Thursday, August 19, 2010

Advice on what to do about my husband skipping out on me and telling me he does not love me anymore?

I have been married for five years, we have no children. His mother has never been in the picture and for 4 years I have watched his mother ignore him and I have been the one there for him. He had to have emergency surgery 2 years ago and she was not ever there for him. She has just went through her 3rd divorce and is back in town staying with her parents. Since she has been back, he took it upon himself to personally take care of her. When I say this, I mean like he called her twice as much as he called me. If she needed anything, he would jump at her command. On Mothers Day, I spent all day with her and she told me that if she were me, she would not have children with him. Later, that story got turned around and my husband told me that I said to her that I would never let her see our children. He then told me that he would never have any children together b/c he knew that was true and that I can 2nd in his life b/c his mother would always come first. One night a few months ago, he stayed out all night and did not come home. He was out drinking at a friends house. His mother was there early on in the night and obviously approved of this behavior. When he came home he told me that he had just been drinking and passed out over there. I honestly believe that this is what happened. He has A.D.D. and this is the normal behavior of a person with A.D.D. The next weekend, when he got off of work, he did not come home and when he called me to see where I was, which I was with my mother,I asked where he was and he told me straight up that it was none of my business where he was and hung up. When he came home, he acted like everything was okay and then proceeded to tell me that he was with his mother. The next weekend, he told me he did not feel like going anywhere on Friday night and so I went grocery shopping and ran errands by myself, shortly after I was gone, his mother called and she wanted him to go to a bar and eat with her, so he did. Then the next weekend, he spent all weekend with me and we went to the mall, held hands like everything was perfect like we had once been. We even went grocery shopping together. We even saw couples out that we knew and they would have never guessed that the next day he would skip out. On Monday, he called me and told me that he was having a terrible day at work and then called me several other times during the day to check on me and talk. When I got home, he looked like death had froze him over and he asked me was I happy with the way things had been going? I told him no and of course started crying. I mean what woman wants her husband out all night and not telling me it is none of my business. The first question I asked him was did he have someone else and he swore that he had never cheated on me and there was nobody else, I honestly believe this. After we talked for a while, he told me all kinds of stuff about how he will never have children with me, he thinks I am bi-polar, i am fat, and that he wants to party, drink, and do drugs and he knows taht he can't do this while he is with me, but then proceeded to tell me that he does not want me working more than him and he wants to be the breadwinner... on and on about stuff that he wants in the relationship. Most of the stuff that we discussed, I agreed on and then we sat and ate at the table like we always do and watched a movie and then went to bed like we normally do and he kissed me goodnight. The next day when he left for work, he kissed me goodbye and told me that he loved me. He was very quiet though, not talking much when he left. I called him at lunch to see how his day was going since I knew that he had a bad day the day before. He asked me what I was doing calling him at work and then told me that I make him sick and hung up on me. When I got home, he had taken very little clothes but did not come home that night. That has been 9 days ago and he showed up one day just saying we need to talk and so I asked him why he skipped out on me and he said b/c he doesn't love me anymore. He couldn't even look me in the eye and tell me and then proceeed to talk to me normally and call me honey and dear. He came over today to get more of his clothes and he was still calling me honey and dear and paying me for half the bills. He even fixed the gutters and stuff like that and was still talking to me like we would normally still talk. He then asked me where do I want my divorce papers delivered. I just don't get him. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I still love him dearly and I am a Christian and do not think divorce is an option. When I said I Do, I meant it for life and NEVER thought this would happen to me. I just can't believe it. I am shocked, hurt, mad, sad....Advice on what to do about my husband skipping out on me and telling me he does not love me anymore?
when someone tells u they no longer love u, u have to accept it and let them go. u need to believe what he is telling u because if u don't its just going to make u emotionally sick.Advice on what to do about my husband skipping out on me and telling me he does not love me anymore?
sounds like the marriage is all ready over on his end.
Take him up on his offer. You didn't marry a man...you married a child. I'm a christian as are many people here and marriage is meant for 2 people who love, respect, honor and cherish each other. He hasn't lost his way...it simply sounds like he never knew where it was. You've said many bad things about him but few good. Let the anger and resentment build and within hours you'll most likely agree...you never really married a man. Unfortunately you married an immature, overly dramatic child with issues and a penchant for discourse. Put the trash on the curb.
If I was u don't play into the game. Yeah u r hurt, shocked,mad, sad all of the above but take a friendly hint Trust and believe in the higher power it will get better but til u let go he will constantly be a thorn in your side.
I feel for you. It must be very confusing and heartbreaking when someone you are with can switch from being nice one minute and then totally opposite the next.





I was with someone like that for 6 years when I was really young. She was great one minute and the next minute she would be accusing me of certain things and would be really mean and even hit me. Then the next day she would be sorry and act like nothing happened. Because I loved her I kept giving her a chance but after 6 years of this I had enough, grabbed our small children, left her and have never looked back.





Later on I was to discover she had Borderline Personality Disorder which explained everything. I'm not a doctor or anything but Google that and have a read on it. Could he even have Bi-Polar or some other form of mental illness?





Are you able to encourage him to go to a doctor and get a referal to a Psychiatrist or Psychologist? If your husband isn't willing then maybe you need to talk to someone professional to talk through what is happening in order to get through this and for your own sanity. Just remember what is happening is not your fault but if he is not willing to seek help then you need someone to talk to help you get through this.





Hope this helps and best of luck.
Take a good look at what you said!





';After we talked for a while, he told me all kinds of stuff about how he will never have children with me, he thinks I am bi-polar, i am fat, and that he wants to party, drink, and do drugs and he knows that he can't do this while he is with me,.';





He emotionally abuses and insults you and then you go to bed and you both act like nothing is wrong! He then tells you he doesn't love you anymore and wants a divorce. There is nothing more that you can do. His actions have shown that he does respect you or the marriage.


As a Christan, take heart in knowing that it is not you who has broken up your marriage. You will one day find true love and comfort with a worthy man who believes in the sanctity of marriage vows.





As for his mother, she definitely has her own psychological scars and perhaps has contributed to her sons. As much as you are hurting now, trust in your God for strength and he will help you to move on and make a better life for yourself.
Get ready for the divorce...and good riddance, you're much better off without someone like that.
Loving a man who is torturing your mentally is going to destroy you in the long run! Many women fall in love with the man they hope to live out theri lives with only to have it end in divorce because men don't see love and marriage the way women do. You call upon your faith as your belief as to why you don't want to have a divorce, but many women who are christians have therei marriages end because their husbands wanted it to end. It has nothing to do with how you believe, it is how he sees himself being married to you and that is what hed doesn't want anymore. Is it fair to yourself to live in a marriage where you can be treated in such a manner as to be disrespected when it comes to him acknowledging to you about is life and what is going on with it? Everything that you have described about his behavior has to do with him thinking about somebody else, some of the things he does are out of guilt, and to tell you that he does not love you anymore is a definite sign that it is over. Wake up and smeel the fresh air of relief that you won't have to live a life like that any longer. There has to be a man who would want to be married to you, to have children, a family, and everything else that are a part of your dreams. You still have plenty of time to find a man that will appreciate your love and for him to give you the love that you long for.
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