We are going to our therapist tomorrow and I am nervous he will make this my fault and place the blame on me.
Any suggestions on how to handle? Any one been through this? Advice? Thank you so much.Husband has been lying to me need advice?
wow what a smack in the face....don't let him make this about you...was it you making chummy with a guy NO....he straight out lied to you...if he had nothing to hide then he would have hid nothing. What I would do....I would get a babysitter if you have children, use a friends car, and follow him to see if he really is meeting the guys...if you don't find out the truth, he will probably lie in therapy...and you didn't say if the chummy friend was single or not...Ive been married along time....when ever there happen to be a female that acted overly friendly I nipped that sh#t in a$s real quick...One thing having a female friend....key word friend....its another problem if a woman is leaving my husband very chummy emails...
and honey the female Intuition is usually correct...
me personally, I would have wrote her back and told the b#tch I saw your emails to my husband and you need to back off, if not I'll pack his sh#t send him to your house, then you can take care of Jerk. ps make sure you by a vibrator cause he sure as hell has no clue how to please a woman...he is hung like a pimple:)
good luck my thoughts are with you tomorrowHusband has been lying to me need advice?
you are on the right track. communication is KEY...
do not go into your session thinking about a blame game, go into your session thinking you are going to work on rebuilding you relationship and communication.. if he is talking to someone else he is distracted by what is going on with him and you..
most people start to talk to other people at work to make them feel happy about them their self cause they are unhappy.. it is not you it is him so talking to someone make him feel happy..
bring this up in you session but in a positive way..
good luck..
usually all you need is a gut feeling hun, that can tell you all you need to know.
get rid of him.
Blame YOU?
How can he blame you? HE is the one texting and emailing this woman.
Is THAT how he handles marital strife with you? By texting and emailing other women????
And to that idiot whose answer is above me....NO ONE can be EVERYTHING to their spouse...that is humanly IMPOSSIBLE and does not give a spouse a right to go outside the marriage.....sorry!
My experience says that you cannot have a good relationship if there is no trust.
You need to decide whether it's worth giving him a chance to rebuild that trust, and you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and not just staying with him for unhealthy reasons.
If you decide to give him that chance, you will probably find that there are things you also need to work on in your relationship. BUT, he made his own choices and decided to break his marriage vows. Nothing you did makes it OK for him to do that AND lie about it. Don't take responsibility for his dishonorable and dishonest behavior. A good marriage counselor will referee the conversation to keep things from being too one-sided.
You should probably prepare yourself for the reality that in order to find happiness and a REAL man(not a lying sneak with no honor), you are going to need to look elsewhere.
Honey just be yourself. Truth is truth and any good therapist will see right through him.
If this therapy doesn't do you any good: pack your bags or kick the cheat out.
the therapist shouldn't allow him to place blame, if he/she is any good. it's hard to deal with dishonesty. you don't have anything to work with. i would push in therapy that he be honest. there's no point in spending money on a therapist if beneath it all he doesn't care and still continues to act chummy with this woman and wastes your money going to therapy b/c he doesn't have the balls to end it with either you or her. he needs to act like a married man, and married men don't get ';chummy'; with other women. he has the issues, here, and if his issues are with your relationship then he needs to take it out on you, not on the other woman. to blame you for his misdeeds is a weak man, and anyone especially a therapist will see that. good luck and don't buckle.
I would leave him being with another woman and for being dishonest with me. Good luck!
I was all set to just slam you for invading his privacy (yes emails are private correspondence) which was indeed wrong of you. But on ther other hand, ';chummy'; emails do not include porn, thus he is up to something just as wrong as the invasion of privacy.
This should be the one and only topic on the agenda with the therapist. You need to put it on the table as soon as the session starts and admit to the wrongness of invading his privacy. Then the rest of the session can be about the ';chum'; (my great aunt fanny!) because this is extremely inappropriate behavior on his part.
