I need some advice about safety issues and my husband??

i am at my wits end tonight, i have had this conversation with him over and over again and i hate bitchin and moaning, the issue is we live in a very high crime country and the area we live in is not super dangerous according to those that live her but to give you an idea, a couple of months ago 2 or three men bashed our kitchen door open with a crowe bar while we were sleeping fortunately they got scared off, but it happens so much around here th police dont bother with things like finger prints, the thing is we live in a double story big house so the sounds were very muffeled and the managed to get the door open, we had the door replaced, the other day not too far from our house in the middle of the day in a busy taxi area a woman was shot dead as she got out her car, she was only23 they stole her car and killed her and shot her friend in the back, they needlessly involved violence as she was willing to give the car but they were blood hungry, you see the problem is mayny times my husband has left the house unlocked when he left early in the morning wit me and my 2 y o sleeping there was even a time he parked outside a liquor store and left the keys in the ignition with the window open with me and my son, there are many car jackings in our town, he got upset when i confronted him and said i complain about everything, sometimes he leaves the kitchen door open after ive gone and locked and secured everything and gone to bed only to come down for some water to find the door open and him asleep on the couch, there was an incedent that shook me when a whole family was murdered they had there throats slit and they lived in a high security home, so i had a family meeting with his in laws because he wouldnt listen to me, and theyspoke to him and agreed it was unsafe to live that way, so my hubby agreed and said he would be more careful, a couple of days ago i was acused of manipulating and controling by his mom, and now my husband has gone off and left our gate wide open, i am alone at home and anyone walking by has free access to our property, i have spoken to him so many times but hes done it again and again, im so peed off and we already got in a fight about his mom being nasty to me, so i hate aving to fight more when he getshome but i cant live in fear like this my litle boy is asleep and im alone with him, our doors dont have any extra security other than the locks, i cant even closethe gate as it is about a hundered meters from our front door, and the garden is dark and full of trees, never mind wild animals that could be lurking out there!!!!!!!! I need some advice about safety issues and my husband??
I don't think he so much doesn't care as he does not recognize the real threat you describe here. So many people pooh-pooh this kind of thing until it effects them directly and then the damage has been done. Unfortunately some people have to have bad things happen before they can wake up and smell the coffee.





It is so sad that you are going through this with your complicated pregnancy and other contributing factors and i am sorry.





The good news is everything you want done will be done. The bad news is your husband is not going to do it and you're the only other adult in the house so the safety of your home is resting squarely on your shoulders.





If you want the gate closed you are going to have to take responsibility and close it yourself. Take a flashlight and make plenty of sounds to warn any animals that you are near. Believe me, they want to avoid human contact at all costs and will get out of the way. Close the gate before dark but if your husband comes home at night meet him at the door and ask if he shut it. Yes, it is a pain if you are trying to get your sleep, but it appears you are the only one who is concerned about securing your property. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, in your situation, if i knew the gate was unlocked.





Since you can't count on your husband, go down stairs and lock the door behind him as he leaves in the morning. If he refuses to do it then you secure the door.





If the incident where he left you and your child in the car with the keys in the ignition repeats itself, you lock all the doors, roll up the windows and remove the keys from the ignition so passers by cannot see them. You are not helpless.





Do you get that between you explaining the risks where you live and even the family meeting that he is not going to step up to the plate and no amount of advice is going to change him until he wants to. It's shameful that he will not do the most rudimentary things to protect his wife and children but since he won't you have to no matter how much it sucks.





By the way, he didn't leave the gate open because his mother accused you of being manipulative, he did it because he's lazy or forgetful.





