My husband, in iraq, wants a divorce. Workin on the paperwork now. Well, he has since got himself a gf in the town he will be stationed in once this deployment is over.. Now, she KNOWS he is a liar. She and I caught him in a lie very recently. She's asking ME for advice???? Hrm.... opportunity for sabotage? Massive barrage of insults about how dumb she is for going back to him?? Oh. the possibilities........So one of my husband's new gf's is asking ME for advice........?
I'm a firm believer in KARMA.
I wouldn't go out of my way to give her advice BUT if you happen to talk to her and she asks you for advice, give your advice. Be honest and tell her, by doing that, you are being the adult. She broke up a marriage, she'll get what's coming to her and it's too bad you won't be there to see it but it's KARMA!So one of my husband's new gf's is asking ME for advice........?
No Mel, you tell her he is her problem now and that you have no interest in getting involved.
That is the ADULT thing to do....
feel free to come up with all sorts of wicked things in your mind that you could have done - but keep them only in your head and do the right thing.
The best thing to do is tell her your honest opinion, it's her choice whether she listens to you or not. She should already know how he is, so it's her problem now not yours. Just tell her what you think and what you would do if you were still with him.
No offence you sound like Melanie Brown aka Scary spice who has been having same issues with Eddie Murphy
If you werent ';good enough'; for him in his eyes, then why should she be? Why should you help her when she wants to make a relationship with the man that you still call husband?? she obviously has some issues of her own that she should sort out. Tell her ';you know, the guy is a real jerk. no matter how i advise you, the overall answer will lead to...Jerk. If you want to continue a realtionship with a jack-***, thats up to u. but dont ask me for advice on how to keep a realationship with MY husband!';
That's great, she's asking for advice..and you'd know best!
Tell her what you can..Ay least if she stays with him, she'll have been warned, and when he screws her over too, she'll only have herself to blame!
Don't take the bait. Tell her you have nothing to say on the topic of your soon-to-be-ex.
Why are you talking to her at all?
I wouldn't take phone calls from either one of them.
Stay out of it. You have enough aggravation. Let her look out for herself. Get a divorce and move on.
Tell her the best advise you can give her is to wash her hands of the loser just like you are.
i think you should stay out of this. she is her new relationship and think about it would she really believe you? i say you are asking for trouble if you even talk to this girl. you are going to give her advice on her new relationship with your old boyfrined that you recently broke up with. does that sound sain??? ignore both of them. good luck.
be honest.. that was i was to my ex .. gf.. they really did not work out.. unless you still love him.. or want to get even..
Tell her what you know if anything, to help her. Don't be evil. Then ask her not to call you again because you have moved on.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I need advice badly ...cause im going 2 leave my husband of 4 years?
me an my husband hav been married 4 years the whole time his now 86 year old dad has lived with us ok????well my husband and i bought a house 2 months ago ok????now his mom is moving in at 82 years old and her ex-husband ...my father in-law an they been divorced 52 years?????????i told my husband i didnt want his mom living with us ...he says your just spitting out drama my mom an dad has helped you an me you owe them do i ???hes in debt with the woman not me....we ';ve beeen argueing since she moved in a week ago....ha takes up for his people saying i like drama etc ......his mom owns her own home....should i go ???house is also in my name???????????im 32 ,hes 62 their 82 an 86I need advice badly ...cause im going 2 leave my husband of 4 years?
First off, you has husband and wife should have discussed this and made a decision together. He is giving you no respect has his wife. What is the reason for Mom and Dad moving in and living there vies coming for a visit. If they are no longer able to live by them self's due to health reasons. It should be discussed about finding a residential care of assisted living place. They are not nursing homes. These places have their own garage, own apartments. they offer lots of interaction with others and they have only their meals in a dining area. But it really is a nice thing to do for them, if they are active. sure its scary at first but trust me they will love it. if not at least you tried something. You tell your husband it isn't about Drama, its about our marriage, and you should come first.I need advice badly ...cause im going 2 leave my husband of 4 years?
I think that i would run too. Sounds like your husband needs to cut the cord!! The two of you would never get any alone time. Is assisted living an option? I would ask about that first, and if he says no, then I would think about my options.Good Luck!
things look like they are going to get worse for you.
its awful to live like this. I would go back to your parents, get a lawyer get half your money back from the house,
Cause he will put his parents before you. the relationships doomed, your only 32 its like your stuck with a load of pensioners
join a dating agency meet someone your own age, get rid of all this baggage its not good for you, it will make you ill and depressed if your not already
Tell your husband to check his navel and see if his umbilical cord is still attached!! Hello!!! I know it's the right thing to do by helping out mom and dad but at the same time he has a responsibility to you his wife. Just b/c it's his mom doesn't mean she has the right to walk all over you!!! He needs a reality check!
RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he is doing what he is supposed to by taking care of his parents. if you loved him you would respect him for taking care of the people that took care of him and raised him and loved him. they gave him every thing and now he is giving them a awesome gift of love.caring for them in their old age.you say you are 32 but you act like your 12. show your husband you are a good wife and support him in his decision to take care of hi parents. shoot they are 82 and 86 they are living on borrowed time. give them the joy of knowing their son married a good woman, and let them live out their lives in the care of their son. good luck.
I had a simialr problem... My mother moved in with me ';temporarily'; when I got injured.. That turned into months which turned into years... I was dating a guy and we decided to get married.. I wanted to stay in my house so he moved in with us.. I also have 3 children. Mom stayed.. She also had her own house which she sold. Of course, it became very stressful that my new hubby and I didn't have our time... We moved a few months after getting married due to a job. She stayed in the house and agreed to pay me for rent. Sometimes I got it after begging and some I never got.. Anyways... I say yeah... he feels obligated to help his parents.. if his mom can't respect that it is your house and quit acting like a child (rolling eyes, starting crap with you) then one of you has to go. Maybe you can go live in her house. Tell your husband you don't want him to have to choose between his mom and you so you are leaving. You are too young to be miserable because he can't be a man and stand up to mommy..
Tell him then he won't have a problem with you moving all your relatives into the house. Tell him he owes them, use a ridiculous excuse of why.
You just need to figure how to get all out of your house. If you have not put to much in the house it might be better to leave it with them. Get while the getting is good.
I think he is right to stick by his parents and look after them in their old age, they looked after him all his life, so now it is his turn to show his appreciation for all their sacrifices they made for him over his life. I can understand that is is a burden on you, but they are his parents, would you kick your mum and dad out on the street? Well would you? Perhaps you are being a little selfish, they are his parents after all.
are you goes mad when you marry him dont yo u look at his age or some thing he have extra so baby listen one thing dont worry they complete almost their lifes they are on bonus now why are you worried just relax and if you cant resist then think if you are at her mother place and you have a kid and her wife wants the same then??
well accordin to your statements of ages...your hubbie was 10 yrs old when his parents divorced ..so shurely after 52 yrs they have settled their differences an can at least be civil to each other...your name is on the house which makes you liable also for the morgage..when your married whats his is yours an whats yours is his so the debt ( to parents for whatever reasons) are your responsiblity too..what happened to family commitment?..mother in law might be crabbby to live with but remember she is the mother of the man you loved enuff to marrry just a short 4 years ago.
Sounds like you need to buy a really good pair of running shoes. If you two are already fighting over this and its only been a week its only going to get worse. I would get out as soon as possiable. good luck
First off, you has husband and wife should have discussed this and made a decision together. He is giving you no respect has his wife. What is the reason for Mom and Dad moving in and living there vies coming for a visit. If they are no longer able to live by them self's due to health reasons. It should be discussed about finding a residential care of assisted living place. They are not nursing homes. These places have their own garage, own apartments. they offer lots of interaction with others and they have only their meals in a dining area. But it really is a nice thing to do for them, if they are active. sure its scary at first but trust me they will love it. if not at least you tried something. You tell your husband it isn't about Drama, its about our marriage, and you should come first.I need advice badly ...cause im going 2 leave my husband of 4 years?
I think that i would run too. Sounds like your husband needs to cut the cord!! The two of you would never get any alone time. Is assisted living an option? I would ask about that first, and if he says no, then I would think about my options.Good Luck!
things look like they are going to get worse for you.
its awful to live like this. I would go back to your parents, get a lawyer get half your money back from the house,
Cause he will put his parents before you. the relationships doomed, your only 32 its like your stuck with a load of pensioners
join a dating agency meet someone your own age, get rid of all this baggage its not good for you, it will make you ill and depressed if your not already
Tell your husband to check his navel and see if his umbilical cord is still attached!! Hello!!! I know it's the right thing to do by helping out mom and dad but at the same time he has a responsibility to you his wife. Just b/c it's his mom doesn't mean she has the right to walk all over you!!! He needs a reality check!
RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he is doing what he is supposed to by taking care of his parents. if you loved him you would respect him for taking care of the people that took care of him and raised him and loved him. they gave him every thing and now he is giving them a awesome gift of love.caring for them in their old age.you say you are 32 but you act like your 12. show your husband you are a good wife and support him in his decision to take care of hi parents. shoot they are 82 and 86 they are living on borrowed time. give them the joy of knowing their son married a good woman, and let them live out their lives in the care of their son. good luck.
I had a simialr problem... My mother moved in with me ';temporarily'; when I got injured.. That turned into months which turned into years... I was dating a guy and we decided to get married.. I wanted to stay in my house so he moved in with us.. I also have 3 children. Mom stayed.. She also had her own house which she sold. Of course, it became very stressful that my new hubby and I didn't have our time... We moved a few months after getting married due to a job. She stayed in the house and agreed to pay me for rent. Sometimes I got it after begging and some I never got.. Anyways... I say yeah... he feels obligated to help his parents.. if his mom can't respect that it is your house and quit acting like a child (rolling eyes, starting crap with you) then one of you has to go. Maybe you can go live in her house. Tell your husband you don't want him to have to choose between his mom and you so you are leaving. You are too young to be miserable because he can't be a man and stand up to mommy..
Tell him then he won't have a problem with you moving all your relatives into the house. Tell him he owes them, use a ridiculous excuse of why.
You just need to figure how to get all out of your house. If you have not put to much in the house it might be better to leave it with them. Get while the getting is good.
I think he is right to stick by his parents and look after them in their old age, they looked after him all his life, so now it is his turn to show his appreciation for all their sacrifices they made for him over his life. I can understand that is is a burden on you, but they are his parents, would you kick your mum and dad out on the street? Well would you? Perhaps you are being a little selfish, they are his parents after all.
are you goes mad when you marry him dont yo u look at his age or some thing he have extra so baby listen one thing dont worry they complete almost their lifes they are on bonus now why are you worried just relax and if you cant resist then think if you are at her mother place and you have a kid and her wife wants the same then??
well accordin to your statements of ages...your hubbie was 10 yrs old when his parents divorced ..so shurely after 52 yrs they have settled their differences an can at least be civil to each other...your name is on the house which makes you liable also for the morgage..when your married whats his is yours an whats yours is his so the debt ( to parents for whatever reasons) are your responsiblity too..what happened to family commitment?..mother in law might be crabbby to live with but remember she is the mother of the man you loved enuff to marrry just a short 4 years ago.
Sounds like you need to buy a really good pair of running shoes. If you two are already fighting over this and its only been a week its only going to get worse. I would get out as soon as possiable. good luck
My husband and I were in a verbal and domestic abuse situation last night need advice?
We have four kids, he has two and I have two. He verbally abused one of my sons and I, threw me into the refrigerator, causing a slight concussion and bruised knee cap...the police told him to vacate the premises, and not come back, but sure enough, he did. I went to ER this morning after filing EPO against him. The house we live in is in his parents name. He has threatened to cut off elec and water. Should I bring assault charges against him? I dont know alot of people in the town I live in and my parents live too far. Any advice?My husband and I were in a verbal and domestic abuse situation last night need advice?
I am so sorry you and the children have been put in this situation. This isn't the first time he's been abusive is it? The abuse has escalated to a dangerous level. The next time he could kill you. I'm not kidding. I worked with victims of domestic violence (abuse) for 11 years. Your husband is abusing you verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, abusing the children, threatening to shut off utilities. These are all ways to control you and keep you dependent on him. If he won't stay away then you need to take the children and leave. Go to a shelter for victims of abuse. If a person on the street did that to you they'd be arrested for assault. Just because he's your husband is no reason for him to not be treated the same way. Yes, bring assault charges against him. It's only going to get worse.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They can give you the number of a program close to you. If you're wondering if you're being abused, check out their ';How is you relationship?'; quiz: http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.h鈥?/a>
Honey, you don't have to live like this. You can get out. It won't be easy. Your local program will have advocates to go to the police, court and social services agencies with you. They're trained to help victims of abuse and their children. They might even be able to help you and your children to get home to your parents, if that's what you want. I pray you'll call the national hotline!!!! God bless!
P.S. You can contact me if you want.My husband and I were in a verbal and domestic abuse situation last night need advice?
FOCUS!!!! Find somebody you can trust and let them help be your support. You don't have to do this alone and shouldn't. You have children you are responsible for keeping safe. YOU HAVE TO KEEP THEM SAFE!
Your parents aren't so far they won't come to you when he hurts you again or worse. And he will. Right now you have to be in a safe place. Tell your friends, co-workers you are going on vacation and GO TO YOUR FOLKS!. Take time to gather your thoughts and figure out what you CAN do. He won't be able to say you abandoned him then. If you decide on permanent separation.
Use your head not your heart. FOCUS on keeping your children safe and you will be too! Document everything. Find your local resources for battered women. You've put this out here and people that care about you will want a follow up. I wish you safety and happiness!
LEAVE HIM, There is no need for you to be treated like that. take your kids and go. There should be a domestic shelter there near by. They can help you with finding a job, home, clothes, furniture, etc. don't let your kids go through this they deserve to live a better life then what we had.There is someone out there for you and your kids don't just settle for less. God Bless you and your kids
YES you should bring charges against him! There is never a justification for a man to hit (or throw) a woman. If the police can not keep him away long enough for you to gather your things, leave without them. Find a battered women's shelter (the police should be able to help you) and go there. Contact your parents for help. Deal with the rest from a safe distance. Do not let him talk you into coming back. You and your children deserve better.
file charges...
call the utility companies and let them know whats up.....they will let you choose a ';password'; that only you and they know if utilities are attempted to be tampered with
Judging by your track record you are a sponger who is in relationships for the financial gain. People like you who can't make a marriage work should do the world a favour by hanging yourself.
sweetie you need to do something. call a help hot-line they will tell you what to do. whatever you do don't let hat bastard back in your life. You and your children deserve a better life then that.
Well I thought that most of the peoples advice was pretty good. I would have to agree with them that you need to find help. I just want to say that if you are looking for excuses to stay with him then you have already lost and so have your kids. I saw that little baby in the picture you really need to think about those children. What would happen if he were to go too far and kill you? What about your kids? I know you said that your parents are too far away but I would find out if they would be willing to help you get there or out of that house. Most likely you would not be provided the house if you did get a lawyer involved because it isn't under any of your guys names it's under his parents so I really don't think that will work for you. You just need to get some help and keep you and your children away from him. My sister in law was in the same situation. It started out the way you are experiencing now and he ended up trying to kill her one day he stabbed her in the neck numerous times. We thought we had lost her. Luckily she survived but her kids were there and they witnessed their dad trying to kill their mom. He is now in jail for a long time but those kids have been through hell since. Just really think about your kids. That's all the advice I can give you. Hang in there and take care of business.
Do you have a restraining order? If not get it now. Contact the utilities, and let them know the situation and see what they will do to block him. Don't wait. Take the initiative.
there is no reason in the world good enough for a man to put his hands on a woman out of anger. I hope that your soon to be exhusband gets thrown n jail and abused by other inmates. As far as verbal abuse, people always say things before they think about it, way to often and it can hurt very bad. I hope that your kid is ok. You have to teach children right from wrong and hopefully wont pick up on any of his crap. Really sorry that you have to deal with that kind of mess.
It's illegal for him to tamper with any of the utilities, there are court appointed specialist that will help you, go to your local yellow pages and look under domestic violence and you'll find a list of agencies that help women in your position, but for your children's sake DO NOT PROCRASTINATE, the court system can sometimes be slow and cumbersome, the sooner you get in contact with one of these agencies the sooner, if you need help contact me at Qworx@sprintpcs.com
You have to file charges. My mom and dad were in the same type of relationship that you described. She took it for a long time and eventually he came into our house with a gun that had enough bullets for each of us. When he tried to pull the trigger the gun wouldnt fire. I through him out of the house and called the police, he broke the door down and came back in. It didnt take long for the police to get there but when they did he was gone. We had to hide for days with secret identities and when they found him he had comitted suicide. You need a safe place for you and your children, get out while you can... I not saying he would do something like that but anything is possible. You and your children deserve better than that!
