I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??

Depends, do you want to save the marriage? Would you be able to put this behind you and trust again? Would you remind him every chance you got what he did wrong? There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself.





While I would not make a decision right away, I would seek counseling. Even if you decide to end your marriage. You will at least be doing so knowing its what you feel will be best and not having any doubts. I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
First you need to decide if you can ever repair the trust between the two of you. It takes a lot of hard work and counseling, but it can be done. Also, find out if he is interested in ending his relationship and working on yours. If he is, you can work through it, if he is not, there is not much you can do. Just remember that he cheated on you because of problems of his own, not because of you. Good luck.I just found out my husband of 17 years cheated , I need advice can anyone help??
My husband cheated on me to with his ex wife. I made the decision to try and work things out with him and so far so good. It hurts very badly when your best friend and the love of your life cheats on you, it makes you feel pain like no other. I never felt so much pain in my life, i thought i would never make it through and every day was so hard. When i woke up in the morning i felt like i was stabbed in the heart, i had really bad dreams about the whole situation and i couldn't eat or sleep. If your husband is willing to work things out with you and he is truly sorry and has remorse for what he has done to you then i think you should try too. My whole family told me not to work things out with my husband and they told me he would just do it again and they all gave me hell when i told them i wanted to try and work things out. But i am glad i did because we have a better marriage then we did before he cheated on me. I know that seems very far off from where you are now but it took me a long time to get to this point. My husband had to earn my trust back and he had to show me and prove to me that he loved me all over again. It takes a lot of time and a lot of faith to get through something like this.


But you know your husband better than anyone so only you can answer the question of does he deserve you to give him another chance. Of course what he did was hurtful and wrong but is he a good man otherwise? Can he change and not do this again to you? Only time will tell.





If you need to talk about things like what helps to get through this you can email me. This is very hard but i know that you will get through this because i did and i was on the brink of insanity and death, so you are not alone and dont ever think that you are.





If he wont tell you the truth and he keeps denying it then it is because of two reasons he is either cheating or hes not so you need to find out. If you cant afford to hire someone to watch him and follow him to see what he is up to then be your own detective. Borrow a friends car and bring the friend cause it wont be easy for you if you do catch him and follow him for a few weeks here and there to see if he is where he says he is. Listen to his voice mails daily if you can.





What did he say about the earing you found? Who did he say it belonged to? What did the voicemails say that you heard?


I would also let it die down for a little while if he wont give you straight answers then stop asking for a week and then let him think that you trust him then start your snooping.





Then you have to ask yourself if you can forgive him. If he slept with someone once or fifty times it doesnt matter it is all the same. In the end he still slept with her. So you need to start thinking about what you are goint to do if he has cheated on you. It may have been a one time thing or it could still be going on, he may have done it once but is to scared to admit it to you. He probably doesnt want to hurt you. You two have been married for 17 years he loves you even if he did cheat on you so he may be afraid that you may leave him to.


You are right there is no excuse for his roaming but it can be fixed and forgiven if both parties are willing to do dthe work. Dont get caught up in the blame game either, if he cheated then he is wrong and there is no excuse for it but everyone allready knows that and that is a given. So dont make the situation worse by stooping down to his level. Say your peace a couple times and then make your decision either to stay or go.


Good luck.
At the end of the day sweetheart the question is can you forgive him and move on from this, by this I mean not watching his every move to check if he is doing it again, which will cause an atmosphere in the home which will rub off on the children, who must be your prime concern at the moment, in other words trust him. If the answer to this is no a reconciliation will not work. I don't know if you have ever heard the old saying that the wife always knows, If you think that he is lying then he probably is, go with you gut feelings love they are usually right. What it comes down to really is do you love him enough to forgive him, because the one thing I can tell you is that you will never forget. What you really need right now, because you are hurting so much, is time out to consider your feelings towards him. Good luck I hope that things turn out well for you
Well, it depends on the circumstances and upon how he behaves now. Was it a one night stand, or was it a long term affair? You have to find a way to get your anger out, and also to let him know how you feel. What is he saying now? Is he remorseful and ashamed? Or is he in denial? Does he care? Do you love each other? You may need help to sort it all out. Talk to someone you trust - a friend, clergy, family member. And talk to him.
1st of all, don't get into a screaming match, it will get you nowhere. Instead, sit down and ask him calmly why he cheated on you and how long this has been going on. Make sure that you tell him how you feel and depending on the circumstances figure out if you should go to marriage counseling or get a divorce. This way it will be a lot less messy and painful and you will get something done.
First, sorry, but you need to go see your doctor and get checked for STD's. They may also be able to refer you to someone to deal with the grief. Then the ugly stuff, you are going to have to sit down with your spouse and both decide if your relationship is even going to continue. Right now though, go spend some time with a good friend, you have some crying to do. Sorry hun :(
Always go with your gut feeling. You're right their is no reason for someone to cheat and no one can really tell you what you should do. You're in a complicated situation. You just need to maybe go to your mom or dad and sit down and tell them what you've found and see what they say. If not, then you need to do some good hard thinking about what you want to do about this.
More details?





