Thursday, July 29, 2010

Husband's affair is devastating me, any advice?

My husband had an affair on me last year, when I was 8mos pregnant. When I found out, he left me and moved in with the other woman. A month later he came back to me, as if nothing had happened. I tried to move on, but a few days later she called my house and told me that she was pregnant by my husband. He obviously denied everything she said. Well, about three weeks ago this woman showed up at my mother in laws house with a newborn little girl....still saying its his. He still says its not his, and we're taking the measures of getting a dna test. I don't know if I can handle the truth, or even if I can get over this entire situation. I just need some good advice, please?Husband's affair is devastating me, any advice?
If this child belongs to your husband she will turn him over for child support. I personally would not be able to deal with this for the next 18 years to be reminded that he betrayed me.I realize how hard and difficult your life will be raising 4 children on your own but remember he will still be financially responsible for all of them and can take them every other weekend to give you a break. If this child belongs to him that means he will be connected to this woman for the rest of his life...especially if he wants interaction with the child in which it would be the childs right to know it's father. You may end up resenting your husband over this so much that your own children will pick up on all the stress. It is sad that he did not use protection while with this lady because she may have deliberately got pregnant on purpose? Women in affairs will do this to keep a man in their lives. You can love a person but it doesn't mean that you can go on with them when they have caused so much heartache and damage. You took him back and now he expects you to live with a choice he made and you did not deserve this and neither did your children. She has some nerve to take this baby to your mother inlaw and that would be very humilating for me. She did not have to do that so this should tell you and show you that she expects this child to be accepted by everybody and she does not care about your feelings are that of your own immediate family. If that child ended up belonging to your husband after the DNA test came back positive your husband should have been the one to take that child to his own mother if he only desired to do so. She sounds like a sad person and a little vindictive if you ask me. You have a lot to think about and a lot to consider where your own needs are concerned right now and this woman needs to back off. Only you know how much you can take and deal with where continuing to stay married to your husband. He has broken your trust and also your heart and he did not have to do that it was his choice and not a mistake. Nothing he felt you were doing or were not doing gave him the right to cheat on you and change your world from the way it was. You will never look at him the same way again for the rest of your life. He took your security and bashed your self esteem into the ground and most importantly he hurt your children. Trust me there are men in this world that know how to control themselves and not even think to hurt you like this. I had 4 children and a good and decent man has been in all of our lives for the past 14 years. His saying to me was always that another mans junk is another mans treasure and believe me I have lived to see that truth! I would go and talk with a counselor about all of this because you someone to support you and give you direction and show you that you have options even with all of these daughters if you decide you cannot stay with your husband. My heart goes out to you because I realize how much you are hurt and devastated here. Please take care of yourself and your girls.Husband's affair is devastating me, any advice?
hack his ball's off and then find yourself a reel man
I have been in the same situation, but my wife stuck with me... and will not let me visit with the child I fathered outside of our marriage - it is tough, and she is still hurt/angry after 5 years. You have to be willing to accept this child into your life if it is his, if you cannot accept that maybe you should move on without him
girl friend why are you letting this man do this too you. you need to get rid of him. he cheated on you while you were pregnant... left you and you child......came back to you probally because he was cheating on the new girl and she kicked him out....got her pregnant and now when he found out the the grass wasnt green on the other side we was his cake back..... dont be a fool........
I can't believe how some women are able to just close their eyes and accept whatever they are told. There are some women who are so weak they can't stand on their own two feet. I wouldn't have let him come back in my house after he left the first time. Are you crazy?
Can you live with him., sleep in the same bed after all this ?,
the only way that you are going to be able to work out this entire thing is if he is going to be honest with you about everything. his denying that this child is his, clearly shows that he is not taking responsibility for his actions. get some counseling. it helps. my hubby cheated on me while i was pregnant also. he never got her pregnant, well not that i know of, and that would be so very hard. i am sorry that you are having to go through this.
Hahahah....Sorry. I just find the remark ';He came back to me as if nothing happened';.





Its so sweet that you welcomed him back with open arms.





Chuckleheads.
Can you handle having to share someone who was supposed to be with you exclusively? Can you handle not trusting a person you should be able to share every detail of your life with? Will you ever be able to trust him? I would say it depends on whether you can trust him again and whether you want to have the dynamics in your marriage...
`no comments
cheating isnt easy on the other spouse ever...just pary and hope the baby isnt your husbands. if it is and you love him, try to work things out
Do you really want to be a part of this drama? I say leave him....he left you when you were pregnant and then came crawling back......you shouldn't have let him move back in. He's scum. Ditch him
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Please get some counseling for yourself. You need someone outside of this mess to help you find perspective and figure out what to do. Make your husband agree to get marriage counseling to guide you through this mess as a couple, for the sake of your baby and you.





A very good book you will want to read is ';Not Just Friends'; by Shirley Glass. It has sections for how to cope with every stage you are going through--for you and your husband, including deciding if you should go or stay. Very wonderfully written and helpful.
Leave.
Good advice? Yes why are you still with him???? Don't you have any self respect???? Get rid of the cheat. He will do it to you again!!!! He can only do to you what you allow! You stay...he will do it again! Most likely this baby is HIS and it will always be in HIS life. Child support...visitations...always in contact with the childs mother. You are not going to be able to get over this situation! As long as you are with him........so is the baby and the baby's mother!! As I said........do you have any self respect?
Oh boy.. .I know you already feel bad and your self esteem is probably very low because he left you when you were 8 months pregnant, moved in with the chick and then came back, after impregnating her. I know you've probably called him all the names in the book, none of them nice. I don't know why you are still with him, you may have some really valid reason, but if you can't get past this horrible breach of trust, love, commitment, honesty...then you have already made your decision in your heart and mind...all that's left to do is to put it in action and walk out that door with your head held high!

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