With out a doubt you need to file assault charges ASAP. You need to have a legal track record on him. He is out of control. Verbal is one thing but when you cross the line into the physical world that is when you need to take action. As for the house that is a sticky one. You need a lawyer. Don't you have any friends or relatives who can move in with you while this thing is rocking and rolling?
I am so sorry you and the children have been put in this situation. This isn't the first time he's been abusive is it? The abuse has escalated to a dangerous level. The next time he could kill you. I'm not kidding. I worked with victims of domestic violence (abuse) for 11 years. Your husband is abusing you verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, abusing the children, threatening to shut off utilities. These are all ways to control you and keep you dependent on him. If he won't stay away then you need to take the children and leave. Go to a shelter for victims of abuse. If a person on the street did that to you they'd be arrested for assault. Just because he's your husband is no reason for him to not be treated the same way. Yes, bring assault charges against him. It's only going to get worse.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They can give you the number of a program close to you. If you're wondering if you're being abused, check out their ';How is you relationship?'; quiz: http://www.ndvh.org/educate/abuse_quiz.h鈥?/a>
Honey, you don't have to live like this. You can get out. It won't be easy. Your local program will have advocates to go to the police, court and social services agencies with you. They're trained to help victims of abuse and their children. They might even be able to help you and your children to get home to your parents, if that's what you want. I pray you'll call the national hotline!!!! God bless!
P.S. You can contact me if you want.My husband and I were in a verbal and domestic abuse situation last night need advice?
FOCUS!!!! Find somebody you can trust and let them help be your support. You don't have to do this alone and shouldn't. You have children you are responsible for keeping safe. YOU HAVE TO KEEP THEM SAFE!
Your parents aren't so far they won't come to you when he hurts you again or worse. And he will. Right now you have to be in a safe place. Tell your friends, co-workers you are going on vacation and GO TO YOUR FOLKS!. Take time to gather your thoughts and figure out what you CAN do. He won't be able to say you abandoned him then. If you decide on permanent separation.
Use your head not your heart. FOCUS on keeping your children safe and you will be too! Document everything. Find your local resources for battered women. You've put this out here and people that care about you will want a follow up. I wish you safety and happiness!
LEAVE HIM, There is no need for you to be treated like that. take your kids and go. There should be a domestic shelter there near by. They can help you with finding a job, home, clothes, furniture, etc. don't let your kids go through this they deserve to live a better life then what we had.There is someone out there for you and your kids don't just settle for less. God Bless you and your kids
YES you should bring charges against him! There is never a justification for a man to hit (or throw) a woman. If the police can not keep him away long enough for you to gather your things, leave without them. Find a battered women's shelter (the police should be able to help you) and go there. Contact your parents for help. Deal with the rest from a safe distance. Do not let him talk you into coming back. You and your children deserve better.
file charges...
call the utility companies and let them know whats up.....they will let you choose a ';password'; that only you and they know if utilities are attempted to be tampered with
Judging by your track record you are a sponger who is in relationships for the financial gain. People like you who can't make a marriage work should do the world a favour by hanging yourself.
sweetie you need to do something. call a help hot-line they will tell you what to do. whatever you do don't let hat bastard back in your life. You and your children deserve a better life then that.
Well I thought that most of the peoples advice was pretty good. I would have to agree with them that you need to find help. I just want to say that if you are looking for excuses to stay with him then you have already lost and so have your kids. I saw that little baby in the picture you really need to think about those children. What would happen if he were to go too far and kill you? What about your kids? I know you said that your parents are too far away but I would find out if they would be willing to help you get there or out of that house. Most likely you would not be provided the house if you did get a lawyer involved because it isn't under any of your guys names it's under his parents so I really don't think that will work for you. You just need to get some help and keep you and your children away from him. My sister in law was in the same situation. It started out the way you are experiencing now and he ended up trying to kill her one day he stabbed her in the neck numerous times. We thought we had lost her. Luckily she survived but her kids were there and they witnessed their dad trying to kill their mom. He is now in jail for a long time but those kids have been through hell since. Just really think about your kids. That's all the advice I can give you. Hang in there and take care of business.
Do you have a restraining order? If not get it now. Contact the utilities, and let them know the situation and see what they will do to block him. Don't wait. Take the initiative.
there is no reason in the world good enough for a man to put his hands on a woman out of anger. I hope that your soon to be exhusband gets thrown n jail and abused by other inmates. As far as verbal abuse, people always say things before they think about it, way to often and it can hurt very bad. I hope that your kid is ok. You have to teach children right from wrong and hopefully wont pick up on any of his crap. Really sorry that you have to deal with that kind of mess.
It's illegal for him to tamper with any of the utilities, there are court appointed specialist that will help you, go to your local yellow pages and look under domestic violence and you'll find a list of agencies that help women in your position, but for your children's sake DO NOT PROCRASTINATE, the court system can sometimes be slow and cumbersome, the sooner you get in contact with one of these agencies the sooner, if you need help contact me at Qworx@sprintpcs.com
You have to file charges. My mom and dad were in the same type of relationship that you described. She took it for a long time and eventually he came into our house with a gun that had enough bullets for each of us. When he tried to pull the trigger the gun wouldnt fire. I through him out of the house and called the police, he broke the door down and came back in. It didnt take long for the police to get there but when they did he was gone. We had to hide for days with secret identities and when they found him he had comitted suicide. You need a safe place for you and your children, get out while you can... I not saying he would do something like that but anything is possible. You and your children deserve better than that!
With out a doubt you need to file assault charges ASAP. You need to have a legal track record on him. He is out of control. Verbal is one thing but when you cross the line into the physical world that is when you need to take action. As for the house that is a sticky one. You need a lawyer. Don't you have any friends or relatives who can move in with you while this thing is rocking and rolling?
God has touched our family in a big way...yet my husband and I cannot agree on the same church. ADVICE??
You can do what my grandparents did, they were of different religions, so they both chose another religion which they both converted to.
Your religion really does not matter as long as you believe in it, and live by it!God has touched our family in a big way...yet my husband and I cannot agree on the same church. ADVICE??
start your own church.God has touched our family in a big way...yet my husband and I cannot agree on the same church. ADVICE??
If you are truly a Christian...
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
(Eph 5:23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
(Eph 5:24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
(1Pe 3:1) Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
(1Pe 3:2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
(1Pe 3:3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
(1Pe 3:4) But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
(1Pe 3:5) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
(1Pe 3:6) Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
you should ask God which church He wants you in.
Both go to your separate fellowships.
Or, make a list of the top 5 reasons you both like your own fellowship; compare lists %26amp; keep what is identical on both lists. Then agree to find yet ANOTHER fellowship that has these qualities you agreed on.
If you have to argue about the churches then you dont know what God is!!! Its like forgetting the soup and arguing about the Bowl!!! Do u think God is dependent upon Churches and temples?? If you want to be close to God, then look within... Make it your goal to make at least one person happy everyday...... smile....... be happy.... be kind to others........ help the needy........ respect the elders... Thats Goodness and it leads you to God!!
Start your own church. You and/or your husband can become ordained and you can start holding services in your back yard or the park or rent a place out.
do research. attend both churches for one day. find out which one teaches the Bible better and go with that.
Try diffrent churches. First discuss what is important to each of you to have in a church home. Big or small, religious doctirine, whats important in a pastor, how involved you want to be, and what you need to get from it. Solving those issues, reaching a compromise you can live with. Lets say he likes a big, loud church, and you would rather have a small congregation you could get to know, seek out a church that offers services with small Sunday school groups. He gets the big church, you get the small one on one fellowship.
If your religion is the same, it should take a little time, and some trial and error before you find one you are both happy in, but it should happen. If you are of two diffrent religions, it will be much harder.
Wish you the best.
You should act out of love.
I see that the ';wives submit to husbands'; card has been dealt ignoring the husbands love your wives bit (as it is always).
Act out of love. That may mean different churches, one of you suffering (as indeed is the Christian way) or whatever.
Belief is god should be just that. If you both believe in god, you just do. Choosing a religion or church is just plain ridiculous...believing in god is believing in the bible without additions since the bible forbids any other books to follow.
Growing up, I attended many different types of churches and it was virtually the same...they believed in god and preached it. If you cannot choose a certain church, you should keep god at home with you and your children and equip your children to chose their own path. If you insist on attending church, switch off and let your children decide what is right for them when they are grown.
Simply put, you cannot make your church more significant than your spouses...you are equals who believe in god.
Don't go.... have prayer and comuntion and what not in your own home.... just spend sunday with god at home.
The best christains I know don't ever go to church and don't even own a bible. But there faith and devotion to god is better than any other I know.
And Jesus rather spoke out agenst large churches and there pratcices.
However the bible says a woman should do what ever there husband says, so acording to it if he whats to go to a church you go to the one he whants to rather you like it or not.
Does the difference in church mean difference in belief? (This may be a stupid question!!) but I am not sure what the problem is since you both believe in God!
May Allah guide you both to the right path.
One of you must really surrender his/her current religion and switch to the other one. And choose whether which teaches real about God.
Well, in old days wives were taught that they should follow their husbands. He was said to be the head. But I think that you all should both pray about it and then do the pros and cons of each church. After that you all should attend the one that has the most pros. And mostly it should be which church feeds you both spiritually. But most likely God will guide you both to a church that will give you what you need.
Most theologians will tell you the old ways are dead and gone; but we can still use the best of the older times. They will also agree that the couple should either choose one of the two religions, or go to an alternate one. Love is the defining factor; there is no better love than that of a couple who has met each other mentally, spiritually, and physically. By the way; this will also help the children.
But the factor that has been left out the most is prayer. I believe prayer changes things. I always pray for those who trespass against me since I have been diagnosed with MD. But even others who I don't even know, I will pray for them. Guess what, the people who attack me are actually lacking in education. But my four PhD theologians should be able to assist you; that is why I called each of them.
God bless you
This is the reason that God is Divine and Perfect while we, including you and your spouse are only Human, with human preferences and prejudices.
Why not rotate between the 2 churches? If you are referring to 2 different Christian denominations, I would say that this complicates the matter slightly more since the communities and group sessions will be different. Another challenge would be which church and faith will your children follow/attend?
My wife was a Methodist and I a Catholic before she went through a 3 year process to learn about my faith-practice and joined my Church. The choice (and the relationship) could have turned out different but for our patience for each other and willingness to give ample allowance for differences in the practices, teachings and community in each Church. I still can't forget how it took me 3 days to explain things to her after she freaked out because she saw some old folks bending down to touch the big toe of a 2m-tall statue of St. Peter outside one of our Catholic churches - man, it was major damage control on her impression, understanding and our relationship at that point in time.
I have another close acquaintance who is a Catholic and in fact had spent 5 years in a seminary before deciding to lead life as a lay person. He married a devout Hindu, had 2 different religious celebrations for their wedding and the couple are bringing up a beautiful daughter by exposing her to both faith! They intend to let the daughter decide which faith to follow (if any) when she comes of age. I was very impressed as such arrangements between a married couple, living harmoniously under the same roof cannot be taken for granted.medication cream
Your religion really does not matter as long as you believe in it, and live by it!God has touched our family in a big way...yet my husband and I cannot agree on the same church. ADVICE??
start your own church.God has touched our family in a big way...yet my husband and I cannot agree on the same church. ADVICE??
If you are truly a Christian...
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
(Eph 5:23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
(Eph 5:24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
(1Pe 3:1) Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
(1Pe 3:2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
(1Pe 3:3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
(1Pe 3:4) But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
(1Pe 3:5) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
(1Pe 3:6) Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
you should ask God which church He wants you in.
Both go to your separate fellowships.
Or, make a list of the top 5 reasons you both like your own fellowship; compare lists %26amp; keep what is identical on both lists. Then agree to find yet ANOTHER fellowship that has these qualities you agreed on.
If you have to argue about the churches then you dont know what God is!!! Its like forgetting the soup and arguing about the Bowl!!! Do u think God is dependent upon Churches and temples?? If you want to be close to God, then look within... Make it your goal to make at least one person happy everyday...... smile....... be happy.... be kind to others........ help the needy........ respect the elders... Thats Goodness and it leads you to God!!
Start your own church. You and/or your husband can become ordained and you can start holding services in your back yard or the park or rent a place out.
do research. attend both churches for one day. find out which one teaches the Bible better and go with that.
Try diffrent churches. First discuss what is important to each of you to have in a church home. Big or small, religious doctirine, whats important in a pastor, how involved you want to be, and what you need to get from it. Solving those issues, reaching a compromise you can live with. Lets say he likes a big, loud church, and you would rather have a small congregation you could get to know, seek out a church that offers services with small Sunday school groups. He gets the big church, you get the small one on one fellowship.
If your religion is the same, it should take a little time, and some trial and error before you find one you are both happy in, but it should happen. If you are of two diffrent religions, it will be much harder.
Wish you the best.
You should act out of love.
I see that the ';wives submit to husbands'; card has been dealt ignoring the husbands love your wives bit (as it is always).
Act out of love. That may mean different churches, one of you suffering (as indeed is the Christian way) or whatever.
Belief is god should be just that. If you both believe in god, you just do. Choosing a religion or church is just plain ridiculous...believing in god is believing in the bible without additions since the bible forbids any other books to follow.
Growing up, I attended many different types of churches and it was virtually the same...they believed in god and preached it. If you cannot choose a certain church, you should keep god at home with you and your children and equip your children to chose their own path. If you insist on attending church, switch off and let your children decide what is right for them when they are grown.
Simply put, you cannot make your church more significant than your spouses...you are equals who believe in god.
Don't go.... have prayer and comuntion and what not in your own home.... just spend sunday with god at home.
The best christains I know don't ever go to church and don't even own a bible. But there faith and devotion to god is better than any other I know.
And Jesus rather spoke out agenst large churches and there pratcices.
However the bible says a woman should do what ever there husband says, so acording to it if he whats to go to a church you go to the one he whants to rather you like it or not.
Does the difference in church mean difference in belief? (This may be a stupid question!!) but I am not sure what the problem is since you both believe in God!
May Allah guide you both to the right path.
One of you must really surrender his/her current religion and switch to the other one. And choose whether which teaches real about God.
Well, in old days wives were taught that they should follow their husbands. He was said to be the head. But I think that you all should both pray about it and then do the pros and cons of each church. After that you all should attend the one that has the most pros. And mostly it should be which church feeds you both spiritually. But most likely God will guide you both to a church that will give you what you need.
Most theologians will tell you the old ways are dead and gone; but we can still use the best of the older times. They will also agree that the couple should either choose one of the two religions, or go to an alternate one. Love is the defining factor; there is no better love than that of a couple who has met each other mentally, spiritually, and physically. By the way; this will also help the children.
But the factor that has been left out the most is prayer. I believe prayer changes things. I always pray for those who trespass against me since I have been diagnosed with MD. But even others who I don't even know, I will pray for them. Guess what, the people who attack me are actually lacking in education. But my four PhD theologians should be able to assist you; that is why I called each of them.
God bless you
This is the reason that God is Divine and Perfect while we, including you and your spouse are only Human, with human preferences and prejudices.
Why not rotate between the 2 churches? If you are referring to 2 different Christian denominations, I would say that this complicates the matter slightly more since the communities and group sessions will be different. Another challenge would be which church and faith will your children follow/attend?
My wife was a Methodist and I a Catholic before she went through a 3 year process to learn about my faith-practice and joined my Church. The choice (and the relationship) could have turned out different but for our patience for each other and willingness to give ample allowance for differences in the practices, teachings and community in each Church. I still can't forget how it took me 3 days to explain things to her after she freaked out because she saw some old folks bending down to touch the big toe of a 2m-tall statue of St. Peter outside one of our Catholic churches - man, it was major damage control on her impression, understanding and our relationship at that point in time.
I have another close acquaintance who is a Catholic and in fact had spent 5 years in a seminary before deciding to lead life as a lay person. He married a devout Hindu, had 2 different religious celebrations for their wedding and the couple are bringing up a beautiful daughter by exposing her to both faith! They intend to let the daughter decide which faith to follow (if any) when she comes of age. I was very impressed as such arrangements between a married couple, living harmoniously under the same roof cannot be taken for granted.