If it was 5 years ago and he kissed some girl during a drunken stint.. Laugh at him for being a moron, and allow him to build your trust in him again.





If it was a 3 year relationship with another woman, whenever it was, kick him out and let him GROVEL for your affections again, if you even want to bother after that. (likely not, if that is the case)
The only thing I can tell you is he willing to make things work with you? If he is then are you willing to work things out as well? 17years is a long time.Family and friends will give you different advise. But at the end only you can make that decision. I know this is not the best advise but whatever the outcome. NEVER SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!
it hurts, i know. same thing happened to me recently but at the end of the day i had to conclude that i wanted to stay with him and forgive him. it doesn't matter what others think about my decision (their lives isn't all that either). of course you know that no ones perfect including ourselves but really think about what and your husband have went through in those 17 years, then ask yourself if its worth it to stay in the relationship. god bless.
After all the tears and confronting and all the mess if and only if your husband is willing to admit it and if he does can you too work to saving the marriage. But if you found out sneaky like and haven't done the above it is only going to tear you apart
Yes, do what you gotta do, sometimes things work out for the best! I'm not saying you should leave or stay,but once upon a time I left my husband for about 9mos. and reconciled with him and he became the most loving,faithful, honest husband to me than ever before. I lost him to lung cancer about four years later and now hopes for someone like him.So if you love him still,seek forgiveness,believe,and receive your blessing! God isn't through with him yet(smile)!!! Have a good one, and good luck!
That is a tough one, b/c it is hard to throw away a relationship that SOMEONE else decided wasn't worth keeping.





First off, do you have children? How old are they?





I would ask him to leave. And let the feather fly where it will. See what he does. Don't call him or make contact with him. Just tell him you need time to think. Does he grovel for your attention, to have you back? Or does he just ignore you and go on about his buisness. If it were me, i would even hire someone to follow him and get info on where he was going. To see how serious he is about getting back with you. If at all.


I am so sorry this had to happen to you. My thoughts and well wishes are being sent your way.





ETA: I also just wanted to agree with Jude. After 17 years of marrriage there is a world of difference btwn a one night stand and an ';affair';. ABSOLUTLY
just depends on if it were an affair or a one time thing.would depend how remorseful he was, and if he were willing to take responsibility for it.cheating is wrong, but theres a world of difference in a one night stand, and an affair.
If that hurt you enough,which it would me,leave his ***.If you don't want to do that try marriage counseling,but trust me you will never be able to trust him again you will always have that memory and distrust.good luck
You can confront him directly and see how he reacts, but once a man cheats, he will almost always do it again. In other words, the trust is gone.
You will first have to decide if your life would be better with him, or without him.





Once you have decided that, you will either seek counselling or start divorce proceedings.
It depends on if you want to stay or if you want to go or if you are undecided. What does it depend on?
kick him to the curb, no one deserves to be cheated on.
divorce
HOLY CRAP
What is it about the 17 year mark i have heard so many married couples talk about being cheated on after 17 years of marriage and i am one of them. Yes my husband cheated on me after 17 years and it was with a co-worker of course who else. Damn female co-workers can't keep their hands off our married men why? They try and put the blame on us by saying something as stupid like if you gave him more sex or if you made him happy he wouldn't be with me. That's how stupid they are to really believe that s h i t. First thing you can't make someone happy they are either happy or their not and it isn't your job to try and make someone happy. All you can do is be happy yourself and have a nice home for him to come home to. If he is unhappy about something then it's up to him to talk to you about the problem not turn to someone else. How is that your fought if he turns to another woman but they try and put the blame on you any way. I wouldn't let my husband get away with blaming me he knew it was all on him and her. I know right now you are living a nightmare and wish you would wake up. What ever you do don't blame yourself no matter what you did or didn't do he is the one who went out side of the marriage not you. Get good and mad at him and tell him how much you hate him right now and don't hold anything in and if you want to hit him then do it after all he deserves much more then a slap in the face.
I would cheat back.
cheat back!!!