Hey Sweet heart!! Been a long time since we talk. I guess we are having the same kind of problems lately...Anyhow...Read this book ';He's not that in to you,'; it is a very good book and it makes you realize alot of things. Like the million excuses we make for guys etc, etc...I am telling you this book is awsome!!! if you have a chance e-mail me, I would like to talk to you. I tried to e-mail you but it does not give me the option of doing so through here. My e-mail is chinitabonita7@yahoo.com
People make mistakes and do the wrong thing once in awhile. There is nothing you can do about that as people will always let you down at some point. If he can't take responsibility then there isn't much to discuss. Liars try to break people down by having you doubt your own common sense and blame you for their wrongdoing. If he does this, then you simply married a scum bag.
I think you are right to have concerns about this behaviour and don't let him try and talk his way out of it. An old saying goes ';there's no smoke without fire'; and someone is setting off sparks.
i have been there! Please go with your gut! I wouldn't keep my feelings hid either, i did that and you know where it got me, watching my ex do it over and over again! and if he happens to place the blame on you, then you will know for sure somethings up! Its easier for him to justify whatever he may be doing, Stand up and ask him if it were you doing this, how would he feel? I really wish you the best!
I would e-mail her and let her know you are the wife and she needs to back off. (it also depends how ';chummy';)
Well if you're going to the therapist, then you already made a smart move. I highly doubt that he will be able to convince the therapist that you are a fault here. Hopefully he will come clean about everything and quit doing what he's doing, and start treating you like the way you are supposed to be treated. If therapy doesn't help, then I would suggest that you leave him.
I have been faithfully married to my wife for 20 years and I have had plently of chances to cheat that she never would have known about - lots of international business trips etc. Not only did I NOT cheat. I did not have the desire to cheat.
I have always ';honored'; my wedding vows. And my wife has always honored hers. She vowed to ';love'; me. And marital love is sexual love.
Honestly ask yourself the following questions:
- Does your husband know you really, truly love him?
- Does your love show itself through physical affection and sex (a man doesn't REALLY feel loved at a deep level without affection and sex. We are very different than most women in this sense)
3. Have you made an effort to keep your sex life good/great by:
- Making it a priority in terms of frequency
- Making as much effort to ';please'; him in bed as you did when you were ';dating';
- Taking care of your body, remember the body he fell in love with? That is the one that drives him crazy. Do you still sort of look like that?
If you really are doing all the stuff above and he is chasing another woman, than you married a disloyal man who will cheat no matter what. However, if you are ignoring him, and find it annoying or ';funny'; that he is always wanting sex and you reject him because you would rather cuddle the baby, clean the house or hang out with your female friends, eventually he IS going to cheat. He just will. It is that simple. And if he falls in love with the other woman, he will come in one day and leave you for her.
If you were my daughter I would tell you: Sit him down and find out if he is happy/satisfied with you and your sex life and your marriage. And don't make excuses. Having a baby is not a valid excuse for ending your love life. If he is selfish in bed, and you need him to make an effort to help you finish, ';tell him'; but don't deny him. One last thing. As for frequency, don't skip that question. Ask him what would be the ideal frequency for 'him'. And what is a minimal level of frequency that is not miserable for him.
If you really are doing everything right, and he admits it, then you should drop the hammer on him for trying to start an affair. It is rare that a man goes down this path when he truly is getting loved well at home.
Just listen to see what he says in therapy and find out what it is thats lacking in your marriage.
get an attorney, and get him out
who knows how long he's been lying to you and what else he's been doing but you need to get out, this isnt going to work
Make copies of as many of these as possible. Surprise your hubby by having them in black and white to present to your therapist.
You never make friends with your boss because it is WORK. Your co-workers are not your friends because it is WORK. Friends are for PLAY and if you are PLAYing with a co-worker you are cheating on your employer and your spouse.
This is not your fault. His integrity is at stake. He needs to return to doing everything in his life with excellence.
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