Here are some things you should do as advised by security professionals: If a home alarm system is out of your budget you should put a big ';Beware of Dog'; sign on your gate. Put large food and water bowls on your porch. Make sure water is in one and the other looks as if it were eaten out of. Keep a big pair of men's work shoes by the door. Have the area surrounding yhour house well lit. There are wedge shaped door alarms available cheaply. The look like those rubber door stops (but larger) and just need batteries. You put them under the inside of the door at the bottom and the alarm sounds if the door is opened. Keep all ladders locked in the garage so no one can use them to climb into your windows. The vary basic steps of keeping all doors and windows locked are deterent enough to make a prowler go to the next place.





The police department will come to your home at no charge and give you loads of tips on how to protect and secure your home. They can also help you start a Neighborhood Watch group. Put dead bolt locks on all your doors and chains as well. The monthly fees for live responder security can be affordable.





The people here who say their husbands would never treat them like that or that you should just up and leave are not in your shoes. Some options are not practical for everybody. I hope you will find your own way to your own solutions until such time as your husband catches up with the program. All the fighting in the world is not going to get him to do the right thing.





Are there any other families around that he is friends with or admires the husband? Hearing all this from a concerned husband and father who does everything he can to keep his family safe might turn his attitude around.





In the mean time don't make excuses for yourself. If this is important to you, and i dare say it is, take the necessary precautions yourself to keep you and your kids safe. I'm sorry this all comes down to you and i wish you peace of mind.





I need some advice about safety issues and my husband??
get a dog...get a big dog...like a german shepherd or rotwiller, etc.





GET A VERY BIG DOG.
I couldn't live like this! xox
I actually thought the 1st answer was pretty good. You could get a Pit Bull as a puppy %26amp; raise him right so that he's not dangerous to you or your family but VERY intimidating to others. I just feel that he's not going to change no matter what you say. You would think the break in would finally have him saying NOW I GET IT but no, it didn't. You should also consider installing an alarm. Obviously if he leaves %26amp; doesn't set it, that won't do you much good, but when you're home alone I think it would give you more peace of mind. BTW my husband does the same thing. We don't live in a particularly high crime area but stuff does happen %26amp; we have had an issue with a crazy drug addict girl just walking right into our house now %26amp; again over the past 2 years. It's like it doesn't even phase him. He leaves the garage door wide open %26amp; the door that leads from the garage directly into our living room. I can't tell you how many times I've come home to find the house completely open %26amp; him nowhere to be found. He goes on drives for an hour or two at a time %26amp; simply ';forgets'; to shut the doors. Ridiculous %26amp; very risky.
The man is dangerous to you and your kid. He's not concerned about loosing you or your 2yr old ( you didn't say if it was his). Unfortunately some day you and your kid will be victims and your hubby will not accept any responsibility. It sounds like you have to change, not him. You have to find a way to leave him. You probably already know that but your hoping he will change...





Mildred sent me
It is time for you to move. You need to find a place in


a safer city, town, or state.





Get the money and move.





Do not ask him or inform his family.





Your safety and the safety of your child are at risk.





It almost sounds like he is waiting to get you knocked off.





After you move, tell him that he is welcome to come.





Make sure that the new house has all of the necessary


safety features.





Best wishes









i am sorry but my husband would NOT allow me to live in a place like that, let alone allow our daughter..





if it as truly as serious as you perceive it to be, go stay somewhere else. tell your husband you don't feel safe because he won't secure his family and home like he should.





maybe that will be enough and he'll do what he needs to as a man and husband and father! if not then leave. i bet it won't be long until he's calling telling you the new security code.. if not, you're probably better off anyways.. sounds like it at least
my best advice would be window and door shock sensors, that way if anyone tries to force entry it would alert you, but would be loads cheaper than moving.... even tho it would cost something, you can't put a price on your family's saftey!





oh and maybe you could change the hinge on the gate for one that springs closed and locks?





definately dont get a dog if you don't want one, what a silly suggestion!
I think that you should just move out of that neighborhood and into a safer one there is plenty of them like that. And if money is an issue there are lots of development neighborhoods were the houses are cheap or just rent an apartment and save up for a house either way it will be a safer place.