I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
found out about it and asked me to stop. I tried to stop for like a day but Ive been really depressed and it was the only thing making me feel good at the time. Its only been going on for a couple of weeks. We just started marriage counseling and I feel like a complete loser. I never physically cheated on him but he says this is worse than that . He has been reading everything that I have been saying. I finally feel like I can stop. Its been like an escape for me but I realize there is no way that it would ever work out. I am afraid I may have ruined everything good that my husband and I ever had. He wasnt giving me the emotional input that I needed and we were so distant and had so many other problems going on in our lives that is why I felt the need to find the emotional stuff elsewhere. Is there any hope for our relationship. I am so ashamed of myself because I have been physically cheated on in the past and know how it feels, yet I made him feel the same way. What can I doI need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
Well you just have to stop and put your energy into your marriage. Give counseling a chance and give your husband a chance to make you happy again.I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
you feel like what you are
You can stop. You became addicted to the feeling you got from someone paying extra attention to you. Marriages do not stay new forever. If you can get that honeymoon feeling somewhere else...well...it's probably easy to get addicted to. Put the time you spent cheating online into your marriage and you will likely rekindle things with your husband. Consider getting rid of the internet.
afraid these kinds of things only go away over time, same dang slow time it takes for a fella like me wishing someone loved me and felt i was attractive, time works in funny ways,, so,, as they say in whoopie goldbergs movie,, GIVE IT TO GOD KRISPIE, GIVE IT TO GOD,,.http://www.interviewwithgod.com
Wow! this somewhat bad... What u need to do is be staright out with your husband and tell him this happened because he was neglecting you. I know what umean..... and what u are feeling at this time.... but us women also need to be taken care of by our husbands and not be neglected... What do men do when their wives dont put out? they get mad and sometimes they look somewhere else. they do what ever it takes to get by and satisfy themselves, but when we women do something similar it turns into this big deal and we are called hores and what ever.. Maybe what u did wasnt right but he needs to understand he cannot neglect his wife. We are like flowers we need sun and water to survive.
i would say that now you are even so get over it and move on unless your relationship only exist if there is drama why else would you be keeping the pass current.
Flirting can start out harmless but develop into more without you intending it to that is why you should not do it at all. What you did was cheat EMOTIONALLY and I am going through the same thing but I was on the receiving end. You must earn his trust back and both of you must communicate!!!
Stop all communication.Start being totally honest with your husband.
Keep going to counseling and hopefully he will be able to see in what ways he might have contributed to the problem. But for now, all you can do is apologize, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It takes time to rebuild trust so you are going to have to be patient.
And although he might feel bad about what you've done it isn't the same as having a physical relationship with someone. It isn't good of course, but you shouldn't feel like a complete loser. We're all human. We all make mistakes, including your husband. The only thing we can do is try to rectify what we've done, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
tell your marriage counceler what you just wrote in front of your husband because it sounds like your hubby was being neglectful somwhere and if it doesnt get resolved you might continue to seek compfort elsewhere so explain it all to your marriage counceler.
good luck and dont be to hard on yourself and dont let him play your guilt against you. no body's perfect.
wow you are bad!
Stick with going to counselling. He found out about it and asked you to stop. He didn't find out about it and say, ';I want a divorce now!'; so chances are that this is totally fixable. You'll probably have to comply with a lot of his needs to get over it, but isn't it worth it? I understand--you weren't getting what you needed emotionally so you looked elsewhere. I think you felt the flirting was totally harmless, and you're probably right. Just keep up with the counseling, explain the situation to your counselor, and maybe he/she has some suggestions. Like maybe your husband doesn't need to read all of your online transmissions with this person. That might just make things worse! Follow whatever direction the counselor gives you.
easier said than done, but just stop going to the site where he is. i kinda did the same ONE time and felt so nasty afterwords. however, this guy didn't do much talking, but rather something else. i felt sooooo bad cuz i sat there and watched him. and i don't think i ever went to that site again. for me, it was more of a ';just to check it out'; thing, not anything to do with looking for another man as i am happily married. i felt as tho i had cheated in a way, but knew that i didn't. i had actually gotten scared cuz after he done wat he did, he went crazy saying he knew i was a man watching him. i felt like he was gonna find a way to track me down. it took for ever for me to fall asleep at night cuz of the fear that he was coming after me. what my story boils down to is, leave well enough alone cuz there are crazy computer freaks out there. you NEVER know who you are talking to or wat they may do. if you make them mad, they may not come after you, but rather someone in your family...
however, the best thing for you to do is pray. ask GOD to help guide you through this matter and have trust in him. we are only human and are tempted in sooo many ways. GOD said ask and you will recieve, knock and it will be opened.. :%26gt;)
Give it to God, pray about it
Well you just have to stop and put your energy into your marriage. Give counseling a chance and give your husband a chance to make you happy again.I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
you feel like what you are
You can stop. You became addicted to the feeling you got from someone paying extra attention to you. Marriages do not stay new forever. If you can get that honeymoon feeling somewhere else...well...it's probably easy to get addicted to. Put the time you spent cheating online into your marriage and you will likely rekindle things with your husband. Consider getting rid of the internet.
afraid these kinds of things only go away over time, same dang slow time it takes for a fella like me wishing someone loved me and felt i was attractive, time works in funny ways,, so,, as they say in whoopie goldbergs movie,, GIVE IT TO GOD KRISPIE, GIVE IT TO GOD,,.http://www.interviewwithgod.com
Wow! this somewhat bad... What u need to do is be staright out with your husband and tell him this happened because he was neglecting you. I know what umean..... and what u are feeling at this time.... but us women also need to be taken care of by our husbands and not be neglected... What do men do when their wives dont put out? they get mad and sometimes they look somewhere else. they do what ever it takes to get by and satisfy themselves, but when we women do something similar it turns into this big deal and we are called hores and what ever.. Maybe what u did wasnt right but he needs to understand he cannot neglect his wife. We are like flowers we need sun and water to survive.
i would say that now you are even so get over it and move on unless your relationship only exist if there is drama why else would you be keeping the pass current.
Flirting can start out harmless but develop into more without you intending it to that is why you should not do it at all. What you did was cheat EMOTIONALLY and I am going through the same thing but I was on the receiving end. You must earn his trust back and both of you must communicate!!!
Stop all communication.Start being totally honest with your husband.
Keep going to counseling and hopefully he will be able to see in what ways he might have contributed to the problem. But for now, all you can do is apologize, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It takes time to rebuild trust so you are going to have to be patient.
And although he might feel bad about what you've done it isn't the same as having a physical relationship with someone. It isn't good of course, but you shouldn't feel like a complete loser. We're all human. We all make mistakes, including your husband. The only thing we can do is try to rectify what we've done, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
tell your marriage counceler what you just wrote in front of your husband because it sounds like your hubby was being neglectful somwhere and if it doesnt get resolved you might continue to seek compfort elsewhere so explain it all to your marriage counceler.
good luck and dont be to hard on yourself and dont let him play your guilt against you. no body's perfect.
wow you are bad!
Stick with going to counselling. He found out about it and asked you to stop. He didn't find out about it and say, ';I want a divorce now!'; so chances are that this is totally fixable. You'll probably have to comply with a lot of his needs to get over it, but isn't it worth it? I understand--you weren't getting what you needed emotionally so you looked elsewhere. I think you felt the flirting was totally harmless, and you're probably right. Just keep up with the counseling, explain the situation to your counselor, and maybe he/she has some suggestions. Like maybe your husband doesn't need to read all of your online transmissions with this person. That might just make things worse! Follow whatever direction the counselor gives you.
easier said than done, but just stop going to the site where he is. i kinda did the same ONE time and felt so nasty afterwords. however, this guy didn't do much talking, but rather something else. i felt sooooo bad cuz i sat there and watched him. and i don't think i ever went to that site again. for me, it was more of a ';just to check it out'; thing, not anything to do with looking for another man as i am happily married. i felt as tho i had cheated in a way, but knew that i didn't. i had actually gotten scared cuz after he done wat he did, he went crazy saying he knew i was a man watching him. i felt like he was gonna find a way to track me down. it took for ever for me to fall asleep at night cuz of the fear that he was coming after me. what my story boils down to is, leave well enough alone cuz there are crazy computer freaks out there. you NEVER know who you are talking to or wat they may do. if you make them mad, they may not come after you, but rather someone in your family...
however, the best thing for you to do is pray. ask GOD to help guide you through this matter and have trust in him. we are only human and are tempted in sooo many ways. GOD said ask and you will recieve, knock and it will be opened.. :%26gt;)
Give it to God, pray about it
I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Its going on 17 years together and it hasnt always been good. For many years I tried to get out of the marriege. I got married and became a mother at 18. Anyway, 2 years ago, things were bad and I found out that my husband was having an affair. Since then I forgave him and moved on and we have been doing okay. For the past several months, Our sex life has been very routine or nothing. As a result, I became curious and I began a sexual relationship with another man. It lasted for about 4 months. I dont have feelings for the guy but I think that this guy has feelings for me. My husband has no idea that I did anything. The guilt of my cheating is killing me and I want to tell him, but I dont know how. I know that it will hurt him alot and I know that one day I will have to tell him. If you was in my shoes, what would you do? I tried to end the relationship with the other guy. We havent been together for about 6 months. But, just the other day, he called and I saw him and we slept togetherI need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Don't tell your husband. He'll leave for sure. Of course, you forgave him...but women are programmed differently. We're nurturers...and usually most of us...not all, but most will give a cheating guy another chance. BUT IF YOU DO IT AND HE FINDS OUT...you can forget about it babygirl...so no...don't tell 'em...but let the other dude go. Spice up your sex life with your husband again. I guess you explored because you hooked with him at such a young age, then had a child by 18...so maybe you just tried someone else. I'm not saying it was right...but it happened...and you should let it be your past now. The other guy...is just getting off sweety. Definitely let him go. You're sleeping with him and you say you think he has feelings...doesn't matter...does he know you're married? just move on with that and if you love your husband and the family that the two of you have built...then let the extramarital affair go. good luck.I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Once someone cheats the marriage is over, how do you get over your spouse sleeping with someone other than you. Both of you will end up having trust issues and always questioning each other, this will create more problems if anything. Sometimes you just got to know when things are salvageable or you should just let go.
well lets see. he cheated on you so i think you can get away with it. eye for eye. cz if you tell him he may leave you. try to stop the other thing. and get that guilt thing out of your head. and end the other unless you are in love
You should just tell him. And you don't just try to break it off with someone, you do or you don't. Telling him yourself will be a lot better than him finding out from someone else.
The first time would be one thing and actually forgivable, the second 6 months afterwords is another, it appears you actually like being used for how should we say someones release, and have no love for your husband, he is just a paycheck. You say you feel guilty yet do it again. The marriage is over, let him know and then go to your gigolo, have the decency to let him off the hook. It is the only right and decent thing to do
Honestly, I told my wife if she were ever in your situation never tell me...but as you( after 20yrs marriage) she was in the same situation, her guilt was undeniable but yet she wouldn't admit, perhaps because I told her never to, but her problem just as yours was she steal had that attraction to the other man...it eventually lead to the whole thing being discovered...knowing from the beginning and warning to never allow me to know...I couldn't continue in the marriage with her...If she could not have continued the affair and not told me...I would still have been married, not fair to me some would say , I don't think so...she is the one who would live in guilt...So what can you live with and what can you live without...can you live with guilt or can you live without your husband.
Reacting this way is destructive. First of all, Don't tell him about it ever. If he finds out ,then deal with it. But more importantly, stop seeing this guy and then decide if you want to stay with your husband, if not, then do what you need to in order to split. When we tell our partners about affairs, we are just shifting the problems from our shoulders the the other person. It's just not fair.
Here's what struck ME----
Never once, in that looong paragraph, did you ever mention ';Love';, either For your husband or FROM him.
And I feel that there lies your answer.........
Well first of all that is called Adultery and if the guilt is eating you up it should. Is the other man married ? Because honey that's all you need. Pray about it and then you will find the answer you are looking for.
First thing first, Don't tell him no matter how guilty you feel. It will only make things worse. You should get help or a divorce, because it sounds like you marriage is in the dumps. But first I would talk to him about going to see a counselor. Both should go, because it could save you marriage.
If you think that it's too late for that, then split before it get worse.
You know exactly what to do: stop sleeping with any man other than your husband. And, no, you don't have to tell your husband about the affair. It won't help, and it will certainly hurt. Go to the below website for info on how to deal with affairs and marriage:
It seems to me that wives almost always take cheaters back and husbands almost always divorce their cheating wives. So I would think about that for awhile before I make my decision to tell or not tell.
And if you just cheated the other day, I doubt you are truly regretful, it is a recurring pattern on your part.
You need to decide what you want out of life. You keep this up and the neighbors will be the one's telling him.
OK, Girl!! U totally know what U have to do and not do, if U get my drift!
U said it urself, U need to tell Ur husband, there is a 50-50 chance he will forgive U, just as U forgave him....but be prepared for whatever outcome may happen!! Who really knows why it happened the first time, when Ur husband did it, so hopefully he will be open mined enough to forgive U, however, U slipped up when U slept with the guy again!! Step back and re-evaluate what U really want in life...to try and work things out with Ur husband....or.....to explore....
Ur are both adults...all 3 of U in this case and should be able to chose what U really want to do...
God Bless and Good Luck!!
keep your mouth shut and file for divorce as soon as possible! No explanation to your soon to be ex husband is necessary, cause what you did was your business, so long as you had your affair away from home and your kids weren't present. You proved to yourself that your stock is still HOT! and that you have valid wants needs and desires. The time with your soon to be ex is history. If you want to tell your husband, write a letter, seal it, put it in a safe deposit box and state in your will upon your death that the sealed letter be given to your ex....men don't look at affairs the same way women do..to them its just sex...to women, its validation of being an attractive woman. After your divorce seek counseling for yourself, change your hairdo, get some new clothes, work out, possibly get a new job and live your life the way you were meant to...you deserve it and you don't apologize for what you feel you deserve!
End it w/ the other guy %26amp; tell him it was a mistake that happened because you felt neglected %26amp; you want to go to counciling.
A relationship can not be based on lies. When he cheated on you did he tell you or did you find out on your own? If you want to keep your marriage be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you want out of sex. Tell him what turns you on and off try new things buy a sex book. Do things that will bring back the flame in your mar rage. I hope he forgives you for cheating as you forgave him.
Ever heard the saying, ';Silence is golden.';
I doubt seriously he doesn't know,dear.
Next time you feel the urge to be honest with him, tell him something you admire about him.
Whoa sister you are in deep do do aren't you?
You are only as sick as your secrets sums it up fairly good. So the question becomes if you keep this a secret and find you can keep this from him what's to stop you from doing this again %26amp; again until you do get caught??
I don't beleive you will stop and I also think you want to have your cake %26amp; eat it too.
I think you want to have some way to rationalize this.
You should tell your husband %26amp; make plans to leave him so you can sleep with other guys. So go on and do it don't worry about the destruction %26amp; pain you'll leave behind so long as you can get what you want. Right?
Your marriage is over, but it is more convenient to stay than leave, right? You can't sleep with the other guy and you can't tell your husband you cheated. You can leave, file for divorce and then do what you want, but it is time to get up and get out and get on with the happy part of your life? Are you going to live this crap another 17 years? Tomorrow is a gift. You might not have it. Grab your self-esteem and pack it in your suitcase. It is time to call it a day.
Sorry to be so blunt and sorry for all you two have been through, but do what is right, not what is easy. You are hoping to get caught so hubby walks. Save him the pain and humiliation and call this marriage done, but please don't tell him you cheated. Just go.
Keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like both of you have infedelity issues. Your hubby shouldn't be too mad because he was doing the same thing you are. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around 10 fold.
The thing is, you don't sound happy. Perhaps you've just gotten used to being married and don't know how to live any other way. However, it's not fair to either one of you. If you don't love him (or vice versa) you two really need to split ways and move on with your lives.
You do need to tell him. He deserves to know. I realize that it's going to be difficult, but you were the one who made the decision to have an affair and the time has come to be mature about the situation and tell your hubby what has been going on. I know you said you wanted to end it with the guy, but I don't know if I really believe that. If you wanted to end it, you wouldn't have met him and had sex the other day!
first, when he called you, why did you go to him(the guy you are having an affair with)? maybe you have a little feelings for him? anyway, it is probably right that you tell your husband because if you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest with each other. tell him that you had no intentions of hurting him and dont know what got over yourself (if that's a lie, still say it to make him feeel better, lol). tell him that you dont have feelings for this guy and that you will try to forget this like he did. tell him that you are saying this because it is better for him to know from you, rather than finding out himself. remind him that you fargave him when he cheated on you. tell him how you feel about sex and what you want him to do about it. anyway, if you want to get divorced, than do it... no one is stopping you. but, tell yourself what would happen if you did break up. try to find the good reasons but also the bad reasons to see if it is worth it.
What Your Husband doesn't know won't hurt him. Was he thinking of you when he was sleeping with that other woman?End it with your husband if you aren't interested in him anymore, why prolong something that you are not happy with.
I'm not going to take up space here answering this question except to say this: You know what you should do. All that you have to do is DO IT. Guts enough to put a strange thing inside you, but not enough guts to tell your husband.....Go figure.
