Husband cheated and I am at a complete loss. I need advice, but no haters telling me how stupid I am. Thanks

What do I do? I found out my husband cheated on my after denying it for months. I don't know whether to work to save my marriage for the sake of my family or just to give up. Our relationship has become so volatile lately that I just want to give up, but on the flip side, I do love my husband. We are supposed to start counseling to work on some of our problems on Tuesday, but now I don't know what is going to happen. No haters please. I want real advice.Husband cheated and I am at a complete loss. I need advice, but no haters telling me how stupid I am. Thanks
You should not just jump into a divorce. Marriage comes with these kind of problems and you chose to accept that when you said I do. Marriage is not like dating. You can't just give up because one person makes a mistake. You don't wanna be another divorced statistic. If you decide to get a divorce later then do it knowing that you did everything you could. He definitely has to work on rebuilding your trust. Its not like people to admit an affair when asked. They want to keep the ones they have and find other interest outside. I'm not saying that its ok for him to cheat but he can change if he is willing to. If he is not then you have no other choice but to end your heartache. Nobody deserves to be cheated on but when you get married and have a family, you have to work through these things. If you are only staying with him for the family that is another problem. Let him know that you can't be the only one trying and he really has to work for it. Don't seek revenge by trying to hurt him like he did you. If you are gonna forgive him then forgive him and move on with your relationship.Husband cheated and I am at a complete loss. I need advice, but no haters telling me how stupid I am. Thanks
Just becareful! My ex has claimed to want to work it out. And repeated the mistakes and they got worse. He now has a gf of i think 4 or 5 months we have been separated 6 months. He has tried to come back to me twice and she has no clue he is being dishonest with us both but of course i am the bad guy in her eyes. You are the only one who will be able to see what should happen your heart may still love him but you also need to think if this is him you deserve better. After six month i am feeling better but it was the hardest thing i have ever been through. That may not help at all lol. Just follow your heart but do not torture yourself. I had to nervous break downs cause i could not let go one really huge one. Now i am devoted to my kids and he has his own little family with her and without us.
Don't do anything hasty, wait until you go to counseling to see.


You have to know if you can live with the fact that he did it and forgive him.
I think you are good to go to the counselling. It may or may not help but it definitely wont hurt the relationship any more than his cheating has.





Counselling will most likely be painful when you hear what he has to say about the affair but try and see it through. If you really give it your all and he does too then regardless of the outcome you won't have regrets or what ifs in regards to how you handled things after he told you about the affair.





Because you love him I really hope that things work out for you but remember that staying together may not be what's best for your family if it makes you and/or your husband miserable.





Best of Luck.
Hi i can honestly said i know what you going true my husband also confest to me that he had cheat it on me like 5 yrs ago n i thought i was gonna die his my everything at lease yall 2 going to conseling thats a very good idea. i suggest for you and you husband to work it out and try to stay 2geda but just remember this dont just stay with him cus of the kids cus that is not the best thing to do.


me and my husband still togeda but i don't trust him no more i wish we can work it out like you and yours but hey!!!


another thing before he gain you love back make sure you can give him you trust!


best of luck!!
Your on the right road to go to counseling. See what happens there.





Sorry to hear that.
Starting counseling is a good first step to saving your marriage. Between now and Tuesday, avoid the volatile situations that are making you so desperate right now. No screaming, no accusations or confrontations. Keep your self busy until you see what happens on Tuesday.
You say you love your husband, so go ahead with


the counseling, and you must also sit down with


him and let him know how much he upset you


for what he did. Everyone in life deserves a


second chance, give him his, but make sure you


sit him down and let him know what you expect


of him as a husband, and if that does not work


then seperation sometimes has to take place


in order for each of you to have your space to


think things out, and of course if that does not


work out then after a time there is only one other


alternative, divorce, however make that the last


recourse, especially if love is still involved.


Good luck.
Since you do love him, it would probably be better to try the counseling first. That may help you decide how you want to go forward. Your husband lying to you shows how little character he has. Be prepared and get your things in order in case you get a divorce.
Try the counselling, but I don't like the repeated lying on top of the cheating.





If counselling doesn't work, and you find yourself unable to forgive do what's necessary.





This behavior says a lot more about him than it does about you.
Tell him you do not tolerate cheating under any circumstances and don't bother you with his excuses because you aren't buying any of them. He abused your love.
I think you should go to counseling and see what happens there. You don't have to decide anything right now.
First thing is first, it might hurt but I would be better if you try to calmly ask him what his feelings are towards you, does he wants to save the marriage, does he still love you, cares about you... what was he looking for that you did not give him, on this woman? Don't lose control so he can be honest, show your strong and ready for any unswer.





I am going through the same situation. But she cheated on me, but I will tell you letter about my problem. however at the end is all the same.
Sorry to hear about this...You must be very hurt and stressed, to say the least....!





OK....I agree with many answers. You will have to decide what it is you can and cannot live with. Everybody is different, and some people can ';forgive and forget'; but others cannot.





Therapy is a good idea if BOTH spouses are willing to work at trying to fix things and to save the marriage; but it is not a magic wand that always works out. Sometimes one person is willing to change and the other one isn't; so it takes ';two to tango';. I would also suggest you seek comfort in family and friends; feeling alone will make the pain worse. Finally, ask God to guide you and to give you strength and peace.





Please remember we can change no one- except yourself.


......................................鈥?br>




IMO, his cheating is just the tip of the iceberg; you'll have to find out during therapy what his issues are- so you can both see if they can be healed or fixed. And remember...God loves you and He wants you to be happy, not miserable. ((Sometimes we choose badly and have to pay for our mistakes...but not forever, either. Life is too short.))





