PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?

Hello all, PLEASE HELP. My husband and I separated about 1 month ago, but I haven't given up yet. At first, I thought it was best, but after the time apart, I know I don't want to live without him. All along when I would get angry, i would respond with ';Go sign the papers'; (I know, not nice!). But I never wanted that. Now, he said I said it to him enough that he is only doing what I want. But I don't want this! I want him and I am ready to fight for him!


I realize now that I spent to much time fighting with him over the most ignorant, unimportant things and not enough time fighting FOR him. I also know that I lied and he feels he can't trust me anymore. But through it all, he wasn't free from fault, I just realize now that I wasn't either. And now I know that I want him back and will do anything to keep him. Right now, he isn't really ready to talk about it.


On top of it, one of my lovely friends (actually was my bridesmaid) has stepped in to ';help him heal and handle the separation';! She has expressed interest in him all along and actually tried to make him stray while I was working nights a few years ago, but he didn't. And I trust that he didn't. Now she's being so nice as to cook his dinner and tell him how awesome he is and what a b***h I was so that she can close in on him.


I've moved out and I need ideas to show him that I haven't given up and ways to remind him of the good times. Ineed to show him that he can trust me and that I know he didn't do all of the wrong, I did too.


I want him back and I need help figuring out how to do this! I want to fight for my husband!





All help is greatly appreciated! I'm fighting to get my life back!





(Thoughts: How can I have court ordered counseling as a part of our filing? - live in Louisiana)PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
Yours is a fascinatingly complex delimna. Let me give you straight talk.





He is very mad at you. He probably has some things that just became deal breakers for him. Right now, you are looking not so consistent, moving out, now wanting to move back in. How does he know you are not just wanting him back out of FEAR....fear of the unknown...He is now getting a taste of what it might be like to actually be desirable and wanted by ANOTHER member of your sex...and emotionally, it feels good. He is tired of constantly being wrong when you are around. Now he has found at least a hint of what it feels like to be RIGHT again. And it would be poetic justice if it was the woman you introduced him to.





Desparate people will do desparate things. And right now, he and you are both desparate, with your entire future lives in the lurch. So both of you may be acting a little crazy right now. To go backwards for either of you will be unacceptable. To appeal to him, you have to give him some of what he has always wanted from you. And that may take change...not just words...but an actual demonstration of your willingness to work WITH him...versus just against him or for what you just want. You are at a point where words won't work any more. You have to show him ACTION. You threw it away when you moved out. And when a person feels like human trash you just abandon, it's hard to suddenly turn around and believe it was just a fluke. IF you survive, this will be the darkest time in your history together.





But I would try to appeal to his sense of fairness, if you have not gone so far overboard in the typical hurt that couples inflict on one another in these situations, that he will not trust a single thing you say. If he has an ounce of trust left in you, then you need to first divine what he wants most from you, and be willing to demonstrate in your deeds that you are willing to make those changes within yourself to FIGHT to get him back.





Let me speak truth: You've given him freedom when you moved out, so he is curious and may sleep with another woman. I don't say that is right at all, and if he is wise, he will not allow his feelings to be so torn about.





But he is hurting very badly inside and he is confused, angry, and hurt. So he may reach out and put himself into other arms that would understand.





Experience shows, though, that those relationships never work out. So to keep it from growing, absolutely AUDIT everything that it is on his want list. Know it in your heart. Show him in earnest you are willing to try and do what it is he wants. YOU TOO have your list, and he should be doing the same thing for you. But you moved out, you want back into his life, so you are changing the momentum of this breakup and may have to be a little more humble, a little less demanding, and a little more consistent in your love.





This sounds like a yo-yo relationship. And if he has been yo-yo'ed too many times, he may not buy it when you try to slap a new label on your old self with just words. But if you take this as a learning experience and throw your heart into it to make a change for the better, then even if you lose, you will know you gave it your all. Because this was supposed to be the most important and successful relationship of your life...and you are losing. You both are. Who wants that scar, right?





You are noble to seek help and I do sense you ask this question in ernest. But don't toy with him anymore if your love is truly inconstant. This will take the both of you redefining yourselves. Counseling can be good...just get a good counselor because in the 50 minutes you get with them each session, they BETTER be good.





Consider TEAM therapists - one for him / one for you. Then folks all get together at the end to hopefully reconcile and work it out. Too often, the therapist sides with one or the other which pisses off the other and so it doesn't work. And in state sponsored therapy, its only for a few hours which isn't enough time to do any good. It's a fig leaf the state applies for a much more complicated situation that a few hours will accomplish.