You should first get tested for AIDS or any other STD. Then if you are clean you might try and keep your legs closed and be true to your husband. Why hurt the guy if you want to continue your life with him. Just break it of with the guy that you don't love!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't tell your husband. He'll leave for sure. Of course, you forgave him...but women are programmed differently. We're nurturers...and usually most of us...not all, but most will give a cheating guy another chance. BUT IF YOU DO IT AND HE FINDS OUT...you can forget about it babygirl...so no...don't tell 'em...but let the other dude go. Spice up your sex life with your husband again. I guess you explored because you hooked with him at such a young age, then had a child by 18...so maybe you just tried someone else. I'm not saying it was right...but it happened...and you should let it be your past now. The other guy...is just getting off sweety. Definitely let him go. You're sleeping with him and you say you think he has feelings...doesn't matter...does he know you're married? just move on with that and if you love your husband and the family that the two of you have built...then let the extramarital affair go. good luck.I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Once someone cheats the marriage is over, how do you get over your spouse sleeping with someone other than you. Both of you will end up having trust issues and always questioning each other, this will create more problems if anything. Sometimes you just got to know when things are salvageable or you should just let go.
well lets see. he cheated on you so i think you can get away with it. eye for eye. cz if you tell him he may leave you. try to stop the other thing. and get that guilt thing out of your head. and end the other unless you are in love
You should just tell him. And you don't just try to break it off with someone, you do or you don't. Telling him yourself will be a lot better than him finding out from someone else.
The first time would be one thing and actually forgivable, the second 6 months afterwords is another, it appears you actually like being used for how should we say someones release, and have no love for your husband, he is just a paycheck. You say you feel guilty yet do it again. The marriage is over, let him know and then go to your gigolo, have the decency to let him off the hook. It is the only right and decent thing to do
Honestly, I told my wife if she were ever in your situation never tell me...but as you( after 20yrs marriage) she was in the same situation, her guilt was undeniable but yet she wouldn't admit, perhaps because I told her never to, but her problem just as yours was she steal had that attraction to the other man...it eventually lead to the whole thing being discovered...knowing from the beginning and warning to never allow me to know...I couldn't continue in the marriage with her...If she could not have continued the affair and not told me...I would still have been married, not fair to me some would say , I don't think so...she is the one who would live in guilt...So what can you live with and what can you live without...can you live with guilt or can you live without your husband.
Reacting this way is destructive. First of all, Don't tell him about it ever. If he finds out ,then deal with it. But more importantly, stop seeing this guy and then decide if you want to stay with your husband, if not, then do what you need to in order to split. When we tell our partners about affairs, we are just shifting the problems from our shoulders the the other person. It's just not fair.
Here's what struck ME----
Never once, in that looong paragraph, did you ever mention ';Love';, either For your husband or FROM him.
And I feel that there lies your answer.........
Well first of all that is called Adultery and if the guilt is eating you up it should. Is the other man married ? Because honey that's all you need. Pray about it and then you will find the answer you are looking for.
First thing first, Don't tell him no matter how guilty you feel. It will only make things worse. You should get help or a divorce, because it sounds like you marriage is in the dumps. But first I would talk to him about going to see a counselor. Both should go, because it could save you marriage.
If you think that it's too late for that, then split before it get worse.
You know exactly what to do: stop sleeping with any man other than your husband. And, no, you don't have to tell your husband about the affair. It won't help, and it will certainly hurt. Go to the below website for info on how to deal with affairs and marriage:
It seems to me that wives almost always take cheaters back and husbands almost always divorce their cheating wives. So I would think about that for awhile before I make my decision to tell or not tell.
And if you just cheated the other day, I doubt you are truly regretful, it is a recurring pattern on your part.
You need to decide what you want out of life. You keep this up and the neighbors will be the one's telling him.
OK, Girl!! U totally know what U have to do and not do, if U get my drift!
U said it urself, U need to tell Ur husband, there is a 50-50 chance he will forgive U, just as U forgave him....but be prepared for whatever outcome may happen!! Who really knows why it happened the first time, when Ur husband did it, so hopefully he will be open mined enough to forgive U, however, U slipped up when U slept with the guy again!! Step back and re-evaluate what U really want in life...to try and work things out with Ur husband....or.....to explore....
Ur are both adults...all 3 of U in this case and should be able to chose what U really want to do...
God Bless and Good Luck!!
keep your mouth shut and file for divorce as soon as possible! No explanation to your soon to be ex husband is necessary, cause what you did was your business, so long as you had your affair away from home and your kids weren't present. You proved to yourself that your stock is still HOT! and that you have valid wants needs and desires. The time with your soon to be ex is history. If you want to tell your husband, write a letter, seal it, put it in a safe deposit box and state in your will upon your death that the sealed letter be given to your ex....men don't look at affairs the same way women do..to them its just sex...to women, its validation of being an attractive woman. After your divorce seek counseling for yourself, change your hairdo, get some new clothes, work out, possibly get a new job and live your life the way you were meant to...you deserve it and you don't apologize for what you feel you deserve!
End it w/ the other guy %26amp; tell him it was a mistake that happened because you felt neglected %26amp; you want to go to counciling.
A relationship can not be based on lies. When he cheated on you did he tell you or did you find out on your own? If you want to keep your marriage be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you want out of sex. Tell him what turns you on and off try new things buy a sex book. Do things that will bring back the flame in your mar rage. I hope he forgives you for cheating as you forgave him.
Ever heard the saying, ';Silence is golden.';
I doubt seriously he doesn't know,dear.
Next time you feel the urge to be honest with him, tell him something you admire about him.
Whoa sister you are in deep do do aren't you?
You are only as sick as your secrets sums it up fairly good. So the question becomes if you keep this a secret and find you can keep this from him what's to stop you from doing this again %26amp; again until you do get caught??
I don't beleive you will stop and I also think you want to have your cake %26amp; eat it too.
I think you want to have some way to rationalize this.
You should tell your husband %26amp; make plans to leave him so you can sleep with other guys. So go on and do it don't worry about the destruction %26amp; pain you'll leave behind so long as you can get what you want. Right?
Your marriage is over, but it is more convenient to stay than leave, right? You can't sleep with the other guy and you can't tell your husband you cheated. You can leave, file for divorce and then do what you want, but it is time to get up and get out and get on with the happy part of your life? Are you going to live this crap another 17 years? Tomorrow is a gift. You might not have it. Grab your self-esteem and pack it in your suitcase. It is time to call it a day.
Sorry to be so blunt and sorry for all you two have been through, but do what is right, not what is easy. You are hoping to get caught so hubby walks. Save him the pain and humiliation and call this marriage done, but please don't tell him you cheated. Just go.
Keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like both of you have infedelity issues. Your hubby shouldn't be too mad because he was doing the same thing you are. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around 10 fold.
The thing is, you don't sound happy. Perhaps you've just gotten used to being married and don't know how to live any other way. However, it's not fair to either one of you. If you don't love him (or vice versa) you two really need to split ways and move on with your lives.
You do need to tell him. He deserves to know. I realize that it's going to be difficult, but you were the one who made the decision to have an affair and the time has come to be mature about the situation and tell your hubby what has been going on. I know you said you wanted to end it with the guy, but I don't know if I really believe that. If you wanted to end it, you wouldn't have met him and had sex the other day!
first, when he called you, why did you go to him(the guy you are having an affair with)? maybe you have a little feelings for him? anyway, it is probably right that you tell your husband because if you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest with each other. tell him that you had no intentions of hurting him and dont know what got over yourself (if that's a lie, still say it to make him feeel better, lol). tell him that you dont have feelings for this guy and that you will try to forget this like he did. tell him that you are saying this because it is better for him to know from you, rather than finding out himself. remind him that you fargave him when he cheated on you. tell him how you feel about sex and what you want him to do about it. anyway, if you want to get divorced, than do it... no one is stopping you. but, tell yourself what would happen if you did break up. try to find the good reasons but also the bad reasons to see if it is worth it.
What Your Husband doesn't know won't hurt him. Was he thinking of you when he was sleeping with that other woman?End it with your husband if you aren't interested in him anymore, why prolong something that you are not happy with.
I'm not going to take up space here answering this question except to say this: You know what you should do. All that you have to do is DO IT. Guts enough to put a strange thing inside you, but not enough guts to tell your husband.....Go figure.
You should first get tested for AIDS or any other STD. Then if you are clean you might try and keep your legs closed and be true to your husband. Why hurt the guy if you want to continue your life with him. Just break it of with the guy that you don't love!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
found out about it and asked me to stop. I tried to stop for like a day but Ive been really depressed and it was the only thing making me feel good at the time. Its only been going on for a couple of weeks. We just started marriage counseling and I feel like a complete loser. I never physically cheated on him but he says this is worse than that . He has been reading everything that I have been saying. I finally feel like I can stop. Its been like an escape for me but I realize there is no way that it would ever work out. I am afraid I may have ruined everything good that my husband and I ever had. He wasnt giving me the emotional input that I needed and we were so distant and had so many other problems going on in our lives that is why I felt the need to find the emotional stuff elsewhere. Is there any hope for our relationship. I am so ashamed of myself because I have been physically cheated on in the past and know how it feels, yet I made him feel the same way. What can I doI need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
Well you just have to stop and put your energy into your marriage. Give counseling a chance and give your husband a chance to make you happy again.I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
you feel like what you are
You can stop. You became addicted to the feeling you got from someone paying extra attention to you. Marriages do not stay new forever. If you can get that honeymoon feeling somewhere else...well...it's probably easy to get addicted to. Put the time you spent cheating online into your marriage and you will likely rekindle things with your husband. Consider getting rid of the internet.
afraid these kinds of things only go away over time, same dang slow time it takes for a fella like me wishing someone loved me and felt i was attractive, time works in funny ways,, so,, as they say in whoopie goldbergs movie,, GIVE IT TO GOD KRISPIE, GIVE IT TO GOD,,.http://www.interviewwithgod.com
Wow! this somewhat bad... What u need to do is be staright out with your husband and tell him this happened because he was neglecting you. I know what umean..... and what u are feeling at this time.... but us women also need to be taken care of by our husbands and not be neglected... What do men do when their wives dont put out? they get mad and sometimes they look somewhere else. they do what ever it takes to get by and satisfy themselves, but when we women do something similar it turns into this big deal and we are called hores and what ever.. Maybe what u did wasnt right but he needs to understand he cannot neglect his wife. We are like flowers we need sun and water to survive.
i would say that now you are even so get over it and move on unless your relationship only exist if there is drama why else would you be keeping the pass current.
Flirting can start out harmless but develop into more without you intending it to that is why you should not do it at all. What you did was cheat EMOTIONALLY and I am going through the same thing but I was on the receiving end. You must earn his trust back and both of you must communicate!!!
Stop all communication.Start being totally honest with your husband.
Keep going to counseling and hopefully he will be able to see in what ways he might have contributed to the problem. But for now, all you can do is apologize, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It takes time to rebuild trust so you are going to have to be patient.
And although he might feel bad about what you've done it isn't the same as having a physical relationship with someone. It isn't good of course, but you shouldn't feel like a complete loser. We're all human. We all make mistakes, including your husband. The only thing we can do is try to rectify what we've done, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
tell your marriage counceler what you just wrote in front of your husband because it sounds like your hubby was being neglectful somwhere and if it doesnt get resolved you might continue to seek compfort elsewhere so explain it all to your marriage counceler.
good luck and dont be to hard on yourself and dont let him play your guilt against you. no body's perfect.
wow you are bad!
Stick with going to counselling. He found out about it and asked you to stop. He didn't find out about it and say, ';I want a divorce now!'; so chances are that this is totally fixable. You'll probably have to comply with a lot of his needs to get over it, but isn't it worth it? I understand--you weren't getting what you needed emotionally so you looked elsewhere. I think you felt the flirting was totally harmless, and you're probably right. Just keep up with the counseling, explain the situation to your counselor, and maybe he/she has some suggestions. Like maybe your husband doesn't need to read all of your online transmissions with this person. That might just make things worse! Follow whatever direction the counselor gives you.
easier said than done, but just stop going to the site where he is. i kinda did the same ONE time and felt so nasty afterwords. however, this guy didn't do much talking, but rather something else. i felt sooooo bad cuz i sat there and watched him. and i don't think i ever went to that site again. for me, it was more of a ';just to check it out'; thing, not anything to do with looking for another man as i am happily married. i felt as tho i had cheated in a way, but knew that i didn't. i had actually gotten scared cuz after he done wat he did, he went crazy saying he knew i was a man watching him. i felt like he was gonna find a way to track me down. it took for ever for me to fall asleep at night cuz of the fear that he was coming after me. what my story boils down to is, leave well enough alone cuz there are crazy computer freaks out there. you NEVER know who you are talking to or wat they may do. if you make them mad, they may not come after you, but rather someone in your family...
however, the best thing for you to do is pray. ask GOD to help guide you through this matter and have trust in him. we are only human and are tempted in sooo many ways. GOD said ask and you will recieve, knock and it will be opened.. :%26gt;)
Give it to God, pray about it
Well you just have to stop and put your energy into your marriage. Give counseling a chance and give your husband a chance to make you happy again.I need some relationship advice. I sort of started flirting online with someone and I am married, my husband?
you feel like what you are
You can stop. You became addicted to the feeling you got from someone paying extra attention to you. Marriages do not stay new forever. If you can get that honeymoon feeling somewhere else...well...it's probably easy to get addicted to. Put the time you spent cheating online into your marriage and you will likely rekindle things with your husband. Consider getting rid of the internet.
afraid these kinds of things only go away over time, same dang slow time it takes for a fella like me wishing someone loved me and felt i was attractive, time works in funny ways,, so,, as they say in whoopie goldbergs movie,, GIVE IT TO GOD KRISPIE, GIVE IT TO GOD,,.http://www.interviewwithgod.com
Wow! this somewhat bad... What u need to do is be staright out with your husband and tell him this happened because he was neglecting you. I know what umean..... and what u are feeling at this time.... but us women also need to be taken care of by our husbands and not be neglected... What do men do when their wives dont put out? they get mad and sometimes they look somewhere else. they do what ever it takes to get by and satisfy themselves, but when we women do something similar it turns into this big deal and we are called hores and what ever.. Maybe what u did wasnt right but he needs to understand he cannot neglect his wife. We are like flowers we need sun and water to survive.
i would say that now you are even so get over it and move on unless your relationship only exist if there is drama why else would you be keeping the pass current.
Flirting can start out harmless but develop into more without you intending it to that is why you should not do it at all. What you did was cheat EMOTIONALLY and I am going through the same thing but I was on the receiving end. You must earn his trust back and both of you must communicate!!!
Stop all communication.Start being totally honest with your husband.
Keep going to counseling and hopefully he will be able to see in what ways he might have contributed to the problem. But for now, all you can do is apologize, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It takes time to rebuild trust so you are going to have to be patient.
And although he might feel bad about what you've done it isn't the same as having a physical relationship with someone. It isn't good of course, but you shouldn't feel like a complete loser. We're all human. We all make mistakes, including your husband. The only thing we can do is try to rectify what we've done, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
tell your marriage counceler what you just wrote in front of your husband because it sounds like your hubby was being neglectful somwhere and if it doesnt get resolved you might continue to seek compfort elsewhere so explain it all to your marriage counceler.
good luck and dont be to hard on yourself and dont let him play your guilt against you. no body's perfect.
wow you are bad!