I wish you the best and hope you can overcome this awful experience.
If you both still love each other then I hope that the counseling works for the both of you. It is never easy when someone cheats and the spouse finds out about it. I went through that except my ex got the woman pregnant and then acted like he did nothing wrong. We got divorced but not just for that reason. We went to counseling but it did not work for the two of us. I just could not stand the man anymore so we got divorced. Hope that the two of you can make it work again.
Every couple needs help at some point in their realtionship..As for his cheating, well we all know that's something that is never ok. I'm not married so I can't say for sure, but if he is truely sorry and really wants to work on the reason's he straied, I think I would at least try, you are married. But if you can't forgive him, then you can't, and he can't blame you because you tried. In the end, it's up to you if you think you can forgive him and move on with your relationship. If you can't truely forgive him, all I see in the future is more fights and an end to the marriage. (by the way, I'm not saying you should be able to forgive him, it's an aweful thing to be cheated on, and he needs to know if you deside to stay, he's a very lucky man. And if you don't he get's what he deserves)
Being in the presence of your children with the knowledge you have of his infidelity is not ';saving'; anything. Sounds to me you love this cheater, but he doesn't love you. If he has to stick it elsewhere he is not satisfied with you. Take your children and start a new life. You only live once and don't waste yourself on trash. Your a treasure. Not a toy. Will your children's ';happiness'; reflect yours if you decide to ';try to make it work';? Think about it
Give the counseling time to work. You will have nothing to lose.
If you really want it to work you must forgive and move on from his indiscretion. If you really love him I think you should try because then you will always wonder if there was something you could have done. You should keep family and friend out of your problems they always seem to complicate thing. If you get back with him it is yours and only your decision, good luck.
1. Your husbad cheated on you, because his needs were not being met. That doesn't necessarily mean that it is your fault. People, cheat because they either:


A. Aren't happy to begin with.


B. Want out of the relationship.


C. Are weak and easily influenced by others.


D. Have needs that aren't being met.


E. Are just selfish pigs who only care about themselves.





2. There is a strong likelihood that if you continue to stay with him, he will sooner or later cheat on you again. Therefore, overall it would be in your best interest to end the marriage, learn from your mistakes, be happy, and move on with your life with somebody who cares more about you. I know its hard when you love somebody to let go, but it is for the better(that is if you don't want to get hurt again).





3. As long as you didn't cheat on him, well then you deserve better. When somebody does those kinds of things to their spouse, it's pretty much a stabb in the back and another way of saying that they don't care much about their marriage.
I know exactly what you are going through, I don't know what's better to lied about it or tell you straight out. If you love him and he is willing to work it out with you, give your marriage another chance. You need to compromise both of you, you need to forgive him first and let go of the past and don't try to revamp old feelings and points fingers because that is not going to work. I find counseling sometimes makes matters worse. Just talk to your husband in the open tell him what you want and ask him what he wants and respect each others decisions and move on. Remember loves conquers anything with the help of God. I wish you all the best
People can change. Before I was married to my third wife I was caught red handed cheating on her, and vowed to never cheat on her again. I kept that promise, and now even though we're divorced we are still excellent friends.


Lots of people decide to stay together for the sake of the children. If you do this, get a written contract about what kind of behavior and benefits you expect. Also, make alternate emergency plans in case things get suddenly worse.
Look, at this point all you can do is try. He is obviously making an effort by going to counseling, so you do what you need to. Getting over someone cheating on you may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. In all honesty I don't think you'll ever let it go, but I hope you stay strong, keep your head held high, and never let them see you cry!!!
If you still love your husband then do not give up, but don't give in either.


Stand your ground.


For now I would not let him touch you in any way. It will only confuse you more in the long run and it will make him think that you are over it.


Another thing if you have ?'s then ask don't put them off because you don't want to upset him or make him feel bad.


Try as hard as you can not to talk about it in front of the kids.


If it turns into yelling then write down what you want to know.


He can write back and that way the kids are protected from most of the anger that you are going to feel.


Try the counseling it may work for you and it may not.
First you have to determine what YOU want. Then you have to find out what your husband wants. If they are different things, you have your answer.


If you love each other and he's 100% ccommitted to a second chance, it could work. If he's defensive and unwilling to be completely available to you, move on. Your kids aren't getting a very good example of what a happy marriage should be. Good luck.
If you are both willing to go to counseling, see what happens. Everything that has happened up to this point was meant to be. An opportunity has presented itself, so you are taking advantage of it. You will know in your heart what the next step should be, whether it is to try to work things out, or to move on. If you don't like the situation you are in, you have a choice to stay in it, or change it. All the best to you.
I know you love him, but look at the facts. Not only did he cheat, but he lied about it for months. If there is no trust or honesty, there can be no chance of saving things. From what you describe, it sounds like you should cut your losses with this guy, spend some time allowing your heart to heal,and then one day start looking for a guy that will treat you right.
Been there done that.If he is willing to go to counseling that is a good start.I always remember what my grandmother told me when she went thru it over 50 yrs ago.You can forgive him but don't ever for get.If after time they start to get a little cocky remind them gently that you have not forgotten.my grandparents were married married 65yrs before she passed.Good luck!
Not knowing the situation the only advice I can give is to follow what your heart is telling you. You have taken a big step by going to counseling and hopefully from that you can get some perspective on your relationship.
As Dr. Phil says, ';Don't get a divorce unless you earned it';. Go to counseling sessions and see if it works out. Who knows, maybe your spouse is willing to work at things and will work hard to gain your trust again. If it doesn't work out, tell yourself this statement ';It's better to be single and healthy, than to be sick in a relationship.';


The worst thing you can do is to stay in an unhappy marriage because you don't trust your spouse. Your children will pick up the tension between you two. Children would rather see 2 happy single parents, than married parents who are unhappy. They will get over it.
counseling never works