviously not worth it. Remind her that a relationship that is energizing, healing, would lift her to a higher level is out there. It is looking for her.
Good luck.
well to your friend i guess my advice would be theres a lot of guys who would like to ';date'; her so she wont be alone
and sorry that her husband left her but he probably was cheating on her anyway so its all good
The way she is feeling is quite normal, however in time she will meet someone and things will change. She needs to seek some help in the form of counseling.
I kinda know what your friend is going through, my ex left me after 26 yrs. of marriage, he said he loved me but he wasn't in love with me, he said he was depressed, so I feel her pain, that was 3 yrs. ago and I'm still hurting, she will hurt too but as time goes by it will get better for her, and I know she will find true love again, the first thing she needs to do is stop feeling like she is ugly and old, tell her she is beautiful and she is not to old to find love again, tell your friend to keep herself busy that helps alittle, tell her to keep her head up high, everything will be alright, she has to go on with her life and make the best of it. I truly wish her all the best, I know she will be ok, tell your friend I said good luck.......
Oh, God. That's terrible.
Before consoling her, you need to assess what kind of person she is. Is she the kind of person who thrives off of sympathy? Or, is she the person who HATES sympathy?
If she doesn't mind the sympathy, you should make sure she knows that you're sorry for her. That things do happen for a reason, however vague and unknown that reason may be right now.
She seems to be putting up a pretty tough front, so it may be that she doesn't want the sympathy. Some people are like that; they don't want people to look at them with pity. It makes them feel pathetic. If that's the case, just support her. Say that you're sorry for her situation, not sorry for her. Say that you're there to talk but you won't push the matter.
And, remember, this woman was married to this man for almost a decade. She loves him. So, whatever you do, don't put him down. She might go through a stage where every word out of her mouth is a negative comment towards him. But, you shouldn't ever be the one to talk trash. You can agree with her or listen to her. But, the fact of the matter is it'll hurt her later when she's alone to think about the bad things said about him.
She'll never be able to heal and move on if her time is spent feeling guilty, feeling at fault, or feeling pitied.
Just be a friend; that's all you really can do.
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