Stick with going to counselling. He found out about it and asked you to stop. He didn't find out about it and say, ';I want a divorce now!'; so chances are that this is totally fixable. You'll probably have to comply with a lot of his needs to get over it, but isn't it worth it? I understand--you weren't getting what you needed emotionally so you looked elsewhere. I think you felt the flirting was totally harmless, and you're probably right. Just keep up with the counseling, explain the situation to your counselor, and maybe he/she has some suggestions. Like maybe your husband doesn't need to read all of your online transmissions with this person. That might just make things worse! Follow whatever direction the counselor gives you.
easier said than done, but just stop going to the site where he is. i kinda did the same ONE time and felt so nasty afterwords. however, this guy didn't do much talking, but rather something else. i felt sooooo bad cuz i sat there and watched him. and i don't think i ever went to that site again. for me, it was more of a ';just to check it out'; thing, not anything to do with looking for another man as i am happily married. i felt as tho i had cheated in a way, but knew that i didn't. i had actually gotten scared cuz after he done wat he did, he went crazy saying he knew i was a man watching him. i felt like he was gonna find a way to track me down. it took for ever for me to fall asleep at night cuz of the fear that he was coming after me. what my story boils down to is, leave well enough alone cuz there are crazy computer freaks out there. you NEVER know who you are talking to or wat they may do. if you make them mad, they may not come after you, but rather someone in your family...
however, the best thing for you to do is pray. ask GOD to help guide you through this matter and have trust in him. we are only human and are tempted in sooo many ways. GOD said ask and you will recieve, knock and it will be opened.. :%26gt;)
Give it to God, pray about it
I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Its going on 17 years together and it hasnt always been good. For many years I tried to get out of the marriege. I got married and became a mother at 18. Anyway, 2 years ago, things were bad and I found out that my husband was having an affair. Since then I forgave him and moved on and we have been doing okay. For the past several months, Our sex life has been very routine or nothing. As a result, I became curious and I began a sexual relationship with another man. It lasted for about 4 months. I dont have feelings for the guy but I think that this guy has feelings for me. My husband has no idea that I did anything. The guilt of my cheating is killing me and I want to tell him, but I dont know how. I know that it will hurt him alot and I know that one day I will have to tell him. If you was in my shoes, what would you do? I tried to end the relationship with the other guy. We havent been together for about 6 months. But, just the other day, he called and I saw him and we slept togetherI need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Don't tell your husband. He'll leave for sure. Of course, you forgave him...but women are programmed differently. We're nurturers...and usually most of us...not all, but most will give a cheating guy another chance. BUT IF YOU DO IT AND HE FINDS OUT...you can forget about it babygirl...so no...don't tell 'em...but let the other dude go. Spice up your sex life with your husband again. I guess you explored because you hooked with him at such a young age, then had a child by 18...so maybe you just tried someone else. I'm not saying it was right...but it happened...and you should let it be your past now. The other guy...is just getting off sweety. Definitely let him go. You're sleeping with him and you say you think he has feelings...doesn't matter...does he know you're married? just move on with that and if you love your husband and the family that the two of you have built...then let the extramarital affair go. good luck.I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Once someone cheats the marriage is over, how do you get over your spouse sleeping with someone other than you. Both of you will end up having trust issues and always questioning each other, this will create more problems if anything. Sometimes you just got to know when things are salvageable or you should just let go.
well lets see. he cheated on you so i think you can get away with it. eye for eye. cz if you tell him he may leave you. try to stop the other thing. and get that guilt thing out of your head. and end the other unless you are in love
You should just tell him. And you don't just try to break it off with someone, you do or you don't. Telling him yourself will be a lot better than him finding out from someone else.
The first time would be one thing and actually forgivable, the second 6 months afterwords is another, it appears you actually like being used for how should we say someones release, and have no love for your husband, he is just a paycheck. You say you feel guilty yet do it again. The marriage is over, let him know and then go to your gigolo, have the decency to let him off the hook. It is the only right and decent thing to do
Honestly, I told my wife if she were ever in your situation never tell me...but as you( after 20yrs marriage) she was in the same situation, her guilt was undeniable but yet she wouldn't admit, perhaps because I told her never to, but her problem just as yours was she steal had that attraction to the other man...it eventually lead to the whole thing being discovered...knowing from the beginning and warning to never allow me to know...I couldn't continue in the marriage with her...If she could not have continued the affair and not told me...I would still have been married, not fair to me some would say , I don't think so...she is the one who would live in guilt...So what can you live with and what can you live without...can you live with guilt or can you live without your husband.
Reacting this way is destructive. First of all, Don't tell him about it ever. If he finds out ,then deal with it. But more importantly, stop seeing this guy and then decide if you want to stay with your husband, if not, then do what you need to in order to split. When we tell our partners about affairs, we are just shifting the problems from our shoulders the the other person. It's just not fair.
Here's what struck ME----
Never once, in that looong paragraph, did you ever mention ';Love';, either For your husband or FROM him.
And I feel that there lies your answer.........
Well first of all that is called Adultery and if the guilt is eating you up it should. Is the other man married ? Because honey that's all you need. Pray about it and then you will find the answer you are looking for.
First thing first, Don't tell him no matter how guilty you feel. It will only make things worse. You should get help or a divorce, because it sounds like you marriage is in the dumps. But first I would talk to him about going to see a counselor. Both should go, because it could save you marriage.
If you think that it's too late for that, then split before it get worse.
You know exactly what to do: stop sleeping with any man other than your husband. And, no, you don't have to tell your husband about the affair. It won't help, and it will certainly hurt. Go to the below website for info on how to deal with affairs and marriage:
It seems to me that wives almost always take cheaters back and husbands almost always divorce their cheating wives. So I would think about that for awhile before I make my decision to tell or not tell.
And if you just cheated the other day, I doubt you are truly regretful, it is a recurring pattern on your part.
You need to decide what you want out of life. You keep this up and the neighbors will be the one's telling him.
OK, Girl!! U totally know what U have to do and not do, if U get my drift!
U said it urself, U need to tell Ur husband, there is a 50-50 chance he will forgive U, just as U forgave him....but be prepared for whatever outcome may happen!! Who really knows why it happened the first time, when Ur husband did it, so hopefully he will be open mined enough to forgive U, however, U slipped up when U slept with the guy again!! Step back and re-evaluate what U really want in life...to try and work things out with Ur husband....or.....to explore....
Ur are both adults...all 3 of U in this case and should be able to chose what U really want to do...
God Bless and Good Luck!!
keep your mouth shut and file for divorce as soon as possible! No explanation to your soon to be ex husband is necessary, cause what you did was your business, so long as you had your affair away from home and your kids weren't present. You proved to yourself that your stock is still HOT! and that you have valid wants needs and desires. The time with your soon to be ex is history. If you want to tell your husband, write a letter, seal it, put it in a safe deposit box and state in your will upon your death that the sealed letter be given to your ex....men don't look at affairs the same way women do..to them its just sex...to women, its validation of being an attractive woman. After your divorce seek counseling for yourself, change your hairdo, get some new clothes, work out, possibly get a new job and live your life the way you were meant to...you deserve it and you don't apologize for what you feel you deserve!
End it w/ the other guy %26amp; tell him it was a mistake that happened because you felt neglected %26amp; you want to go to counciling.
A relationship can not be based on lies. When he cheated on you did he tell you or did you find out on your own? If you want to keep your marriage be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you want out of sex. Tell him what turns you on and off try new things buy a sex book. Do things that will bring back the flame in your mar rage. I hope he forgives you for cheating as you forgave him.
Ever heard the saying, ';Silence is golden.';
I doubt seriously he doesn't know,dear.
Next time you feel the urge to be honest with him, tell him something you admire about him.
Whoa sister you are in deep do do aren't you?
You are only as sick as your secrets sums it up fairly good. So the question becomes if you keep this a secret and find you can keep this from him what's to stop you from doing this again %26amp; again until you do get caught??
I don't beleive you will stop and I also think you want to have your cake %26amp; eat it too.
I think you want to have some way to rationalize this.
You should tell your husband %26amp; make plans to leave him so you can sleep with other guys. So go on and do it don't worry about the destruction %26amp; pain you'll leave behind so long as you can get what you want. Right?
Your marriage is over, but it is more convenient to stay than leave, right? You can't sleep with the other guy and you can't tell your husband you cheated. You can leave, file for divorce and then do what you want, but it is time to get up and get out and get on with the happy part of your life? Are you going to live this crap another 17 years? Tomorrow is a gift. You might not have it. Grab your self-esteem and pack it in your suitcase. It is time to call it a day.
Sorry to be so blunt and sorry for all you two have been through, but do what is right, not what is easy. You are hoping to get caught so hubby walks. Save him the pain and humiliation and call this marriage done, but please don't tell him you cheated. Just go.
Keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like both of you have infedelity issues. Your hubby shouldn't be too mad because he was doing the same thing you are. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around 10 fold.
The thing is, you don't sound happy. Perhaps you've just gotten used to being married and don't know how to live any other way. However, it's not fair to either one of you. If you don't love him (or vice versa) you two really need to split ways and move on with your lives.
You do need to tell him. He deserves to know. I realize that it's going to be difficult, but you were the one who made the decision to have an affair and the time has come to be mature about the situation and tell your hubby what has been going on. I know you said you wanted to end it with the guy, but I don't know if I really believe that. If you wanted to end it, you wouldn't have met him and had sex the other day!
first, when he called you, why did you go to him(the guy you are having an affair with)? maybe you have a little feelings for him? anyway, it is probably right that you tell your husband because if you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest with each other. tell him that you had no intentions of hurting him and dont know what got over yourself (if that's a lie, still say it to make him feeel better, lol). tell him that you dont have feelings for this guy and that you will try to forget this like he did. tell him that you are saying this because it is better for him to know from you, rather than finding out himself. remind him that you fargave him when he cheated on you. tell him how you feel about sex and what you want him to do about it. anyway, if you want to get divorced, than do it... no one is stopping you. but, tell yourself what would happen if you did break up. try to find the good reasons but also the bad reasons to see if it is worth it.
What Your Husband doesn't know won't hurt him. Was he thinking of you when he was sleeping with that other woman?End it with your husband if you aren't interested in him anymore, why prolong something that you are not happy with.
I'm not going to take up space here answering this question except to say this: You know what you should do. All that you have to do is DO IT. Guts enough to put a strange thing inside you, but not enough guts to tell your husband.....Go figure.
You should first get tested for AIDS or any other STD. Then if you are clean you might try and keep your legs closed and be true to your husband. Why hurt the guy if you want to continue your life with him. Just break it of with the guy that you don't love!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't tell your husband. He'll leave for sure. Of course, you forgave him...but women are programmed differently. We're nurturers...and usually most of us...not all, but most will give a cheating guy another chance. BUT IF YOU DO IT AND HE FINDS OUT...you can forget about it babygirl...so no...don't tell 'em...but let the other dude go. Spice up your sex life with your husband again. I guess you explored because you hooked with him at such a young age, then had a child by 18...so maybe you just tried someone else. I'm not saying it was right...but it happened...and you should let it be your past now. The other guy...is just getting off sweety. Definitely let him go. You're sleeping with him and you say you think he has feelings...doesn't matter...does he know you're married? just move on with that and if you love your husband and the family that the two of you have built...then let the extramarital affair go. good luck.I need some advice... Im a married woman with 2 kids.. my husband and I have been together since we were 16...
Once someone cheats the marriage is over, how do you get over your spouse sleeping with someone other than you. Both of you will end up having trust issues and always questioning each other, this will create more problems if anything. Sometimes you just got to know when things are salvageable or you should just let go.
well lets see. he cheated on you so i think you can get away with it. eye for eye. cz if you tell him he may leave you. try to stop the other thing. and get that guilt thing out of your head. and end the other unless you are in love
You should just tell him. And you don't just try to break it off with someone, you do or you don't. Telling him yourself will be a lot better than him finding out from someone else.
The first time would be one thing and actually forgivable, the second 6 months afterwords is another, it appears you actually like being used for how should we say someones release, and have no love for your husband, he is just a paycheck. You say you feel guilty yet do it again. The marriage is over, let him know and then go to your gigolo, have the decency to let him off the hook. It is the only right and decent thing to do
Honestly, I told my wife if she were ever in your situation never tell me...but as you( after 20yrs marriage) she was in the same situation, her guilt was undeniable but yet she wouldn't admit, perhaps because I told her never to, but her problem just as yours was she steal had that attraction to the other man...it eventually lead to the whole thing being discovered...knowing from the beginning and warning to never allow me to know...I couldn't continue in the marriage with her...If she could not have continued the affair and not told me...I would still have been married, not fair to me some would say , I don't think so...she is the one who would live in guilt...So what can you live with and what can you live without...can you live with guilt or can you live without your husband.
Reacting this way is destructive. First of all, Don't tell him about it ever. If he finds out ,then deal with it. But more importantly, stop seeing this guy and then decide if you want to stay with your husband, if not, then do what you need to in order to split. When we tell our partners about affairs, we are just shifting the problems from our shoulders the the other person. It's just not fair.
Here's what struck ME----
Never once, in that looong paragraph, did you ever mention ';Love';, either For your husband or FROM him.
And I feel that there lies your answer.........
Well first of all that is called Adultery and if the guilt is eating you up it should. Is the other man married ? Because honey that's all you need. Pray about it and then you will find the answer you are looking for.
First thing first, Don't tell him no matter how guilty you feel. It will only make things worse. You should get help or a divorce, because it sounds like you marriage is in the dumps. But first I would talk to him about going to see a counselor. Both should go, because it could save you marriage.
If you think that it's too late for that, then split before it get worse.
You know exactly what to do: stop sleeping with any man other than your husband. And, no, you don't have to tell your husband about the affair. It won't help, and it will certainly hurt. Go to the below website for info on how to deal with affairs and marriage:
It seems to me that wives almost always take cheaters back and husbands almost always divorce their cheating wives. So I would think about that for awhile before I make my decision to tell or not tell.
And if you just cheated the other day, I doubt you are truly regretful, it is a recurring pattern on your part.
You need to decide what you want out of life. You keep this up and the neighbors will be the one's telling him.
OK, Girl!! U totally know what U have to do and not do, if U get my drift!
U said it urself, U need to tell Ur husband, there is a 50-50 chance he will forgive U, just as U forgave him....but be prepared for whatever outcome may happen!! Who really knows why it happened the first time, when Ur husband did it, so hopefully he will be open mined enough to forgive U, however, U slipped up when U slept with the guy again!! Step back and re-evaluate what U really want in life...to try and work things out with Ur husband....or.....to explore....
Ur are both adults...all 3 of U in this case and should be able to chose what U really want to do...
God Bless and Good Luck!!
keep your mouth shut and file for divorce as soon as possible! No explanation to your soon to be ex husband is necessary, cause what you did was your business, so long as you had your affair away from home and your kids weren't present. You proved to yourself that your stock is still HOT! and that you have valid wants needs and desires. The time with your soon to be ex is history. If you want to tell your husband, write a letter, seal it, put it in a safe deposit box and state in your will upon your death that the sealed letter be given to your ex....men don't look at affairs the same way women do..to them its just sex...to women, its validation of being an attractive woman. After your divorce seek counseling for yourself, change your hairdo, get some new clothes, work out, possibly get a new job and live your life the way you were meant to...you deserve it and you don't apologize for what you feel you deserve!
End it w/ the other guy %26amp; tell him it was a mistake that happened because you felt neglected %26amp; you want to go to counciling.
A relationship can not be based on lies. When he cheated on you did he tell you or did you find out on your own? If you want to keep your marriage be honest with your feelings. Tell him what you want out of sex. Tell him what turns you on and off try new things buy a sex book. Do things that will bring back the flame in your mar rage. I hope he forgives you for cheating as you forgave him.
Ever heard the saying, ';Silence is golden.';
I doubt seriously he doesn't know,dear.
Next time you feel the urge to be honest with him, tell him something you admire about him.
Whoa sister you are in deep do do aren't you?
You are only as sick as your secrets sums it up fairly good. So the question becomes if you keep this a secret and find you can keep this from him what's to stop you from doing this again %26amp; again until you do get caught??
I don't beleive you will stop and I also think you want to have your cake %26amp; eat it too.
I think you want to have some way to rationalize this.
You should tell your husband %26amp; make plans to leave him so you can sleep with other guys. So go on and do it don't worry about the destruction %26amp; pain you'll leave behind so long as you can get what you want. Right?
Your marriage is over, but it is more convenient to stay than leave, right? You can't sleep with the other guy and you can't tell your husband you cheated. You can leave, file for divorce and then do what you want, but it is time to get up and get out and get on with the happy part of your life? Are you going to live this crap another 17 years? Tomorrow is a gift. You might not have it. Grab your self-esteem and pack it in your suitcase. It is time to call it a day.
Sorry to be so blunt and sorry for all you two have been through, but do what is right, not what is easy. You are hoping to get caught so hubby walks. Save him the pain and humiliation and call this marriage done, but please don't tell him you cheated. Just go.
Keep your mouth shut.
It sounds like both of you have infedelity issues. Your hubby shouldn't be too mad because he was doing the same thing you are. You know what they say, what goes around, comes around 10 fold.
The thing is, you don't sound happy. Perhaps you've just gotten used to being married and don't know how to live any other way. However, it's not fair to either one of you. If you don't love him (or vice versa) you two really need to split ways and move on with your lives.
You do need to tell him. He deserves to know. I realize that it's going to be difficult, but you were the one who made the decision to have an affair and the time has come to be mature about the situation and tell your hubby what has been going on. I know you said you wanted to end it with the guy, but I don't know if I really believe that. If you wanted to end it, you wouldn't have met him and had sex the other day!
first, when he called you, why did you go to him(the guy you are having an affair with)? maybe you have a little feelings for him? anyway, it is probably right that you tell your husband because if you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest with each other. tell him that you had no intentions of hurting him and dont know what got over yourself (if that's a lie, still say it to make him feeel better, lol). tell him that you dont have feelings for this guy and that you will try to forget this like he did. tell him that you are saying this because it is better for him to know from you, rather than finding out himself. remind him that you fargave him when he cheated on you. tell him how you feel about sex and what you want him to do about it. anyway, if you want to get divorced, than do it... no one is stopping you. but, tell yourself what would happen if you did break up. try to find the good reasons but also the bad reasons to see if it is worth it.
