I need advice on how to tell my husband the importance of helping my beloved mother financially.?

I need advice on how to tell my husband the importance of helping my beloved mother (widow) financially. I’m Hispanic. We were raised to always love one another, and help one another in our family with anything!!! I am a very family-oriented person!! I love my family and my husband very much!! I grew up with the thought that I will always help my family in any way, especially financially whenever they needed it. My husband and I have a different way of thinking when it comes to helping out family members with money.





He is a very bright person!! He went to school and recieved the highest degree one can get in the health field. ( I don’t want to say what he got his degree in since that is not important in this topic.) He makes a six figure income, and he knows how to invest and save money!! Every cent counts for him!! I’m not saying that’s bad. I also work. I don’t even make close to what he makes in a year, and I want to help my mother financially which he opposes!! I want to always help my mom since I am working, and I plan on doing so for the rest of my life (up until my good health permits.) I believe that I make enough money to be able to financially help my beloved mother. My husband and I have a joint account, and he says that it is him and not me that is financially helping my mom because he’s the one that is “really making the money.” That’s what he says. My thought is that I work full time, and I make decent money. I am helping my mother because I know that I can afford to do so since I do work, and I want to always help her!! I don’t think that there is anything wrong with this. My parents helped my grandparents financially whenever they needed some money.





We were both raised differently. He doesn’t believe in giving our money away to family members. He does believe in loaning money to his family or my family if they need it. His family doesn’t need our financial support at this time, and he says that they will never need it, nor ever move in with us because they need some place to live. He says that they have solved all of that in case they find themselves in that situation---(I don’t mind to help them at all if they ever needed our help.) On the other hand, my family doesn’t have that much money. My mother lives with my youngest sibling. All of my other siblings are married just like I am. We all financially help my beloved mother including my youngest sibling who lives with her. My husband and I are not in any financial burden! We have a lot of money saved up! I am working and I feel that I can help my mother with groceries once or twice a month!! My other siblings also help my mom out with money. My mother never asks me for any help!!! I offer to help her out if I see that she is struggling financially. What is your opinion about my situation?? He doesn’t want any kids if this matter isn’t resolved. He doesn’t want me to help my mom by buying her groceries. He says it’s fine to loan her money since we will get the money back. I do want kids, and I’m in my 30’s. My biological clock is ticking. He says that this issue can lead into a divorce in the future so it’s better if we don’t have kids. I agree about not having kids when this is an issue even though I want kids so bad!! He’s afraid that I’m going to help my mom with all her financial needs. He doesn’t understand that all of my siblings and I are equally helping her!! Please help! Need some advice. Thank you!I need advice on how to tell my husband the importance of helping my beloved mother financially.?
just be open and honest.... and don't try and do, more than you are capable of..... it can put too much strain on your marriage.I need advice on how to tell my husband the importance of helping my beloved mother financially.?
I think you married the wrong man, hun.
Seems he's a turd.
He won't understand because family is not his primary concern, money is. It's not about the money for you, it's about taking care of your mom in her golden years. That in my opinion is how it should be. Explain to your husband that if he truly loves you then he will understand that your love for your mom is unconditional. That there isn't a situation that you would see her in and not help her if you could. Right now she needs your help. His interference is causing you stress because you want to be a good daughter as much as you want to be a good wife. Ask him if one you have adult children that need help, would he be willing to help them? He needs to learn what it means to love unconditionally. Good luck honey.





~aj
This is a huge culture difference.


Parent's are expected to save and take care of themselves here and it is viewed as *exploiting* your children if you rely on them to care for you once you retire.


We also have a huge emphasis on personal responsibility; so when you help your mom financially that means she will never need to get a job or do anything else to make-ends meet. You are ';over-functioning'; for her and this actually hurts both you and her in the long-term.





What you guys need is a budget you both agree to along with an agreement that within the budget, your money is your money and you both can spend that money as you please. You can send your allowance to your mom if that's what you want, and he can blow his gambling, et. al.
Your mother sounds like she doesn't need your help. She hasn't asked for it and she is living with your sibling. You can ask her if she would allow you to buy her groceries once a month, and if she accepts, just do it with your own money and not your husbands. Make sure he is aware that you're doing this of course.





I think the greater issue here is that your husband is telling you what you want instead of listening to you. He is using this small issue about helping out family- and he's being very stubborn by not even trying to find a compromise- as an excuse to not have kids when you desperately want them. He is controlling you and taking away things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Stop letting him! You aren't getting any younger. You need to sit him down and tell him what you want out of your lives together and if he plays the same game of telling you that you want something else, time to go to counseling or get a divorce.
This should have been discussed before the marriage.





I assume you mean that you'd be using your husbands money to help your mother, or your money? If you've no income, I would resent having my hard earned money funneled off to support someone else too.





I'd say an easy compromise would be to get a job and spend your own income on your mother while making sure to save enough of it to offset any additional tax burden or costs arising from you working.





Simple. Spend your money instead of someone else's.
Stop calling your mother ';beloved'; and that may get you somewhere. It sounds like you love your mother and family a lot but you seem to be forgetting that your husband is your family too. You entered into your marriage as a team and are supposed to break ties with the other family. Not literally but figuratively. Your parents help raise you and then you raise your own kids. Your husband can lighten up a little. If you want to spend some of your your money by getting her gifts or groceries that might be acceptable. But I understand his point of view. People never figure out how to do things on their own if they are always dependent on others. Kind of like welfare. You never push yourself to do more or do better if you are always getting a hand out. Sad that your mom and dad didn't make a better financial plan so she was not stuck in this situation. Sounds mean but they have themselves to blame for that.


Your mother is fine. She doesn't ask for and doesn't expect you to help her then let it go. Don't let the family guilt or expectation eat you up. Your mother is living with your siblings. It is not like she is on the street.
i suggest you get a job that pays you well enough to help your family, since it is your objective to help. otherwise, your husband IS your family and if he does not agree, then i wouldn't help them financially.