Just get back into his head and figure what it is that he wants. And be very clear with yourself what it is that you want, and is that fair to him. I hope the formula still works between you two. Good luck with your big task ahead.PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
You said he is willing to talk, there you go, sit down with him, everything happens for a reason, don't worry I predict good fortune for you.
Just tell him and your brides maid that you want him back! and ready to fight for him.
be strong sweetie.
maybe a little late
Your in denial. But then again it doesn't take a counselor to tell you this. You thrive on getting an argument started and when you don't you get mad and spout off saying something you regret. Don't wait till you get court appointed counseling. Do it now. By taking initiative, that might show him your making the effort to get help. You apparently have a lot of anxiety issues. Take care of them before you take care of your marriage. That maybe your only hope.





Good Luck!
Tell him how much you love him and want him back, ask him if he'd consider marriage counseling before going through with the divorce. Try to get back on his good side, start coming over and cooking for him, clean up the house, do little things for him that he likes and stuff like that. If your so called who*e of a friend comes over send her on her way, tell her she has no reason to be there and that she better leave immediately. Try to stay positive and don't fight with him. Good luck.





Give him great sex (very important) and act like it's wonderful, send him little 'I love you' cards as a reminder of you and sweet little gifts that makes him think of you. Do things for him that he likes.
I'd sit down and have a heart ot heart with him. Keep in mind that both of you need to be entirely committed to this to make it successful. Good luck to you - I admire your courage as sometimes when you're out of the situation it's easier to walk away than work for what you want.
First deal with the girl. Decide now there's no point in trying to save any ';friendship'; with her because of HER actions - so no need to be nice. Tell her straight up to back away.





Then deal with him - make her look bad. Say she obviously can't find a man of her own, and then drop it. Don't go into too much detail, or let on that you care, because it will just make you look like the desperate one. You need to have an ';I'm not threatened by her'; attitude in his eyes so dont let on how much she hurt you.
Ask apology and tell him you love him very much. If you can have somebody close to him as bridge the better. Invite him for a dinner and take time to have a heart to heart talk to him. There you will pour out your feelings for him and your intention to reconcile with him. Pray hard before doing everything. You need the intervention of God to soften the heart of your husband. Nothing is impossible.





If you happen to reconcile with your husband, never try to challenge him.


Good luck my friend.
Sometimes we break things to the point of where they can not be fixed.Wait until he calms down, apologize for what you did, own up to your crap and ask him if he would consider marriage counseling because you still love him and want him back.If he says no, then learn a hard lesson ,heal and move on hon.
First of all tell him in a indirect way how you were a ***** and that you took him for granted. (You are admitting this to him so when the real ***** your miss repair his heart none of her dam business says terrible things to him. its just worthless and annoying to hear from her.


Also mention how nice it is of her to take care of him(we really no she is a ***** for helping him. But you will say this so she looks like the bad guy and you look all nice.


Now you can step away from him like he wants to give him space.


You seek help alone. Get your strength in case he decides to go through with the divorce. Now its still not over even then so dont lose all hope. You get the advantage of being a great friend while his new hussy trips over him going to you for a shoulder to cry on etc.





On a different note...


But you might even find your real soul mate on your own. Maybe your just having he gone and i miss my old comfy shoes verses these new high pumps. (Your used to have him to depend on for silly stuff around the house etc. and your thinking it better to have Mr. Right now then Mr.Right.) (what i also mean is someone is showing interest in him and now he seem desirable.)
Well let that be a lesson to all you women out there: All you stupid be-otches who ride his azz and rag on him and peck, peck, peck him until he's just in tears from trying to make you happy when there IS no making you happy because you don't WANT to be happy, you just want to be the boss and you think you've got him by the nuts and now that you're married to him by GOD he's going to do what YOU TELL HIM TO DO or else you'll withhold sex and make his life a living h*ll, he can't do this right, he can't do THAT right, well why didn't you do it like THIS, and why can't you do it like THAT and you forgot again to do it the way I like it and why can't you remember to do such-and-such and why aren't you more like this one and less like that one and what were you thinking and no I don't want to and no I'm not in the mood and no I don't feel like it and what's mine is mine and what's YOURS is mine too and don't you forget that I'm your WIFE and it's YOUR JOB to please ME and do for ME and it's all about ME, ME ME.





There's always a woman like me, babygirl, waiting in the wings, watching you dig your own grave, watching you sh*t in your own nest, and you know what, when he's sick and F****N of the above, you know who he calls?? That's right baby.





He calls ME.





And you know what I do? I tell him he's great, and smart, and good-looking, and a good guy, and funny, and sweet, and I tell him how much I appreciate his help, and aren't you smart, and you're right honey, why didn't I think of that? You're just about the smartest guy around, that's what, I'm sure glad that I ran that by you before I did it, thank you SO much. How about some more pie/lasagna/margarita/p%26amp;%26amp;%26amp;y, baby???





