I need advice on situation with bi-polar husband?

In 1991 my husband had been diagnosed as a ';manic depressive';. He never took meds due to the high cost and I am sure some stubbornness played a part as well. He has never actually admitted he was a manic-depressive and I only recently found about his diagnosis.





I searched everywhere trying to find information on it hoping to find something to help me deal, or even maybe some magic cure or recommendations....or anything to get him to realize something is wrong with him and it could easily be managed with the right meds. Only I kept calling it ';bi-polar'; because that is what seems to be the new name for ';manic depression';. Now suddenly I am a ';qualified'; to diagnose him and he snears at me when he when he says it. These types of behaviors have been ongoing for years and when I try to present examples he turns them around on me and belittles me for the same thing I am saying he is doing. I am trying to do it in an objective manner, he just wants to hurt me.





Now after years of making me miserable he had an epiphany and realized something was wrong with him. He made an appointment with a shrink and received a prescription for Abilify. He said the doc took his word for his 1991 diagnosis (coupled with details of his current problems) and when the session was over, my husband was the new owner of a current ';working'; diagnosis. He still is unable to say he is bi-polar. The doc only gave him these meds to see if they would help because he is stressed, not because he has a real problem (other than me of course).





I have noticed some small improvements in the very few days he has begun to take these meds and I am hoping for major improvements to follow. Here is my problem....I need him to admit he has a problem and needs meds to control it before I can forgive him for his past abusive behavior. Up to this point he took anti-depressants from the family doc and they helped a little but they didn't do the necessary job. Now he says it is all my fault for him taking the wrong meds because I forced him to go to the family doc and all he did was agree. He has never taken responsibility for anything relating to his health (or anything else for that matter) and then when the wrong decisions are made he can laugh and say ';I told you so';.





I would love to forgive and forget and just move on with my husband and begin to enjoy our life but I can't get past the fact he can't admit he has a problem. I need this because I don't want him blaming me every day for everything that goes wrong in his life.





I am seriously considering ending this marriage because I am tired of the past 9 years. I am tired of just letting go and moving on instead of resolving issues. I do realize men have an extreme amount of difficulty admitting these issues, seeing them as weaknesses, but I have no respect for someone who can't admit weaknesses and use them as a way to learn and grow.





Has anyone been in my situation or have any advice to give? I don't want any responses that say ';just dump him'; unless you can give a solid reason. I am asking for real advice not just someone who thinks divorce is the answer for every time you don't get your way.





Thanks.I need advice on situation with bi-polar husband?
I feel your pain, and I know your struggle. My ex-fiancee is a ';bi-polar'; manic depressant. On top of all of this, so is my father who I deal with on a far less than weekly basis.


I say ex-fiancee because in her ';depression'; I caught her sleeping with my best friend. She used the excuse of her depression as a reason for her actions, but we know the truth, however, there are certain stages in MD that actually affects ones way of thinking.


Now while I am no longer with her, and that is my choice and now she is married to someone else...after 6 months, what my point is that you need to analyze EVERYTHING in the last 9 years. See the good and bad and weigh them out.


Now if he has been abusive then I say automatically....move on.


However, give that a shot and see what you get. Write it down and then make your decision, because if I was with someone for 9 years and she was a MD, then I wouldn't think twice.I need advice on situation with bi-polar husband?
Way too much drama for me...yes I would dump him
First of all, making him apologize for his behavior while having a devastating mental illness is wrong. Yes I get how you must have felt during this time, but it is very very difficult to admit to anyone, let alone yourself that you have a mental illness.





If you want to make this marriage work, both of you need individual therapy. You to deal with the last nine years, and him to deal with day to day living with Bipolar Disorder.





Just to let you know too, don't count on the meds to be a magic cure right away. It can take years to get meds right for Bipolar Disorder.
i know that my older sister is going through a similar thing, however, her and her two kids were kicked out of their home.


our family has been there for him for years, through two suicide attempts, hospital stays, etc... he knew he was bipolar.


then once my sister was kicked out he said things lilke, i don't know if i am bipolar...


recently at a mediation my sister insisted that he must be on pills in order for her kids to go there and he said something like, ';mrs. doctor over here thinks she can diagnose me';


it's a really fragile spot because when people are ';manic depressive'; it's really hard to know when the right time to talk to them is..


just do your best to judge when a good time to talk to him is, and tell him you really wanna work things out...
This is probably 1 of 100 things he will need to apologize for and there will be another 100 things for him to apologize for in a few years, am I right?





People that exhibit the pattern of behavior that you two do (you are an enabler) seldom, if ever change. If you want to keep living like this, that is your choice, but don't expect things to change b/c hubby's on meds. His stubbornness and unwillingness to acknowledge his faults will not change, just as your obsession with fixing things will not change.





That's my 2 cents.
If you have a strong need to be right and can't just forgive a sick person, then you should just leave. This won't be the last challenge that you face as a couple due to his illness, and a huge abilty to overlook and forgive is necessary. I'm not saying anything he did was right, but he's the one with the mental illness and you seem to be the one with the demands. Just leave. BTW, antidepressants alone make bipolar disorder worse.





after years of making me miserable ...have you considered at all how miserable he was? Mental Illness is really horrible. He wasn't trying to make you miserable. You don't seem to have ANY compassion.
My ex is bi-polar....


he loved his diagnosis because he used it as an excuse for everything he wasn't supposed to do and did, and everything he was supposed to do and didn;t ';It's not my fault, I'm maniac-depressive'





Until he gets into the hands of a good therapist it will always be someone else, not him. I tolerated 22 years of it....when he walked out I let him go and would not let him back.





It's commendable to hang in there but there comes a time that you're just slamming your head against a brick wall...only you can say how much longer you can tolerate his refusal to take any responsibility for his condition......it might be better for you if he continues to not admit he has a problem without you to play his scape goat.





Edit: mine was emotionally %26amp; verbally abusive..it eventually became physical.....do NOT wait around until that happens.