What Your Husband doesn't know won't hurt him. Was he thinking of you when he was sleeping with that other woman?End it with your husband if you aren't interested in him anymore, why prolong something that you are not happy with.
I'm not going to take up space here answering this question except to say this: You know what you should do. All that you have to do is DO IT. Guts enough to put a strange thing inside you, but not enough guts to tell your husband.....Go figure.
You should first get tested for AIDS or any other STD. Then if you are clean you might try and keep your legs closed and be true to your husband. Why hurt the guy if you want to continue your life with him. Just break it of with the guy that you don't love!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need advice about infidelity....Scenario - A wife finds out that her husband has been calling another woman?
When the wife finds out who it is she realizes that there is no reason for her husband to be talking with this woman. She lives in the same area but is married and the husband and wife are not social friends with this other woman and her husband. So the wife researches how long the calls go back and thinks they only go back six months. The wife confronts the husband and when the wife says this woman's name the husband looks like he has seen a ghost. The husband tells the wife that it's not her - it's a friend of hers and they go through this woman to talk to one another. The husband confesses it has been going on for two years......the wife is dumbfounded. After researching phone records, the wife only finds the woman that lives near by on the husbands records - for the past two years on and off. The husband says he doesn't know where this woman's friend lives or works and doesn't think she is married - the wife concludes that the affair is with the woman nearby - do you agree?I need advice about infidelity....Scenario - A wife finds out that her husband has been calling another woman?
What difference does it make? He already admitted to cheating.I need advice about infidelity....Scenario - A wife finds out that her husband has been calling another woman?
He's probably cheating with both women. Either way I wouldnt trust him ever again.
Bingo!
100%!
Of course.
Open your eyes, girl.
i agree and i recently found out the same thing happened to me.
YES YES YES
Does it matter where she is. Your hubby cheats.
Well we all know that we pray for ou that he is not cheating honey but unfortunatly it sounds like he is. MEN SUCK!
one wants to stop, the other manipulates her because she's scared...one knows he's married, the other doesn't.....
the innocent one catches the heat....
agreed...
Makes no difference where the whore lives....the stinking husband is cheating!
I'm sorry for the wife but yes he's cheating but I think the so-called 2nd woman is probably not real. He may bring up this other woman so the wife won't confront the neighbor.
I don't believe in divorce but the woman has to decide whether it's worth staying in the marriage. Maybe try to resolve (therapy/counslg) the sitch but she needs to find out if this man wants to stay with her.
cheat-to-the-ing
srry, but his doing u wrong
CHEATER 100%
I would agree that it's none of your business. If you snoop on him and feel you own him, than it's quite clear why he would be looking elsewhere for real love and appreciation. Get over it or have a peaceful divorce. He's obviously not satisfied by you and you obviously want a puppy more than a partner.
TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Yep!
Disrespectful, unloyal JERK he's being for sure!
He is cheating...plain and simple. He was caught and now it the next step rests with the spouse....work it out or divorce.
Regardless of who it is, he is unfaithful. She should put a stop to it immediately or file for a divorce.
what does it matter who it was with..the whole consept is there is something goin on with another freakin woman...
yes and maybe .
yes -wants to keep her husband out of it . and also did he give you the other women's name .
maybe -ask the other woman .
what difference does it make , he cheated on you , can you ever trust him again.
the question is. what now ?
hes cheating for sure
Well, going 'through' this other woman for so long just doesn't make sense. Why involve someone else. Sounds like he is trying to throw you off track to protect this woman. Don't let the fact that this woman is married through her off, she is cheating also.
I suggest that the wife follow her 'gut' on this one. The husband needs to be willing to stop all contact with this (or both) women and commit to the marriage. That means ending the relationships completely and sending a letter approved by the wife to the involved parties stating that he is committing to his marriage and will no longer be in any contact with her. Short and to the point. The wife should send the letter.
Find a good support group with experience with infidelity. It will really help. A counselor certified in couples counseling will be helpful, but often, you have to try more than one to find one that works for you.
Walks like a duck, sounds like a duck.. His goose is cooked!
yep, I'd say the woman near by.. Too much deflecting to be truth.. it Sounds fishy.. I'm firm believer , go with your instinct.. if it smells rotten, it is.. Never been wrong doing so.. First impressions work in marriages and lies told in ..
A relationship at any level, can not truly grow out of lies and deceit. Especially a marriage.. The foundation there of trust must always be firm..
So sorry to hear this, i know what it feels like..
If you have children try and keep them out of knowing any thing if possible.. taking sides isn't healthy.
decide in your own heart what and where you want to go on from here.. and, then do it. Build your self esteem in volunteer work, i found that the best healer, especially in areas of hospital or disaster work.. Get a job if you don't have..and become self sufficient.. It will help you have dignity to rise above it. You took a great leap of courage in confronting him, you can do the rest if choose too.
the wife needs to get her own life and move outmakeup help
What difference does it make? He already admitted to cheating.I need advice about infidelity....Scenario - A wife finds out that her husband has been calling another woman?
He's probably cheating with both women. Either way I wouldnt trust him ever again.
Bingo!
100%!
Of course.
Open your eyes, girl.
i agree and i recently found out the same thing happened to me.
YES YES YES
Does it matter where she is. Your hubby cheats.
Well we all know that we pray for ou that he is not cheating honey but unfortunatly it sounds like he is. MEN SUCK!
one wants to stop, the other manipulates her because she's scared...one knows he's married, the other doesn't.....
the innocent one catches the heat....
agreed...
Makes no difference where the whore lives....the stinking husband is cheating!
I'm sorry for the wife but yes he's cheating but I think the so-called 2nd woman is probably not real. He may bring up this other woman so the wife won't confront the neighbor.
I don't believe in divorce but the woman has to decide whether it's worth staying in the marriage. Maybe try to resolve (therapy/counslg) the sitch but she needs to find out if this man wants to stay with her.
cheat-to-the-ing
srry, but his doing u wrong
CHEATER 100%
I would agree that it's none of your business. If you snoop on him and feel you own him, than it's quite clear why he would be looking elsewhere for real love and appreciation. Get over it or have a peaceful divorce. He's obviously not satisfied by you and you obviously want a puppy more than a partner.
TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Yep!
Disrespectful, unloyal JERK he's being for sure!
He is cheating...plain and simple. He was caught and now it the next step rests with the spouse....work it out or divorce.
Regardless of who it is, he is unfaithful. She should put a stop to it immediately or file for a divorce.
what does it matter who it was with..the whole consept is there is something goin on with another freakin woman...
yes and maybe .
yes -wants to keep her husband out of it . and also did he give you the other women's name .
maybe -ask the other woman .
what difference does it make , he cheated on you , can you ever trust him again.
the question is. what now ?
hes cheating for sure
Well, going 'through' this other woman for so long just doesn't make sense. Why involve someone else. Sounds like he is trying to throw you off track to protect this woman. Don't let the fact that this woman is married through her off, she is cheating also.
I suggest that the wife follow her 'gut' on this one. The husband needs to be willing to stop all contact with this (or both) women and commit to the marriage. That means ending the relationships completely and sending a letter approved by the wife to the involved parties stating that he is committing to his marriage and will no longer be in any contact with her. Short and to the point. The wife should send the letter.
Find a good support group with experience with infidelity. It will really help. A counselor certified in couples counseling will be helpful, but often, you have to try more than one to find one that works for you.
Walks like a duck, sounds like a duck.. His goose is cooked!
yep, I'd say the woman near by.. Too much deflecting to be truth.. it Sounds fishy.. I'm firm believer , go with your instinct.. if it smells rotten, it is.. Never been wrong doing so.. First impressions work in marriages and lies told in ..
A relationship at any level, can not truly grow out of lies and deceit. Especially a marriage.. The foundation there of trust must always be firm..
So sorry to hear this, i know what it feels like..
If you have children try and keep them out of knowing any thing if possible.. taking sides isn't healthy.
decide in your own heart what and where you want to go on from here.. and, then do it. Build your self esteem in volunteer work, i found that the best healer, especially in areas of hospital or disaster work.. Get a job if you don't have..and become self sufficient.. It will help you have dignity to rise above it. You took a great leap of courage in confronting him, you can do the rest if choose too.
the wife needs to get her own life and move out
My husband of nine years has suddenly changed...desperate for mature advice!?
my hubby recently got together with a longtime female friend.... i tried hard and went all out to be friendly but to no avail... so now my hubby is invited to their group outings and i am mostly left out in the cold.... she is married and hubby is away for long periods so she is as free a a bird..i feel very insulted and am having constant fights over this...my husband doesnt agree that it is impolite and insulting to me..and they are his friends so i shouldnt bother!!!THOUGH I M INCREDIBLY SURE THERES NO AFFAIR HAPPENING... do you guys think i m overreacting.????My husband of nine years has suddenly changed...desperate for mature advice!?
I understand where you are coming from. Your husband should go out of his way to make you comfortable with all this.My husband of nine years has suddenly changed...desperate for mature advice!?
He's doing her
if there's no affair, then you should not be worried. take up a hobby, or go out with your friends. being married does not mean that the two of you need to spend all your leisure time together.
that being said: if it bothers you, for any reason, and your husband is aware that the situation bothers you, he should do whatever is necessary to make you feel okay with it.
No I wouldn't have it.
No, you are not over-reacting. Trust your instincts. He should not go with out you. YOU are his wife, and the respect belongs to you. It is not fair to leave you out, and this woman has her eyes on your husband. I would be panicked also. Best wishes.
You are not overreacting. Your husband is acting like a idiot. She sound like a whore in heat and your husband is not much better. Anyone who invites a husband without his wife is up to no good unless it is all boys night. Why don't you start going out and don't tell your husband where you are going, constantly mention one guys name even if you have to make it up tell him you don't mind him spending time with her and smile then go out again. I guarantee he will start trying to spend more time with you. One night as you leave turn to him and say ';honey you know you can trust me right?'; Then leave and don't come home until 4am. Even if you have to stay at a friends house while pretending not to be there.
Sorry to say but no i do not think you are overreacting.... and I would not be so sure to say that there is not an affair happening. How do you know this? If your husband truely loved you he would never ever leave you out in the cold to go and spend time with anyone else. I am sorry to say this but I think you should look into matters further. Good luck to you.
I dont think that you are overreacting, what I dont understand is why cant you go with him and this lady friend on these outings? I am glad that you trust your husband but you also need to be pratical.I think your husband shouldnt be spending a large amount of time with any other woman that in itself can cause major problems. Just keep your eyes and ears open...good luck to you
How would he react if a longtime male friend asked you out but never invited him along? My husband has female friends but he will NEVER go out with them without me around.
No! I don't think you are over reacting. He is married to you, and therefore, if he goes somewhere, you ought to be included. If he can't take you, then he has no business going there himself.....I smell trouble brewing with this ';longtime friend';.....female, husband away for long periods of time....TROUBLE!!!, with all capital letters. If he values you as his wife, and his marriage, he needs to stop this immediately.....before MORE damage is done! Good Luck!!
I think if you trust your husband you should quit arguing about this issue......Yes I think you may be over reacting a bit....It is rude of your husband to pay little to no attention to your feelings if you have expressed them to you....this may be a new and exciting experience for him....He may just be ';caught up in the moment';, if you will....Just be there for him and he will be back to his old self as soon as the ';new'; wears off....Don't isolate him or push him away....Just be there for him and make sure you tell him and show him how much you love him everyday.
There is a reason that he does not want you along on their outings. Have you ever been invited? If not, that alone would make me wonder.
How often do they get together? Several times a week? Once a month? If this outing thing is constant (Several times a week...that would make me wonder. ) if it is only monthly...that wouldn't be as suspicious.
Do you still make love, does he still tell you he loves you? Is he spending alot of money on these outings or working overtime or have any other time unaccounted for?
If he loves you, he would a the very LEAST invite you. If he HAS invited you and you've said no, then please take a fresh look at saying yes next time. If you are suspicious, you should make all attempts to go with the group. Be fun and energetic and non-accusing. If you can't get him to agree to you going....hire a PI one night to follow them to get the inside scoop on how your husband and this woman are acting towards one another without you there. If they are having an affair, then his other friends would never tell you.
I hope the best for you
Good luck.
husband taking u for granted.Try this for a while--dont pay attention to whatever he does and says.Ignore his laundery and food,and be lax at taking care of his calls.Keep urself busy with ur priorities and outings.See what happens.
you are not over reacting..
Maybe no affair now but it is probably on the way...
Tell him to break it off or else...
And if he wants to know what ';or else'; means,
tell him it means ';DIVORCE';...
You are not going to tolerate another woman in your marriage...
No matter how good a friend she has been, I would never go anywhere with them if my wife wasn't invited. I just think that is so wrong. Under no circumstances would I ever do anything that would give my wife reason to wonder.
Do you trust your husband? If yes, then I think it is good for the two of you to have different outside interests and friends. If you need your husband to be your whole life, then I think that is excessive. But, it can work for some couples.
Bottomline, if there is no affair happening, then you might be overreacting. You have already started the interactions trying to be friendly. The ';trying to be friendly'; shows that you started off being jealous and controlling. Let go of the jealousy. Consider that if you love your husband, then you should want his happiness. And, it sounds like he likes this group.
You're not overreacting. My boyfriend feels the same way about me and my friends. Find yourself a group of friends and do your own going out. Have fun. Life is to short to sweat the little stuff. Although he should spend time with you as well. He shouldn't put you on the back burner for his friends. But be thankful there is no affair.
This found friend needs her azz kicked if she is inviting him and not you. That is complete rudeness on her part.
Your husband needs to change his habits back to what they were before the old friend showed up in your marriage.
IT IS your right to be involved, so tell that scum sucking husband of yours to BITE YOU!!
Go to this betch and tell her you do not like any of it either.
IF it continues, I'd be sending him to live with her.
He does not see your point he clearly can't empathise with you. So what you need to do is show him. Find a guy from your past and start hanging with him with out inviting your husband. Then you'll see how quikly he gets it.
I understand where you are coming from. Your husband should go out of his way to make you comfortable with all this.My husband of nine years has suddenly changed...desperate for mature advice!?
He's doing her
if there's no affair, then you should not be worried. take up a hobby, or go out with your friends. being married does not mean that the two of you need to spend all your leisure time together.
that being said: if it bothers you, for any reason, and your husband is aware that the situation bothers you, he should do whatever is necessary to make you feel okay with it.
No I wouldn't have it.
No, you are not over-reacting. Trust your instincts. He should not go with out you. YOU are his wife, and the respect belongs to you. It is not fair to leave you out, and this woman has her eyes on your husband. I would be panicked also. Best wishes.
You are not overreacting. Your husband is acting like a idiot. She sound like a whore in heat and your husband is not much better. Anyone who invites a husband without his wife is up to no good unless it is all boys night. Why don't you start going out and don't tell your husband where you are going, constantly mention one guys name even if you have to make it up tell him you don't mind him spending time with her and smile then go out again. I guarantee he will start trying to spend more time with you. One night as you leave turn to him and say ';honey you know you can trust me right?'; Then leave and don't come home until 4am. Even if you have to stay at a friends house while pretending not to be there.
Sorry to say but no i do not think you are overreacting.... and I would not be so sure to say that there is not an affair happening. How do you know this? If your husband truely loved you he would never ever leave you out in the cold to go and spend time with anyone else. I am sorry to say this but I think you should look into matters further. Good luck to you.
I dont think that you are overreacting, what I dont understand is why cant you go with him and this lady friend on these outings? I am glad that you trust your husband but you also need to be pratical.I think your husband shouldnt be spending a large amount of time with any other woman that in itself can cause major problems. Just keep your eyes and ears open...good luck to you
How would he react if a longtime male friend asked you out but never invited him along? My husband has female friends but he will NEVER go out with them without me around.
No! I don't think you are over reacting. He is married to you, and therefore, if he goes somewhere, you ought to be included. If he can't take you, then he has no business going there himself.....I smell trouble brewing with this ';longtime friend';.....female, husband away for long periods of time....TROUBLE!!!, with all capital letters. If he values you as his wife, and his marriage, he needs to stop this immediately.....before MORE damage is done! Good Luck!!
I think if you trust your husband you should quit arguing about this issue......Yes I think you may be over reacting a bit....It is rude of your husband to pay little to no attention to your feelings if you have expressed them to you....this may be a new and exciting experience for him....He may just be ';caught up in the moment';, if you will....Just be there for him and he will be back to his old self as soon as the ';new'; wears off....Don't isolate him or push him away....Just be there for him and make sure you tell him and show him how much you love him everyday.
