My husband and I are disagreeing and I want your advice!?

My husband and I have been staying with my mom since my dad died to help her out. We have two small kids, one who still wets through her diapers. The matress she sleeps on stinks really bad because of all the times she wet through... we need to get a plastic cover. Today I made the comment to my husband after our daughter wrote on the wall with PEN that we can't get out.. '; I feel really bad because we are destroying my mom's house';.. (because of what just happend with the pen thing) and went on to mention the example of the bed by saying ';like how we ruined her bed that kk sleeps on';. He made the comment back ';well I think it was our bed to begin with'; because he claims it was one we didnt want and gave to them years ago. I told him I don't recall this so he made the comment ';well I know they didn't buy it anyways';. I got mad when he said this because it seemed to tell me WHO CARES that its ruined because she didn't pay for it. Am I wrong?My husband and I are disagreeing and I want your advice!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!





Oh god. Honey, if this is what you two argue about, count yourself LUCKY! Honestly, this is a silly argument. Who CARES about the bed?!





Look, bottom line...it's in your mother's house and technically, whether you gave it to her or she didn't buy it, doesn't matter. It's still her property. If it gets bad enough, you might want to buy her a new mattress later to make up for it.





But I am SURE that your mother appreciates you being there, and that a few marks on the wall and a ruined mattress is nothing compared to the love and support you're offering her in this time of need.





Make up with your husband! Let him know you were just worried about her and don't want to be any kind of burden to her, regardless of whose property it is. Don't fight over stupid crap! Or if you do...let's hope that's all you argue over...because stupid stuff is easier to resolve than bigger things.My husband and I are disagreeing and I want your advice!?
Mr. Clean magic eraser can take the pen out (have young kids too).





It doesn't matter how someone got something - even if it was a gift given FROM you - it's no longer yours. Does this mean I can go break my friends Christmas or Birthday gifts I gave to them and suddenly it's ok? If it gets destroyed by you or your own you fix it or replace it - that's the hard rule we live by. It's cost us some money over the years but we maintain our relationships with others that way.
Its not about who paid for it it s the priciple of the whole situation. Respecting other peoples property. I would not want my mother to sleep in a stinky bed of piss, would he. he doesnt care cuz its not him or his mother. Its not right. I say buy her a bed and paint the walls. U mother must be going through some hard times wiothout ur father and need all the support from you guys. This will help her feel better and secure to know that she has a daughter that cares for her and will be there for her. Set ur foot down to ur husband and dont let him direspect ur mother
honest no matture how she got the bed, it was her, it dont matture,if it was new are use, it was her,, so on this one i got to go with you
I know what you mean. I know what he means too. He just doesn't feel so bad b/c your mom didn't spend money on the bed that your daughter peed on. He's coming from a financial point of view. He'd feel really awful if she spent boocoo bucks for the bed and your daughter pees on it. See? My hubby thinks that way too. Neither of you are wrong, you just see things differently.





Hang in there.
no, you are ot wrong, but men are selfish and they don't understand when things like this happen. It would be better if you could leave your mother's house and have your own place. Try again to have a talk with him and see if you can convince him to pay the damages. I would feel awful if I were in your place. Good luck.
How old is your child who wets through her diapers? If the mattress stinks that bad then maybe it needs replaced and you need to invest in a new/better brand of diapers. Also writing on the walls, my my my. Don't get so bent outta shape about what your husband says. Spend more time with your children and work on getting your mom back on her feet. The squeeze ain't worth the juice that you're gonna get outta being mad at something your husband said. Let it go, keep a closer eye on your children and work on the potty training.
I think you are thinking correctly....you should replace the mattress maybe for her....and try touch up paint for the wall...and if your husband cannot respect your mothers stuff maybe it is time to get out and get your own place and let your mother rest.
Your right, he's wrong...get your own place
I agree with you. It was hers no matter how she got it and if it not had been for the pee stains, it would still be hers and in great condition. It's kind of like buying someone dinner and eating it all on them.