They fall for it every time.
Hold a gun up to his head and tell him to make love to you...
He is not going to buy it. It was never about him. It was always about you of which you did nothing but complain. It is time you do some personal work, like join a support group, which will possibly give you access to being with him again. Time has almost ran out. Get moving!
I think what you need to do is tell him that you want to talk and that you want to figure out if your love can go anymore. My husband and I have had problems and we say things that are horrible but we always get through it . But anyway you just need to ask him to talk and tell him that you love him and you want to know if you guys can work things out. Also ask him if he would be willing to move back in and then get rid of that b***h that is trying to get him to go with her. You need to get rid of her now. BUT YOU NEED TO BE STRONG AND STICK WITH IT.
I just want to know Why? would you have to fight for him?Your suppose to stand by each other and work through problems, you don't fight for something you already have nor do you ever fight to keep anyone. Either they want you or they don't, you can't make anyone love you, stay with you, or cheat on you, Just like you don't stay or get married to someone thinking you can change them, that's just setting you up for failure. Either you love them or you don't, to truely Love someone means unconditionally, you accept them the way they are, all the good parts %26amp; even the not so good parts. But, you can drive them away Problems will always exsist in any relationship no matter what, you have to deal with thise problems in an adult manner, not by telling him to sign the papers. Obviously, you took him for granted, that he wouldn't. But when you say it often enough, and to many times to them, guess what they will eventually go and do nit, like you have found out. You need to take a good long look at your whole relationship, figure out what it is that attracted you to him in the first place, what made you fall in Love, Why you said yes to marrying him, Just because you say you want him back in your life, doesn't mean it will happen. You have to prove that you have changed, you have to regain his trust, which will be a job in itself, and may not even work cuz it too late. You can't keep calling him, following him or hounding him. All you can do is tell him that you love him, realize how wrong you were for saying and doing what you did, that you would be willing to go for couple counseling, and that when he is ready to TALK(not yell scream argue fuss or fight) to you about your relationship, you'll be willing to listen to whatever he has to say be it good or bad. When or if he does do that, you have to listen without interupting and only answer the questions he has directed to you with all honesty (100%) that will be a start of regaining his trust. But whether you like it or not You will also have to tell him ' YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY WHETHER IT IS WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.' Whatever you do, your so called friend who is there for him and trying to move in on your husband, don't belittle yourself into saying anything bad about her to him or even to her, no matter how much you would like to, DON'T. Trust me, she's already telling him all about your lies %26amp; secrets, she may even stretch the truth or just lie all together, let her be the one who looks like the B****H in his eyes, and show him that YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST TO CHANGE. NO MATTER how it turn's out dump the so-called-friend, because she's not a friend. If you get him back remember how you got to this point in the first place, and never use this part of your life in any disagreement, forgiveness is to forget also. The Past is THE PAST, you can't change it no matter what you do, so LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES, LIVE IN THE PRESENT, AND STRIVE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.





I HOPE THIS WILL HELP, GOOD LUCK.
I'm actually going thru the same but opposite situation. My wife has lied to me repeatedly lately and I catch her in everything. She had been talking to a co-worker often and developed an unhealthy friendship with him if you know what I mean. I caught on to it and she again lied, once I confronted her with the proof I had gathered she immediately said she wasn't in love with me any more and wanted to separate. I was shocked but decided I'll do what it takes. I stayed at a friends house for several days, she kept saying she needed time away from me to figure things out. Any time I would bring something up to her she would flip out and say she just doesn't love me any more and wants a divorce. Then after several days she says she needs me to watch the kids because she was called to work. I came over and ended up sleeping on the couch. Since then she hasn't asked me to leave again and she is showing me a little more affection every day. But she still won't say she loves me and still refuses to talk about us. I told her I was going to leave for good one day and she asked me to stay so I know she loves me, but she won't come out and admit it or talk. I just keep doing the things I normally do, I try to be more affectionate towards her, I leave flowers and stuff for her. I'm just waiting it out and hopefully she'll realize what she has, because I've told her several times, I'm not going to wait forever. Either she accepts what happened, we work it out and move on or I leave. I almost think she is ashamed and embarrassed of the lies I've caught her in and she thought the easiest way would be just to run away from it.
Nice friend hun, they come out of the woodwork i swear. I would tell her to back up if she has any smarts at all. Then sit him down and tell him what you told us.Is not over till he has the pen is to the papers .so keep fighting the fight with true love, kind words, and show him you love him don't just tell him.