There is a reason that he does not want you along on their outings. Have you ever been invited? If not, that alone would make me wonder.
How often do they get together? Several times a week? Once a month? If this outing thing is constant (Several times a week...that would make me wonder. ) if it is only monthly...that wouldn't be as suspicious.
Do you still make love, does he still tell you he loves you? Is he spending alot of money on these outings or working overtime or have any other time unaccounted for?
If he loves you, he would a the very LEAST invite you. If he HAS invited you and you've said no, then please take a fresh look at saying yes next time. If you are suspicious, you should make all attempts to go with the group. Be fun and energetic and non-accusing. If you can't get him to agree to you going....hire a PI one night to follow them to get the inside scoop on how your husband and this woman are acting towards one another without you there. If they are having an affair, then his other friends would never tell you.
I hope the best for you
Good luck.
husband taking u for granted.Try this for a while--dont pay attention to whatever he does and says.Ignore his laundery and food,and be lax at taking care of his calls.Keep urself busy with ur priorities and outings.See what happens.
you are not over reacting..
Maybe no affair now but it is probably on the way...
Tell him to break it off or else...
And if he wants to know what ';or else'; means,
tell him it means ';DIVORCE';...
You are not going to tolerate another woman in your marriage...
No matter how good a friend she has been, I would never go anywhere with them if my wife wasn't invited. I just think that is so wrong. Under no circumstances would I ever do anything that would give my wife reason to wonder.
Do you trust your husband? If yes, then I think it is good for the two of you to have different outside interests and friends. If you need your husband to be your whole life, then I think that is excessive. But, it can work for some couples.
Bottomline, if there is no affair happening, then you might be overreacting. You have already started the interactions trying to be friendly. The ';trying to be friendly'; shows that you started off being jealous and controlling. Let go of the jealousy. Consider that if you love your husband, then you should want his happiness. And, it sounds like he likes this group.
You're not overreacting. My boyfriend feels the same way about me and my friends. Find yourself a group of friends and do your own going out. Have fun. Life is to short to sweat the little stuff. Although he should spend time with you as well. He shouldn't put you on the back burner for his friends. But be thankful there is no affair.
This found friend needs her azz kicked if she is inviting him and not you. That is complete rudeness on her part.
Your husband needs to change his habits back to what they were before the old friend showed up in your marriage.
IT IS your right to be involved, so tell that scum sucking husband of yours to BITE YOU!!
Go to this betch and tell her you do not like any of it either.
IF it continues, I'd be sending him to live with her.
He does not see your point he clearly can't empathise with you. So what you need to do is show him. Find a guy from your past and start hanging with him with out inviting your husband. Then you'll see how quikly he gets it.
PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
Hello all, PLEASE HELP. My husband and I separated about 1 month ago, but I haven't given up yet. At first, I thought it was best, but after the time apart, I know I don't want to live without him. All along when I would get angry, i would respond with ';Go sign the papers'; (I know, not nice!). But I never wanted that. Now, he said I said it to him enough that he is only doing what I want. But I don't want this! I want him and I am ready to fight for him!
I realize now that I spent to much time fighting with him over the most ignorant, unimportant things and not enough time fighting FOR him. I also know that I lied and he feels he can't trust me anymore. But through it all, he wasn't free from fault, I just realize now that I wasn't either. And now I know that I want him back and will do anything to keep him. Right now, he isn't really ready to talk about it.
On top of it, one of my lovely friends (actually was my bridesmaid) has stepped in to ';help him heal and handle the separation';! She has expressed interest in him all along and actually tried to make him stray while I was working nights a few years ago, but he didn't. And I trust that he didn't. Now she's being so nice as to cook his dinner and tell him how awesome he is and what a b***h I was so that she can close in on him.
I've moved out and I need ideas to show him that I haven't given up and ways to remind him of the good times. Ineed to show him that he can trust me and that I know he didn't do all of the wrong, I did too.
I want him back and I need help figuring out how to do this! I want to fight for my husband!
All help is greatly appreciated! I'm fighting to get my life back!
(Thoughts: How can I have court ordered counseling as a part of our filing? - live in Louisiana)PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
Yours is a fascinatingly complex delimna. Let me give you straight talk.
He is very mad at you. He probably has some things that just became deal breakers for him. Right now, you are looking not so consistent, moving out, now wanting to move back in. How does he know you are not just wanting him back out of FEAR....fear of the unknown...He is now getting a taste of what it might be like to actually be desirable and wanted by ANOTHER member of your sex...and emotionally, it feels good. He is tired of constantly being wrong when you are around. Now he has found at least a hint of what it feels like to be RIGHT again. And it would be poetic justice if it was the woman you introduced him to.
Desparate people will do desparate things. And right now, he and you are both desparate, with your entire future lives in the lurch. So both of you may be acting a little crazy right now. To go backwards for either of you will be unacceptable. To appeal to him, you have to give him some of what he has always wanted from you. And that may take change...not just words...but an actual demonstration of your willingness to work WITH him...versus just against him or for what you just want. You are at a point where words won't work any more. You have to show him ACTION. You threw it away when you moved out. And when a person feels like human trash you just abandon, it's hard to suddenly turn around and believe it was just a fluke. IF you survive, this will be the darkest time in your history together.
But I would try to appeal to his sense of fairness, if you have not gone so far overboard in the typical hurt that couples inflict on one another in these situations, that he will not trust a single thing you say. If he has an ounce of trust left in you, then you need to first divine what he wants most from you, and be willing to demonstrate in your deeds that you are willing to make those changes within yourself to FIGHT to get him back.
Let me speak truth: You've given him freedom when you moved out, so he is curious and may sleep with another woman. I don't say that is right at all, and if he is wise, he will not allow his feelings to be so torn about.
But he is hurting very badly inside and he is confused, angry, and hurt. So he may reach out and put himself into other arms that would understand.
Experience shows, though, that those relationships never work out. So to keep it from growing, absolutely AUDIT everything that it is on his want list. Know it in your heart. Show him in earnest you are willing to try and do what it is he wants. YOU TOO have your list, and he should be doing the same thing for you. But you moved out, you want back into his life, so you are changing the momentum of this breakup and may have to be a little more humble, a little less demanding, and a little more consistent in your love.
This sounds like a yo-yo relationship. And if he has been yo-yo'ed too many times, he may not buy it when you try to slap a new label on your old self with just words. But if you take this as a learning experience and throw your heart into it to make a change for the better, then even if you lose, you will know you gave it your all. Because this was supposed to be the most important and successful relationship of your life...and you are losing. You both are. Who wants that scar, right?
You are noble to seek help and I do sense you ask this question in ernest. But don't toy with him anymore if your love is truly inconstant. This will take the both of you redefining yourselves. Counseling can be good...just get a good counselor because in the 50 minutes you get with them each session, they BETTER be good.
Consider TEAM therapists - one for him / one for you. Then folks all get together at the end to hopefully reconcile and work it out. Too often, the therapist sides with one or the other which pisses off the other and so it doesn't work. And in state sponsored therapy, its only for a few hours which isn't enough time to do any good. It's a fig leaf the state applies for a much more complicated situation that a few hours will accomplish.
Just get back into his head and figure what it is that he wants. And be very clear with yourself what it is that you want, and is that fair to him. I hope the formula still works between you two. Good luck with your big task ahead.PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
You said he is willing to talk, there you go, sit down with him, everything happens for a reason, don't worry I predict good fortune for you.
Just tell him and your brides maid that you want him back! and ready to fight for him.
be strong sweetie.
maybe a little late
Your in denial. But then again it doesn't take a counselor to tell you this. You thrive on getting an argument started and when you don't you get mad and spout off saying something you regret. Don't wait till you get court appointed counseling. Do it now. By taking initiative, that might show him your making the effort to get help. You apparently have a lot of anxiety issues. Take care of them before you take care of your marriage. That maybe your only hope.
Good Luck!
Tell him how much you love him and want him back, ask him if he'd consider marriage counseling before going through with the divorce. Try to get back on his good side, start coming over and cooking for him, clean up the house, do little things for him that he likes and stuff like that. If your so called who*e of a friend comes over send her on her way, tell her she has no reason to be there and that she better leave immediately. Try to stay positive and don't fight with him. Good luck.
Give him great sex (very important) and act like it's wonderful, send him little 'I love you' cards as a reminder of you and sweet little gifts that makes him think of you. Do things for him that he likes.
I'd sit down and have a heart ot heart with him. Keep in mind that both of you need to be entirely committed to this to make it successful. Good luck to you - I admire your courage as sometimes when you're out of the situation it's easier to walk away than work for what you want.
First deal with the girl. Decide now there's no point in trying to save any ';friendship'; with her because of HER actions - so no need to be nice. Tell her straight up to back away.
Then deal with him - make her look bad. Say she obviously can't find a man of her own, and then drop it. Don't go into too much detail, or let on that you care, because it will just make you look like the desperate one. You need to have an ';I'm not threatened by her'; attitude in his eyes so dont let on how much she hurt you.
Ask apology and tell him you love him very much. If you can have somebody close to him as bridge the better. Invite him for a dinner and take time to have a heart to heart talk to him. There you will pour out your feelings for him and your intention to reconcile with him. Pray hard before doing everything. You need the intervention of God to soften the heart of your husband. Nothing is impossible.
If you happen to reconcile with your husband, never try to challenge him.
Good luck my friend.
Sometimes we break things to the point of where they can not be fixed.Wait until he calms down, apologize for what you did, own up to your crap and ask him if he would consider marriage counseling because you still love him and want him back.If he says no, then learn a hard lesson ,heal and move on hon.
First of all tell him in a indirect way how you were a ***** and that you took him for granted. (You are admitting this to him so when the real ***** your miss repair his heart none of her dam business says terrible things to him. its just worthless and annoying to hear from her.
Also mention how nice it is of her to take care of him(we really no she is a ***** for helping him. But you will say this so she looks like the bad guy and you look all nice.
Now you can step away from him like he wants to give him space.
You seek help alone. Get your strength in case he decides to go through with the divorce. Now its still not over even then so dont lose all hope. You get the advantage of being a great friend while his new hussy trips over him going to you for a shoulder to cry on etc.
On a different note...
But you might even find your real soul mate on your own. Maybe your just having he gone and i miss my old comfy shoes verses these new high pumps. (Your used to have him to depend on for silly stuff around the house etc. and your thinking it better to have Mr. Right now then Mr.Right.) (what i also mean is someone is showing interest in him and now he seem desirable.)
Well let that be a lesson to all you women out there: All you stupid be-otches who ride his azz and rag on him and peck, peck, peck him until he's just in tears from trying to make you happy when there IS no making you happy because you don't WANT to be happy, you just want to be the boss and you think you've got him by the nuts and now that you're married to him by GOD he's going to do what YOU TELL HIM TO DO or else you'll withhold sex and make his life a living h*ll, he can't do this right, he can't do THAT right, well why didn't you do it like THIS, and why can't you do it like THAT and you forgot again to do it the way I like it and why can't you remember to do such-and-such and why aren't you more like this one and less like that one and what were you thinking and no I don't want to and no I'm not in the mood and no I don't feel like it and what's mine is mine and what's YOURS is mine too and don't you forget that I'm your WIFE and it's YOUR JOB to please ME and do for ME and it's all about ME, ME ME.
There's always a woman like me, babygirl, waiting in the wings, watching you dig your own grave, watching you sh*t in your own nest, and you know what, when he's sick and F****N of the above, you know who he calls?? That's right baby.
He calls ME.
And you know what I do? I tell him he's great, and smart, and good-looking, and a good guy, and funny, and sweet, and I tell him how much I appreciate his help, and aren't you smart, and you're right honey, why didn't I think of that? You're just about the smartest guy around, that's what, I'm sure glad that I ran that by you before I did it, thank you SO much. How about some more pie/lasagna/margarita/p%26amp;%26amp;%26amp;y, baby???
They fall for it every time.
Hold a gun up to his head and tell him to make love to you...
He is not going to buy it. It was never about him. It was always about you of which you did nothing but complain. It is time you do some personal work, like join a support group, which will possibly give you access to being with him again. Time has almost ran out. Get moving!
I think what you need to do is tell him that you want to talk and that you want to figure out if your love can go anymore. My husband and I have had problems and we say things that are horrible but we always get through it . But anyway you just need to ask him to talk and tell him that you love him and you want to know if you guys can work things out. Also ask him if he would be willing to move back in and then get rid of that b***h that is trying to get him to go with her. You need to get rid of her now. BUT YOU NEED TO BE STRONG AND STICK WITH IT.
I just want to know Why? would you have to fight for him?Your suppose to stand by each other and work through problems, you don't fight for something you already have nor do you ever fight to keep anyone. Either they want you or they don't, you can't make anyone love you, stay with you, or cheat on you, Just like you don't stay or get married to someone thinking you can change them, that's just setting you up for failure. Either you love them or you don't, to truely Love someone means unconditionally, you accept them the way they are, all the good parts %26amp; even the not so good parts. But, you can drive them away Problems will always exsist in any relationship no matter what, you have to deal with thise problems in an adult manner, not by telling him to sign the papers. Obviously, you took him for granted, that he wouldn't. But when you say it often enough, and to many times to them, guess what they will eventually go and do nit, like you have found out. You need to take a good long look at your whole relationship, figure out what it is that attracted you to him in the first place, what made you fall in Love, Why you said yes to marrying him, Just because you say you want him back in your life, doesn't mean it will happen. You have to prove that you have changed, you have to regain his trust, which will be a job in itself, and may not even work cuz it too late. You can't keep calling him, following him or hounding him. All you can do is tell him that you love him, realize how wrong you were for saying and doing what you did, that you would be willing to go for couple counseling, and that when he is ready to TALK(not yell scream argue fuss or fight) to you about your relationship, you'll be willing to listen to whatever he has to say be it good or bad. When or if he does do that, you have to listen without interupting and only answer the questions he has directed to you with all honesty (100%) that will be a start of regaining his trust. But whether you like it or not You will also have to tell him ' YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY WHETHER IT IS WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.' Whatever you do, your so called friend who is there for him and trying to move in on your husband, don't belittle yourself into saying anything bad about her to him or even to her, no matter how much you would like to, DON'T. Trust me, she's already telling him all about your lies %26amp; secrets, she may even stretch the truth or just lie all together, let her be the one who looks like the B****H in his eyes, and show him that YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST TO CHANGE. NO MATTER how it turn's out dump the so-called-friend, because she's not a friend. If you get him back remember how you got to this point in the first place, and never use this part of your life in any disagreement, forgiveness is to forget also. The Past is THE PAST, you can't change it no matter what you do, so LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES, LIVE IN THE PRESENT, AND STRIVE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
I HOPE THIS WILL HELP, GOOD LUCK.
I'm actually going thru the same but opposite situation. My wife has lied to me repeatedly lately and I catch her in everything. She had been talking to a co-worker often and developed an unhealthy friendship with him if you know what I mean. I caught on to it and she again lied, once I confronted her with the proof I had gathered she immediately said she wasn't in love with me any more and wanted to separate. I was shocked but decided I'll do what it takes. I stayed at a friends house for several days, she kept saying she needed time away from me to figure things out. Any time I would bring something up to her she would flip out and say she just doesn't love me any more and wants a divorce. Then after several days she says she needs me to watch the kids because she was called to work. I came over and ended up sleeping on the couch. Since then she hasn't asked me to leave again and she is showing me a little more affection every day. But she still won't say she loves me and still refuses to talk about us. I told her I was going to leave for good one day and she asked me to stay so I know she loves me, but she won't come out and admit it or talk. I just keep doing the things I normally do, I try to be more affectionate towards her, I leave flowers and stuff for her. I'm just waiting it out and hopefully she'll realize what she has, because I've told her several times, I'm not going to wait forever. Either she accepts what happened, we work it out and move on or I leave. I almost think she is ashamed and embarrassed of the lies I've caught her in and she thought the easiest way would be just to run away from it.
Nice friend hun, they come out of the woodwork i swear. I would tell her to back up if she has any smarts at all. Then sit him down and tell him what you told us.Is not over till he has the pen is to the papers .so keep fighting the fight with true love, kind words, and show him you love him don't just tell him.
I realize now that I spent to much time fighting with him over the most ignorant, unimportant things and not enough time fighting FOR him. I also know that I lied and he feels he can't trust me anymore. But through it all, he wasn't free from fault, I just realize now that I wasn't either. And now I know that I want him back and will do anything to keep him. Right now, he isn't really ready to talk about it.