Aside from that, unless your mother is upset about the bed and the pen, I would guess that she might rather have you there with her and the messes from her grandkids don't really matter.





P.S. Mr Clean magic eraser usually takes ink off walls.
I think first you should get a can of paint ,and repaint the wall. Then talk to your mom about the mattress. Does she want you to replace it? If it's stinking you can't be having your daughter sleeping in it anyways, cover or not. Buy a new mattress, purchase a plastic cover, and get some better diapers. Depending on how old the wetter is, you could try limiting her fluids in the late afternoon, Nothing to drink after 6 or so. It works with my grandaughter.
And you are fighting over a stinky bed???? what ARE you thinking????? It isn't even important... who cares. Toss the bed, get a new one, and change the diaper more often... geeez
Sounds like instead of helping her out you guys brough chaos lol. Why is kk..sleeping on her bed and why is she peeing her bed soo much. doesn't she where pull ups if not I would suggest night time ones they have them for kids who are out of diapers but with night time accidents and I would buy a new matress for the bed and put a plastic cover on it then I would make sure I disciplined my child for writing on the wall cus you need to do it while they are young or it will get worse stick to the punishment. You husband...i don't know what to say he is negletingthe fact the kids are destroying the house who cares who bought the bed...
You guys need to screw.... you have sexual tension
I think you might be over reacting a bit. I know you feel bad for your mom's house but if it was really a problem I think she would say something to you. What you should do is once you decide to move back out offer to pay for a cleaning service to come clean the house. Maybe they can even steam clean the mattress.
It was a figure of speech because you are not in your own home.





It sounds like there is soooo much stress, you are walking on egg shells right?





The point is, try and not let your daughter hear this type of argument with her name mentioned or she'll be wetting the bed a lot longer than you'd hoped.





go easy on yourself, your daughter and hubby and all. I know it's hard but can you let your husband read this column? or is this a place you can go to release?





The mattress is ';MATERIAL';, and needs a pad...PERIOD for your daughter.


If you think of her, instead of who's right or wrong, you won't be having these types of arguments.





I can hear your stress when I read your question. How old is your daughter and why is she ';wetting through her diaper?'; She sounds about 2yrs old. Is she in cloth diapers?





You are right, who cares who is right or wrong, spray that mattress with Lysol, let it dry real good every night if you can't afford to replace it and keep a mattress pad on it, so your daughter doesn't get a complex from you and hubby arguing over (and yes, she can sense your fighting about it and hear her name)





The walls can be fixed too. Have you tried those Mr. Clean sponges? If they can take the stuff off what my walls have gone through, it just may take off the ink, if not, it can be painted, but your daughter can't be fixed as easily if you don't work on her potty training.





Good luck, take a deep breath and go out for a walk, just the four of you and get some fresh air.
If he isn't making such a big deal out of it live with it.





What you need to do is get into your own house. Your mom should be ok with you moving into your own place. I just lost my mother-in-law today, but she was in an assisted care facility. My father-in-law died in 1999 and nobody moved mom in with them. She has always been independent.





It's all about independence. Maybe your mother wishes you would get out on your own, but doesn't want to say anything because she's afraid of hurting your feelings.
Rather it was a gift from you, she bought it, or found it beside the road it was still hers. He needs to get a grip.





And for the pen mark, try spaying hair spay on it. That helps some.
Sounds like y'all are both acting a little irresponsible, probably out of frustration from this whole situation.


Why fight over ANY of this?


Walls can be painted - it literally would take 3 seconds to repaint what she marked up. Don't fight - JUST FIX IT.


If your mom has wallpaper, it's probably outdated and needs to come down anyway.


Unless your kid JUST started peeing heavily through her diapers LAST NIGHT then you BOTH are guilty of irresponsibility. You should have bought a plastic cover after the first time. Seriously, money shouldn't be an issue if you're living with oyur mom. Go buy some vinegar - it'll neutralize the smell of the pee - and for heaven's sake, get a cover already!


Geez, you're letting stupid little things get to you. It's senseless!