You knew what he did when you married him and still married him for better or worse. He is making a living and probably a good one. Life is made up of such challenges.
My reaction (along with my wife's who read this too) is that we understand how you feel, but also understand how it comes across as selfish. It is a bit selfish since you knew what he did. those are the things you consider before you marry, not after!
You need to accept this and look for all the things he does and is that attracted you to him and made you want to be his wife and partner. If you can't then you should let him know now so that you can end this marriage before the family will be disrupted anymore (by waiting to end it).
We meet and then marry people because we like things about them. We shouldn't immediately try to either change those thhings or eliminate the things we don't like. It is not a perfect world and when you share in someone's life you must accept them and their choices, just as he must do with you. Asking him to change a job he likes is not a reasonable effort to accept him as he is.My new husband works on the railroad and I HATE IT, I think it could cause serious problems...any advice??
i felt the same way at first but then i realized that he was providing for his family and that was something i just need to deal with. We call each other all the time, email, text each other, and do whatever we need to. When he is home we spend quality time in the bedroom and sometimes make a date night of it. i realized that i was being selfish
Do you Work?
I think with that big of a family, he has to and should do what he can to make a living for you all! He opbviously didn't just get this job. He had it before you were married, what did you think he was going to do? Maybe he likes his job. I'm sure it's bring in a good amout of dough every two weeks.
Yeah you are being selfish. If he loves his job, he'll eep doing it. if it puts food on the table, he'll get it done. if he's the only one working and he's supporting 7 people. He really has no choice at this point. That's a lot to handle. Give him a freakin' break.
This is just going to end in d-i-v-o-r-c-e. You knew his job going in so, yea, you are being pretty selfish unless he said he'd find other work. You're spazzing over 'what might be'. Honey, if we all had crystal balls we'd have a look see in the future and all be perfect. Odd, none of us can do hat! You need to accept him the way he is and stop trying to change him.
you should have thought of that before you married him - geez how short-sighted are you
just remember - you get what you pay for
My hubby also works out of town. He is gone Monday thru Friday every single week and only home on weekends and I totally hate it with a passion. I cry almost every nite because I miss him so mcuh. The lonliness is so unbearable. Its sooooo hard with our son with his dad not home to see his b- ball games and track meets. It hurets him as much as it does me. Your not being selfish. You didnt get married to be alone!!!!! U married him because u love him and want a life with him! Because u want to share special moments with him! My hubby has started applying for new jobs- thank god because Im losing my mind without him. 6 weeks into marriage he should be hating it as much as you do! My heart is with you! Feel free to e mail me anytime at cstinkerbell6969@yahoo.com
And you didn't think of this 6 weeks ago...lady, you are so lucky to have a hardworking husband willing to take in you and your 4 kids to support along with his own. If you complain about how he makes that living, you ARE being selfish. So leave and take your kids...then see how much you have to work and how alone you are...better?
honestly, you should have worked on this before the wedding.
But here you are... I would just sit down and tell him that you need more time with him and this job is going to destroy your marriage. Tell him you are sorry and that this was not what you expected but you wanted to tell him before you were too bitter to work things out.
It's funny, however, that I know many women who want their man gone and some that want them home... but each woman thinks she is 'right'.
anyway, if you can't find a compromise... this might end you two.
Didn't you know what he did and his hours before getting into this marriage. Its not like he just started the job, you have to have known from the get go what he did and what you were getting yourself into coming into it.
You knew he worked there when you married him should have thought about it then. Yes you are being selfish, be thankful he is working it's not easy to find a job that will financial support a family your size!
Didn't you realize this before you got married? Stop whining - he is trying to make a living for you and your children. Learn to be more independent, and do your own thing. You are being selfish.
First of all when you met this man he had this job working on the railroad don't think that you can make him give up his job just like that even though danger is involved. You have only been married six weeks give me a break at least you have a man that's not afraid of hard work and is willing to work you should count your blessing and stop complaining. if you love him go with the flow. Best of luck
I'm assuming he worked on the railroad before you got married, so I'm not sure why you are complaining. You knew what you were getting into and you got it.
What I would do, though, is if you're starting to see issues is to find yourself some alone time. Perhaps a preschool or mother's day out program for the kids and do something you have always wanted to do - crafts, tennis, school, etc...
Then - when he does come home, spend most of it as a family with family activities. But - find some time together to help keep your marriage strong.
Make sure you recognize he is working hard for you - his wife and the kids - his family. Some thanks to him would probably make a big difference.
You CHOSE to marry a man who works on the railroad. You should have weighed ALL the pros and cons BEFORE you got married, now you're whining about him being gone a lot. That's part of being married to a railroader. If this isn't the life you wanted then you should not have married this man. My mother was married to a railroad man for 32 years.
You knew what you were getting into, the man has a job, get over it.
Well, I can relate being alone while my boyfriend works long days it can be very cumbersome. I have the same fight all the time, we been together 3 years and have a daughter, but after hearing each other sides we both understand each other. I feel alone when he works 16 hours day but he told me he hates being apart from us, and when a b*tch at him it makes it worse. Make sure you set up a ';date night'; I know with 4 kids it's not easy, but I found we got so caught up in work and school and our daughter that we were letting our relationship go. We go out once a month just the two of us, and do little things like rent a movie or BBQ when our daughter is sleeping and drink a few beers and talk about things other then work and kids. If that doesn't help or if that's not the issue maybe you should reevaluate your situation because you don't want to be miserable.
Awww, Man. I wish women would start PAYING ATTENTION to what they're signing up for. I sure wish I would have. If he was working the railroad before you got married, then you kind of accepted him in the package he came in, Dear, and you can't expect him to change everything around now. Lots of women have to do this. Think of the military women that do it for months, and sometimes even years. I used to be married to a restaurant manager, and I hated it too. I practically raised my kids through babyhood by myself. We ended up in divorce, but not because of that.
You have to understand, he probably doesn't like this anymore than you, but he wants to provide for his family.
Make some friends, get a play group going so you and other mothers can give each other a break sometimes. Plan ahead. When you DO know he's gonna be home, have some alone time planned for you as well as time for the kids later. Get him a nice meal, and candles, and stuff. Make him feel appreciated too. For him to come home to demands and screaming kids, because you're exhausted is not fun for him either. You have to find a way to get a break, Hon. It'll do wonders. I promise. Sometimes go out JUST by yourself, when it's someone else's turn to do the play group. Mommy's day out. Go shopping, do your nails, or just window shop. It's all about getting some ';me'; time. You'll be a LOT more patient that way.
well if this is a job he's had for awhile and he's ok with it, and you married him knowing that, then yes it is selfish of you to complain. No one surprised you with it. I don't mean that rude because I can sympathize, for awhile my husband was on OTR truck driver and there were times we didn't see him for almost a month. My point is that you shouldn't be nagging him this is hard on everyone and he needs your support just like you need his. If you can't live like this than maybe you should leave but I don't see how that will fix your situation of feeling like a single parent. You may have to find some things (other than the kids) to keep you busy so you don't go crazy living like this LOL maybe you could meet some other wives whose husbands are gone a lot. Sort of like how military wives hang out together while there husbands are gone. It might help you to be around someone who understands how you're feeling.
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