On top of it, one of my lovely friends (actually was my bridesmaid) has stepped in to ';help him heal and handle the separation';! She has expressed interest in him all along and actually tried to make him stray while I was working nights a few years ago, but he didn't. And I trust that he didn't. Now she's being so nice as to cook his dinner and tell him how awesome he is and what a b***h I was so that she can close in on him.
I've moved out and I need ideas to show him that I haven't given up and ways to remind him of the good times. Ineed to show him that he can trust me and that I know he didn't do all of the wrong, I did too.
I want him back and I need help figuring out how to do this! I want to fight for my husband!
All help is greatly appreciated! I'm fighting to get my life back!
(Thoughts: How can I have court ordered counseling as a part of our filing? - live in Louisiana)PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
Yours is a fascinatingly complex delimna. Let me give you straight talk.
He is very mad at you. He probably has some things that just became deal breakers for him. Right now, you are looking not so consistent, moving out, now wanting to move back in. How does he know you are not just wanting him back out of FEAR....fear of the unknown...He is now getting a taste of what it might be like to actually be desirable and wanted by ANOTHER member of your sex...and emotionally, it feels good. He is tired of constantly being wrong when you are around. Now he has found at least a hint of what it feels like to be RIGHT again. And it would be poetic justice if it was the woman you introduced him to.
Desparate people will do desparate things. And right now, he and you are both desparate, with your entire future lives in the lurch. So both of you may be acting a little crazy right now. To go backwards for either of you will be unacceptable. To appeal to him, you have to give him some of what he has always wanted from you. And that may take change...not just words...but an actual demonstration of your willingness to work WITH him...versus just against him or for what you just want. You are at a point where words won't work any more. You have to show him ACTION. You threw it away when you moved out. And when a person feels like human trash you just abandon, it's hard to suddenly turn around and believe it was just a fluke. IF you survive, this will be the darkest time in your history together.
But I would try to appeal to his sense of fairness, if you have not gone so far overboard in the typical hurt that couples inflict on one another in these situations, that he will not trust a single thing you say. If he has an ounce of trust left in you, then you need to first divine what he wants most from you, and be willing to demonstrate in your deeds that you are willing to make those changes within yourself to FIGHT to get him back.
Let me speak truth: You've given him freedom when you moved out, so he is curious and may sleep with another woman. I don't say that is right at all, and if he is wise, he will not allow his feelings to be so torn about.
But he is hurting very badly inside and he is confused, angry, and hurt. So he may reach out and put himself into other arms that would understand.
Experience shows, though, that those relationships never work out. So to keep it from growing, absolutely AUDIT everything that it is on his want list. Know it in your heart. Show him in earnest you are willing to try and do what it is he wants. YOU TOO have your list, and he should be doing the same thing for you. But you moved out, you want back into his life, so you are changing the momentum of this breakup and may have to be a little more humble, a little less demanding, and a little more consistent in your love.
This sounds like a yo-yo relationship. And if he has been yo-yo'ed too many times, he may not buy it when you try to slap a new label on your old self with just words. But if you take this as a learning experience and throw your heart into it to make a change for the better, then even if you lose, you will know you gave it your all. Because this was supposed to be the most important and successful relationship of your life...and you are losing. You both are. Who wants that scar, right?
You are noble to seek help and I do sense you ask this question in ernest. But don't toy with him anymore if your love is truly inconstant. This will take the both of you redefining yourselves. Counseling can be good...just get a good counselor because in the 50 minutes you get with them each session, they BETTER be good.
Consider TEAM therapists - one for him / one for you. Then folks all get together at the end to hopefully reconcile and work it out. Too often, the therapist sides with one or the other which pisses off the other and so it doesn't work. And in state sponsored therapy, its only for a few hours which isn't enough time to do any good. It's a fig leaf the state applies for a much more complicated situation that a few hours will accomplish.
Just get back into his head and figure what it is that he wants. And be very clear with yourself what it is that you want, and is that fair to him. I hope the formula still works between you two. Good luck with your big task ahead.PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are separated and I need advice on what to do next?
You said he is willing to talk, there you go, sit down with him, everything happens for a reason, don't worry I predict good fortune for you.
Just tell him and your brides maid that you want him back! and ready to fight for him.
be strong sweetie.
maybe a little late
Your in denial. But then again it doesn't take a counselor to tell you this. You thrive on getting an argument started and when you don't you get mad and spout off saying something you regret. Don't wait till you get court appointed counseling. Do it now. By taking initiative, that might show him your making the effort to get help. You apparently have a lot of anxiety issues. Take care of them before you take care of your marriage. That maybe your only hope.
Good Luck!
Tell him how much you love him and want him back, ask him if he'd consider marriage counseling before going through with the divorce. Try to get back on his good side, start coming over and cooking for him, clean up the house, do little things for him that he likes and stuff like that. If your so called who*e of a friend comes over send her on her way, tell her she has no reason to be there and that she better leave immediately. Try to stay positive and don't fight with him. Good luck.
Give him great sex (very important) and act like it's wonderful, send him little 'I love you' cards as a reminder of you and sweet little gifts that makes him think of you. Do things for him that he likes.
I'd sit down and have a heart ot heart with him. Keep in mind that both of you need to be entirely committed to this to make it successful. Good luck to you - I admire your courage as sometimes when you're out of the situation it's easier to walk away than work for what you want.
First deal with the girl. Decide now there's no point in trying to save any ';friendship'; with her because of HER actions - so no need to be nice. Tell her straight up to back away.
Then deal with him - make her look bad. Say she obviously can't find a man of her own, and then drop it. Don't go into too much detail, or let on that you care, because it will just make you look like the desperate one. You need to have an ';I'm not threatened by her'; attitude in his eyes so dont let on how much she hurt you.
Ask apology and tell him you love him very much. If you can have somebody close to him as bridge the better. Invite him for a dinner and take time to have a heart to heart talk to him. There you will pour out your feelings for him and your intention to reconcile with him. Pray hard before doing everything. You need the intervention of God to soften the heart of your husband. Nothing is impossible.
If you happen to reconcile with your husband, never try to challenge him.
Good luck my friend.
Sometimes we break things to the point of where they can not be fixed.Wait until he calms down, apologize for what you did, own up to your crap and ask him if he would consider marriage counseling because you still love him and want him back.If he says no, then learn a hard lesson ,heal and move on hon.
First of all tell him in a indirect way how you were a ***** and that you took him for granted. (You are admitting this to him so when the real ***** your miss repair his heart none of her dam business says terrible things to him. its just worthless and annoying to hear from her.
Also mention how nice it is of her to take care of him(we really no she is a ***** for helping him. But you will say this so she looks like the bad guy and you look all nice.
Now you can step away from him like he wants to give him space.
You seek help alone. Get your strength in case he decides to go through with the divorce. Now its still not over even then so dont lose all hope. You get the advantage of being a great friend while his new hussy trips over him going to you for a shoulder to cry on etc.
On a different note...
But you might even find your real soul mate on your own. Maybe your just having he gone and i miss my old comfy shoes verses these new high pumps. (Your used to have him to depend on for silly stuff around the house etc. and your thinking it better to have Mr. Right now then Mr.Right.) (what i also mean is someone is showing interest in him and now he seem desirable.)
Well let that be a lesson to all you women out there: All you stupid be-otches who ride his azz and rag on him and peck, peck, peck him until he's just in tears from trying to make you happy when there IS no making you happy because you don't WANT to be happy, you just want to be the boss and you think you've got him by the nuts and now that you're married to him by GOD he's going to do what YOU TELL HIM TO DO or else you'll withhold sex and make his life a living h*ll, he can't do this right, he can't do THAT right, well why didn't you do it like THIS, and why can't you do it like THAT and you forgot again to do it the way I like it and why can't you remember to do such-and-such and why aren't you more like this one and less like that one and what were you thinking and no I don't want to and no I'm not in the mood and no I don't feel like it and what's mine is mine and what's YOURS is mine too and don't you forget that I'm your WIFE and it's YOUR JOB to please ME and do for ME and it's all about ME, ME ME.
There's always a woman like me, babygirl, waiting in the wings, watching you dig your own grave, watching you sh*t in your own nest, and you know what, when he's sick and F****N of the above, you know who he calls?? That's right baby.
He calls ME.
And you know what I do? I tell him he's great, and smart, and good-looking, and a good guy, and funny, and sweet, and I tell him how much I appreciate his help, and aren't you smart, and you're right honey, why didn't I think of that? You're just about the smartest guy around, that's what, I'm sure glad that I ran that by you before I did it, thank you SO much. How about some more pie/lasagna/margarita/p%26amp;%26amp;%26amp;y, baby???
They fall for it every time.
Hold a gun up to his head and tell him to make love to you...
He is not going to buy it. It was never about him. It was always about you of which you did nothing but complain. It is time you do some personal work, like join a support group, which will possibly give you access to being with him again. Time has almost ran out. Get moving!
I think what you need to do is tell him that you want to talk and that you want to figure out if your love can go anymore. My husband and I have had problems and we say things that are horrible but we always get through it . But anyway you just need to ask him to talk and tell him that you love him and you want to know if you guys can work things out. Also ask him if he would be willing to move back in and then get rid of that b***h that is trying to get him to go with her. You need to get rid of her now. BUT YOU NEED TO BE STRONG AND STICK WITH IT.
I just want to know Why? would you have to fight for him?Your suppose to stand by each other and work through problems, you don't fight for something you already have nor do you ever fight to keep anyone. Either they want you or they don't, you can't make anyone love you, stay with you, or cheat on you, Just like you don't stay or get married to someone thinking you can change them, that's just setting you up for failure. Either you love them or you don't, to truely Love someone means unconditionally, you accept them the way they are, all the good parts %26amp; even the not so good parts. But, you can drive them away Problems will always exsist in any relationship no matter what, you have to deal with thise problems in an adult manner, not by telling him to sign the papers. Obviously, you took him for granted, that he wouldn't. But when you say it often enough, and to many times to them, guess what they will eventually go and do nit, like you have found out. You need to take a good long look at your whole relationship, figure out what it is that attracted you to him in the first place, what made you fall in Love, Why you said yes to marrying him, Just because you say you want him back in your life, doesn't mean it will happen. You have to prove that you have changed, you have to regain his trust, which will be a job in itself, and may not even work cuz it too late. You can't keep calling him, following him or hounding him. All you can do is tell him that you love him, realize how wrong you were for saying and doing what you did, that you would be willing to go for couple counseling, and that when he is ready to TALK(not yell scream argue fuss or fight) to you about your relationship, you'll be willing to listen to whatever he has to say be it good or bad. When or if he does do that, you have to listen without interupting and only answer the questions he has directed to you with all honesty (100%) that will be a start of regaining his trust. But whether you like it or not You will also have to tell him ' YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY WHETHER IT IS WITH OR WITHOUT YOU.' Whatever you do, your so called friend who is there for him and trying to move in on your husband, don't belittle yourself into saying anything bad about her to him or even to her, no matter how much you would like to, DON'T. Trust me, she's already telling him all about your lies %26amp; secrets, she may even stretch the truth or just lie all together, let her be the one who looks like the B****H in his eyes, and show him that YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST TO CHANGE. NO MATTER how it turn's out dump the so-called-friend, because she's not a friend. If you get him back remember how you got to this point in the first place, and never use this part of your life in any disagreement, forgiveness is to forget also. The Past is THE PAST, you can't change it no matter what you do, so LEARN FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES, LIVE IN THE PRESENT, AND STRIVE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
I HOPE THIS WILL HELP, GOOD LUCK.
I'm actually going thru the same but opposite situation. My wife has lied to me repeatedly lately and I catch her in everything. She had been talking to a co-worker often and developed an unhealthy friendship with him if you know what I mean. I caught on to it and she again lied, once I confronted her with the proof I had gathered she immediately said she wasn't in love with me any more and wanted to separate. I was shocked but decided I'll do what it takes. I stayed at a friends house for several days, she kept saying she needed time away from me to figure things out. Any time I would bring something up to her she would flip out and say she just doesn't love me any more and wants a divorce. Then after several days she says she needs me to watch the kids because she was called to work. I came over and ended up sleeping on the couch. Since then she hasn't asked me to leave again and she is showing me a little more affection every day. But she still won't say she loves me and still refuses to talk about us. I told her I was going to leave for good one day and she asked me to stay so I know she loves me, but she won't come out and admit it or talk. I just keep doing the things I normally do, I try to be more affectionate towards her, I leave flowers and stuff for her. I'm just waiting it out and hopefully she'll realize what she has, because I've told her several times, I'm not going to wait forever. Either she accepts what happened, we work it out and move on or I leave. I almost think she is ashamed and embarrassed of the lies I've caught her in and she thought the easiest way would be just to run away from it.
Nice friend hun, they come out of the woodwork i swear. I would tell her to back up if she has any smarts at all. Then sit him down and tell him what you told us.Is not over till he has the pen is to the papers .so keep fighting the fight with true love, kind words, and show him you love him don't just tell him.
Baby sister & her husband to move in w/me & my hubby...Advice?
My baby sister and her hubby (both 23 yoa) are making the move from IL to FL and will be staying with my husband and I while they get settled (save money, find jobs, find an apt.) I love my sister and her husband dearly and I dont want anything to happen during thier stay that could jeopardize our closeness....that being said, as two young married couples, what are some guidelines or boundaries you could suggest that might make things easier for everyone? I am torturing myself with possible scenarios and how I would handle them when and if they came up. Is it wrong to ask them to come up with a timeline for thier stay with us? They already feel they are imposing, so I don't wan them to feel unwelcome. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!Baby sister %26amp; her husband to move in w/me %26amp; my hubby...Advice?
It is very grateful that they have a nice sister that is willing to give them some place to stay. As that being said, I think it is important to understand that there always issues that will come up when all of you are together. However being the host, its your duty to make sure they feel most welcome and try your hardest to keep any big issues from creating rifts. I'm sure they will try their hardest as well so just enjoy the presence of some family and try to make the best of it.Baby sister %26amp; her husband to move in w/me %26amp; my hubby...Advice?
BIG MISTAKE ! Within a month or 2 you'll B doin' him %26amp; break them up. You'll B knocked-up %26amp; suicidal, she'll burn your house down as U sleep %26amp; he'll escape out window %26amp; move on 2 greener pastures
Did your husband invite them? It is a huge imposition so I am glad they already know that. I think you can make all the rules you want and if they do not have enough money or a job it wont matter what you say in advance. So what I would do is talk with your husband and agree on a date between you two only( I am thinking 2 weeks). A few days before that date, say to your sister and her husband that you will need to say good bye to them and that you have found a place for them to stay now as they leave your place. ( it can be a motel 6 or something) Be firm or you will be in huge trouble with your budget, your sister and most importantly , your husband and home.
Having been in this situation, I suggest the following.
Make some time schedules for Jobs and moving and so on. Put them in writing with all of you signing it. Make rules for the living conditions, Again in writing. It sounds very harsh but I done this with and without it in writing. It will help. Be understanding to any difficulty finding jobs and such. But make sure they understand that this is you and your hubby's home and they are guest!
What ever you do, Please don't let the guest come between you and your hubby. It happens so easy and will be hard to control if not put in check. Family or not, He is your husband and should be #1.
I hope this works out for you.
Good luck
It is very grateful that they have a nice sister that is willing to give them some place to stay. As that being said, I think it is important to understand that there always issues that will come up when all of you are together. However being the host, its your duty to make sure they feel most welcome and try your hardest to keep any big issues from creating rifts. I'm sure they will try their hardest as well so just enjoy the presence of some family and try to make the best of it.Baby sister %26amp; her husband to move in w/me %26amp; my hubby...Advice?
BIG MISTAKE ! Within a month or 2 you'll B doin' him %26amp; break them up. You'll B knocked-up %26amp; suicidal, she'll burn your house down as U sleep %26amp; he'll escape out window %26amp; move on 2 greener pastures
Did your husband invite them? It is a huge imposition so I am glad they already know that. I think you can make all the rules you want and if they do not have enough money or a job it wont matter what you say in advance. So what I would do is talk with your husband and agree on a date between you two only( I am thinking 2 weeks). A few days before that date, say to your sister and her husband that you will need to say good bye to them and that you have found a place for them to stay now as they leave your place. ( it can be a motel 6 or something) Be firm or you will be in huge trouble with your budget, your sister and most importantly , your husband and home.
Having been in this situation, I suggest the following.
Make some time schedules for Jobs and moving and so on. Put them in writing with all of you signing it. Make rules for the living conditions, Again in writing. It sounds very harsh but I done this with and without it in writing. It will help. Be understanding to any difficulty finding jobs and such. But make sure they understand that this is you and your hubby's home and they are guest!
What ever you do, Please don't let the guest come between you and your hubby. It happens so easy and will be hard to control if not put in check. Family or not, He is your husband and should be #1.
I hope this works out for you.
Good luck
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